They protect our country with everything they've got. Us civilians appreciate what they do, but unfortunately some of our service members come with a price- the military spouses. Here are some of the craziest stories out there, brought to you by Reddit.
u/soldier01073 asked: Service members of reddit. What is your worst military wife story?
.....holy sh*t.
I am a military spouse, but worked as a DOD employee with the Marines. Got a call that a military spouse was in the hospital, her place on base housing had gotten broken into, the 9 month pregnant spouse was beaten and taken by ambulance to the hospital. The assault caused a miscarriage. I was devastated and went to the hospital with several officers in the Marine's chain of command. One of the nurses tending her looked me in the eye and said, "I am very interested in how this is going to play out." I was so confused.
The 9 month pregnant assault victim was given an ultrasound and blood work performed upon being admitted to the hospital. She hadn't been pregnant. Her "due date" was the next day and she's been faking the pregnancy the whole time. She beat herself up and carved herself up with a knife then made up the assault story resulting in miscarriage as a way to cover up the 9 months of lying to her husband about being pregnant.
I've never seen this level of crazy until 3 months later, when said Marine reunited with bat sh*t crazy girl even after all that.
We salute you!
GiphyStanding gate guard in Washington DC. Officer's wife drives through the gate and presents her ID. I wave her through. She doesn't move, asking me if I forgot something. I said no, I didn't believe I did. She said I forgot to salute her, pointing to the blue sticker on her windshield. I leaned close to her windshield and saluted the sticker, wishing it a good afternoon.
I got removed from that duty.
That's f*cked up.
I was stationed at Ft. Knox Ky in the late 80s. A soldier's child turned up missing. Damn near every solider on Ft. Knox was looking for this kid. We looked for days. Kid never turns up.
I leave, and move on.
Several years later I'm sent back to Ft. Knox. Out of the blue, a bunch of activity is happening at a park several miles away.
The little girl turned up, (some of her anyway) and it turns out that the soldiers wife (the girls step mom) killed the girl. The soldier came home found out and hid the body in the park.
The whole case was solved because the older sister of the girl was starting to get worried she was next. Told a teacher who got the police involved.
That the worst I've heard of, over 20+ years in the Army. Plenty of cheating, plenty of other stuff.
Wack.
I got restationed back in the states from Germany.
I flew my German girlfriend over and we ended up getting married. She went back to Germany 4 days later and I never saw her again.
Wack.
Yikes.
GiphyOh, I'm gonna post some of my friend's highlights. She was the midwife on an air force base. Delivered lots of babies.
- Colonel brought his 16 year old daughter in because she was pregnant. Turns out the father was a new junior enlisted. He did not last long in the military.
- Dude's wife left him, and moved in with her boyfriend off base while he was deployed. She got knocked up. Since they were still married, she was still going to the base for medical care. Their divorce wasn't final by her due date, so she still got to go on base and deliver. Her soon to be ex husband (the military guy) had his buddies in security forces put a security flag on his soon to be ex wife's boyfriend. The boyfriend couldn't be on base for the birth of his child.
- And, always the favorite, babies coming out with the wrong ethnic background of the father was at least a once a year thing.
What a thing to come home to.
A friend of mine came home one day early from a year long deployment. Wife was busy screwing another guy on the couch. In the bedroom was a baby she had never mentioned, fathered by yet a third guy.
The best way to meet someone.
Oh man so many. One friend in the Corps, a first term sergeant who HATED every minute he was in uniform. He reenlisted so she could go to school. Left for deployment after reenlistment, came back to a divorce and a drained bank account.
Had another Sergeant who met his wife while he and like seven other guys were hooking up with her. He decided he needed to marry her. So many stories there, but I mean he probably deserved them. 'Cause I mean wow.
Don't do it.
GiphyA guy in my shop (Air Force) deployed to Iraq for 4.5 months. Before he left he signed over general power of attorney to his wife. While he was gone, she started f*cking another guy in our shop, then signed the divorce paperwork as his power of attorney and his rights to see his kids, as well as draining his bank account.
