It's moments like these when you remember why you got into teaching in the first place. Free comedy show!
1/29. Girl got so drunk that she locked herself in the bathroom.
We found her and obviously had to call her parents to come take her home. We kept telling her, "Listen, it's your dean and you have to unlock the door."
She kept responding in the horrible drunk teenager voice, "No YOU listen....I'm YOUR dean." It was very difficult for us to not break down in laughter.
2/29. Can I tell you what I did instead of kicking a kid out? I was covering another teacher's class in a computer lab and we have a program called Net Support that basically allows you to spy on all the kids' computers. It also serves some legit instructional purposes like allowing you to take control of a kid's computer so you can demonstrate things. Only this teacher never used it so I don't think the kids knew it existed. I don't normally use it because I don't like the Big Brother vibe it gives off BUT there was a kid being a total obnoxious jerk. He was looking up stupid and distracting videos and laughing loudly about them and making obnoxious comments to show off in front of his friends. I could have blocked YouTube but instead I took control of his computer.
I started typing in "kitten videos" into YouTube. "My Little Ponies" anything I could think of that wouldn't be cool to him or his friends. Then every time he started to freak out and insist he wasn't doing it to his friends, I gave him control back. And then took it away again. Then finally I made a little pop up come up on his screen that said, "I'm watching you." I expected him to figure out what was going on but I think he got freaked out instead. It never seemed to occur to him that it was me. So I gave him control back and he did his work quietly for the rest of the class.
3/29. There was a student with Autism who lived in a very literal world, we'll call him, T. You had to be precise with your words as T could not comprehend slang or figurative language. He had an issue with another student at recess the day prior. It was something minor about a basketball. Basically, T had a basketball and placed it under the goal and walked away, another student grabbed it, T became angry and ultimately gave the ball to the other student rather begrudgingly. Apparently, T told his uncle and the uncle's response was, "I'd have made that kid eat a shit sandwich!" Well, T made a quick stop by the litter box before coming to school. He also wrote a note to the other kid saying, "I get the ball today, you can have this shit sandwich." It wasn't a gesture he viewed as inappropriate, he actually thought the shit sandwich was a viable option for the other student. I had to send him to the office, but my god did I laugh. Even his mom laughed before aplogizing. The principal still has the note in the office 2 years later.
4/29. Kid dropped a folder full of xeroxed copies of his hairy ass. Turns out he had been taping them to people's lockers all over school.
5/29. Kid in boarding tried to cook a whole raw chicken with like 5 minutes in the microwave. A whole chicken.
6/29. I used to work in a super strict school for kids who got kicked out of their regular schools. We had an assembly twice a day, morning and afternoon, that was extremely serious. Kids had to sit up straight with their hands in their laps, girls on one side and boys on the other. Totally silent. That kind of thing. Occasionally when we were having behavior problems with entire groups we'd make them sit in assembly for the remainder of that period or however long until they could get it together.
There was a class (middle schoolers, naturally) who could NOT. STOP. FARTING. They'd intentionally fart as loud as they could just to be gross and disruptive, and it even evolved into them getting up out of their seats and farting on each other. This is hilarious to me now, but it got REALLY old (and really smelly). Anyway, one day, it was happening so much throughout each class that we took them to assembly. I'm standing in the front with the other teachers, and our principal was talking to them. Except he was PISSED. So he's pacing back and forth, reaming these kids out, punching his fist into his hand, spit flying out of his mouth. His face is bright red. He's saying all this stuff about respect, and then he adds in "oh, and if you have to FART...." and he yelled the word "fart" with such venom and disdain that I just LOST it right there in front of everyone. I could not stop laughing. I tried to play it off like a coughing fit or something but I couldn't. I had to leave the room.
7/29. "Mrs. B, I have a question. I think it might be a dumb question."
"Sweetie, there's no such thing as a dumb question."
"My brothers told me this though. So there might be."
"....fair. What is it?"
"Okay, so you know Michael Jackson right? He was like kinda old, so I think you'd know about him."
"Yeah, hon, he was even a thing when my mom was a kid."
"Wow. But yeah. So you've seen Thriller right, when they play it around Halloween?"
"Yeah, I love that video."
"Okay, well my brothers told me that Michael Jackson was really a werewolf and a zombie, and I just wanted to ask: was he really a werewolf? Or a zombie?"
