We love horror movies; they get the blood boiling and the heart racing. We're even willing to forgo restful sleep for a good ole fashion jolt. Half the reason we love these films though are because we love to try and figure how we'd best our favorite cinematic forms of evil.
Redditor u/today_okay wanted to know who had the best survival skills from the land of horror by asking.... What horror movie do you think you'd easily survive if you were in it?
Don't Be Stupid!
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The Strangers. The characters pissed me off the whole time. First of all, DON'T SPLIT UP. Also, TURN ON THE LIGHTS. Then grab the guns, camp out in the middle of the house, and wait for the killers to either leave or come for you, then blow their brains out. sjl1021
Stay Away!
Ma. Just don't go back to the her house! yaggib
Or just don't trust a middle aged random lady and run away before she finds anything about you out. Ch8T0n
If you've got nine bucks, don't blow it all on pizza. hugeposuer
The Water...
Maybe not easily, but if I were in A Quiet Place, I'd live next to that waterfall. ChillyFireball
I bet there are just a bunch of people living near the Niagara Falls, using it a natural sound dampener to hunt the creatures. LTman86
Go Towards the Light.
Don't Be Afraid of the Dark.
Those things are six inches tall! All you need is a golf club or hockey stick, and one of those LED headlamps that last 1,000 hours. NeroJoe
This movie scared the living shit out of me. The old man giving up his teeth, and his maid's teeth, as an offering to get his kid back. Messed. Me. Up. I would be fine sleeping with the lights on but I would totally fall for their trap if they took my kid. Mister_IceBlister
Mother Dear.
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I think I could survive Psycho, especially after the first scene with the dude (that he's clearly deranged) and a load of money in my car like she had.
However I would probably die in every scenario of the 'Saw' movies. Dewy_Wanna_Go_There
Don't be an Idiot.
Jeepers Creepers. Idiots decide to investigate someone quite obviously shoving a dead body into a basement, in the middle of nowhere, without calling the police or letting anyone know where they are. AFTER that same creepy
person tried his best to run them off the road. Screw that! Reddit
Take a Brisk Walk.
The Blob.
It's a slow-moving blob that has to touch you to absorb you.
You know where I'm not? Anywhere within 100 miles of wherever this thing. In my car, and gone.
Military, do your thing. Once you drop it off to stay frozen deep in the Atlantic, let me know, I'm sure there'll be new job openings when I come back home. Dunehound
Jump.
The Descent.
"Well those are some well prepared young ladies who look to be off spelunking..." as I drive on by. Blink and you miss me! BartenderOU812
Yeah my policy is to never take up any hobbies they specifically ask you about in your life insurance application, so I'm definitely safe from any horror movie featuring spelunking. Also scuba, mountain climbing and hot air ballooning, just in case anyone ever decides to make a horror movie about any of those things. Yellowbug2001
Be Still.
Predator... as long as I don't pick up a weapon it will leave me alone. Greg_the_cactus
Would the Yatuja kill a disabled person? I'm just thinking of a scenario where my asthmatic butt is scrambling on the forest floor because I dropped my dang glasses. The Predator would be standing nearby probs not even doing anything because my audio-processing problems mean I can't even hear it.
Predator: "I'm sorry, but this would be TOO easy." locomocomotives
Checkout Please....
1408.
"Excuse me, that room's haunted..."
"Cool, thanks for the tip."
I immediately seek a separate hotel. Danyawelly
And then some men with sledgehammers come in and destroy your current environment revealing that you never left 1408. stexski
Blair No!
Blair Witch Project.
We're filming where? Looking for what? Oh ok I'm not coming to that. BinaryBlasphemy
"You're going to spend a weekend in the woods with who? Yeah that guy sucks... all these people suck. This sounds real boring." El_Gran_Redditor
Camping? I'm out. eyeball-beesting
I can't read....
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Not really horror, but The Mummy. I can't read hieroglyphics, so I'd look at the Book of the Dead, go "neat book!" and walk away, so the Mummy would stay asleep. The_Late_Arthur_Dent
Are you kidding? It's a book that's a genuine artifact with cool spooky stuff written inside and it's made of solid gold.
I'd take that with me in a heartbeat. A part of me would want to keep it, but it would be ruthlessly obliterated by the part that wants to sell it. Still wouldn't be able to read it though, the mummy would be someone else's problem. TheVoteMote
On Dry Land Only!
