Sex Sent Me To The ER Patients Reveal What Happened To Them
Sex is one of the greatest things in life we all get to indulge in... and it's also one of the most important ways to stay healthy and vibrant physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Ok maybe that's a little much but it's the gist. Sex can also be one of the most dangerous dangerous activities we can take part in. Really. Be careful out there doing the deed y'all, releasing those endorphins aren't worth losing your life... or your favorite appendage. Are they?
Redditor [Love_loss] was itching to know about sexy times gone wrong by asking... Redditors who have gone to the Emergency Room due to a sexual accident, what was your injury and story?
BRAIN FREEZE OR SHOULD I SAY... SEX FREEZE... ;)
After doing the deed I had a MASSIVE headache that was like a bomb going off in my head. Wife rushes me to the ER thinking I have busted a brain vessel and having a stroke. ER basically says it happens a lot. Just kept me for observation than let me go when I could see straight again. Has never happened again.
THAT'S A LIFELONG HORROR!
I'm uncircumcised, and I tore my frenulum having sex with a girl one time. It's the little flap of skin that attaches the bottom of the foreskin to the bottom of the head of the penis. I looked down and saw it and just awkwardly said "Uh... Problem."
First beej off a girl I was dating. I don't normally like them too much (I mean, they're nice and all, but not my go-to request) but this one was great. Get close to the end, past the point of no return, and my head exploded. Tried to hide it, but I literally couldn't see or move. That lasted close to a week.
Worst part is, I really liked her but she got too freaked that she'd broken my brain with her magic.
DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME KIDS...
Was the doctor, not the patient.
You know those erectile dysfunction treatments that used to be on billboards all over? "LONGER SEX NOW," etc?
Well, as is often joked about, those treatments advise you to go to hospital if it lasts longer than 4 hours. Guy came in, having used those treatments, having had an erection for maybe 6 or 8 hours. His penis was purple.
We called the urology registrar (read:resident) to ask him to come and look, and for advice on what to do in the meantime. His answer?
"Take a large gauge needle on a big syringe, suck out as much blood as you can."
Then my shift ended. I did not stick around to watch that one.
I'LL STICK WITH HEAVY PETTING...
Not a patient but an ER doctor. Have seen several injuries / sexual misadventures.
Common things: itemss stuck up people's butts. As I tell everyone after I (or the OR) get it out, I don't care what you stick up your butt, but use something with a flange at the base. It acts as a stopper and prevents it from getting sucked up (and stuck up) your butt.
More rare: broken penis. The post by E-man below is fairly on point.. Blood vessels rupture and the penis fills with blood and looks almost exactly like an eggplant. Once you've seen one, you know what happened. I don't fix those, those go see urology and go to the operating room. Not fun.
SOME PEOPLE SHOULDN'T HAVE GENITALS...
Doug was my fourth year college roommate, along with a couple of other people. He was a strange fellow. I became accustomed to broken beer bottles in the floor, bizarre pornography in the VCR, feces in places you wouldn't expect it, and frequent visits by the cops and to the emergency room.
One night, Doug is being visited by his girlfriend from out of town. They spend most of their time tucked away in Doug's bedroom, doing God-knows-what. Doug sneaks out and doesn't return for several hours. When he comes back, he has an emergency room bracelet on. After some grilling, he gives up the story:
He and his girlfriend are looking for something that might work as a makeshift penis ring. Nothing around except a large padlock. So, she snaps the padlock around his manhood. When it becomes clear that it isn't going to work like they thought it would, they go looking for the key. Nowhere to be found (most of us would have thought about the location of the key before putting it around our junk).
So, Doug heads off to the emergency room to get it removed, afraid of losing his giblets to restriction of blood flow. The procedure takes several hours because the doctor has to parade in every other doctor, nurse, intern, and possibly janitor to check out the moron with the padlock stuck around his testes. Also, they have to take frequent breaks during the "sawing off" due to the heat that keeps accumulating from the friction and burning.
