"If instead of rebooting movies, retelling them from a different point of view became popular, which movie would you like retold?" –– This was today's burning question from Redditor porcupineapplepieces, and we're sad we didn't think of it first.
Can you imagine just how brilliant a version of Mean Girls would be if it were told from the perspective of the girl who doesn't even go there? How about how wild Aliens would have been if it had been told from Newt's perspective?
We need to see these! Once you start going, you just can't stop!
"I would think..."
I would think "Aliens" from Newt's perspective would be pretty substantial. How a girl survived all that and the loss of her family alone on a foreign planet.
it would be essentially the story of Newt living on Hadley's hope, some background with her and her family, to the point her parents get face hugged, how the aliens slaughtered the colony, how Newt survived in the air ducts, and what she lived through while ending with Ripley finding her and bringing her back to the marine operations base. It would be set as a claustrophobic horror movie. With a good script this movie could easily do $300 mil imo.
"It'd be great..."
Robin Hood from the Sheriff of Nottingham's perspective. It'd be great to watch a movie about a medieval cop trying to catch a highway man.
"What I would really enjoy..."
Aladdin, from Jafar's perspective.
A college theatre group did a very R-rated version that is absolutely hilarious, which can be found on YouTube under "Twisted: The Story of a Grand Vizier".
What I would really enjoy is a late 80s/early 90s hand-animated Aladdin where Jafar is the defender of the Sultan's realm against some nefarious interloper who is bent on stealing the princess' heart and worming his way into the royal family. AND he has a genie.
"Show what really happened..."
A Lion King prequel from Scar's perspective. Show what really happened before the Mufasa era and see how Mufasa cheated Scar out of the throne.
"I want to see..."
I want to see a super hero movie from the perspective of an insurance adjuster. It could be a comedy, but just like everyday he wakes up and he's enjoying his morning coffee and a bowl of oatmeal, then he flips open the morning paper and sees Iron Man went full Michael Bay again or The Avengers were back in town.
long sigh
stands up, chair squeaks on floor
clicks pen
straps iPad to hip
tightens camera strap
He's the real super hero.
"An example could be..."
An alien invasion movie told strictly from the aliens' perspective, complete with their confusion about why the humans are responding the way they are. It would make sense to us but would take the narrative form of a mystery for them. It could be a clever way to illustrate cultural misunderstanding.
An example could be "let's show them we are friendly by revealing all our weapons, to demonstrate we aren't hiding anything," which the humans would take as a threat.
I always liked that about the Borg on Star Trek. They genuinely thought they were helping the people they were conquering. A villain is scarier when it thinks it's doing the right thing.
"Airbud..."
Air Bud, but told from the POV of the kid who was pulled out of a basketball game to be replaced by a dog.
"A disabled and disfigured war hero..."
A disabled and disfigured war hero, long past his prime, hunts down a cell of terrorists, capturing one of their leaders, but not before she's able to send a message call his former mentor out of retirement. In the process of retrieving the message, a family of locals is caught in the crossfire, which said former mentor uses to his advantage to radicalize the adopted son of the family. The boy manages to destroy a critical military base, giving the terrorists legitimacy, and builds up a name for himself over the years. As the boy's exploits become more and more legendary, our hero comes upon a shocking revelation - the boy is his own son, hidden away by his former mentor. He tries and fails to convince his son to join him, but the son rejects him, forcing him to choose between his honor and his family.
Star Wars would be wild.
"The Germans explain..."
Raiders of the Lost Ark:
The Germans explain why this ineffectual American tried to interfere with their efforts to unleash the power of God.
Redditor Beadiest_Cape wanted to hear the best cuss free insults out there and asked:
“What's the best insult you've heard without swearing?"
Professor burn…
“After getting a compliment on his assignment, A buddy of mine leaned back in his chair and told our college professor, ‘I'm not as dumb as I look.’ To which he leaned forward on his podium and said, ‘You couldnt be.’” dusty_boots
“…and may God have mercy on your soul.”
“One of the best is from Billy Madison, ‘What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.’” maswriter
You should apologize…
“You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you'd better hope they don’t die.” WhatThatBoiDoin
“Whenever this question is posted, my favorite is usually along the lines of: ‘There's a tree somewhere in the Amazon jungle with sole purpose of producing oxygen you breathe. You should go find that tree and apologize." all_worth
How low can they go?
