Sailors Reveal The Scariest Nighttime Encounter They've Had In The Open Waters
The open ocean can be a terrifying place even in full daylight, but pitch blackness definitely ups the creep factor.
Unable to see your surroundings with miles of the unknown beneath you, it's understandable that most people might be a little jumpier than usual.
Reddit user u/SolaVirtusNobilitat asked:
20.
Off the coast of Jonesport on a WesMac. 3 of us decide to spend the night to get an even earlier start on the lobsters.
Quiet night, low winds, the Milky Way a broad band of light across the sky. Around 2 we all awake at the same time because we hear something really, really long slowly scrape along under the hull. Our beds were about a foot above from whatever it was. We looked at each other in silence. None of us wanted to be a hero and go up to see if there was anything to see. You wouldn't have, either, bud.
19.
US Navy, Petty Officer in charge of Low visibility watch. Watch that is called when you are in the middle of the ocean and there is so much fog you can't see far from the ship. Watches are stationed in different places on a ship, to listen, watch and record any activity. It is to make sure no one sneaks up or we don't run into another ship or boat.
Anyway, I had just made my rounds and making sure everyone was in place and awake because it was middle of the night and pitch black. I was just about to check in with bridge watch and I get a call over the radio from 2 different watch stations. They reported movement in the water but was unable to see what it was, it sounded like something cutting through the water very fast. I called for the watch officer and I was already at the bridge so reported it and went to investigate one station while the officer went and checked the other.
With us posting at each, we both heard it, but could not see anything. The fog was so dense you couldn't see the water line. Two different stations hearing the same thing. (LHA is not a small ship).
We were all tense. We were thinking the worst. Just then a break in the fog reveals that there are huge fish swimming around us feeding on the algae. The algae was luminous and as the fish would swim through, it looked like hundreds of shooting stars in the water. It was beautiful! Even these words can't describe the beauty.
So my report read that it was a huge school of fish. The only people to whiteness it was the people on the watch.
18.
While I was on 31st MEU, one night at like 0100, I walked down the starboard outside gangway that runs from the Marine maintenance shops, to the gym on the starboard side. It's about 150' feet long, and since we were in blackout conditions, it was pitch black outside.
About 2/3 the way down, there was this "Cwhiz" part of the defense system, that sticks out off the gangway so the hand rope cuts out through there.
As soon as I let go of the rope to grab the wall on the opposite side, the ship, which was in otherwise calm, flat water, decided to suddenly drop 10' as if it ran across another ships wake.
As I struggled to hold on, I swear I could feel something pulling me, almost as the ship suddenly rocked 45 degrees and I was getting shaken off like water on a dog.
Once it recovered, and I got my footing, it was back to flat, calm water. I blindly scrambled as fast as I could to the end, got inside and no one knew what bump I was talking about.
Mind you this is a several hundred ton warship and home to thousands. If there was chop; we'd know.
Nevertheless I took the interior passages after that.
Edit: apparently it's "CIWS" not "Cwhiz" but I'm going to leave it for comment continuity. Too many acronyms.
17.
Not a boat or sailor, but back in 2014 I did a lot of IT work on off-shore drilling rigs during their final construction phases. Basically, after the rigs went through most of their construction, I would be flown out there for a day or two to get all of the general networking and systems up and running. This included verifying the microwave data link back to shore.
Now this was only about 10-20 miles off the CA coast, but it's still as dark as you can imagine out there. It's even quieter than normal because during this phase, there is maybe only one or 2 other people on board. Typically an electrician and a general foreman or similar. Sometimes only one of the two.
Anyhow, I was working on a rig about 20 miles out from Long Beach CA. I was going through some rough relationship issues at the time and wasn't in a great place mentally or emotionally.
We didn't have internet on the rig at this point so I was pretty bored and caught up in my head so I decided to go take a walk.
I ended up on the helipad smoking a cigarette and just looking at the stars. About 2 minutes later I almost crapped myself or jumped out of my skin. Maybe both.
As I was sitting there, a very small Asian man tapped me on my shoulder from behind. He was wearing a high-vis vest and white construction helmet. He asked me for a cigarette and where the closest bathroom was. I gave him one and pointed him in the right direction. Didn't really think twice about it.
Walked back down to the living quarters and passed the foreman on the way. Told him about the guy I gave a smoke to and he stopped walking and immediately turned around. Told me no one else was on this rig but him and I.
