People Confess Secrets That They Can Only Tell Strangers On The Internet
The anonymity provided by the internet is one of the technology's key aspects. So many of the dynamics that play out on the web are, in large part, fueled by the behaviors of people interacting under this cloak.
Unfortunately, those dynamics are often negative and unkind. Cyber bullying, stalking, outright fabrications and reputation trashing are all the result of the ability to hide.
But there are ways that anonymity is positively empowering. A recent Reddit thread illustrated one.
People came to the forum to spill their guts. They explained their deepest secrets that they just needed to get off their chests, but couldn't do so in the real, public-facing world.
Some of the contributions were embarrassing moments. Some were tragic personal tales. Whatever form they took, we hope the space offered healing and support by cultivating a safe environment in which to share.
Chessing asked, "What's a secret you can only share with online strangers?"
Still Love, Just a Blip
"Sometimes when my medical issues are acting up I can't even remember my husband's name. I know who he is but its like the data is corrupted and my brain is returning 'unknown error' instead of 'name'"
A Defining Lie
"Not much of a secret, but my dad lied about having a family to my mom. My dad is still in the picture, but we're like the 'secondary' family. It took 25 years for me to finally meet one of my brothers from my dad's side."
"He seems to be the only one who half-heartedly wanted to meet me. The rest don't seem to care too much about my existence."
So Much to Carry
"Never told my parents I had stage one cancer. Both were barely sober and would have jumped off the wagon head first. Bright side, doc got it all." -- pazuzusboss
"Glad you beat cancer! I know that must have been a hard decision to make, but it was probably for the better to not tell them." -- SaltyBaguettes
Acknowledging Emotions Honestly
"I kind of dislike my best friend. We've known each other a long time, and we're both in unfortunate circumstances, but I'm trying to change mine. He isn't trying to change his, he just rages about how unfair his life is."
"I've offered all the help I can, but he never takes me up on it, and being his shoulder to cry on can be exhausting. He can be a very negative person, and so can I, but I'm trying to be less so, but it's easy to slip back into negativity when I'm around him."
"It's all very frustrating sometimes."
An Acute Traumatic Experience
"My mother's last words, as she lay dying in our house were 'I'm scared.' This has f***ed me up, bad. And I can't tell anyone I know because I don't want to f*** them up too"
"It was a normal night. We said goodnight and I went off to bed. 5 minutes later I heard her scream help. I ran downstairs, she said she couldn't breathe. I thought she was having panic attack but called for the ambulance."
"Next thing I know she said that, then she's turning purple, then the noise and, boom. Gone."
"Turned out she had a pulmonary embolism. 20 minutes start to finish and I still have flash backs, can't hear those words without an anxiety attack and had nightmares every night for a year afterwards."
Doing What Had to Be Done
"Many years back my childhood cat got dementia. Some days he was perfectly fine other days he stood in corners and peed himself all day cause he didnt know where he was or how to get out of the corner."
"After a while we gave up on hoping hed get better and the day we scheduled the appointment he had a good day and my mother couldnt bare bringing him to the vet so she asked me."
"I drove him to the vet close by and the doctor didnt care about our cat. He had to inject more of whatever they use 6 times and half way through the cat started twitching and struggling. It took ages until it was all over and i couldnt drive home afterwards."
"When i came home i pretended everything was fine and have never told anyone because it would break my familys heart even more."
A Historic Poop Incident
"When I first started dating my boyfriend, I moved in with him in another state pretty quickly like after 3-4 months."
"So one night, he was in the shower in our one bedroom one bathroom apartment and I was chillin in the living room and suddenly I had to poop SO SO BAD. Like it was go time and he was in the shower and I absolutely did NOT feel comfortable going in there and blowing up the toilet at the same time he was in the shower."
"In hindsight, I should have just run to the corner store and gone poo and come back with snacks and acted like I just wanted some munchies, but I was panicking so what did I do?"
"I grabbed two plastic grocery bags, doubled them up, took them into our walk in closet (I think I figured if he popped out of the shower in the middle of my shame at least I would be behind another door and have a minute to compose myself) and I SQUATTED AND POOPED A HUGE LOAD OF TURD INTO THESE GROCERY BAGS IN OUR CLOSET."