She went to live with the other guy in my shop and his friend off base. They were both arrested for check fraud when trying to pass off a check that was the roommates in the shoppette on base.
The guy she divorced eventually got full custody of the kids and the other guy in my shop got kicked out of the AF.
There were other stories of cheating and all of that kind of sh*t, but this one takes the cake, she actively worked to ruin his life when all he did was love his kids and get deployed to Iraq.
Don't give anyone general power of attorney, ever. I don't care how much you trust them or how much you think they love you. Don't do it. You can give them specialized power of attorney that only allows them to handle your affairs that you very specifically need them to handle.
These Conspiracy Theories Are Easy to Debunk | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
The last line of this takes the cake.
Our neighbors, two, brought us some stories.
One. Unit deployed and she met a new guy. Used power of attorney to divorce the husband overseas and married the new guy so quick she was able to stay on base in the same house. First husband came home and ended up being in the same platoon as second husband who now lived in his house with his kids and all his belongings.
Two. When we first moved in on base we had a neighbor that was super friendly. Wife told us she had cancer so her brother was staying with her to take care of her. We think nothing of it. A few months later they moved out to live off base. Normal thing so no reason to be skeptical. Fast forward a few months and I'm shoveling the driveway and a guy from next door comes over to say hi. I say hi and welcome him as a new neighbor.
He's not a new neighbor, he's had that house for a couple years. I got confused and asked about the woman who had moved out recently. He told me that woman was his wife, the brother was her lover, she didn't have cancer, and she spent all his money on Farmville then moved out with everything they owned.
What a garbage person.
My brother in-law was on both sides of sh*tty cheating stories.
He married a woman he chatted to online for a few weeks when he was 19. Then he had to go to Iraq. A month after he left she told him that he got her pregnant. He comes home after 6 months then she has the baby....the baby definitely is not his.
Fast forward 10 years. He's married to an awesome chick we all like. She works a job and takes care of everything around the house. He cheats on her with a 18 year old girl that worked at Sonic. She catches him and leaves for a weekend to go stay with her sister to figure out what to do. He puts all her stuff in cardboard boxes out under the carport and moves in the new girl.
Do you know who my husband is?
GiphyThis is more of an annoyance than anything.
While helping load my sergeant and other members of my public affairs unit up for deployment (I was a late add on, deploying some weeks later) a somewhat large woman with about 4 kids (oldest was about 14 or 15) came up to me after clapping her hands and shouting 'ducks in a row!' All her kids lined up and lock step marched behind her, up to me.
She ordered me to watch her kids while she did something. Umm...no. I'm not a baby sitter and if anything goes wrong, I will not be held accountable.
So these kids proceed to tear into the stacks of duffle bags, ruck sacks and assault bags waiting to be loaded on a truck while no one chaperoned them. This woman shows back up, shouting 'do you know who my husband is?' (yeah, he's just a staff sergeant in communications) and was furious I wasn't watching her kids.
Other higher ranking types eventually shuffled her and the kids away.
I've had other incidents with spouses before, but this is the one that stands out.
How lazy.
Late to the party but here goes. I wasn't the person in the situation, but my friend was and told me about it. My friend is military, so he travels and moves frequently. He owns a house where I live, but was unable to live in it for a few years due to the job and rented it out to several people. The family that rented were a nightmare.
They were also military, so my friend thought they'd be good tenants. The service member was deployed soon after moving in, so the spouse stayed in the home for several months by herself. She was really lazy, and often called my friend (who lived across the country at the time) to try and figure out fixes to her mild inconveniences. Things like a lawn mower not working, or billing issues, this lady called about every issue she encountered even if she was the cause of it. My friend had to pay people to fix all of these things that she was causing just because she didn't want to take care of her problems.
When they finally moved out my buddy told me to head over and take a look at the place. It was terrible, the bathroom mirror was all messed up, they painted rooms without permission, there was even a giant hole in the wall. My friend was not happy to say the least.
