I can't get high anymore. I'm too old. I get exhausted and fall asleep mostly. So I need to stay sober to get my best ideas. I will say a few vodkas have stoked some inspiration but one too many sips and I'm useless again.
But I know a lot of people who give into their awakening after a few puffs or sips and they write Pulitzers, or pen Hall of Fame songs or crack government code.
Adele has said she wrote all of '21' drunk and most painters will tell you their greatest works were born of colors that popped while under the influence. I'm jealous. But however the work is born works--as long as it's born.
Redditor u/the-juiciest-jew wanted to hear about the brilliance that awakens in all of us when we dabble in some out of the box recreations, by asking:
Stoners of Reddit, what's the best idea you've come up with while stoned?
I think the best idea I ever had after a few long drags of some potent Mary Jane was to dance off some life drama to Madonna. I was sad and then... Madonna. Always a good idea.
Career Goals
excited making money GIF by HULU
Giphy
"To go back to school and become a Horticulturist so I could work in legal weed. I did it!"
Changes
"Legally change my last name to match my grandfather's who basically stepped up and acted as my dad my whole life. Being in his mid nineties, he's notoriously hard to shop for as material things don't mean much to him anymore. He was honored!"
"That's so awesome! My last name is my maternal grandpas too and not many people have our family last name anyway so I'm really glad I have it."
Back to School
"Drank too many beers and smoked one night with a buddy, and the next day we were both enrolled back in college after taking years off. Both got our degrees within the next two years. Doubt I would have ever went back if it wasn't for that night."
"I had a fiancé that cheated on me with a paramedic. I was very upset, hurt and pissed off. But I would've taken her back. In an effort to show that I was as good as that guy."
"I enrolled in the fire academy and graduated and then I went to EMT school. I was hired by a large metropolitan fire department. And five years ago after 30 years I retired. I never got her back but I got a great job that never seemed like a job and great retirement and besides that after thinking about it forget that witch!"
Impulses...
"I like to, on occasion, impulse buy in the snack isle while stoned, then put all the stuff away as soon as I'm home, then get more stoned. The idea is to be stoned and forget that bit happened and then later, I'd remember that I had awesome snacks and it feels like Christmas."
- HaZaaR_
Pop!
Erykah Badu Hat GIF by Soul Train
Giphy
"What if I invented a hat that could store a windbreaker in it? So if it starts to rain I just flick the hat and a water proof jacket pops out!"
Well that all sounds like a wealth of good ideas. Anything that gets people back to school and learning is a plus.
Roll-Up
Butter GIF by BTS 방탄소년단
Giphy
"Roll-up butter. Basically a glue stick or chapstick tube of butter that you roll up to apply to toast. Turned out the Japanese had already beaten me to it."
People Explain Which Expensive Purchases Paid For Itself In The Long Run | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Say I Do!
"I once got myself ordained as a minister during a break up and paid the extra for the certificate. It came to the house I was moving out of because my ex and I broke up. I picked up my mail and couldn't figure out what it was, so as my ex sat on the couch, I opened it. I then jokingly asked her to marry me because I knew a guy who could do the ceremony cheap. It turns out, it's not valid in most of Canada, including my province, unless I petition the court or something, which I wasn't about to do."
- Blazanar
Higdeas!
"A large boat that bakes donuts and sells them at ripoff prices on credit to seafaring recreationals."
- fourdac
"I had a similar highdea, a food truck/convenience store that goes to beaches in summer. Here in NZ even popular beaches can be quite isolated, so if you forget something you're buggered. A truck selling pies and lighters would go a long way."
Home
"Sitting on my porch one evening, I remembered my car was on empty. I figured I'd drive to the gas station down the street so I wouldn't have to rush in the morning. The weather was really nice and I thought "man, I should just walk there."
"This sort of happened to my friend's younger brother. He was high and decided to drive to the gas station 2 blocks away to get some snacks."
"Problem was he was so high and that he always walked to the place, so he walked back home. He forgot and the next day he called my friend and his mom asking if they borrowed his car and ended up filing a police report. I don't know who found it but it made me laugh."