Was doing the deed, no thrills nothing fancy. Afterwards we're sitting on the couch and I feel crampy, so I go into the bathroom, and I sit. That's when I have the most painful cramp of all time. My boyfriend comes in to see me full blown hysterical tears, calls my mom whose an ER nurse who's motto as a child was "no bones sticking out or gushing blood? You're fine." She drives down immediately and takes me to the ER. That's when I panic, because if this cold hearted ER Nurse thinks I need to go pronto it's serious. When we get there it's slow enough that I pretty much immediately see a doctor...who just happens to be my mom's favorite coworker. Awesome. I then try to explain why it hurts and how it happened when my mom blurts out"she was having sex." The doctor didn't flinch much, but I sure did. I wanted to die! Thankfully the embarrassment didn't last long because they gave me amazing pain killers.
Long story short I had sex, had an ovarian cyst burst, horrifyingly painful, went to be ER doctor and my mom were buddies. Good times.
CLIP, CLIP HERE... CLIP, CLIP THERE...
Not the ER but I did end up at my gyno the next day after I got my clit sliced by someone's too long fingernail. PSA: please keep your nails clipped and filed.
THANK GOD FOR UBER!
I had really terrible cramps a few times after sex, enough that I had to take pain pills just to sleep. The pain was gone in the next morning both times, and weirdly it didn't happen every time we had sex. I went to the gyno and even had an ultrasound done, but no one could see anything.
Fast forward a few months later. One night my boyfriend and I got kind of drunk while watching Bay Watch (more like Bae Watch, amirite, Rock Bottom) and decided to keep a good night going with some tipsy sex.
The cramping started midway through and didn't let up. Within minutes I was crouched naked on the toilet (no idea why I thought it would help) and couldn't move. My boyfriend called an Uber in lieu of an ambulance. I managed to get myself dressed despite puking every few seconds into a plastic mixing bowl. The poor driver didn't want to take me, since he probably thought I was drunk, and sat there arguing with my boyfriend that I needed an ambulance. I blurted out "get me to a hospital NOW" and he slammed on the gas. That argumentative angel got me there in less than five minutes.
It turns out an ovarian cyst had burst and torn my uterine wall, so I was bleeding internally. I had to have laparoscopic surgery to remove and cauterize the cyst. Those little b*s are no joke. My only regret is never learning what size fruit or ball I could compare it to. I'm also eternally grateful to my boyfriend to being too tired for tent sex the week before or I would have been bleeding internally at the far end of the Grand Canyon.
SHE'S A KEEPER!
I had to drive a friend to the ER after he broke his penis during a house party. I was already the scheduled DD for my friends and apparently one of them snuck off with this girl. They were doing the good ol' reverse cowgirl like any other young bucks would and she ended up zigging where she should've zagged and kinda did a 90 degree body torque.
To his explanation, it sorta just "popped" and he threw her off him and screamed bloody murder. He tossed on some shorts commando style and told me to drive him to the hospital like now. Drop what I'm doing, get in the car you're the only one sober, let's go, let's go. Oh and the girl came along. Her name was Amanda and she was pretty chill.
So it was me driving two barely clothed 20 year olds in my car to the local hospital twenty minutes away with my dude holding his penis in the backseat and Amanda just consoling him rubbing his back making sure he's okay. Telling him, "It's going to be alright, you're gonna be fine." like he hadn't just fractured his penis.
So, we make it to the ER and he just hobbles in and says he broke his penis, please fix it. And they took him in and I was just alone with this girl I had met that night just waiting for the prognosis. And around an hour later they tell us that he's having emergency surgery because he suffered a_"severe penile fracture and tore his urethra aswell." And basically told us to go home, call someone to pick him up that night.
Dude was under the knife and discharged the next day, penis intact and pride only somewhat. Oh and I also had to call his parents to let them know that their son was having emergency penis surgery and to pick him up in the morning. Could/could not be a fun call at 12 at night depending on the perspective. They ended up dating for a while after that too.
DON'T GET TOO EXCITED!!