I ran to the IT closet where they kept their security camera storage appliance but our PoE switch wasn't installed yet. No video. Nothing.
We turned on every light source possible on the rig. Did a basic walk through but found no one or any traces of anyone.
We also contacted our transport company which also always typically has a search and rescue team available. They flew over 4 SAR and 2 security personnel. They did a walkthrough of the entire rig. Every possible inch they claim. Took almost a full day. Never turned up.
Still get a bit creeped out thinking about it. If given 3 wishes, one of them would be to know who/what that was and where they went.
16.
So I'm a US Navy guy. We were somewhere in the Pacific and it was warm so I am assuming the Indian ocean, this was circa 2004. I worked nights and it's supersizing how quiet an aircraft carrier can be at night.
On this night there were no flight operations and about 80% of the crew is asleep, no one even-thinking about flying around. The sea wasn't too rough that day, however I do remember the sound of the random thuds of slightly larger waves. So, at about 1am we decide to cut through the hanger bay to lunch. There were two guys in-front of us. I could see them moving in back and forth in a "s" type pattern meaning the ship was rolling gently port to starboard (left to right). As the two guys in-front of me "S" snaked toward the open aircraft elevator door (side door about 50x40ft).
I could see the top of a wave coming right at us. That wave had just decided to join us in the hanger bay. The bottom of the wave hit with that vibrating thud, the top of the wave sheered off and rolled right in to the hanger-bay. Knocking over the two guys and as it turned from a wave into a puddle, the wave decided to return to the ocean sucking the two guys out toward the dark ocean.
Fortunately one sailor stopped short and the other managed to grab on to the post and wire that loosely guard the elevator door opening.
That was 100% sketch!
15.
I was on a friends boat in the San Fransisco Bay a good number of years ago. It was well past dark and I was enjoying the ocean breeze leaning over the gunwhale. All of the sudden something black exploded out of the water while cutting loose this slobbery snarling "BLAARRRRRGGHHH." All I saw was a flash of crazy sharp fangs sillouhhetted by a black greasy looking mass before it crashed back into the water.
After everybody came running to see why I was screaming and crapping my pants it was explained to me that I probably saw a sea lion jump out of the water in suprise at the boat passing so close to it.
14.
More weird than sketchy, but squid fishermen. Hundreds of them with white lights in the middle of the night and in the middle of what we thought was no where. They were small boats so we saw the lights well before we saw them on radar. Kind of freaked until we got closer and realized what they were.
13.
Underway, early March in a snowstorm, well east of Cape Cod, moderate seas and ship is rocking pretty good. We lose power and go beam to the seas. Except for emergency lighting, which was not much because our battle lanterns were garbage, and personal mini mag lights, it's dark as hell at times. The worst part? You could hear the creaks and groans of the ship. It was intensified when the ship would take longer than normal to right itself. It made the ship seem much older than it was. At times like those, I would say to myself, "should've went to college, dipsh*t!"
12.
Not really an encounter but we had a man over board at 2am, 8 days into a 21 day sail from the Galapagos to Polynesia. Really heavy weather and couldn't snuff out parasail and someone came forward without being clipped on and got knocked over board. Took us about 25 minutes to get them back onboard and 3 hours to sort out the lines etc.
In terms of encounters, huge groups of luminous jelly fish are pretty weird to see at night. Curious whales/dolphins are really cool.
Probably the sketchiest is coming close to container ships during the night, those things don't change course unless it's essential.
11.
When you're in the middle of the ocean and realise that if you got dumped in the water it is likely that no one would even notice you missing for a while and it's a big f**king ocean to go looking in for one guy.
10.
50-odd miles offshore on a sailboat, pitch black. Suddenly we hear a loud "CRACK" and the boat shifts an inch to port. Then silence for twenty minutes followed by another loud "THUMP" and boat shudder. Made our way quickly back to the coast. In dry dock there was a 2 foot diameter dent in the hull.
I'm guessing a sleeping whale.
I heard what I'm assuming is a whale breaching while it was pitch dark.
It'd be cool if I could see it, but at night when I have no idea what's out there it was kind of spooky. Sounded like a lot of water shifting around and big splashes in the dark. I don't see what else it could've been.
9.
Two situations:
I was on a tanker somewhere in the middle of Indian Ocean. Graveyard watch, fairly good weather, good visibility. I notice a lighthouse light ahead of me, looks far but it is very distinct, flashes rhythmically, quite bright. I check the Radar, nothing. I check the chart nothing for at least 400 miles. I continue to observe until it just stops abruptly. Freaked me out a bit.