"I wiped with paper towels and tied up the bag and immediately went down and took out the trash."
"He will never know. No one will never know. This is my shame."
Behind the Scenes
"I have friends that have paid me to record them having sex" -- Zodima
"where to fill the application to get this job?" -- ChillaX4NothinG
"Sounds like it's just a matter of time before you are ready with your portfolio. Then you can scale to filming professional porn." -- torpidtrotter
Tough to Acknowledge
"When I was with my host family it was honestly the only year of my life I've felt like a part of a family... I miss them so much." -- VanosKickedIn
"That's really touching. Sometimes we think our family lives are normal until we experience another way. Anyhow I'm sure they miss you, too." -- monkeyhind
"About 10 yrs ago, I stole my bully's phone and threw it off a building. He still doesn't know what happened to his phone." -- scottmichael1997
"This reminds me of when I was 12 and I hid a kids bike helmet so he couldn't bike home from school since the schools policy was that all kids were to wear a helmet if they were to ride to and from school."
"I ended up fessing up to it though sadly and gave him his helmet back after a week." -- 4thabeanz
Claims to Fame
"There is a video of me being interviewed by Tulsa Channel 9 news where I'm drunk wearing a beer soaked crop top tank top Okstate shirt being asked about my opinion on beer being sold in Boone Pickens Stadium....not my finest moment." -- Cheetodude625
"Similar story! I was like 14 or 15 though (so not drunk) but was interviewed by a local Little Rock News Channel in the airport about H1N1 and I misspelled my own name I was so nervous."
"And so they didn't give me a name title on screen, but they still aired my comment and omg I couldn't even brag to my friends in high school about my 15 seconds of local fame because I was so embarrassed about it." -- Icing_on_the_Trauma
"I'm inadvertently ruining my marriage because I'm terrified I'm going to ruin it" -- jamsesmaximus
"You should definitely bring this up with your partner and talk about therapy for you! I had a tendency to do this too. You are more than deserving of a good marriage and a happy life!!" -- Senator_smelly
"I created multiple accounts on reddit to upvote my husband's writing in r/writingprompts to motivate him to continue to write." -- loudandloaded
"This is the most wholesome comment in this thread!" -- Motor_Mountain97
"I was on a local game show and the answers to the questions were written in the back of the card. I could read every answer." -- SylkoZakurra
"What did you win?" -- BallWeird4954
"An almanac, a dictionary, and encyclopedias." -- SylkoZakurra
"Now you have more answers." -- fuidiot
Some Nether Part Free Association
"I do kegels whenever I'm waiting at a stoplight." -- hypo-osmotic
"Fun fact: when I was a young gay I thought I would have to learn kegels to keep my butthole from being too loose. Turns out if you just don't stick coke cans up your booty you'll be fine." -- edgememeston
Expressing the Id
"I look at pictures of horrific crime scenes as a way to ground myself and be thankful that I don't have to see or experience of that dark side of humanity in person."
"I don't enjoy gore at all, in fact it puts a lump in my throat everytime I see these awful images, but it makes me realize how good I have it that that's not something I have to see irl. Puts everything into perspective yknow."
"It also reminds me of how fragile the human body is, how easy it is for any of us to just be a part of an accident and before you know it, a life is gone. All those years of memories and experiences and love and loss and pain and triumph just to end up as a lifeless crumpled bag of skin, meat and bone."
"I can't share this with anyone I actually know though because everyone would look at me like I was a serial killer lmao."
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People Share The Absolute Worst Relationship Advice They've Ever Received
Relationships are hard, and sometimes, they're confusing. When you're having a problem with your partner, or you're inexperienced and looking for lessons, you turn to your friends and family for advice.
Sometimes, the advice is sound and helps make things better.
Other times, the advice is trash and makes everything worse.
Redditors know this all too well, and are sharing the worst relationship advice they've ever gotten.
It all started when Redditor Spectrelegit asked:
"What is the worst relationship advice you've ever heard?"
Loyal As A Dog
"Any "loyalty tests". Always a bad idea."