Jaws. Stay on land, problem solved.
Edit: Sharknado isn't a counter point. It's a different movie. Unless you can undeniably prove Sharknado and jaws happen in the same universe at the same time I say to you, "nah." MrRipShitUp
I Decline.
The Invitation. Because I never get invited to anything. cointelpro_shill
That movie was so good. Me and my gf to this day if we are on a weird social situation at someone's house are like are we being invitationed right now. laaerpig
Shoot 1st!
Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It's Texas, I'd just find someone with a gun or a gun store and arm up. cryptidhunter101
This easily, like the guy's walking with a chainsaw, he's slow. Also, you're in Texas, so you have a gun. OwenFollington
Red Balloons....
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It.
I'm not a child. And knowing that something would grow more powerful the more I fear it would probably cause some sort of reaction where I stop fearing it out of spite. The_Rhine
Boo!!
Scream. I hated parties when I was a teenager and when kids started getting knocked off, I'd have gotten the heck out of town and stayed with my Dad. He has guns! AllElse11
This would be me. I'd be at home studying. Although I did live in the woods in a rural area but if ghostface came after me they would just see a stressed out teenager screaming "I have two quizzes and an exam tomorrow! I don't have time to get murdered!!" Themaskedotaku
The Basics....
Anything that starts with someone touching/opening the thing that isn't supposed to be touched/opened.
I'm a basic rule follower. Movie would start with me reading the sign...and end with me walking away after reading the sign. chefjenga
See I thought I was like that. You know "don't touch the obviously alien and potentially lethal object." Easy. But then I saw this cactus in the desert and the spines looked kinda fleshy and soft so I got curious if it was more furry than spiky, and touched it and it hooked into my finger. SquirrelicideScience
Dead Already.
The Sixth Sense. There's literally 0 life threatening parts in it. All the scary people are already dead. Teetothejay13
Not true. Bruce gets shot in the first ten minutes.
*If anyone gets mad about spoilers, the scene literally happens at the beginning of the movie. Plus, you came into a thread in which spoilers are obviously going to be everywhere. Phoequinox
Rules are Rules.
Any one that starts with people ignoring a public warning. I'm a stickler for the rules. Rhyye
Add the news reporting "mass disappearances in the neighborhood next to yours."
Or "People found with their faces cut off and their dicks stuck in their ears."
I'm gonna lock my doors, set up a security cam, and have my firearms easily accessible. ToastyMustache
No Camping.
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Sleepaway Camp movies, just don't go to camp or call home after one murder has been reported. bubbered_boast
The Lazy Way.
The Purge. Because 99.9% of people would just stay home because they want to live and don't want to kill people. improbable_humanoid
I imagine that if the purge were real, I feel like the real threat would be arson. Fires are easy to cause and burning down houses doesn't necessarily guarantee dead people so it fulfills a destructive urge while giving yourself plausible deniability on whether or not anybody died. GoldFishPony
Samara....
The Ring.
Because I don't own a VCR. Hickspy
Technically Samara adapted to modern tech in the 3rd movie "rings" and honestly I would just stay cool and try to become her friend or something because being so alone must be so hard for her. MendicantBias42
Pinhead.
Hellraiser.
The cenobites, for being interdimensional torture demons, are fairly easily tricked.
They even say "no more of your tricks, I will tear your soul apart." And then they immediately get tricked again.
Also, I have a strict policy of not fucking with anything that shady vietnamese men with dirty fingernails sell me. Zappy golden puzzlebox? Nope, I'll just play my Vidya, thanks. OttoVonJismarck
Thick Air.
The Mist. Literally, because all you had to do, was bunker down and not go the fuck outside till the military showed up.
ANd yes I do not know the military is gonna clean their mess up. However I am home almost all the time, that 10% chance I am outside at the time can be negated.
But the book version? No no no, I would definitely be dead 100%. CommonSenseEludesMe
Be a Sandra....
Birdbox. I stay inside all day. Hypnotwiiist
I think Birdbox would be difficult to survive in because of those fools going around making people look. And maybe just one day slipping up, and that's it! eternalrefuge86
Not Real.
Slenderman
jk he's here now, someone please take care of my cat. carpetghost
Honestly use the enderman tactic from minecraft and hit him with you diamond sword in a small space that he can't reach cuz he's 3 blocks tall. EggronTheGreat
Dawn Down.