Waters near philippines, quiet watch, few fishing boats in the area. Suddenly i notice a very faint light dead ahead of me, looks very very far, nothing on radar, can barely see it. I thought i have some time until it shows up on Radar but something was telling me to alter course to starboard. So i did and 1 minute after the alteration i was passing a tiny fishing boat by about 200m with one guy with a sh*tty torch on board. If i didn't act on my instinct i would have ran him over.
8.
The actual dark. It is pitch black out in the middle of the ocean. That can be quite unnerving. On the upside on cloudless nights the night sky is breathtaking.
The water is also breathtaking as well.
Yeah but that's on the downside.
7.
Full disclosure, this is not directly sailing related. But I am a sailor and have a creepy night time ocean experience to share.
While guiding a night dive once, we had a massive female seven gill shark follow us for the whole dive, just occasionally coming into our visibility before darting off.
She was probably just curious of our lights or maybe using them to hunt but it was just really unnerving to know she was around but unable to see her.
That being said, I love sharks, and she did us no harm. They're usually super chill and not to be feared. But you can't help but respect any predator bigger than you are who while it follows you around in the dark.
6.
Out at sea at night no moon, pitch black. I'm talking shootin the sh*t with a shipmate and out of nowhere whap!!!! The loudest slap I have ever heard. My buddy literally screams. WTF!!!! A flying fish, right in the face. That was 40 years ago. I'm still laughing.
5.
Sailing just a couple miles off the Norwegian coast, in an old 14' dinghy all by my lonesome. Well, «sailing» is the wrong word; I was drifting in near zero wind, barely making a knot of headway. That's why I was still out there; I had planned to spend the night on a small island but getting there took forever and it got pitch dark.
No matter, I was safe enough and it was kind of nice to have the nighttime ocean all to myself, not a ship in sight anywhere. I had oars and could have rowed to my destination in an hour or so but didn't feel like there was any need to hurry (had left the outboard motor ashore because of hunting laws against shooting from a motorized vessel, and I was going after migrating geese). At my position it was calm and quiet, but all around the horizon I saw flashes of lightning so far off that I heard no thunder.
As I relaxed and enjoyed the quiet spectacle of distant lightning, all of a sudden I heard someone or something draw a laboured breath right next to me. It was unmistakably the sound of breathing, like from a half- strangled person taking a deep breath of much-needed air. Not gonna lie, I briefly panicked before I realized it had to be some marine mammal surfacing for air close to my boat. Guessing it was a harbour porpoise as they are common here, but I never saw it in the darkness.
Heard it again a few times, sounded like it moved further away and there may have been more than one based on the frequency. Of course sound carries far at night, but it really did sound like that initial breath was right behind me, close enough to touch.
Shortly after the breathing sounds disappeared, the wind picked up out of nowhere and I had to scramble to adjust rigging. Made it to the correct island and made landfall about 20 minutes later, having gone from idly drifting on the current to skipping over the waves in a few heartbeats. I guess that distant storm dropped by to say hello.
4.
Coming through a part of the Mediterranean with a lot of oil platforms, at night, I was conn, one of the other ensigns was JOOD, and our Navigator was OOD. Nav ducked into the chartroom, so it was just me and the JOOD when we saw what looked like another oil platform on the horizon. Only it wasn't showing up on either of our radars, it wasn't on the chart, and the laser rangefinder wasn't working.
So the two of us are watching this thing get closer and closer, and we were about to call the captain up to the bridge (JOOD had just picked up the phone) when Nav walks back into the pilothouse, takes one look at the two of us freaking out and goes "...you guys know that's the moon, right?"
The quartermasters left that one out of the deck log.
3.
Not a sailor, but I was once on a small research vessel for 37 days.
I don't know the specifics, but we were about half way into our trip when we lost all power. It was night, and I was woken up my people shouting and loud banging. It wasn't panic or danger, it very clearly sound like frustrated problem solving and crankiness.
Anyway, it's f**king black. Everything is pitch black. There some emergency safety lights here and there, but it's mostly just red indicators with small strobes at the bottom of doorways.
People are walking around below deck setting up wind up lanterns, taping flashlights to water bottles (makes a nice lantern) and trying to figure out what's going on.