Uninvited.
Obligatory not a service member but, I work at a summer camp at Carney Park in Naples. The Park was used by both Italian and Naval Government. We have forrest fires just on the other side of park borders with fire crew on standby. The wife of an E8 went up to the gate and demanded that the Officer in charge of security demanded they evacuate the park and that they due something about the fires. At this time it is a good time to note the fires were in Italian Jurisdiction, the Italians simply didn't care.
Anyway the Security said they would evacuate the park as soon as they got the order. The lady went apesh*t, one phone call later and the Security officer (who's son was a camper) and Naval equivalent of the first sergeant (also in the park) drove down down from the hill where they were monitoring the fire and told the angry spouse if she wanted to leave she was free to anytime she wanted. When she went to pout to her husband (Airforce) he told her there was nothing he could do. Then she complained to the camp director (also had staff monitoring the fires) and requested the same) that was when she got a much needed lesson and was told her husbands rank meant nothing and she had no say in the matter. She was not invited back to work the next year.
Yikes.
GiphyNot a service member but a now veteran's wife.
This story is my husband's so I'll have to give him credit for it. (All names have been changed)
So there was this Soldier (I don't remember his rank) we will call him Dallas. Now Dallas's First Sgt. was a well respected individual. Someone people should look up to. You know all of that. And from what I heard, he wanted to be just like him.
So Dallas has a 24 hr. shift that he has to work that night which was unexpected but he was instructed by his first Sgt. to work it. Whatever, it happens all the time. Well, later in his shift, Dallas forgot something at the house so he got his buddy to fill in at his post to grab it at the house really quick and didn't tell his first Sgt.
What does Dallas find when he gets home? His wife, and his First Sgt. Having sex on their living room floor as soon as he walks in. She's naked and so is he.
Word spreads fast all around the company, then to other companies. Then the whole base knows and the story is later used in a meeting for the wives of how to overcome loneliness. (That I had to endure) Not only that the first Sgt. Was demoted but Dallas and his wife stayed together. And the wife now having a bit of infamy, has all the soldiers flirting with her at a company family event while all Dallas can do is get pissed, drink beer and watch as his wife flirts with his fellow soldiers.
Thank goodness this had a happy ending.
I'll put in my treo cents.
I an the product of one of these type of stories. My birth father was in the army, tank division in Texas late '70s early '80s. Wanted to date a girl, she didn't. So he started dating her underage sister. Crossed into Mexico to get married since her parents didn't like him. Moved her into base housing apartments with him.
She apparently suffered from mental health issues. They had me in late '82. She started cheating on him, having mental breaks, lots of crazy sh*t including attempting to kill me three separate times and setting the apartment on fire. He was told by his command to either divorce her, or be kicked out. He got kicked out. This is after he turned down West Point more than once since she didn't want to leave Texas.
Happy ending for me, she lost custody, he signed custody over to HIS father, and I was adopted by my grandparents. I didn't know any of this until I was 13. I was two months old when my grandparents got me. A lot to unpack as an early teen, and a lot of personal work went into working it out for myself. But I am fairly well adjusted and happy with a family of my own now.
The Final Destination movies are not good for those who have any phobias, as the franchise taps into all your fears.
In spite of the films making audiences paranoid about cheating death, it does make you think about our mortality and of the many times we may have had brushes with death.
No matter how hard the characters tried to avoid it, they could never change their fate because any attempt to do so would only result in death striking back with an unforgiving vengeance.
However, there are exceptions.
Strangers online reflected on their evasiveness when Redditor yuckyduckph asked:
"How did you almost die?"
Beauty grows in nature.
But don't be fooled, for risks abound.
Potent Bloom
"Got lost in the Bolivian rainforest for three days after consuming tea made from angel trumpets."