"Heard a youtube therapist once say that as soon as you decide to do a loyalty test, you've already decided the relationship is over because either they fail and you can't trust them, or they pass and you show them that you don't trust them and they stop being able to trust you"
"Ultimatums fall under a similar category."
"If this is a current situation it sounds pretty toxic, and if you are unhappy I hope you get the support you need to make any changes."
Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend
"Spend 3 months salary on an engagement ring. This was literally started by the rich diamond families to increase sales."
"My girl literally threw a jewelry store book at me with the ring she wanted circled and happily said there was a coupon lol. It was like $80 but it's the one she wanted. We've been together for almost 10 years and happily married for nearly 3 now"
"Yeah it's ridiculous, there's lab created gems that are basically the same and a fraction of the cost."
"I’ve said this to friends and family several times when they’ve asked me while stressing about picking out expensive rings:"
"if the ring is the problem, then the ring is not the problem."
Not The Way To Go
"There was a Reddit post about a guy who told his partner that she stunk several times a day. Poor girl was horrified. It got to the point that she was showering incessantly, using industrial strength deodorants and he still complained non-stop."
"Paraphrasing here, but when finally confronted, it turns out his father had given him this sound advice: “Tell a women she smells bad, and she’ll never leave you.”"
"Daddy was wrong."
Anything Doesn't Go
"That you only truly care if you're "ride or die.""
"An ex once told me that she thought if she pushed me far enough that I'd leave. I told her "Yes, I would leave. Why would I want to be with someone who thought so little of me that they'd push me far enough?""
"I had put up with a lot of abusive behaviour from her and it didn't last much longer before she tested my statement and I did exactly what I said."
"Totally!! And that you should love your partner “unconditionally” ie any behaviour goes. Nope"
Maybe Not The Right Person To Ask
"A friend of mine once prefaced some unsolicited advice about my 10-year marriage with the phrase, "I've been in dozens of relationships..." and then he went on to rant about how men shouldn't do the grocery shopping or something stupid like that."
"Right, we had a three times divorced friend who loved to give relationship advice. Most of it was BS."
"The Children" Need A Good Example
"Stay together for the kids."
"I was the child. Please don’t."
"I was also the child. Your children know when you don’t love each other, when you’re fighting all the time because you decided to stay with someone you can barely tolerate. They will live with that knowledge and grow up with a warped perception of love and relationships because they were never given a proper example."
"They will either become obsessive and do whatever they can to make someone stay, or they’ll develop a fear of commitment that will ruin every relationship before they even get the chance to try it. Divorce can be messy, especially when kids are involved, but sometimes the alternative can be far worse. If you decide to have kids, do right by them."
"“There is a perfect person out there”"
"No. No there isn’t. There is no such thing. People change as they experience life. To believe someone will stay the same forever is silly. Pick someone who you can grow with and shares common values with you. Everyone has to make some compromises and that includes someone making them on you too."
Not A Great Justification
"Being married is like eating spaghetti every night for dinner. No matter what sauce you put on it, it's still spaghetti. Sometimes a man needs to eat some steak once in a while."
"That was from my dad while trying to justify cheating on my mom."
Look Good For You
"My (very attractive but very unhappy in her own marriage mother) tried to make me believe that the secret of a successful marriage is to look desirable at every hour of the day and night . Make up, clothes, perfume… anything to keep the husband interested. Having a personality is nice but not necessary."
"I feel guilty of this, although I also feel like I can take the time to get ready all I want, he’s still going to admire someone else and probably in front of you. Just get ready for yourself if it makes you feel better. I have always hated to go out in public to run into anyone bareface, whether it’s an old friend, someone who picked on me in school, an old crush."
"Not sure where it came from me being this way but growing up my parents made fun of me when I’d have no make up on. If I got bad grades or did something that upset them they’d take it away and give it back saying “I need it.” Then other days tell me I wear too much of it, like high school wasn’t enough already. I could never win."
"I know several people who believe this and it’s sad"
Don't Be Who You Are
"When I was a teenager, my mom told me to not let boys see I was smart because no man is attracted to a woman whose smarter than he is. Also, I should work on my laugh because no one would be attracted to my laugh."