It's dead quiet except for what noise we are making. No current. No waves. No wind. No moon. We are in the middle of nowhere. Black and silence. It was deafeningly silent.
Grabbing my head light I make my way up to the rear deck. It was like walking into a wall of nothing.
I've never felt so out of space and disoriented. My head light illuminated the deck and the sky was brilliant with stars. It truly is amazing to be out there with no light and just the unimaginable vastness of space. The thing is, my head light messes with my night vision.
So I turned it off as I look out to the black horizon, where it ought to be. Shouldn't take long for my eyes to adjust and then I'll be able to make out the shimmer of starlight refracting across the calm waters.
The ships lights flicker on and my star gazing is cut short. Sucks. Holding the railing while walking back to the cabin door, the lights cut out again. I keep walking.
I feel, for a moment, the most intense disorientation overwhelm my senses. My eyes only see black. The briefness of the ships lights was enough to close down my irises. My inner ear, already uneasy from weeks on the sea, spun and flips as upper back smacked into the water.
I was overboard and it felt like forever entering that water. The panic of immersion and no direction. I flailed and I was underwater, cold and black.
That was probably one of the worst experiences I've ever had.
The ships lights came back on as I found the surface. I'm sure it was only seconds, and it was only minutes until I was hoisted out of the water and it was years ago yet everyone still won't let me forget that time I fell overboard.
Cool.
2.
This happened in 1986, my wife and I were two days out of the Azores headed to Newport, RI. We were in our 60' Dutch built wooden trawler bringing it to the USA. It was green.
It was a gorgeous night, 1/4 moon, gazillions of stars, big pod of dolphins playing in our bow wake, phosphorescent seas all around us, flying fish bouncing off the cabin. Our wake was visible for at least a mile behind us, glowing in the night.
That night I had the Middle watch, about 0330 I decided that since there were no running lights on the horizon and we were 200 miles south of the shipping lanes that it would be OK to turn our running lights off so I could really enjoy the spectacular light show Mother Nature was providing. Even woke the wife up early so she could see the light show outside.
About 5 minutes later an American voice booms over the radio; "Will the green fishing boat please turn your lights back on!". They didn't answer my question asking who they were.
There were no boats visible anywhere. No wakes, no glow! To this day I don't know who made the broadcast. When the sun came up there were no ships in sight.
300+ miles from the nearest piece of dirt, someone was watching us!
BIG BROTHER IS EVERYWHERE!
Highly doubt it was a sub, they aren't going to break radio silence for something that minor.
Willing to bet a Navy P-3 saw you while they were out on patrol and decided to mess with you/"enforce maritime law". They usually flew out of either Rota or the Azores IIRC back then. They can fly far enough away from you that you won't hear or see them while still seeing you with their optics. Guessing they saw you turn the lights off and thought "hey, watch this!" because the majority of those patrols were/are incredibly mundane and boring.
1.
I was onboard the USS Rueben James in 2012. I was standing watch in combat and decided to take a smoke break on the starboard side wind break at 3am. It was cloudy so almost pitch black. I had gone down at this time on many occasions and there are usually 1 or 2 other people up that late going out for a smoke break. When I got out there I could see nothing but the cherry of someone else's cig. I face outward and leaned on the break and lit my camel gold and asked how his night was going, having no idea who I was speaking to but figuring I would find out when I heard his voice/description of his night.
I got no response.
I turned around to see if he had heard me and with my eyes adjusted I would have been able to make him out leaning against the steel wall. As I turned around the moon cracked out from the clouds and slightly illuminated the small confined area I was in and the only 2 directions anyone could have walked away. There was no one there. I was alone. I had seen the cigarette and the exhale of smoke from someone on that wind break but no one was there and no one could have left the smoke deck without my hearing or seeing them. I don't believe in ghost or the afterlife or any of that nonsense but needless to say I didn't stick around outside for long.
Have you ever had a freaky experience on the open sea at night?
The Absolute Worst Things Someone Can Say After Sex
Reddit user AMGBOI69420 asked: 'What’s the worst thing you can say right after having sex?'
Who knows the perfect thing to utter after a night of carnal passion?
It's especially vexing after a first time together.
All that anticipation and wonder can be surpassed or completely destroyed.
So often, every syllable can count.
But there is certainly a list of what not to do in these situations.
And... they're pretty basic.
Redditor AMGBOI69420 wanted to discuss all the best ways to ruin the moment, so they asked:
"What’s the worst thing you can say right after having sex?"