Vaderways...
"Vadergrams. When you like somebody and you want to give them something but you have no excuse, you send a vadergram. A guy dressed up as Darth Vader goes and delivers a present and says "happy birthday" and they say "But it isn't my birthday," and dude says "I have altered the birthday - pray I do not alter it any further" and walks away."
Awake Meals
insomnia GIF
Giphy
"A cereal called Insomniacs. Think kind of like Lucky Charms but the marshmallows (stars, moons, and suns) are little yummy melatonins."
Cravings
- Get a stainless steel double walled ice cream bowl. Yes, you need one.
- Pour in a cup of frozen, pitted cherries.
- Add a cup of cereal. Frosted mini wheats are perfect for this. Even unsweetened cereals work well.
- Top up with cold milk and stir.
- Wait just long enough for the cherries to partially defrost and for the milk to get really, really cold.
- Enjoy… each bite should have cereal and a cherry."
"I crave this more than ice cream at times, sober or faded, and it's better for you. If you make it right, you feel a delightful cold sensation in your palate, esophagus, chest and stomach without ever getting an ice cream headache. Poor man's bingsu parfait."
While watching South Park
"Watching South Park, I decided that (most) social media is high risk low reward and I'd rather be blissfully ignorant. It's tremendously improved my happiness. I say most bc reddit, to me doesn't count. I'm more of a lurker and liker and my algorithm on here only shows me happy things and memes. Some times I won't understand memes because I've removed myself from how I was receiving news. Some times I feel kinda behind but I always feel happier than I used to looking at everyone's garbage."
Best of Wendy's
"Used to work at a Wendy's where pretty much all the employees were lethally stoned at any given time especially those of us who usually worked closing. Anyway one particularly slow day we just went out to the parking lot and smoked a joint and then came back inside and made baconator fries but put literally every cheese in the store in them and a ton more bacon and mix them up in one of the salad cartons. It was great."
Winner Winner
Giphy
"A game show totally based on lies. You have like 4 contestants, 2 two have totally made up personas, 1 just has a weird lifestyle/career, and the last one has to figure out which one is telling the truth. Also cheesy bacon tater tots."
Dried Up
"Once while high, I thought about dried fruit. I love dried apples, pears, nectarines, etc. but no one sold dried grapes. I kept thinking about it and how good they would probably be. Sober me remembered raisins."
Yeah, why do raisins suck so much? I could never make sense of it. The source material is dope but something gets lost in the translation..."
Complex and Compelling
"I do some of my best work high. Recently I wrote a highly technical software and biochemistry manual high. I get really in the zone with "take complex info and find good ways to structure and present it" stuff for some reason. Super nerdy, but "get high and build the world's best spreadsheet" is very compelling to me."'
- CanRova
The main plot is happening to someone else...
"I was baked & playing Skyrim, realized just how satisfying hours of side quests can be. I want an RPG that is all side quests. The main plot is happening to someone else. Your primary focus is to bring that nice old lady some flowers, or to clear trolls from a cave. Let the other guy deal with the big bad demons or war or whatever, you've got an errand to run for the shopkeep."
"You do get affected by the war etc, a bridge blew out so you have to take another route, supplies are low so prices are climbing and you have to really hunt for things, you overhear people in town complaining about burnt fields or having fearful conversations in the pub. Every now and then you'll see a dude in crazy armor sprint by, but mostly you're just going about your day. If it was done right, I'd play tf out of that game."
Smell it Up
Stop Motion Christmas GIF by Cosmic Tea
Giphy
"An artificial Christmas tree with a plug for pine scented plug ins. So all the smell with none of the mess."
Aren't all cereals made for insomniacs? Like who hasn't snarfed down Cocoa Pebbles at 3am? Keep puffing y'all, and then head to shark tank.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
Giphy
What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
Giphy
Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
Giphy
Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
Giphy
Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
Giphy
"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Giphy
"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
Giphy
"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
Giphy
"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