Few years ago with an ex-boyfriend of mine. We were fooling around and ended up banging my wrist really hard on the head board. It immediately started to bruise and I was scared it was broken. We ended up in the ER and I was asked all kinds of questions like did I feel comfortable going home with him, did he hurt me, did he hurt my wrist. I wasn't expecting that, at all! They separated us at one point to ask me more questions about how I got hurt. Which was super embarrassing to try and explain. I'm pretty sure he was scared to be too rough with me after that, and I don't blame him. Nothing was broken just our egos.
PLAY NICE KIDS...
My wife had just had surgery to remove an ovarian cyst, so after a week of abstinence we were having sex. I felt like I hit something wrong, but she said to not worry about it. Fast forward a couple of hours, and she's in a lot of pain. She thinks there might have been a complication with the surgery and us having sex might have caused something bad.
Off we go to the ER, one ultrasound later, the doctor tells us that she had a bruise on the inside of her vagina.I remembered the _"Uh oh"moment, and I asked her about it. She said _"Well, it did hurt, but I didn't want you to stop."
YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!
I've seen the "broken penis" four times, twice THIS YEAR strangely enough. Also had to give a few too many intracavernosal injections of neo for priaprism
Things inserted rectally that cannot be removed at home. We had a guy who would put toy cars, coke glass bottles, and later a clearly canadian bottle because he was excited it was back on the market
While having a day shift, we were called a older man was brought in with a big whiskey glass up in his bum. The doctor had to do a laparotomy, and removed his lower intestines.
DON'T. GET. CRAZY...
I've told this story a few times. A sex injury literally ended up saving my life. My best friend at the time and I had a few drinks and tensions had been there between us for a long time. She invited me back to her room and tackled me onto her bed, where I hit my head hard off the bedpost. The next morning concussion symptoms started hitting me very heavily so I went to the ER. On my CT scan they told me "everything looks normal except for your old brain trauma." (I have never had brain trauma). About a month later it is diagnosed as a brain tumor that I was not showing symptoms for yet. Had surgery a few weeks later to have it removed and at that point found out it was non-cancerous.
So I get a txt from a guy I work with at 1am saying_"hey I wont be able to make it in tomorrow " naturally I asked why, so he says _"I'm in the hospital, it's really embarrassing." I press and ask what happened and are you ok. I didn't believe him at first, but after some research I found out that it is real. He ended up having to get emergency surgery and was out for 2 weeks. So yea to sum it up my co worker broke his penis.
There are few things more annoying than when you are seeking advice and someone responds with a boring platitude that helps no one. Believe it or not, if you choose to provide advice, it needs to be specific to the situation and shouldn't be dressed up in trite phrasing. Does saying, "Keep your head up" actually contribute anything if that's all you have to say when someone comes to you in search of a listening ear?
But this goes deeper than just advice, to be fair. Some of us are sick of greedy corporations that stress the importance of being a "family" while refusing to pay proper wages. Still more of us are tired of people using certain language when other language can suffice.
After Redditor BensReddits asked the online community, "What is a phrase you absolutely hate hearing?" people shared their stories.
"At any sort of conference..."
At any sort of conference/gathering/presentation:
"How're you all doing today?!? C'mon, I know you can answer louder than that! HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING TODAY?!"
Instant resentment every time.
I second that resentment.
I attended a conference once where the main speaker did this several times in the span of thirty minutes as he announced different initiatives.
Such a headache.
"At my work..."
At my work upper management has started using the word "activate" a lot. As in, "We are working on plans to activate underutilized spaces." And, "Let's activate a few other teams on this." It just sounds silly to me and like they are trying too hard to avoid using simple, perfectly adequate language.
I'll take your "activate" and give you...
What is wrong with the word "use"?
"I was born in Australia..."
"Your English is so good!"
Thank you, I was born in Australia and English is literally my first language. My standard response these days is, "Oh thank you, yours too!"
This one is especially annoying...
...if you're not alabaster white.
This is a big one:
"Where are you from? No I mean where are you from."
Also annoying if you're not alabaster white.
"Someone saying to a teenager..."
Someone saying to a teenager, "These are the best years of your life!" I am in my mid-40s now and most people my age remember high school as horrible and awkward. The more appropriate thing to say is, "Hang in there kid! I promise life gets better. Just get through adolescence the best you can."