The worst I have ever said to someone is, "Morning. Sorry, I forgot your name."
Oh BOO!!
Friends Tv GIFGiphy"My ex-husband was a virgin when we met. After his first time, he said, 'I don't know why people seem to enjoy that so much.'"
"THANKS, BOO."
StrangersWithAndi
Wow Really?!
"True story..."
"My partner and I of 8 years lost our virginities to each other. He grew up in a very sex-sheltered home and I grew up in a sex-positive one. We waited until our second-year anniversary, as we wanted to make sure he was ready before we started."
"We had sex and I thought it was great, but he gets up and puts his underwear back on, muttering."
"'That wasn't worth it.'"
"God d**n it hurt, but he was referring to the anxiety he had over sex, not the sex itself. We laugh about it now."
Eas_Mackenzie
I Tried
"I think I'll go back to being gay."
AlertWar2945
"Reminds me of an episode of King of the Hill where Hank finds out Peggy lost her virginity to her friend to see if he was really gay."
"I just remember Peggy talking about how unsure he was about it but after doing the deed with her how extremely sure he was that he was gay."
No-Significance2113
Check
"Now let’s go over your performance review."
repwin1
"You joke but I had a guy send me a Google form after sex so I could give him feedback on how he did."
single-left-sock
"Honestly though that would be hilarious. Like after you're done you reach under the bed and pull out a clipboard with a bunch of things in a checklist and a review section, then sign and stamp it and give it to them."
yamanamawa
I wish I could say I believe that no person could say these things, but... I know people.
Why cheat? Why?
No Touching
"From a former FWB who never cuddled after sex and when I asked him once he said he had to leave to 'defrost some hot dogs for a party tomorrow' …a party that I wasn’t even invited to."
FishyBricky
"I mean, if he communicated with you that he did not want to cuddle and did not want anything deeper than just sex, I don't see why you'd be upset. It's really important to communicate each other's intentions before doing it."
DrizzlyEarth175
"To be fair, cuddling after sex releases oxytocin, which can increase bonding in ‘couples.’ FWB was probably scared of catching feelings."
"F**king hot dogs though!? 😆 that’s funny (now)."
ScumBunny
Keep it in the Family
"Pretty good but your mom was better."
tempestae
"I have said this. Or close. Got into a relationship with a girl whose mum, ten years previously I had hooked up with orally. She knew and thought it was funny. In fact one Xmas she was doing Xmas Dinner. Said 'Dan, mum will be here in an hour... help me in the kitchen. I'm not leaving you two in a room together.'"
rumbunkshus
Introductions
Big Brother What GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy"What's your name again?"
Leocut78
"I had a girl ask me what HER name was right before. I had no idea. She didn’t leave (or tell me her name)."
PredictBaseballBot
I’ll never forget...
"Not sure if it’s the worst but I know it hurt. I was dating this guy is hs, a varsity jock, and really cute. I could’ve sworn he had women, anyways we start dating. The first time we hooked up it sucked so bad, I looked him dead in the eye and asked him if he was a virgin. I swear the look on his face is something I’ll never forget."
AuraRiver
Well that is a whole lot of therapy bills.
I get that sometimes words just fall out of our mouths, but Lord show a little decorum.
Whether we want to think so or not, we all have something to be proud of.
We've all accomplished something or are good at something that we can easily say not everyone can do.
But some of those abilities might be a little more strangely received than others.
Curious and ready to side-eye, Redditor Alynatek asked:
"What is a weird flex you are proud of?"
Impressive
"I’ve finished three chapsticks in a row without losing them."
- ferocious_coug
Organic Advertising
"I went viral and got a million+ views on YouTube in 2007 for a silly rap about the Nintendo Wii I made out of boredom, before that was a common thing, and before there were ads on YouTube."
"My video was featured on the front page of YT, on 'Attack of the Show,' and at Nintendo's E3 press conference that year, and was one of the first hundred videos available on the iPhone (since iOS didn't support Flash video at the time)."
"And while I felt like the coolest kid in town and at my campus for a period, I made exactly $0 for it."
- razmig
True Crime in Real Life
"I have survived a murder attempt and a run-in with a literal serial killer."
"In college, my roommate was the RA (Residential Assistant), and a mentally unstable student tried to kill him with cyanide. I got dose strong enough to kill but a sub in my first class of the morning was a nurse and she's the only reason I'm alive."
