When we're at work we should be on our professional best behavior. We should try to be above reproach. But sometimes there are just people and situations that will test your patience more than Job's! It's in these moments we must find subtle ways of expressing our thoughts. That can take a lot of deep breaths.
Redditor Reddit wanted everyone to discuss some "creative" workplace telling off by asking..... What's the most professional way you've heard/said, "FU," in the work place?
Still good at 30....
Overheard my boss once say "Our policy is...(long pause while he loads up his phrasing, then clearly changes his mind and just says)...no."
Literally thirty years ago and still gives me a chuckle. Ladybeetus
Do the Math.....
During an exit interview...
"Ya, I had a great 3 years here."
"But, you worked here for 5 years..." idioteques
Watch your language...
"If that is your understanding of the current agreement, we need go revisit the language so that your expectation levels can be set more appropriately." xmagusx
That's just dripping with f**k you! ApolloDionysus
Line 247....
I used to have a co-worker who was a know it all who could actually back it up. We had a memory leak (for non programmers: a very big issue) and he found it and was making the fix. He said something in the lines of "the leak is in line 247" and our boss goes nuts, spends an hour ranting about how he wrote that code himself and there was no way the leak was there, and how dumb he was to think it was there.
Coworker let's him talk for an hour, then with the best poker face says "that's great but the leak is in line 247." Then demonstrates it in a minute. Reddit
Talk to Wyatt!
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I do IT help desk, we have a person in IT who is one of those people who just likes to hear herself talk, and can go on for quite awhile. One day i pick up the phone, and someone is asking for her. here's the interaction:
Me: IT this is Wyatt how can i help?
User: Hi, i was working with [person] earlier to try and fix my [some issue i cant remember]
Me: Oh yeah, give me one second i'll see if she's at her desk and i'll transfer you over.
User: Please don't.
Just the tone in their voice as they said that made it clear that they really did not want to spend any more time on the phone with that person. WyattBrisbane
Are we deaf?
I was in a meeting where we were planning out a huge client presentation and one of the guys who was there just went off on a complete diatribe of how he would go about adding some flair. He was known for being a loudmouth, and after about 15 minutes of his plans, the team lead just literally put up his hand and waited for him to stop talking. He sat there for 30 seconds in silence and then moved on. No addressing anything that was just said. gellman
And that's THAT!
My family works in the textile industry.
Once, my dad worked at a company that had a vendor that made buttons for various types of clothes. They had not paid this vendor yet, but my Dads boss was still pressuring him to pressure the vendor to get something done (I don't recall the specifics).
Well, the button vendor had taken enough crap, so he made a a custom run of buttons and sent them back a shirt in which every button had "FU, pay me" custom engraved into it.
Professional etiquette? No, definitely not. Professional f**k you? Most definitely. majorpsyche
Shhhhh......
We have no plans to pursue the matter now or in the future. We ask that you refrain from further contact with us. penny_can
I like this one, its like a subtle, "Your idea sucks, stop pushing it on us." Reddit
Read my Contract....
I am not contractually obligated to fulfill that request. It is also important to note that doing so would also be a violation of international trade laws. lasteclipse
No Poops to Give!
Once heard a coworker bust out in a monotone voice, "Ma'am, I need you to know that I am not emotionally invested in this conversation. What do you need so we can both go on with our lives?" Really had to stifle my laughter in my cube next to her. Corsmos
Not my Department....
"I'm terribly sorry you feel that way. Please feel free to contact our complaints department."
(To someone who wanted an appointment on a day when there were no appointments available, but insisted that she would come in on that day, at that time) "You're more than welcome to come in on that day, but I'm afraid there will be nobody available to see you. You'll have much better luck if we simply book an appointment for a different day." Musashi10000
Kharma is good F U!
