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The Real Reason Why People Cheated In A Relationship

Reddit user polyaprotic asked: 'People who cheated in a relationship, why?'

Two people kissing
Photo by Niki Sanders on Unsplash

Cheating is one of those actions in a relationship that is super divisive.

Most people are either dead-set against it or basically all about it.

But there are some who could understand how it could happen, and others who were willing enough to discuss what led them down that road of possibility, to begin with.

Redditor polyaprotic asked:

"People who cheated in a relationship, why?"

Adventures Gone Wrong

"He had a side chick who was my best friend (she thought we were in a poly relationship but it was just him who wanted us both) so I cheated on him with her and stole his side chick."

"I told him I’d be okay with it if it wasn’t just him who got to date my best friend and me and that us girls also got to date."

"He told her I was okay with it just being him dating us, even though it was really me she wanted to date and he was just an extra since I was dating him at the time."

"I stayed with her for a while, but we mutually decided we were better as friends and are still best friends to this day."

- Outrageous-Dare2755

Growing Apart

"25 years in the military working away, I never once cheated on my wife. But after leaving the military, I was so busy working and earning, we started to grow apart."

"We both knew it but crucially, I buried my head in the hopes things would get better."

"She had a brief affair, citing the gap between us as the reason. She never once talked to me or tried to improve things but then again neither did I."

"The difference being I still loved my wife but she fell out of love with me... look after what you have as you never know when it will be gone."

"I do blame myself. Yes, she had the affair and she owns that and the fallout from it, but I created the conditions that allowed it to happen. I knew things weren't okay."

"There is so much more in hindsight that I could have said or done but didn't. That is on me."

- jimbojetset35

Simple Math

"I was young, selfish, and broken."

- theomniconian

"It was a decision I made, selfishly, getting caught up in the heat of things and not taking someone I loved into consideration when I did it. Just outright generally being an a**hole all around, something I’ve thought about over the years and deeply regretted."

"Once you really hurt someone like that, it truly sticks in your mind and you never forget it."

"You can’t take it back, ya know? You can only make sure you never make such a terrible action again."

- Neat_Theory_5236

Perpetual Lying

"Cheating is just a form of lying. It's not the cheating that's the problem, it's a symptom of a bigger problem which is lying."

- RaspberryTurtle987

One Similarity Between Bullying and Cheating: Self-Esteem

"I don’t think malice is usually the root of cheating, I think low self-esteem is. One can hate themselves so badly, that they cheat to prove to themselves that 'they still got it' or 'they win at life,' but it usually leads to just more drama, like they cheat to hurt someone else (that’s where malice comes in)."

"As for the person they cheat with… sometimes kind of the same thing… they hate themselves to the point of having to get the high of stealing what’s not theirs? 'One up' another man or woman, so to speak."

"Many times it’s the low self-esteem of lying to themselves that 'if it’s meant to be' or 'the cheater wouldn’t cheat if things weren’t really bad.' 'I’ve never felt this way before, it must be right,' etc. But in their heart, they know it’s trash reasoning, and they will feel like s**t in the end. Hurt people hurt themselves and others."

"And then of course, sometimes the person is just another victim of the cheater, who said she/he was single. And we all feel for that person, because they thought they met someone single and special, and it was doomed from the beginning."

"I dropped my best friend of 20 years when she became so desperate that she started entertaining the thought of affairs with married men I knew. She was never previously that type of woman… but she was hitting her late 20s, and just getting so desperate to find someone and settle down. I loved her as a friend, but I was no longer recognizing the girl I once knew."

"We as a society can’t preach but then stand by. Her act was selfish, and not only affected her but affected so many of our friends that knew the family. When I walked away, to my surprise, so did everybody. I felt bad for her, but I wasn’t going to be a part of a family being torn apart."

"Luckily in the end, the guy she was interested in didn’t cheat on his wife, and the family is still intact 15 years later, doing great."

- Koko-Bear

All Part of the Wedding Planning...

"Reason given was, 'one last fling before the ring.'"

- vanroy241090

"If that’s what you decide to do before you get married, why even get married in the first place? What a waste of f**king time. I’ll never understand people like that."

- GoldenGlobeWinnerRDJ

Exiting Abusive Relationships

"My ex-wife was incredibly abusive and controlling, and she used violence and the police to keep me from leaving her."

"Women around me started to sympathize and approach me, and I was so starved for affection that I didn't even hesitate."

"I found the love of my life and we've been together for eleven years now. We've never even had a serious fight, it's bliss."

- Daetok_Lochannis

The Last First Kiss

"I was the other guy. A woman I'd known for a couple of years was becoming increasingly disillusioned with her husband, he was drinking too much and getting more and more emotionally and verbally abusive, and we had a two-month fling because she wanted to feel valued again."

"She dumped me and told me she was going to make a proper go of her marriage, she gave him six months to quit drinking or she was going to kick him out, he just got worse, and the final straw was when he drunkenly dragged their eldest kid out of bed at 2:00 AM to berate him about the state of his bedroom."

"She kicked him out. A week later, we hooked up again. 22 years and two grown-up children later, our fling is going quite well."