"I also had a run-in with Derek Todd Lee when he was active in Baton Rouge."
- Flailing_Aimlessly
"I'm mostly shocked that the murder attempt and the serial killer encounter were two different stories."
- conspicuousnips
Any Creative's Dream
"One of my favorite composers, Chris Christodoulou, responded to an email I sent him asking for feedback on a cover I did of his track, 'The Rain Formerly Known As Purple.'"
"It was a lengthy and insightful response, and it really did make the six months of working on it all worthwhile."
- Ayershole
A Complete Turnaround
"After 30 years of being a couch potato, I started running in my fifties. 11 months later, I did a half marathon in a decent time for someone half my age."
- Cheap_Woodpecker
Imitation Is the Highest Form of Praise
"I can mimic the sounds of birds, get all the birds in the area to start singing, and even get them to seek out the 'big bird.' It's kinda funny to have them completely change their song when they realize I am not a bird, almost screeching at me sometimes (especially catbirds)."
- DaSpawn
Avoiding the Sock Gods
"I'm 35 and my socks never came out unpaired out of the washing machine!"
- FlannyCake
"You are either making stuff up or are cheating by having only one foot."
- SosseV
"I light up a candle for the socks gods every time I load the washing machine."
- FlannyCake
The Joy Is in the Journey
"I walked from Mexico to Canada once."
- SPACEC0YOTE
Kicking Some Cancer Butt
"I'm CURED (not just remission) of what could be considered the most 'aggressive' type cancer known to man (most aggressive is not to be confused with most deadly). Either way, I'm still alive, b***hes!"
- zlmxtd
"Congratulations! I have metastatic colon cancer. They were able to remove most of the tumors but there are metastases that are not operable. After a huge surgery, terrible chemo, and three hospitalizations, a few weeks ago, they told me that the disease is stable, so for now I'm still here."
"I'm doing sports again, and I can eat and drink normally!"
- CryptoNarco
Breaking Generational Cycles
"I'm not an addict and my kids (age eight) have never been in foster care or involved with child protective services."
"I come from a long line of addicts... and though I don't have a high-paying job, I do work and provide above and beyond what my parents ever did, without government aid."
"I'm also nine years sober from hard drugs."
"I broke the cycle."
- GigglingPixie
The Best Shrimp and Grits
"I can turn my arm all the way around 360 degrees, and I make some of the best shrimp and grits you’ll ever have."
- Sad-bisexual-cryptid
"Now I know why my shrimp and grits never turn out right. I’ve been facing the stove."
- niels_nitely
Increasing the Number of People Who Will Try This
"I can squeeze my butt cheeks so tight it cracks my tailbone like cracking your knuckles."
- DroppedDonut
"A weird flex, BUTT okay."
- Vercci
One of the Greats
"My class was working on a short film together with professionals, and I was an editor."
"I got to work with the original editor of 'Lego Ninjago,' seasons one through three, on my class short film."
- ExternalCommon8854
Swimming the Gap
"I swam the gap between Sicily and mainland Italy."
- Happy_Improvement_96
"I just climbed the stairs from the ground level to floor three, and I only got a little bit winded. I'm probably ready for this."
- dandroid126
Undefeated Team
"Undefeated seven- and eight-year-old little league baseball coach!"
"Especially proud because I was given what they thought was a castaway squad. Our tactics were non-conventional, but we freaking crushed it!"
- NotNotRandySavage
While some of these weird flexes were indeed weird or unexpected, some of these were genuinely shocking or impressive.
A fun goal to have in life is to come up with a fun fact about yourself that could start a conversation with nearly anyone, and some of these Redditors have certainly achieved that.
It's commonly pointed out that two subjects that will put a strain on any marriage or long-term relationship are money and sex.
But some people have pointed out that the relationship doesn't have to stop just because the sex did.
Redditor Sorry_Emu5567, asked:
"Under what circumstances would you stay in a sexless marriage?"
Life Is Too Short
"My partner was born with a medical condition that cut his lifespan in half. In the end, he will most likely have a ton of health problems, and sex may not be in the equation for whatever reason."
"He is my best friend. I will love him, and care for him until the end, and then past the end. I don’t care if I have to change his diaper and wipe his a**. I don’t care if dementia comes for him. I’ll be there holding his hand."
- muddya**locus
Healing Time
"My husband broke his neck (he has fully recovered), but we spent about six months with me helping him shower and wiping his a** while his nerves and his bones healed."