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I work as a contractor to the FAA (Federal Aviation Administration). The best professional F you I've seen was via email. There's this other contractor who is one of those types of know-it-alls that has to tell everyone how they should do things, often unsolicited, and likes to write really wordy, long emails to convince everyone of how smart he is. One day, he sent out an email suggesting some sweeping changes to our rollout schedule for some new ATC equipment, and "took the liberty" of sending his revised schedule to everyone - feds, contractors, upper management, upper upper management, sites, etc.
After several hours of us all privately marveling at the audacity and stupidity of this guy's massive overstep, the fed that is in charge of our entire program reply-all's.
The email started hilariously with "Thank you for your interest in aviation safety. As we discussed, contractors cannot set policy for the agency and do not have the authority to make decisions on behalf of the government." Then it went on for several paragraphs, ending with tips on how he can apply for jobs within the federal agency if he wants to pull stuff like this.
It was a massively embarrassing smackdown for this guy. We were all super happy to see him get his fool knocked in the dirt. It's kind of hard to explain why the first sentence "Thank you for your interest in aviation safety" was so funny without being able to describe the guy that wrote it, but it was meant to be super condescending. I still live the email saved in my inbox. Cheese_Pancakes
Exit the Rear!
Maybe slightly not what OP meant but I worked in the Apple Store, and heard the most amazing non-literal 'F you' from a manager to a customer.
Said customer had come in expecting to get a free replacement on his Ipad that had quite clearly been dropped. After he was informed that it's not covered, he got mad, demanded to speak to the manager. Manager confirms that accidental damage is not covered blah blah, customer's getting more angry, he's shouting, the whole store is watching. Finally he raises the Ipad and smashes it on the tiled floor, and the entitled douche says "FINE THEN, I'LL JUST BUY ANOTHER ONE!"
The manager slowly looked down at the Ipad, back up to the customer, looks him right in the eye and says:
"I'm sorry sir, I'm going to have to refuse you service for acting in a threatening manner. There's a shop down the road that will happily sell you an Ipad." bidluf
Burn it and Run!
When I quit my last job, I wrote a kindly email to all my colleagues thanking them for their guidance and relationship, explaining how I enjoyed my time there. Around 60 people were on the email. I did not put my abusive sociopath manager or enabling coldhearted director on the email. They found out, and I'm sure others noticed.
After nothing more than a cold response to my first quitting email to my group, all the sudden my director wanted to make amends to save face now that I sent the wider email. She asked me why I didn't add her on the email about enjoying working with people and liking my time there. I responded "Because that wouldn't be honest."
Bridges burned there, but man those two ruined my life for a while. MyPenWroteThis
Oh Darlin'.....
I had the sweetest old lady as a co-worker. She had been in the company for like 20 years. She knew more about our systems than most of our IT staff. One day, a senior manager in the IT department comes in and tries to tell her that her code was wrong. She put her hand on her chest, shook her head, said "Bless your heart darlin'" and turned around in her chair to continue working.
Our boss laughed so hard and calmly explained to the IT manager why the code should probably not be changed. the_planes_walker
B. U. = Before You!
During a meeting a (British) manager made a comment about a TV show from the 1990s.
New employee - who loves to emphasize he is young and others are old - says "That show was on before I was born."
Manager: "You should check it out. Things were good before YOU were born." hadashi
Accept it & Move On....
Attorney: I want these changes made to the document.
My boss: no.
Attorney: you have to make these changes!
My boss: I'm not going to.
Attorney: I insist!
My boss: but it's not going to happen. So here we are. catsasss
Feel My Shade....
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Putting "I hope this helps" at the end of an email where I'm actually being unhelpful. QueFabe
You hear me?
My dad is the finance manager at a car dealership and he once told me: "Bonsai, it's not what you say, but how you say it."
To illustrate his point, he popped his head out of his office, smiled his biggest, happiest smile, and said "Hey... F YOU!" to the 1st employee he saw. The employee turned, saw my dad's face and, sure as heck, smiled back and said "f YOU too!" and kept walking.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.