"Being smart and passionate about your interests is the most attractive thing ever"
Tell Me I'm Right
"Most people that come to you for relationship advice don’t want to advice they want you to validate the terrible decision they are about to make."
"I think your statement applies to advice in general. A lot of people to want to actually change or put in effort, they just want validation for their choices."
Yeah, that tracks.
We cannot believe some folks are dishing out such advice!
Has anyone every told you something truly crazy to keep a relationship propped up? Let us know in the comments.
People Break Down Which Historical Figures Are Seen As Bad Guys, But Weren't Actually Bad
It's easy to assume things about history since we weren't actually there. We're taught to believe everything we read, but often times, it takes more research to figure out the truth.
There are a lot of historical figures we believe were bad based on what we first read or heard. However, upon further research, we find out they weren't actually that bad.
Some of them got a bad reputation even though all they did was make a mistake. Others just weren't appreciated for their ideas and inventions during their own time. Some of them are even heroes!
It seems Redditors did some of that extra research and are ready to share their findings.
It all started when Redditor jamespeech111 asked:
"Who is a bad guy in history who actually wasn’t a bad guy?"
Before His Time
"William Thomas Green Morton died broke defending his discovery of anesthesia. He was a dentist and didn’t get much respect from the doctors at the time. IMO one of the most important medical discoveries."
"anesthesia is arguably THE most important medical discovery in history. Modern surgery is literally impossible without it."
The Wrong Story
"Richard Jewel - initially lauded as a hero and a brave man who ran towards the bomb to help…"
"then the FBI and media turned on him and accused him of doing the bombing himself… because;"
"he was actually just as f*cking outlandishly brave and ran toward the bomb to help people,"
"They took his truck for evidence, he had to go into hiding… made a villain by incompetent people… For YEARS… finally exonerated and dies shortly afterward"
Aye Aye Captain
"Captain Bligh. His mistake was being too soft rather than too harsh. He let his crew slack off while they were waiting to make sure the breadfruit trees would survive transplantation, and they mutinied when he put them back to work."
"It should also be mentioned that when his some of his crew mutinied so many of them wanted to be allowed to leave with him on the ship's tiny open launch that even fully laden they would not all be able to go and had to draw lots to see who had to stay on The Bounty. Captain Bligh then had to sail the tiny overcrowded poorly provisioned boat 6700km to Timor using dead reckoning. He did not lose a single man."
"The McDonald’s coffee lady - the woman who sued mcDonalds after she spilled coffee on her lap received 3rd degree burns in her pelvic area. She was hospitalized for 8 days and required a couple years of rehabilitation."
"The media jumped on the story making it a poster case for frivolous lawsuits."
"Omg I vividly remember this story! It was so sad tbh. At first I thought it was stupid too, but then I read she had severe burns and all. She really wasn’t overreacting."
One Comment Changed His Life
"Niccolo Machiavelli. Machiavelli didn't invent the idea of lying or ruthlessness. He made an observation about what worked and tried to get a new gig."
"Now his name is synonymous with "heartless manipulator.""
"Agreed. People often reduce his message down to "you should be opportunistic and manipulative", which wasn't what he was saying at all."
"It was more that he recognised that the worst atrocities in society typically occur during or shortly after huge political upheaval, and believed that if preventing that sometimes requires being opportunistic and manipulative, then that is a price worth paying."
"And whilst we all have lines that we think a regime shouldn't cross, and limits to what power a state should be allowed to exercise, he did a have bit of a point. If we think of the worst atrocities across history, they do tend to follow political upheaval. Had the Treaty of Versailles not sought to punish a generation of Germans, Hitler may never have risen to power in the first place."
"Ironically, some of the people who were great admirers of Machiavelli's philosophy, like Joseph Stalin, were responsible for the very kind of terrible things Machiavelli was warning people about."
Queens On The Throne
"Pharaoh Cleopatra, she was actually a pretty good ruler with her focusing more on her nation than just abusing her position for her own benefit, there’s even some records saying that she wasn’t even all that beautiful, she was however very intelligent with stuff like how she learned around 10 different languages"
"First member of the ptolemaic dynasty to bother learning Egyptian. She did amazing things in managing to actually expand Egypt's territory in a time of Roman dominance.... however in the end she monumentally screwed up/lost her nerve at the Battle of Actium and doomed pharaonic Egypt."