"Sex was the last thing on my mind when I was helping him recover. We didn't do it for a WHILE."
"I didn't care! He's my best friend, all I cared about was making sure he was okay. Sex isn't that important, INTIMACY is, and you can achieve intimacy in many other ways than just f**king."
- erin_bex
A Plethora of Activities
"Our marriage is based on mutual admiration and respect. We actually can't stand to be apart."
Sex is just one thing we enjoy about each other, we'd miss it if it were gone, but we have 100 other things we do together for joy."
- rebcabin-r
The Cancer Diagnosis
"My late wife had cancer and sex stopped. She felt extremely guilty about it. I was too terrified to care about sex."
- WingZombie
Valuing Touch
"I think, for your average person, that sex isn't the ONLY thing, not even the MOST important thing, but it's still important for many."
"One of the things I learned relatively late in life is that 90% of what I want is just to touch and be touched. Sure, sex is really nice, but often I wonder if the problem isn't 'no sex,' but rather it's, 'she won't even touch me and doesn't like being touched by me.'"
- npsimons
Chronic Pain and More
"I stayed when my wife was diagnosed with estrogen+ Stage IV breast cancer that had already spread to her spine, liver, and pelvis. Our daughter had just turned six, and our son wasn't even one year old."
"Part of the treatment intended to prolong her life was to artificially induce menopause to cut off estrogen in an attempt to reduce the mechanism the tumor could 'feed' upon, if you will."
"Up to that point, we didn't know why she was in so much back pain and I had been pretty down about the absence of a previously robust sex life... but then it all, sadly, became too clear. She went from wanting it but being in pain to literally zero drive whatsoever."
"We got 20 more months together. She passed in Sept 2019, 20 months after Stage IV diagnosis."
- DGSolar
True Story
"A marriage without sex can last if there is still love, commitment, laughter, friendship, loyalty, and communication."
- zzz_red
The Realities of Life
"I think when people view all sexless marriages with horror, they’re forgetting that, if you intend marriage to be forever, it’s a LONG time."
"People get sick, work schedules get bad, kids exhaust you, and hormones are a godd**ned b***h (f**king perimenopause)."
"You have to make sure you communicate enough so one person isn’t just feeling totally abandoned, but when it’s something like mutual exhaustion, sometimes it just happens and it really can just be a phase."
- justtheretosavestuff
Accidents Happen
"If my partner got injured and was incapable of having or enjoying sex anymore, it isn’t their fault, and although I would miss it TERRIBLY and probably feel a little miserable every time I got horny, it wasn’t a choice they made to leave our sexual side behind. Why would I leave someone I loved dearly for something they couldn’t help?"
- Tablesafety
Sleep Schedule
"People get busy, and they start prioritizing sleep over sex. We both do it. Then you get used to it. Then it’s just not something we talk about anymore."
- AllAfterIncinerators
In It For the Long Haul
"If my partner was incapable of performing, I would absolutely stay. He is my everything. We are partners, best friends, and lovers. Sex is only one part of the equation and the other parts more than make up for it."
"We have had issues over the years on both sides (not gonna go into details), so when I say I would not leave and also he would not, we have already faced this question so we know the answer."
"Just because one partner can’t perform, doesn’t mean the other loses their sexuality completely. You can self-perform so to speak. You still can still have intimacy. There are still a lot of things that can be done. Just full-on two-person traditional sex is out, which doesn’t have to be a game changer if you have communication between partners."
"Source: Been married 30 years."
- Drachenfuer
The Opposite is Worse
"It's gonna sound cheesy as all h**l, but when someone becomes your family, best friend, and loved one, sex is just a part of that intimacy and having fun with your partner."
"You can also be in a marriage with sex and no intimacy, which in my honest opinion, is WORSE than a sexless marriage where you still have intimacy."
- yea_nah448
In Sickness and In Health
"When we will be old, I think it’s going to be different, and sex will not be as important, so probably at that point."
"And if my husband became very ill or had an accident that would make it impossible for him to have sex, then I would stay in a sexless marriage."
"It’s in sickness and in health."
- Hekatevenstar
"My 80-year-old Grandfather bought my 80-year-old Grandmother lingerie for Valentine’s Day and then told us about it at dinner. Lol (laughing out loud)."
- SolarStar2950
Their Penguin
"My marriage is the best thing that ever happened to me. My husband is the greatest person I have ever met, and hanging out with him is literally what I live for."