“The bar was on the ground and you grabbed a shovel” BlckAlchmst
“That reminds me of one comment i read saying: ‘the bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in hell, yet here you are dancing limbo with the devil’.” give_it_a_vodkashot
Series 2 Limbo GIF by BBC ThreeGiphy"Having been born an infant, and realizing he quite liked it, he decided to stay one forever." overt-wan-kenobert
“From Casablanca: ‘You probably think pretty poorly of me don't you?’”
"’I would if I gave you any thought’" koiven
These teachers got clap backs for days…
“I had a teacher tell some kid ‘Nothing you have to say is of any consequence...to anyone.’ He was an odd teacher who kinda talked like that, but it was his version of savage. The room lost its sh*t in unison.” glib_battling
“I had a guy sit behind me in English class let out of fart that reverberated off the wooden seat. The whole class heard it. The teacher said ‘that's the most intelligent thing you've said all year’. Priceless” melbers22
Bob Dylan…
“Bob Dylan: One day, I wish you'd be in my shoes, so you could know... what a drag it is to see you.” WhatDaufuskie
“I was at a karaoke 50th the other night and this one caught my eye. Thankfully I wasn't drunk enough to sing it. But I love this song for its sick burn. Poor old Edie. Bob really gave it to her that time.” crankenfranken
Down the Monty Python rabbit hole…
“Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt... of elderberries!” UpTwoDownOne
“Elderberries were the cheap replacement for grapes in making wine. That is basically ‘your father is a drunk and can't afford the good stuff’.” ukezi
“And hamsters have sex all the time with no regard for monogamy.” draconum_ggg
“So, ‘Your mother is being cheated on but is also a w*ore and you father is a drunk who is also broke’.” EmpanadaDeMayonesa2
Firefly insults…
“‘My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a...middle.’ --Mal Reynolds”
"’It's not that I hate you, exactly; it's just that any admiration I have for you is well under control.’” FlourChild1026
Shakespeare master of insults…
“Straight from Shakespeare ‘I wish we could become better strangers’.” Dundeklil
“Also from Shakespeare: (Fallstaff, after Bardolf calls him fat) ‘Do thou amend thy face, and I'll amend my life.’” driving_andflying
Excuse us while we go grab the burn cream.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Sure, it's depressing, but you know what? Aging happens to all of us, and no one is getting out of here alive.
"What gets worse with age?"
Physical consequences of aging is one of the cruelest things in life.
What The Body Does With Food
"Digestive system."
"Every meal is followed by a poop."
Fighting Gravity
"Bending over to pick a quarter off the ground. Hurts your back, gut and your fingers don't work. That's why there is change all over my floor. ;)"
After A Wild Night
"Hangovers for sure."
"At 18 I could go heavily drink and feel damn near 100% the next day. Now I get horrid mental and physical effects. Probably should quit drinking all together."
When our senses gradually start to fail us, it's yet another reminder of our brief mortality.
Look, See
"eyesight."
"Make sure you get your eye dilated every year and check for cataracts."
See, Hear
"My hearing is on the decline. I don't think it'll go completely, but I did get hearing aids last year."
Deaf GIF by memecandyGiphyThe degeneration of certain abilities as we get older is too much to bear.
Staying Above Water
"My ability to cope. I'm just burnt out all the time."
"I feel the same. Aside from my family and friends, I have no care for anyone or anything anymore. Nothing phases me but that's not a good thing IMO. I feel very apathetic towards everything, I'm tired all the time and just want to lay down."
Counting Sheep
"The ability to sleep through the night."
– dabuku1
"Used to be a world champion sleeper and now 5-6 straight hours is huge. Pretty much wide awake every night at 3am."
Putting Up With People
"Humanity.... The older I get the less I want to deal with people."
Maintaining Friendships
"Friendship - making new friends after your 20s becomes a big struggle, and the newer friendships just aren't the same. You can literally run out of 'lifelong friends' due to death, disease, people growing apart, etc."
– cowanon7
I found as I'm getting older my patience and tolerance for certain things have gotten worse.
Waiting in line at the grocery store while someone fumbles with their payment option, or getting antsy when the food I ordered at the restaurant is taking way too long are things that never bothered me ten years ago.
I"m not curmudgeonly by any means, at least not yet. Besides, I'm not that old.
But to all the cranky elders I grew up with who complained about poor service or lack of efficiency, I get it now, and I hear you.