– Leftsuitcase
"I have Angel's Trumpets (Datura) in my back yard, and everywhere in my neighborhood / around town. I don't know how many people realize how toxic they are. In some areas in S America, people refuse to even stand near them. They're quite beautiful in full bloom, tho. NS if all the species (inc hybrids) are dangerous. Cue: botanist."
"I've never understood you people who go drink random plant potions in the jungle, far from hospitals, with 'shamans' 'n' sh*t. Half of my friends have done that. But another friend of mine recently died that way. He was super smart and cautious, too. Had a family. Always be skeptical, wary, and weigh out risks.""
– manlypanda
Warning Ignored
"I was leaving a restaurant with my boyfriend one night and saw a couple in the parking lot messing around."
"She was dancing seductively with a big bunch of Oleander flowers gripped in her teeth."
"For those that don’t know, Oleanders are very popular for hedges, hard to kill, but are extremely toxic. You’re not supposed to trim them without gloves."
"I stopped in a panic screaming at her to spit it out while telling her boyfriend they were toxic and she should go to the ER immediately."
"They thought I was kidding and told me to basically f'k off. My boyfriend dragged me away and said we should get out of there because we didn’t want to see how it ended..."
– flavius_lacivious
Rare Respiratory Attack
"Caught an incredibly rare fungus that attacked my lungs and would have attacked my other internal organs. Took two years to diagnose because it’s so rare. Only patient my respirologist has ever seen with it. Dropped to almost 80 pounds. I could literally feel myself slowly dying."
"Infectious aspergillosis. Extremely rare. Almost everyone has some aspergillis in their system because it’s everywhere."
– KathAlMyPal
The ocean holds many secrets.
Dangerous Stunt
"In the fall of '91 I was in Hawaii and dove into this blow hole in Hanauma Bay. (That's not me in the video, but it's the blow hole.)"
"My buddies were doing it and it was no problem for them."
"The problem for me was that I was a lot bigger than them, so my lats got stuck as I was face down in the hole."
"The concept is you time the waves and dive in just as the water recedes and the flow pulls you through."
"Well, I got stuck and had to wiggle my way down, ripping up the skin on my lats and ribs."
"So I finally get down and I have to swim like a mofo, but it's too late...the next flow is coming in."
"I'm at the edge, almost there, so I have to grab onto the edge with both hands like a kidnapping victim holds the doorframe so as not to be abducted."
"The wave cycle is not very long, but when you're doing something new and panicking, it feels like an eternity."
"I've heard they have closed off this portion of the bay."
"I know I don't need to do that again!"
– saleswhisperer
Massive Rip Tide
"I swam under the diving rock at Waimea Bay and almost didn't make it to other side (smoker). Same day they dug out the lagoon channel to make the endless wave. My 'friend' took me out to learn bodysurfing the shorebreak and it was about 8 foot sets which were HUGE and heavy. We go to swim out and get absolutely pummeled and pulled out. Then trying to get back in we got sucked into that lagoon river outflow and it was basically a massive rip tide. In about five minutes we were 400 yards out in the bay with out a boogie/surf board. We had to swim east towards sunset Bay to get to shore. I still can't believe we made it."
– Brutusmatic
Place To Avoid
"Exploring tidal cliffs, accidentally slipped into the water. Went in sideways, narrowly missed hitting my head. Just barely clawed my way out of the rough tidal zone; it was way over my head & was so choppy I was being slammed against rock. Please be careful around tidal cliff zones!"
– beachblanketparty
Grateful For Jellyfish
"When I was about 14 I slipped on a tidal cliff hit my head and went into the water, luckily I didn’t go unconscious but I was caught in the under current and couldn’t see which way was up because it was so f'king cold and dark (Oregon coast, pacific ocean), and just as I was about to give up I saw all these tiny jellyfish above me and swam towards them, got me to the surface and I was able to make it back to shore because I was a pretty strong swimmer at the time."
"Thank you Jellyfish"
"Several years later two people I know were hit by a sneaker wave very close to the same spot and they both died being crushed up against those rocks."