High school sucked.
My life vastly improved in my 20s. Let's not convince teenagers that they have nothing to look forward to after high school's over and done with.
"That's nothing... " when I tell them something only for them to turn it onto a competition and say something worse that happened to them.
The chronic one-upper.
"But she's your mother!"
Yeah, well she should've acted like one.
"I've heard it from people..."
"When you have your own children you'll understand."
I've heard it from people who don't understand that I want nothing more than my own family but being pregnant will kill me, and when I bring up adoption as a valid way of having children they'll buckle down on that phrase as to say adopted kids are not the same. It's disheartening to hear as a formal foster child and has reinforced my beliefs that no one really saw me as enough. Why would you say that to someone? All kids are the same and those without kids shouldn't be dismissed.
"I lost my daughter..."
"God has a plan" or "It happened for a reason."
I lost my daughter when I was 36 weeks in because of a sudden placental abruption followed by a uterine rupture, lost 2.2 litres of blood. I can't carry again without risking the child or myself. And I had to listen to a variety of phrases that made me want to hit those people. Those two were the worst. Followed by "You can try again" or "Did you get the child baptized?" (got this one only once though).
"Who on earth..."
"When are you going to have kids?"
Who on earth are you to not only insist I should stop and redirect my whole life for kids, but then put me on the spot and make up a timetable to change my whole life? Not everyone wants kids.
Now that you've learned a thing or two...
...you could say that all of the responses here are an exceptional opportunity to improve your social skills.
Have some of your own stories to share? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Dating is difficult––and truth be told, I don't know how anyone can do it right now, what with a pandemic going on and all. Just the thought stresses me out. Dating is especially hard for people who defy expectations in a heteronormative society. Take bisexuals, for example.
Bisexuals have been open about their struggles maintaining relationships with both men and women, even having to lie about their sexuality if they want to date certain people.
"I feel like if I end up in a straight relationship, I'll look like I was just experimenting all these years, but if I end up in a gay relationship people will say I was never actually bisexual," one man told the BBC in 2019. "Then if I don't have a monogamous relationship people will say I'm just greedy."
Indeed, the pressure to be either gay or straight can be a lot to navigate. After Redditor Trevor-on-Reddit asked the online community, "Bisexual people who have dated both genders, what are some notable differences you've learned about dating both men and women?" bisexuals spoke candidly about their experiences. Take note: You might learn something new.
We all know someone who really cannot figure out even the most basic thing without copious amounts of help. But when you meet someone who is completely and totally past all help, how do you even begin to try to help them get along?
Most of the time, they will just be flustered, or they won't listen. And you have to just stand Idly by and watch them fail.
What is your "This person has no idea how the real world works" moment?
Here were some of those stories.
The Boot, Not The Camp
When I was in boot camp, some kid put his letter addressed to 'mom' with no address attatched.
I was gonna say that its not that stupid for a very young kid to do that, but then I realized you said boot camp and not summer camp.
Don't Steal Dangerous Chemicals
A student working part time at my laboratory at a University came into my office and asked "so what all can I eat in the refrigerator, I didn't know I was supposed to bring my own lunch". I looked at him, stunned and replied "nothing, that food is what people brought for their own lunch, but you can use my grub hub to order". He DID NOT UNDERSTAND. It took 4 tries to get him to realize he can't just eat someone else's lunch.
Same student: I walked into the lab room and told him I made a full pot of coffee in the office and he could help himself. Him: "a pot of coffee? What's that?" He never used a coffee maker other than a Kuerig before and didn't even know it was a thing.
He was fired a month later for stealing chloroform.
No Ma'am, Like, REAL Bears
At a national park, the park ranger says "stay on the trails, there are bears in the area."
One lady says "isn't that dangerous? Why aren't they in their cages?"
"Ma'am, we're not a zoo."
These people are lucky to make it out of bed every day.