Money Talks...And Lies
"Captain Hazelwood of the Exxon Valdez."
"He is often pictured on the helm of the Exxon swaying drunkenly going full throttle into the reef talking like a "pirate.""
"What actually happened."
"Valdez's critical navigation equipment was out of commission, faxs sent to Exxon and Exxon told them to sail instead."
"Coast guard budget cuts removed vessel tracking in the area."
"Green and tired crew was on duty, request was made to relief crew. It was denied."
"XO who was on Conn at the time was inexperienced on the passage and neither requested pilotage."
"While Hazelwood did drink that day he was not in command of the conn at the time and was in his quarters resting."
"Hazelwood made a comment that "He needed a drink." Because of how upset he was over the situation."
"Exxon's PR paid off the media to blame Hazelwood."
"However Hazelwood was charged with only one charge which was for pollution. He proved he was not a drunkard and retained his captain's license. Even getting offers to sail again which he turned down."
"The real villains are mass media, False News, and comedians but Exxon's PRs spending power to keep the blame off them."
"Hazelwood passed away last year after the annv of the spill."
"Random fact the Valdez sailed until 2008 under different name Oriental Nicety"
Not A History Book
"In brave heart, William Wallace gets betrayed by Robert the Bruce which never happened, he was loyal to the end"
"That movie made me so angry. I grew up on it, and loved it for what I assumed was a historically accurate portrayal. Not only is the movie absurdly inaccurate, the real history is arguably more interesting that the movie! There was no need for "artistic restructuring". They could have just dramatized the actual events and it would have been a great movie"
"In the film Titanic the character Murdoch killed someone, took bribes and generally came across as a right sh*t. He was a real life person who was actually a hero and saved many lives. His living relatives were so disgusted that the VP of Fox travelled to Dalbeattie to personally apologise and presented a £5000 donation to Dalbeattie High School to boost the school's William Murdoch Memorial Prize."
"That movie's initial gross was over $1.8B! Donating £5000 is like the average US man giving them a dime and saying my bad"
A Bad Accusation
"That woman who was accused of kidnapping children because her kids didn't have her DNA, but in fact her uterus had different DNA than the rest of her body."
"Lydia Fairchild. She has chimerism, so her uterus has different DNA from the rest of her body (the DNA of her absorbed twin)"
"Tom the cat. Jerry is a menace."
"There was a post the other day talking about them and how they are actually working together."
"As long as jerry keeps running around, the humans think they have a mouse problem so they keep the cat. As long as Tom keeps showing he’s making an effort they think he’s doing a good job. But they are both in on it and just do it to keep up appearances."
"There’s apparently an episode where they work together to get food from the fridge, then hide and share it as friends before going back out and chasing each other again."
I can so buy into that!
Well, this was more interesting than many of our history classes!
Do you have any interesting tidbits to share? Let us know in the comments below.
People Describe The Creepiest, Most Unexplainable Events They've Ever Experienced
We witness things on the daily that follow us.
Some linger in our minds and haunt us.
Others shake us to the core.
It's inevitable that each of us may have a strange experience to regale a party of people with.
The more we discuss, the more repressed emotion we release.
Being haunted forever isn't fun.
Especially because another creepy event or moment lies around the next corner.
Redditor H5N1BirdFlu wanted to discuss the moments in life that left us haunted and shook, so they asked:
"What is the creepiest or most unexplained event that you have ever experienced?"
I've seen so much creepiness I wouldn't know where to begin.
DealWalter White Wink GIF by Breaking BadGiphy
"One car from one direction, and another car from the other direction stopped in front of my house. Both drivers got out and one gave the other a briefcase. Now that I am older I am guessing it was some kind of drug deal or something but at the time I found it very weird."
"We had a little copper music box that would start playing on its own. It was a man sitting at a player-piano and it would play 'The Entertainer' song. Now, I know that music boxes and such can spring (for lack of a better word) forward and play a few notes, but this thing would act like someone had wound it up and would play for a minute or two completely at random."