– CurseofLono88
Things don't get any better on terra firma.
Nearly Skewered
"T-boned by a cement truck. Guy at the tow yard couldn’t believe I was still alive."
– psharp203
"I can't believe you are still alive either, I've watched two of those cave a road and heard horror stories about them tipping. You good? Got all ya bits n pieces?"
– FlyerOfTheSkys
The Major Rescue Operation
"Went on a high elevation alpine hike on Mt. Rainier with an out of town friend. At around 10,000 feet we decided it was time to head back down the mountain. About five minutes into the descent I was in an uncontrolled glissade across a snow field."
"Even though I knew better, after I was unable to slow myself I put my feet down. That's when my crampons bit into the snow and stopped me, sending all of the force into my legs. I heard an unsettling pop and felt excruciating pain. As soon as I stopped I looked down and saw that the heel of my left boot was where the toe should have been."
"I had severely broken my leg and I was at least a 3 hour hike down with sunlight (and warmth) declining. We were not equipped to be there after dark. Within a couple of minutes I could feel my extremities beginning to tingle. Was going into shock. Fortunately, I had some glucose gel packs which I began to suck on. And that seemed to keep the shock at bay."
"Which was a good thing because the radiating pain was quite enough. Our cell phones weren't working well but another stroke of luck was that I had put a GMRS radio in the bottom of my pack and as such we were able to get word out on the radio that we were in trouble and needed help."
"Ham radio operators heard us and relayed our position and the details to the rangers. The National Park Service couldn't get a helicopter that was willing to fly to that elevation so late in the day (on a Sunday in early October). So they had to gather a party of climbing rangers to come get me."
"A couple of other climbers on the way up the mountain really saved me by giving up their climb and assisting me, covering me with sleeping bags and making tea while one of them went back down the mountain to meet the rangers coming up. Shock and hypothermia very likely would have done me in that night if they hadn't happened upon us and helped."
"It was pitch dark and freezing cold by the time the rangers arrived four hours later. They strapped me into a litter and had to carry me off the mountain. Unfortunately, the climbing rangers are not EMTs and do not dispense meds. So even though they were doing all of the work on the climb down it was absolutely excruciating for me. It was almost 9 hours between the time of the accident and the time I checked in to the emergency room."
– cjboffoli
The one time I casually got certified as a scuba driver was when I was in Cozumel, Mexico, I almost drowned.
I went exploring in an underwater cave, where I probably shouldn't have gone as an amateur diver. I remember swimming upwards and smacking my head pretty hard on some rock work. I felt like I was about to pass out.
I tried my best not to panic, which probably saved my life. I slowly found my way out of the darkness and eventually out of the waters. I felt dizzy the rest of the day.
Yeah, I haven't gone scuba diving since.
Everyone is a bit leery of hospitals.
Even people who have to work there would rather be somewhere else most of the time.
But sometimes, a trip to the hospital is unavoidable.
More specifically, a trip to the ER.
We humans can really get ourselves into some ridiculous health-related situations.
All you can do is try to laugh about it.
And be grateful you lived so you can tell the silly story.
Redditor lugulaga wanted everyone to fess about the times their ER visits were more embarrassing than painful, so they asked:
"What is the stupidest reason you went to the hospital?"
I do my best to stay away from the ER.
I'll even suffer in silence.
Especially if I'm being an idiot.
Intractable
Giphy"Hiccups that lasted 24 hrs, stopped right when the doctor stepped in the room. Lol."
stargill70
"I’ve seen this a lot. Had a guy last Monday. 'Intractable hiccups.' Fun note: we use Thorazine to treat it. As in the anti-psychotic."
W6RJC
Down the Hatch
"Not me but I had to pick up a mate who swallowed a 50c piece to win a $2 bet. If you don't know, an Australian 50c is quite large. They had to do an endoscopy to get it out. They let him keep the black corroded coin too."
honest-aussie
"My son did this but with an American 25¢ quarter. He had it in his mouth but inhaled it. It was stuck sideways in his airway so luckily he could breathe. They had to put him under and got it out via endoscopy."