"I knew it. I knew Michael Jackson wasn't a zombie. He still dead, and they're full of sh-t."
Several students head and gasped, otherwise I never even think I would have sent him to the office. I was about to die laughing. And he wasn't wrong either! I knew his brothers, and they were both consistently "full of sh-t."
Note: I feel the need to explain. He was sent to the office for cursing in front of other students. I did not make school policy regarding cursing.
8/29. Not a teacher, but... We had an older lady as a Science substitute in 8th grade. It was a hot June day and the windows were open, we were on the second floor. My friend told the sub when she walked in the classroom that "Jimmy" had fallen out the window. When the sub looked out the window she saw "Jimmy" laying on the ground, contorted and she passed out. We never got a chance to explain to her that is was joke. He had just laid down on the sidewalk under the window. The two boys got suspended and that sub never came back.
9/29. My dad worked as a teacher and on the first day, he wrote his name on the board as new teachers do, and when he turned back toward the class, a kid had lit his desk on fire with hair spray and was just laughing. 3 foot high flame no more than a foot away from him.
10/29. I'm a male fifth grade teacher. One of my boys yelled out right before the 3:15 bell rang, "Everybody be quiet! I have an erection!" I was like, "Did he just say that?" Luckily no one noticed me turn and bust out laughing. The bell rang to go home and I call him over, not sure if I should send him to the office or not. I decided to ask him if he knew what an erection was. Very innocently, he said "No." Then I thought, "Oh great!" So I said, "Do you know what a boner is?" Of course, he says, "No." I could tell by his face that he wasn't lying. So I said, "Well it's when your private parts get hard." Right when I said that he got this very scared look on his face and said, "I promise, I didn't know that!" Like I said, I could tell he wasn't lying. I had a very hard time keeping a straight face. He said his friend had yelled that out once so he thought he would. I told him he can't say those kind of things and he has to be careful with what he says. He walked away very embarrassed. I laughed and laughed when he left the room.
11/29. I'm a student, but this definitely should have gotten me sent to the office. went to a small Catholic high school in the Seattle area. We had monthly mass in our gym, and every year around Easter we did the "stations of the cross." Mass was always brutal, but the stations lasted two and a half hours or so. Unreal. A little background, I couldn't burp until I was in my early 20's. I have no clue why, but any built up gas had only one exit. Growing up, I farted to the point that people thought I had a medical condition. People even called me "fart boy."
Anyway, it was my senior year and we were headed to the dreaded stations of the cross mass. My friends and I had farted in class a number of times, but never during mass...we always talked about doing it, but never mustered the courage. I had decided about a week before that this would be the day. The mass was set up where the choir would sing before each station (I think there were 11 or something), and then the priest would ramble on about its significance. Each time the choir stopped, there would be about 10 seconds of complete silence. We're on the 5th station, and the choir is finishing "Were you there, when jesus something something...BRAAAAAAP" I unleashed a behemoth right as everything went silent.
I was sitting on gym bleachers, which amplified the blast perfectly. I remember the guy if front of me was holding a yellow plastic screwdriver...he dropped it. In shock or from the blast wave, we'll never know. My buddy and I proceeded to muffle our laughter for at least an hour until mass ended. I've never tried to not laugh for that long before or since...each time one of us would start to settle down, the other would release a cackle that started the whole process over again. We didn't even get in trouble! I'm not sure if the teachers thought it was an accident or never wanted to speak of it again. I am laughing right now...one of my favorite memories.
12/29. I wasn't the teacher, I was the one working in the office. I am a teacher, but I was covering that day.
I had another teacher bring in this young boy. Probably grade 1. She tells me "He is to sit here and not say or do anything." And I was just like "okay". But as she walked out the door, she said "Oh, be sure he keeps his clothes on". And I was just like "okay.... wait what?".
Sure enough, when I look away, I hear a tiny voice say "Pee pee! Pee pee!". And I see the boy with pants around his ankles and his shirt covering his face waving shaking his hips around.
I'm a high school teacher now.
13/29. I had a kid show up to band with a massive dildo instead of his clarinet, and he honestly thought I wouldn't notice.
14/29. Not entirely "principal's office," because they were kindergartners... But two boys turned off the lights in the bathroom, had their pants around their ankles, chasing each other around in the dark and peeing on each other. That was a weird one to explain to the parents...
15/29. I was teaching cinematography and we were talking about different shots, like close-up and long shots, etc. I asked the students to call all the different shots out, and one student screamed, "CUMSHOT!"