Sleeping On The Job
I lived with some Japanese exchange students during the final summer of college. They were really nice girls, but one of them (Mari) (~19 years old) obviously had no idea how anything worked. She spoke the best English and I was tutoring some of the other girls, while they helped me with my Japanese.
But Mari would constantly call me to come to get her because she thought we had free buses (all the buses). After all, we were students. That wasn't the issue. I could deal with that. It was a whole new culture. She was learning.
But what happened that made me realize Mari could not be left on her own was when she ended up in Eloy, Arizona. Which was ~400 miles and five hours from where we were. She had been talking to some guy on campus, he said he was visiting family in Arizona, and she said "I want to go."
He just took her with him, and she went without even telling us. She had just assumed the guy would take her back, but he said he couldn't because he was staying in Arizona. So I had to arrange a ticket, get her on the bus via the phone, and then pick her up two hours away because she missed her second bus by napping.
How...? What...? Huh...?
Had a friend who was in some uncredited scam online college for her master's degree in medical billing or something. She was on a loan program that was sending her about $5k every 3 months directly to her via check in the mail.
This was her only source of income. She kept calling it a grant that didn't need to be paid back. She was flat broke as a joke for 2 months but then the check would come in and she would be living the good life for a few weeks before being poor again.
We tried to do an intervention and show her the insane interest rate that would be back dated as soon as her "school" was done but she didn't want anyone to bust her free money dreams.
She just kept talking about all the money she would eventually be making billing insurance companies...turns out she wasn't even logging in to the online college or even attempting to get this degree.
She thought the money was free, the degree was automatic and the job was guaranteed. Some people are beyond help.
Such Brilliant. So Money. Wow
My boss told me about a friend of his, who told him af a "life hack". She would get her bills in the mail, NOT pay them, and then wait a couple of months to pay. Then she would cry so the debt collectors would feel bad and waive the fees for not paying on time. That was her "brilliant life hack"
Himbo Rights Activist
The other day, my 18yo brother-in-law got married to his highschool sweetheart in a parking garage so that they can live off campus at college together.
Girlfriend's, now wife, mother is an ordained minister. His parents, my in-laws, were very upset and he couldn't understand why because "it's just a fake marriage for school". Oh no, sweet boy. You are MARRIED. I just laughed and laughed. I love him dearly. He is a dumb*ss.
And yet somehow they are there to add these stories to our dull, dull days.
A dude (18 yo) in boot camp got a letter from home and I can see he is agitated. Being 22 and concerned for his well-being, I asked him if he wanted to talk about it. (I'm thinking a Dear John letter or the Mom and Dad divorcing letter.)
He dead *ss told me that his younger brother got a Mercedes for his birthday and that he was pissed bc he "only got a BMW". Can't remember what I said, but I knew boot camp was gonna knock down. (It did.)
Who Pays Your Bills?
When my roommate, who never once paid for rent or groceries or anything, turned down the only job offer they have ever gotten, in front of me, TWICE.
They were so desperate they called him twice, offering good pay, during covid, and he had the gaul to say no in front of me. His excuse was "nah I'm sure there's something better. $20 an hour is garbage in this city" -_-
Just Read ONE Parenting Book
I worked for a clueless couple who had no idea how to raise a kid. He wore the same outfit everyday for a month until I gently suggested that he needs new clothes. His parents asked me "Where can we get baby clothes?" This was slightly hilarious given that they lived above a Target and next to a baby boutique.
I had to have the same conversation once the child was old enough for solid foods. I was asked "Where can we get baby food?" I had to explain that most grocery stores carry a baby aisle, or that she can mash up her own fruits at home for the baby. This family decided that sour cream would be a great first food for their baby!
I'll mention that this was a wealthy family who went on vacation at least 2-3 times a month. By far the weirdest thing they did was try and drop off Grandma at daycare along with the baby.
Stories like this make you feel like the most well-equipped, with it person alive, right?
We're all well aware of the weird, horrible, predatory things men do when attracted to women. But what about when women are the culprits?
Though it seems that, statistically, men are problematic at a WAY higher rate than women, there are certainly times where the person bringing the creepy vibes is, indeed, the woman.