"If he suddenly decided he never wanted to have sex again, I would definitely stay."
"He is my penguin, my life partner, and life without him would be unbearable."
- F**kingButteredJorts
Their #1 For Life
"My wife and I do not have sex regularly, but that's my f**king #1, homie."
"If I divorced her, I'd lose my best friend. That s**t ain't worth it. Pornhub is free, but 15 years of friendship, inside jokes, memories, laughs, and someone to watch s**tty horror movies with me is priceless."
- photoyoyo
Sex is going to play a vital role in many marriages, and intimacy in the bedroom will be enough to end a marriage for some.
But for others, it wasn't a matter of ending the relationship, but simply allowing it to pivot with the changes in their circumstances. Like letting our partners grow and growing with them, they allowed the marriage to change and grow, too.
All significant others have one type of idiosyncratic behavior that can be easily overlooked.
While the unique characteristic can be annoying, it can also be a charming attribute that makes your loved one extra special to you because it's harmless.
However, there are some behaviors that are unacceptable and can signal the end of relationships.
Red flags aren't as easily negotiable and can be a strong indicator that your partner may not be worth investing in.
Curious to hear from strangers about their hard limits, Redditor WoodenInevitable1574 asked:
"What is one red flag in a partner that negates all green flags for you?"
These red flags are mainly representative of how people treat others.
Meaness
"Cruelty. People can hide it pretty well sometimes but when you see it, it’s best to dip."
– anon
"Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between a human being dumb or being cruel."
– ERSTF
Dramatics
"Victim complex and being rude to people."
– WouldUKindlyDMBoobs
"Just ended a friendship I’ve had with someone since kindergarten due to this."
"She was always the hero or the victim (ya know, always the martyr), and it was always about her. Sad that it ended after so long but I couldn’t take it anymore, and I hated feeling like a hypocrite, calling myself her friend while growing to resent her more and more each day."
– kgriff112
The One-Upper
"Oooh victim complex is a good one."
"Had a girlfriend once where literally no matter what you spoke of or what anybody else spoke of. She had a dozen stories about how her life is far worse than yours and would only talk about her medical issues, it would get brought up legit over 50 times in a day. It was always worse near other people too."
"Girl, I get it, you have had a less than ideal life. But making your entire Personality based around it is insufferable. Shut up and let other people speak for once."
– bumliveronions
You can never trust these kinds of people in relationships. If you spot this red flag, run the other way.
Liars
"Dishonesty."
– pretty_monotonous
"Of course, because then the green flags may all be false."
– sketchysketchist
Taking Daddy's Money
"Was dating a girl and all of the sudden she had way more spending money than what she was earning. I ultimately found out that her dad sent her a check for her college tuition at the private university she was enrolled at, but she dropped several of the classes for ones at the local community college she could get transfer credit for at a fraction of the cost."
"Yeah, embezzling from your dad is not a good sign in a long term partner or spouse."
– tacknosaddle
Schemer
"Malicious Manipulation of any form."
– PsychologicalRing959
These behaviors are unacceptable and can be problematic for the relationship.
"What they say about people behind their back."
– Street_Piece8194
Tossin' Trash
"Littering. Like blatantly. Throwing trash out of a car window, for example. It's my pet peeve. Of course, I'd point it out to them first and see if they stopped doing it, but it would still be a huge red flag to me."
– Hippycowgirl411
Anger Issues
"Extreme outburst of anger."
– itzrx
"Too many people let this go because they saw their parents do it."
– DeepInternet
Excuse For Rage
"Relationship with anger for me. Some people have conditions where they might have a brief verbal outburst they can’t control at first. But if they can get it under control and apologize, then they aren’t committed to their feelings of anger."
"But if they’re the kind of person who gets angry, knowing they’re wrong, but keep pushing because they’re angry and stubborn. The kind of person who gets angry and says 'my emotions are valid' and uses it to justify their actions. The kind of person who decides to hold onto every 'wrong' in a relationship to use in the next argument. Those are commitments to excusing their anger."
– ClassicAF23
The Center Of The Universe
"Over the top solipsism. That 'I don't perceive it that way, so it cannot be true' mentality."
– UnoriginalUse
As someone mentioned above, dishonesty is THE major red flag for me.
If a person can't be honest with me about the most basic things, what makes them think they have my trust down the line?
Like, what are they hiding? No, thanks to playing reindeer games.