"He spent 9 hours with it in his airway and hardly spoke at all. That is the quietest he has ever been since he learned to speak. He was about 9 when this happened, he is autistic, though very high functioning, and was sensory seeking which is why it was in his mouth."
kaismama
While I Sleep
"A bat landed on my head while I was asleep. Rabies shots all around!"
olda**hit
"Ugh, my child had a 'mystery bite' from daycare that we ignored until it started looking infected. Doctors asking about animals and specifying bats-- reminds me that LAST YEAR the daycare had bats removed that were living in the roof but had no sighting since then."
But I said it. So they had to do the rabies shots, including IGG injected directly into the infected bite... on a 2-year-old. Most traumatizing experience of my life... thank goodness she doesn't remember!"
overweightthrowaway3
A Hard WInd
"My husband went because he was in extreme pain and thought he was having a heart attack. Turns out it was wind. He just needed a good fart."
blueboatsky
"I took my 1-week-old son to urgent care because he had abdominal pain for hours and hours. He cried in the waiting room for a couple more hours, then farted three times and immediately fell asleep."
"They called us in about 10 minutes after that. The doctor said, "As long as you guys are here, let's see how he's doing" and gave him the standard well-baby check. I thought that was nice."
EvadingDoom
Not the Thumb
big bang theory paper cut GIFGiphy"When I was 8 I was bored so I got a bottle of Gatorade from my pantry and grabbed a kitchen knife then proceeded to stab it over the sink to see how easily the knife would go through the thicker plastic of the bottle… almost lost my thumb."
New_Moon_Lotus
Kids and kitchen knives, a most deadly combination.
Merry Nothing
Freak Out Running GIF by TLCGiphy"Christmas Day, I dislocated my knee attempting to kick my brother during a sparring match. Needless to say, my martial arts career was over."
IDontThereforeIAmNot
Broken
"I was at a house party, all the bathrooms were full. Went outside, and decided I should crawl under the porch to pee. Everything went well until I tripped on the way out and rolled my ankle. Shrugged it off, limped back upstairs and someone said 'Your ankle is broken.' Sure enough, bone sticking out. DD took me to the hospital and got me ice cream on the way home. I miss you, Kyle. You're the best."
Ubermassive
Knobbed
"Butt cheek injuries caused by a door. I hate touching door knobs with my hands and always use my forearm to rub against the doorknob in a downward motion using friction to turn the knob. Was joking around with my gf saying I can open a door with my buttcheek exactly like how I use my forearm. Jumped at the door butt first and the little metal thing that guides the door cut my buttcheek (I think they call it strike plate or latch strike)."
"The cut wasn’t a clean cut because the thing wasn’t that sharp. 30+ stitches."
"After that, she had to stand behind me holding a bowl to cover my wound every time I take a shower so it doesn’t get wet, and we live in a hot country so she has to do that twice a day for like a month."
Normal-Focus9248
We did Nothing...
"I’m an ER doctor. About once a year I see a very nice young female who comes to the ER with three or four family members because her fingers are blue. They have always googled all sorts of fancy and exotic diseases that they are worried about. 100% of the time the patient has brand-new blue jeans on."
"Without saying a word I just grab an alcohol swab and wipe the blue dye off of their hands, and then I do the same thing to their jeans to show them it’s the same color. The collective sigh from the family is always what does it for me. Not surprisingly, half the time the patient doesn’t believe me and is angry that 'we did nothing.'"
Dan-z-man
All Sewed Up
Tongue Out GIF by MOODMANGiphy"When I was about 3, I was running up the stairs in my house and fell. I hit my chin on a step and bit my tongue nearly off. My parents took me to the local hospital where they sewed up the gash in my tongue without anesthetic. I still remember it to this day."
Salty_Fixer
I feel faint after reading all this.
Thank the Lord no one brought up any eye issues.
I'd be on the floor.