"Me and and someone I used to know in high school way back when met to catch up. We were talking about our views on religion at some park. When we were walking back to our cars some guy said he had overheard us. We interacted a little and then went to our cars. I told her how awkward I felt knowing he overheard everything. She looked at me and said, 'He?'”
"After some comparing notes we realized we’d seen and heard entirely different people. She’d seen an elderly woman. I’d seen a middle aged man. Only problem is we only talked to the one person."
"I usually go hiking and stay in the forest overnight, sleeping in a bivy and sometimes under a tarp. Now it's important to say I'm based in Europe. So no wild animals to be afraid of because usually they just boot it as soon as they notice you."
"So one winter night I'm sleeping under my tarp which connects to the ground on one side. It's in an area where there were fierce battles in the forrest on the border between Germany and Belgium in WWII."
"I hear something walking in the leaves, which is normal. There are always deer and ferral pigs on and about. But this time it comes closer and closer until I hear it right on the other side of my tarp and it starts growling. Its a noise I gad never heard and for a moment I was frozen trying to figure out what it might be and what to do."
"But I just decided to yell back and that did the trick. The animal walked a few steps and then turned back to growl once more before finally retreating."
"Let's put it this way, I didn't sleep for a while after that. I looked up the noise and think it was a badger."
DevouredEpisode 4 Abc GIF by The BachelorGiphy
"My family used to raise cattle. One morning I came out to check on them and I found one of the heifers had been more or less completely devoured."
"This same cow was perfectly fine the day before. There was nothing left but some hide, bones, and intestines. Thing is none of the predators that are in my area would be able to kill and eat an entire cow within the course of one night. Much less leave so little behind."
Poor cows. They live a rough life.
The Night BeforeGet Out Omg GIF by Get Out MovieGiphy
"When I was a kid, we lived in a kinda rural area. One night we came home late from an Uncle's house and there was a car parked up the road from our house with the headlights on."
"My mom suggested to my dad that we go see if they need help, he said no, so we went inside. Next morning police knocked on the door, a cyclist had spotted a body in the ditch exactly where the car was parked the night before."
"I have had a strange thing happen recently. I was waiting for my tax documents to come in so I could do my taxes. I had three documents that I put on my bedside table until I had the time."
"I decided to do it the other day and I couldn't find one of them. I tore the house apart, quizzed my husband (who swore he never touched it), checked the garbage, etc. I had resigned myself to the fact I would have to request another one, when it arrived in the mail."
"It was the same one, exact same information. I was really confused but grateful. I checked into it, it was not sent twice as far as the office could tell me."
"I don't know what to think. I KNOW I had that document because I had done some calculations with it. It's been itching at me like crazy."
About 30 Feet
"A few months ago I was sitting in my living room on the couch, watching tv with a family member late at night. We have a high ceiling with a couple of rectangular windows at the very top of the wall just under where it meets the ceiling. The windows are so high (about 30 feet) we really only have them for natural lighting."
"So on the night in question, a green laser beam suddenly shown down through one of the windows, seemingly scanned the entire living room before stopping and pointing the beam right next to my family member for about 10 seconds and then disappearing entirely. It had to be either a drone or from some sort of flying aircraft. I live in a relatively secluded place which made the situation all the more unsettling."
"Pretty sure I witnessed a kidnapping once and it still lives rent free in my head (the woman lost her slipper when she was trying to get away and i took a picture of it that i still have for some reason). I did indeed report it to police right after I saw it occur but they were pretty blasé about it and I never ended up being able to determine what they did to investigate."
From Behindthe exorcist shadow GIFGiphy
"I was in Jr High and had really long hair. I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and almost tripped on a shoe on the floor. I bent down to move it and it felt like someone grabbed my entire pony tail and yanked it. I also could not sleep facing the wall for the longest time because it always felt like someone or something was right there behind me."
Never face the wall. Life lesson.
These were some harrowing experiences, and we're glad these Redditors made it out to tell the story.
Do you have any similar experiences? Let us know in the comments below.
People Reveal The Turnoffs That Make Them Not Want To Have Sex With Their Significant Other
Sex and relationships can be very dramatic.
It's not always fun and sweat. More often than not, it turns into wine and snores.