16/29. I was doing an "about Miss MadiDontLeave" slideshow at the beginning of the school year and it had a slide with me at a Cardinals game. I explained how I'm a huge Cardinals fan and go to games every chance I get. Kid raises his hand and asks "do you like getting really drunk at Cardinals games?" I mean obviously I do. But God damn it kid. You're in 8th grade. Don't ask me that.
I had a student, as we were playing team Jeopardy, discretely write a sign to flash to other teams that were up that said "you ninny poos are going down because you friggin suck at science. Love, team 7" it took me a while to catch him. It was one of those "fuck that's hysterical but you can't say that to people in school" situations.
Same kid asked if I like to smoke weed. Not as funny. But still funny that he thought it was appropriate to ask.
The joys of being a 23 year old teacher are endless. They think of you as a peer sometimes, and ask the most inappropriate questions.
Edit: remembered one more that I cried laughing about. I was working with groups. Same kid who asked if I smoke weed was upset because I wasn't getting to his table fast enough. He started shouting my first name. I shoot him a look and say "I don't respond to kids calling me by my first name." Kid says "oh I'm sorry. Miss (insert first name). I call him in the hallway and ask him why he did it. He says "I thought it would be funny." I point out that no one but him was laughing (even though I was on the inside) and he responded by saying "yeah no one was laughing because you sucked the funny right out of it". It was so funny. I'm going to miss this kid. Never a dull moment.
17/29. I didn't send him to the office but one of my fav moments was one time I was working with a small group while other students worked on independent stuff around the room. One student was working pretty close to me and obviously made a mistake because he exclaims "shit!" So I said "excuse me, Ty? What was that?" and he says "oh, I didn't say what you think I said Ms. Someday42." And I said "oh good. What DID you say?" And he says "I said shiiiiiii.......(obviously thinking hard)..... t." And then just stared at me horrified. I was trying so hard not to laugh but I just told him "That's what I thought you said, please don't use that language in my classroom."
18/29. I had a sixth grader (let me set the scene- this kid is the human incarnation of Ralph Wiggum) who wanted to get out of class so desperately that first he raised his hand and said his ears were ringing and he needed to go to the nurse. Sorry kid, not falling for it. 20 seconds later he raised his hand and said his tongue was burning and needed to go to the nurse. Not falling for it, Ralph. 10 seconds later he had blurry vision. (He was squishing his eyes with his hands). No dice, kid. And then, in the grand finale he stands with a flourish and yells so loud that teachers all down the hall stuck their heads out into the hallway- " MY PENIS IS BLEEDING!!!!!" We all stood mouths agape until the one smartass in the class adds, "...and you want the nurse to look at it???"
19/29. Not a teacher but the last time I was sent to the principals office was over a live chicken in high school. The high school I went to used the 8 block schedule system. My last period teacher was afraid to the point of hilarity of birds. We had chickens at home and since they were 4-H chickens they were quite docile. I put one in a duffle bag one morning and then put it in the top shelf of my locker. They will just sleep if its dark so once last period came I just put it in the bag (she was used to all of us bringing bags in since it was last period and when she got up to put the attendance slip on the door i just took it out of the bag and put it in the middle of the room..hilarity ensued and I spent the next day playing pokemon in suspension in the cafeteria.
20/29. First year of highschool, got sent to the principal's office by my near retirement teacher for breaking dress code with my t-shirt that had drug references/paraphernalia on it. Funny part is when the principal had to explain to my teacher that 'Billabong' is a legitimate clothing company name and nothing more.
21/29. As a student, I once witnessed a classmate get written up for using "Telekinesis" on another student.
22/29. Not a teacher, but my mother is.
Kid in her class asked if she had any kids. At the time I was my mothers only child. She mentioned me, and the kid goes "what school does he go to?", and of course my mom answers without hesitation. Kid goes "good, i'mma blow it up". Expelled
23/29. I use to work in a tough high school in south-central LA. One of the most challenging boys in school was in my integrated math class and one day he's been using profanity so I've gone through the whole discipline stages and have a referral written for him on my desk, but I'm giving him chances because... its south-central. Well eventually he cusses again. I go. "RonSean, again, we cannot be using that language in class." Under his breath he goes "Fuck that shit mother fucker." I whip around. "What did you just say!?!" The whole class turns and looks at him and it catches him off guard and then in Dave Chappell's Rick James voice he screams "i said... FUCK THAT SHIT MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!" Whole class is laughing, I'm in tears, he gets up grabs the referral and walks to the office.