- vinny876

The Apology Isn't Coming

"I was selfish, I can think of a hundred reasons why I did, but in the end, I was just selfish. I do not have many regrets in my life but that one will stay with me forever. A life lesson learned the hard way."

- blister693

"My ex-girlfriend cheated on me (I'll have to see her for a while because I had a son by her). Reading things like this gives me hope that one day she'll look at herself and finally admit how badly she hurt me."

"Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you learned and hope you'll treat your current or future significant others with much more respect."

- Thre3zekiel

"Closure doesn't come from other people. Don't hang your hopes on getting closure from her."

"My ex is happy as a pig in s**t. He has no regrets."

"If my happiness was based on his apology, I'd still be unhappy."

- mykidisonhere

Long-Distance Relationships Aren't For Everyone

"I blamed cheating on being in a long-distance relationship. I think it's really that people like attention and can't turn away from it when it becomes something more."

"I personally would feel bad about it when it happened and wouldn't want to put someone else through that, and yet I'd keep doing it."

"But then I got cheated on later in a different relationship and actually got to feel the hurt. It's not something I'd want to do someone again."

- Tugonmynugz

Just Another Part of the Relationship

"Everyone is different. Some people were raised around it and therefore, it was normalized from a young age."

"Some people are cheated on early and often. When you're young and immature, some people don't have the capacity to really think about how their actions can affect other people."

"For me, my first, like, four or five girlfriends all deceived me and cheated on me in some capacity. And a lot of it was my being too clingy and emotionally needy and I would guilt them when they tried to leave me (which stemmed from a toxic, abusive childhood where love was a transaction or manipulation of some kind). And then when they did finally leave me and I found out they were talking to/dating/f**king other dudes beforehand, I extrapolated it to all women and figured it's just what they are all going to do anyway."

"It's twisted myopia birthed out of insecurity and inexperience. Most 20-year-olds don't possess the humility to consider the possibility they have no clue what they are talking about because they feel things so deeply and passionately."

"Ultimately, my experience was that I was conditioned to believe cheating was just a part of life and if everyone is doing it then on some level, it was okay. People get older and wiser. If you don't believe people can grow up, of course, you're going to believe things like 'Once a cheater, always a cheater,' but I sincerely question the growth and progress of a person with such a static view of humanity."

- nevertoomuchthought

Revenge Cheating

"I walked in on her with a co-worker, so I revenge cheated with someone close to her. It created a triangle of emotional damage. But I learned how to process the bad stuff in a healthier way once the dust settled from the three of us destroying each other."

- heastianvirgin

"I was tempted to revenge cheat, but then I thought about it and realized that being a cheater was who he is, not who I am. I filed for divorce instead."

- Queen_Aurelia

The Coward's Way Out

"I was young and dumb, not really ready to commit, and too much of a coward to break it off."

- BananaBrute

"I’ve had a few cowards in my time."

"I just don’t understand it. It’s like ripping a Band-Aid off! Get it over and done with and not destroy your partner's trust in relationships. I bloody hate cowards."

- cyrilly

A Wrench in the Family Gears

"I want people to know… your kids WILL FIND OUT. Maybe not right away, but eventually, and they never look at you the same, speaking from experience. I was bartending, and my dad’s different friends and employees all would go on to get drunk and confirm things for me over the years."

- Koko-Bear

"I had a strained relationship with my father and I didn't like him very much as a person at times but I still respected him when I was younger. His problem was he always talked to me like I was his buddy instead of his son and overshared. A few times he would talk to me about one-night stands he'd had (despite me telling him I didn't want to know)."

"He was either too stupid to realize I would figure out it was when he was married to my mother or he didn't care. When he left my mother for another woman I was disappointed in him. When I found out he cheated on her several times I was disgusted with him and lost a lot of respect for him."

- MikoSkyns

The Pain of Discovery

"She found out. She cried a lot."

"I saw the amount of hurt I caused her. Honestly, I'm still not sure if I've changed. But I want to. That's a starting point for me."

- Empty_Regret6345

"For real: being able to understand how another person feels is the beginning of empathy. It’s something that cannot be taught but is so essential for a healthy life and society. You gotta keep leaning into it even when it hurts."

- mfkboston

"My wife finding out was the turning point for me, too. I thought she would be mad, yelling at me, and we would argue and she would eventually cool down. That is the culture I was raised with."

"Instead, she broke down, and she was just hysterically crying for the entire day, saying she wanted to die and that she can never trust anyone ever again."

"It genuinely shook me to my core, and all I wanted to do was comfort her but I couldn't because I was the person who made her that way. It made me feel a sense of guilt and shame that I shiver even thinking about today."

"She found out I was cheating on her at the club I was working at. Not with anyone, in particular, just random girls here or there. We got a divorce and got remarried three years later, and have been married for 20 years since."

- frogvscrab

While some of these stories are to be expected, some of them were genuinely surprising.

This just goes to show that you never really know what's going on in another person's relationship or what could be the reason for its failing.

People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley


"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt


"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."


"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."


Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."


"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip


"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User


– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"


Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."



"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."


Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."



The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."


This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.



"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."



"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”



"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"


"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"


The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."


Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."


Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.


"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.