The truth is, it's not difficult to turn someone off.
One minute you're a hot dish. The next, you're stale meatloaf.
The question is, who is responsible?
Or is this relationship dead?
Redditor NeedSomeSparkInLife wanted to know who would be willing to share, so they asked:
"What makes you not want to be intimate with your SO?"
I'm an easily turned off person.
So it doesn't take much.
DesireBored Season 5 GIF by The OfficeGiphy
"Taking a moment to realize I'm the only one that makes sexual advances in the relationship. Makes me not want it. People think men only want sex for face value but a lot of men actually want the feeling of being desired more so."
"I've always heard of fighting then having sex after. Fighting has always made me not want it. The last thing I want to do when someone pisses me off is have sex with them. What made it worse is she always wanted to when we were arguing which made the argument worse when I refused."
"I think you're supposed to resolve your fight, realize that you care for each other a lot, move past it, then have the passion because of that. Not fight right into sex."
Take a Shower
"My ex and I were together for nearly 7 years, but his hygiene never improved, so we stopped being intimate like, 3 years before I finally broke up with him. He showered only once a week, but he worked in kitchens, so he was sweaty and greasy all the time."
"He had an infected tooth, so he constantly had bad breath, but he refused to visit a dentist, even when he had the money to afford dental work. He stopped working out within the first year of us being together, which sucked because he would get jealous if I went to the gym by myself or with my girlfriends, but he refused to come with me."
"Personally, the only issue I have is my SO's drinking. He just becomes an unattractive person when he's drunk. It's one thing if we're both out socializing and drinking together occasionally, but he drinks almost every day, sitting on the couch in front of the TV and to the point of sloppy drunkenness way too often. His face changes, his posture changes, his personality changes... I just get so turned off."
Hang UpArt Hello GIF by LINDSEY L33Giphy
"When they are glued to their phones non stop! Put that s**t down and look at me before we go to bed!"
"I really dislike this too. Makes me feel alone in the relationship."
No phones in bed. Hard rule for many of us to follow.
Step BackBe Quiet Go Away GIF by Ryn DeanGiphy
"When I make a move, and then get the feeling she's not really in the mood/would only do it to please me. I want us both to have a good time, not only me. So when she seems not into it, I take a step back."
"To be brutally honest, her anxiety and insecurity makes sex such a hassle. She doesn’t believe anything I say about wanting her, she can almost never relax during sex, she doesn’t take time to enjoy it, and if God forbid I have any trouble finishing, she takes it more personally than anything, which of course puts more pressure on me to finish, which then makes it almost impossible."
When at Wal-Mart
"When they’ve done something really nasty/unkind that day. Cruelty is the most ugly thing a person can show, in my eyes. I had a boyfriend that I went to Wal-Mart with and he ended up flipping off and storming right past the sweet little old man that checks the receipts at the door."
"It was partially about how I used to check receipts and I remembered how I felt when people treated me like that- but I also remember the look on the little old man’s face and just how disgusted I was with my partner being so nasty about it."
"I couldn’t touch him after that and I got grossed out when he touched me. And then I started to notice how he was nasty to other people as well. It eventually led to our break up."
33 Years In
"My husband used to dislike his job - he’d come home and do nothing but bi**h. After awhile, I just gave up trying to cheer him up with sex - you can only try so long. So, we had a long dry spell - like, whatever you think a dry spell would be, it’s longer. When someone is constantly annoyed, well, it’s hard to feel amorous."
"Anyway, he early retired (54) like a month before Covid kicked in and by autumn that year, well, let’s just say we’re back to what we were like when we first met. He’s not pissed off all the time. (I’m retired as well, and let’s just say, afternoon nookie is such a perk, as is morning nookie and 3am nookie because you can sleep in!) I’m glad we stayed together. Going on 33 years and we’re just so happy."
RageAngry Inside Out GIF by Disney PixarGiphy
"Feeling angry. I hate feeling angry. I don't like being around other people when angry. So I'll go for a walk, a drive etc, and just clear my head."
It seems like "dead bed," as some folks call it, can stem from many things, from mood, attraction, hygiene, and more.
Do you have anything to add to this list? Let us know in the comments.