Until Dawn, just don't go to the REALLY far away cabin to get laid.
Boom, easy win. the_quiet_whisper
Also, don't "prank" your friend so much she'll run into the woods to die at the beginning of the game. nermid
Hey Mikey!
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Halloween. I'm pretty sure I could out run Michael Myers. Do I get to hear the music? That would increase my survival rate 100%. kellywithayy
Sorry to break it to you but somehow you'll inexplicably trip over nothing multiple times just so that good ol' Mike can catch you while moving at a speed that would suggest he's taking a stroll in a museum. 5-dollar-milkshake
War Face GIF
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Apparently, their sense of humor has no bounds. Curious to hear from drill sergeants online, Redditor darkstalker1000 asked:
"Drill instructors, what is the funniest thing you have seen a Private do?"
The following examples were utterly humiliating, but valuable lessons were learned.
Longheld Punishment
"Had 2 guys get in a fight in our bay during basic. The drill sergeant made them hold hands and pretending to be on a date all week. Only time they could let go of each other's hands was rack time. They ended up becoming pretty good friends."
Confusing Paycheck
"Ex British Army officer here."
"A corporal went on a nine week mortar course and was accommodated (obviously) while he was away. It turned out he knew one of the DS teaching the course and was invited, regularly, to dine and drink in the Sergeant's Mess."
"The month after coming back from the course, he brought his payslip to me with a puzzled look on his face and, embarrassed, explained he didn't understand what it meant and could I help him?"
"It emerged that the Sergeant's Mess had a chitty system - you didn't pay for your drinks at the time, but signed for them and the total bill was deducted from your pay."
"This legend had managed to drink more than his monthly salary both months he'd been away and his payslip was a negative balance."
"I'm sorry Smith, I'm afraid you owe the Army £235 ($327.50) this month."
Asking For An Advance
"Former European Anti-Air Trainee here."
"Recruit spent his first check on alcohol and sex workers, asked his commander for next months check in advance the next day. Instead of having a good excuse prepared to actually succeed in that proposal he blankly told him in front of 80 other recruits why he'd need it."
Eye-Level Reprimand
"I saw a guy post about how he was like 6'3 and his DS was like 5'2, so whenever he messed up the DS would go up to him face to chest and yell 'Elevator!' and the guy would bend down to eye level with the DS and say 'Ding!' and the DS would proceed to look him in the eye while he chewed him out."
Some experiences were downright hilarious.
The Stain
"Not an RDC, but in boot camp I was over the laundry crew. One recruit sh*t himself because he thought he couldn't leave his rack after taps. It was funny at the moment before I realized I had to wash it."
– ScootaFL
Ambush Training
"This was the funniest f'king thing I ever read from u/odomotto"
"Recruit fired all his blank ammo during 'ambush training.' He crawled in ditch opposite where the aggressors were, and started throwing rocks at them. DI came running in middle of the road blowing his whistle and screaming 'what the f'k are you doing?' Recruit screamed back, 'throwing hand grenades drill sergeant!' Without missing a beat, the DI screamed 'out f'king standing.' And walked away."
"My sides hurt and I was wheezing laughing so hard at this when I first heard it!"
These punishments made no sense. And that's why they're memorable.
The Replacement
"When I was in basic, a kid we called 'Albino' shot off a blank round accidentally in the field. The sergeants were pissed and took his weapon away and replaced it with a broomstick for the remainder of the week in the field."
"Man I remember some dude didn't put the sheet on his bunk the right way and had to wear the sheet as a cloak and go to all the other barracks dancing around sing about how he was the 'Catch Edge Fairy' or something. It was pretty silly, he owned it though. He was doing twirls the whole time. This was Navy bootcamp."
– Konebred
Despite how they are depicted on film, drill instructors are people who care.
Like, Beals – a drill sergeant at Fort Knox, Kentucky – who said:
"We provide more than just physical, mental and emotional guidance for them. You are a father, a preacher, a financial advisor, a counselor-you provide so many different services to the Soldier that the regular public doesn't see on day to day basis."
"They see what they see in movies and what they hear about by word of mouth. But you are fulfilling so many roles other than just being a trainer and teaching an individual how to be a Soldier in the Army."
And occasionally, they are having a laugh at the crazy things their trainees do.