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When it comes to gender roles in relationships, our society has a horrible habit of jumping to conclusions about the wants and needs of men and women.

For example, men are so often the notated aggressors or otherwise the buffoons of the story, clumsily chasing women with their pants down and one thing on their mind.

But men are people too—despite their best efforts—and have standards they must adhere to when entering into a relationship.


Redditor SnowyAcid asked:

"Guys of Reddit, what turns you off?"

Here were some of those answers.

Dudes Have Feelings

"Disinterest in my emotional state. Listen, I may not get emotional often, but when I have a moment, don't blow it off like 'you're a dude, get over it.'"

"Thanks for some cool comments and folks engaging this. Important note: this was a take on my past, my Fiancée (GF of four years) does not minimize any of my feelings, and that includes the occasional angry outburst. She is a phenomenal woman"-shock1918

Reciprocation Is Important

"I just went through this after a relationship where I adored the girl with all my heart and it just wasn't reciprocated. If you're not happy, move on."

"Ultimately does it matter if she's not interested or playing a game? If it's not fulfilling your needs and making you happy, find someone who will."

"Unfortunately, at least imo, it's that simple for relationships. If you are spending more time unhappy or wondering if she even feels the same, it's not worth it."-bambles_

Look At The Ducks!

"I have ducks that hang out in a lake near my place."

"I've told five women (on dates) that I frequently take walks around the lake because I love the ducks and the scenery is nice and three of the five said that that 'is weird.' Specifically that I think ducks are neat."

"I'm still confused why it's such a hot topic. Ducks are cool, and chill. Wildlife in general is fun. Isn't it? Am I crazy?"

"To be clear I didn't go on and on about ducks or anything. Just that I enjoy the walks because I like the ducks."-LedgeEndDairy

Yes, in fact, sometimes men do not fit your staunchly depicted gender norms.

In fact, sometimes men DO like to look at the ducks.

Frankenstein's Monster

"Projection and thinking that you can read my thoughts."

"Ask questions, I'm happy to answer, but don't assume you know what Im thinking or why I did something, especially if its based on your experience with a previous partner."-dr_freudenstein

"When a toxic person decides to 'test' you for a reaction like a fucking science experiment and then blow up when the results weren't exactly what they overthought."-MasterCrouton

Ohhhh...THAT'S That Smell...

"I dated someone for a while before we spent a whole week together."

"5 days in and they finally decided to take a shower and didn't brush their teeth until day 6 even with me saying things like 'hey, dinner had a lot of garlic, do you wanna brush your teeth with me?'"

"Also noticed some other odd and disgusting habits of skin and scab picking and eating. No matter how nice they were I couldn't get over the lack of hygiene."

"Hardest break up of my life because how do you tell someone you're really nice but disgusting without hurting them?"-MissChievous8

Grow Up, Please

"Women that act like teenagers. I've met 18 year olds (obviously) that act like kids and I've met 25 year olds that act like kids."

"And no matter how hot they are I'm immediately turned off by it. I don't even really know how to describe it but their immaturity and glaring lack of real world life experiences make them seem annoying and petty."-genio_del_queso

Goodbye, Good Luck

"This will ultimately get buried. I spent 11 years trying to prove to someone that I care/loved them, we split up in 2012, and had 2 children."

"Spent many years coming over to fix things, spent time with the kiddos, played video games with them, and her, bought food, helped with bills, and taking her to the store, I'm ok with all of that, that's how I was raised to be is help others."

"When I needed somewhere to go I stayed with her, that was fine also, the biggest problem I had was, If I came in the door with a smile I was berated with who did you go f**k this morning, or why did you take so long to get here."

"Just in general being told that I'm trying to f**k everything, and have been told at one time I had to look at the floor at the grocery store, she even went as far to tell random women that I wanted their number, and I should go f**k them."

"I think I'm good now as the last straw was I was accused of sleeping with her 18 yo daughter and her 18yo friend that stayed the night, the next day I packed my stuff and just said I can't do this anymore, and left."-CaptainZzZz

Men have a limit, a threshold, feelings, wants and dreams—something we often forget because even men are told to sacrifice these things.

Put Your Garbage IN The Garbage

"Littering. I briefly dated a woman who was drop-dead gorgeous, sexy, fun, sweet, and seemingly smart and level-headed. During a nice evening walk, she was drinking a Coke from a plastic bottle and tossed it into the bushes when done."

"Flabbergasted, I asked her why she did that. She responded that it's OK: there are people who will clean it up. I asked her politely to please pick it up. She protested. I picked it up and took it to a bin that was just up the street, in the direction we were going."

"By this time she was calling me crazy and insisting she didn't do anything wrong. I was having no more of it, took her home, and left."

"She seemed so great in many ways. But this thoughtlessness and refusal to admit her mistake for something we all learn as kids is a bad thing was a deal-breaker. Had she admitted she was wrong and learned from her mistake, we might have had a chance."-BubbhaJebus

Don't Make Me Fight

"Openly flirting with other people. I went on a first date with a younger woman last weekend. She was just clamoring for attention from any place she could get it and made NO attempt to hide it. I lost all interest."

"The most she can ever expect from me is maybe FWB, but I probably won't even do that. It was a huge turnoff."

"Too bad, she's a great looking woman, pretty sharp. Younger, so I'll blame it on that. I'll probably not go out again. I don't need to train a puppy."-PhaedrusHunt

Men Have Agency Too

"Being guilted into sex. It's just expected sometimes that as a male - if someone comes on to you that you'll want to accept their advances. Seems that often times the guilt trip gets thrown at you if you decline even for just not being in the mood."

"From experience this seems super common for women to guilt men when declining sexual advances and it just seems acceptable at this point. If a male did the same to a women you'd never hear the end of it though."-JustLikeJD

Did anything on this list surprise you?

Did any of the things you thought you knew about men and what they wanted out of a relationship just go straight out the window?

People continue to surprise us despite best efforts.

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