People Share The Smartest Jokes They've Ever Heard
Photo by Eliott Reyna on Unsplash

We all need a good laugh.

They are sorely missing these days.

Especially smart jokes.

So everytime I hear a good joke I try to write it down.

You know, so I can tell it at parties and pretend it's mine.

Redditor ReallySillyLily36 wanted to hear something to tickle the funny bone. So they asked:

"What is the smartest joke you've ever heard?"

I don't have anything off the top of my head. Help!

The waiter replies...

Big Brother Reaction GIF by MOODMAN Giphy

"Jean-Paul Sartre sits down in a cafe. The waiter comes over and Sartre says 'I'd like a cup of coffee with no cream, please.' The waiter replies, 'I'm sorry, monsieur, but we are out of cream. How about a cup of coffee with no milk?'"


Oh the Farmer...

"A farmer challenges an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician to fence off the largest amount of area using the least amount of fence. The engineer makes his fence in a circle and said it is the most efficient. The physicist makes a long line and says that the length is infinite, and that fencing half of the Earth is the best."

"The mathematician thinks for a minute, then constructs a tiny fence around himself and says 'I declare myself to be outside of the fence.'"



"An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one asks for a beer. The second one asks for half a beer. The third one asks for 1/4 of a beer. Before the next one can open his mouth, the bartender pours two beers and walks away."


Fire Breaks Out

"A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician or going on a trip. They go to a hotel and each get separate rooms. The mathematician can’t sleep and is looking out his window at the other two rooms. Suddenly a fire breaks out in the chemists room!"

"The smoke alarm wakes him, he sees the fire and he thinks about the chemical reactions at play. Knowing the reaction needs air he throws a blanket over the fire and puts it out. The mathematician is relieved. Suddenly, another fire breaks out but in the engineer’s room! The engineer is awoken and thinks about the proper way to handle it."

"He finds the correct fire extinguisher and correctly uses it to put out the fire. Again, the mathematician is relieved. The mathematician is tired and about to go to bed when all of a sudden a fire breaks out in his own room! Knowing that there are multiple solutions to the problem, the mathematician feels at ease and goes to bed."


Old Pavie...

Well Done Applause GIF by MOODMAN Giphy

"Here's an old one..."

"Pavlov was at the pub having a drink. A bell rang. Wide-eyed and alarmed, Pavlov stood up and exclaimed, 'Oh crap, I forgot to feed the dogs!'"


Pavlov never gets old. And dogs are always funny.


Disgusted Steve Carell GIF Giphy

"Some Germans are out drinking one night. As they’re walking home, one can’t hold it anymore and starts peeing on a tree."

"A woman walks by and says, 'gross!'"

"The guy says thank you."



"While out driving, Werner Heisenberg is pulled over by the police for speeding. The cop says 'Do you know how fast you were going when I pulled you over?'"

"Werner replies 'No, but I know exactly where I was.'"

"The cop says 'You were driving 90 miles an hour.'"

"Werner replies 'Oh great! now we're lost!'"


Time passes...

"A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting in a street café watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people entering the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three people leaving the house. The physicist says, 'The measurement wasn't accurate.' The biologist says, 'They must have reproduced.' The mathematician says, 'If one more person enters the house then it will be empty.'"



"I got so drunk in the bar last night things started talking to me. The peanuts said I was lovely and then the cigarette machine called me a prick. I asked the barman what's going on? He said the peanuts were complimentary and the cigarette machine was out of order."



Golden Girls Lol GIF by HULU Giphy

"I have the world's worst thesaurus. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible."


A good working with words is always a smart choice.

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