Some men of Reddit gathered to share the most bizarre and uncomfortable things a woman has ever said.
AidenTheGamer14 asked, "Men of Reddit, what is the creepiest thing a girl has ever said or done to you?"
For some, it was the stalkers.
The cryptic behavior and frightening detective work of ex-lovers can be unparalleled.
Some Light Sleuthing
"Found out my address from the phone book, this was the 90s, sat outside my house for multiple nights, all night just watching my house, I live in the middle of the woods miles outside of town."
"We only had one date and agreed to leave it at that. I found out sometime later what she had been doing."
"Girl I was dating asked if I had changed the locks since breaking up with my ex months prior. I'm like 'No, but she wasn't a crazy person so I never worried about it.' She says if I don't change the locks she ain't comfortable sleeping over, so I change the locks."
"This ex sends me an angry text the next day 'So you changed your locks huh? Real nice a**hole.' So she had been coming over this whole time and doing who knows what."
She Stopped at Nothing
"She kept writing me letters at every address I lived at during that five-year period. If she didn't have the address she'd send them care of my parents. The most memorable is the one where she told me she was married and 'he's a great guy but he's not you.' "
"Once not long after I'd moved to a new address I came home and found a box of cookies she'd FedExed to me. Eventually I moved to a new state. I knew from her return addresses that she lived and worked there, and was worried we'd run into each other but realized that was pretty unlikely."
"Then after less than a year, she found me through a blog I was keeping and left a message on my voicemail demanding we meet. I posted a message to her on my blog telling her to stop harrassing me or I'd call the police (up to that point I'd been ignoring her, hoping she'd take the hint). That night she called, I repeated my threat to bring the authorities in, and I haven't heard from her since."
Others dealt with the creepiness on the internet. With so many avenues of communication all around us, uncomfortable comments can come from all directions.
"Someone I considered a friend started to grow feelings for me, but when she found out I had a girlfriend and I didn't feel the same for her she found out who my girlfriend was somehow. She then DM'd her and tried to tell her that I was cheating on her with her."
"Luckily I was with her when she got that DM so I could explain the situation and then we blocked her. Next day she DM'd her again from an alt account."
Worst Kind of Pen Pal
"I started a new job, and I shared a small office with a woman my age (and a couple other people). She was kinda cute but also weird and super naïve (she grew up in a very rural area). She'd flirt with me a lot, but I wasn't interested."
"So she started sending me emails."
"They were super long, detailing her whole day. And she sent them to me every day. I never responded. Then one day she sent me this long email confessing her love. I replied with the (very obvious) reasons why it wouldn't work and asked her to stop sending me emails every day. She didn't."
"They kept coming. This went on for months. I asked her in person and online to stop, but I still got these email memoirs every day. Eventually I had another female office mate who was her friend have a talk with her. Finally the emails stopped."
That's A Lot of Passwords
"I've had a girl create about 50 different Snapchat, Facebook, and Instagram accounts all to try to get me to friend her. I've never met this woman in person and yet every few weeks I'll get a handful of friend requests from her"
"Met this girl online and talked to her a bit. I did started to like her."
"Later found out that the pic she showed me of herself was actually a pic of her friend who had passed away due to cancer."
In my early 20's I was at a party and the hosting woman full-on tried to reach down my pants to grab my business."
"Strange, yes, what made it creepy is that we were right in front of her mother, who was cheering her on."
Breaking Out the Scroll
"After 6 months from our breakup, my ex called me because she wanted to see me. It seemed strange to me but I accepted. When we met she was friendly and all..."
"Then at a certain point she pulls a sheet in which there was written a list of all men she fu**ed after our relationship and she read it all to me, with accurate description of every sexual intercourse. Well it was an awkward moment."
"I was going to head home after a night out and a I was getting into my taxi a girl jumped in after me. I asked what they were doing and she said 'I'm coming home with you.' "
"Nope. Taxi driver helped me and she got out the car eventually when I shot down her advances."
Again, it's important to read this thread and remember that this is a bias sample, solely focused on the incidents where a woman did act creepy.
But, yes, it happens out there.