24/29. I made the mistake of leaving a ninth grader in my classroom when he missed the bus home. I had to go to meeting and it was pouring rain, so I let him stay. I told him not to use the computers.
The meeting was in the computer lab. We were learning how to see all of the students' computers on our own screens. The tech guy had us all pull up our first period classes on our monitors to test it out. No students should have been logged on to a computer at the time. All the screens should have been blank. I saw that a very conservative Jehovah's Witness teacher in the row ahead of me had one screen lit up on her multi-screen view. I watched as she clicked on the screen to see it larger. She gasped. She made a small whining sound. It was anime style tentacle porn. It was the screen of the student I had left alone in my classroom. The teacher quickly turned around, calling my name very loudly, and asked if (insert student name here) was in my classroom. I told her he was.
I got up and went to the phone at the back of the room. I called my classroom number. The student answered. I said, "You're doing something you shouldn't be doing right now, aren't you?"
He said, "Uhhhh... yes."
I said, " I suggest you turn it off right now." I heard footsteps running across the floor and a slam. He returned to the phone.
"I'm so sorry... I....I... I'm sorry.. I just...I...."
"We'll talk about this later." I said. I hung up. What an unlucky kid. He chose to watch tentacle porn on the wrong day at the wrong time.
25/29. One of the brightest, honest female students I've ever had to THE most annoying kid I've ever had: "Would you shut the fuck up?!"
Took everything in me not to laugh or say "I know, right?"
26/29. Not the principal's office... but...We had a friend (let's call him Steve) get written up for "In School Suspension."
Steve! Why'd you get written up? ::says nothing, hands me the slip::
-Reason for 2nd write up... "Ate first detention slip."
He vomited a lot later...
27/29. I had this obnoxious, smarmy, show-offy 5th grader. One day he was up to his usual smartassery, and a girl silently got up, opened the classroom pencil sharpener, and dumped the shavings all over the kid. I had to send her to the office, but it was a truly satisfying moment for the whole class.
28/29. This happened today. By the end of class I had enough of two of my tenth graders being disruptive so I asked them to go outside the last fifteen minutes of class so I could actually wrap up the lesson without interruption. I was gonna leave it at that, until one of them grabbed his skateboard and hopped on and road it across the carpeted classroom and out the open door. He got suspended.
29/29. I teach various high school subjects. My bathroom policy is simple: go when you need to. For most students, it's no problem at all.
I had a student who constantly went to the bathroom for twenty minutes at a time to avoid doing work. He had no medical issues that would have caused this, but the 3DS in his pocket explained a lot. Naturally, I put a stop to this and gave him three bathroom passes that he needed to cash in if he wanted go.
So he asks to go to the bathroom five minutes after lunch, (Ugh I hate that so much. Pee on you own time!) and I let him go. He comes back twenty five minutes later, and only after I sent my student service to the bathroom to tell him to shit or get off the pot (in politer words). He's only in class for about ten minutes before shocker! Guess who has to pee? I said no.
Kid goes back to his seat and chugs a water bottle, the whole thing. He leans over to his friend, they giggle a bit, and his friend passes him another water bottle which he empties straight down his gullet. While drinking, this little shit had successfully avoided doing his classwork, so I walk over to get him on task. This is when it gets good.
The kid makes direct eye contact with me and pisses his pants. Alpha, yes, only he is the omega and got to sit in the vice principal's office in his pee pants. The awesome custodial staff (who should never ever have to deal with this) moved the desk outside and laid some paper towels on it. Mr. Pee Pants spent an hour after school apologizing to the custodial staff and sanitizing his mess.
There's something seeing a person litter that drives me up the wall. I remember being a kid and being explicitly told to hold on to my trash and not just throw it in the street. As a kid, I distinctly remember being made fun of for not just throwing the bag of chips I'd just eaten or an empty soda bottle into the gutter.
I can't imagine doing that. Why?! We truly treat this planet as if we have somewhere else to go.
After Redditor pnrddt asked the online community, "What small action immediately makes you dislike a stranger?" people shared their observations.
"Playing music..."<p>Playing music or having a 'private' conversation via speaker phone in a public place.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginci58?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">LLCoolBrap</a></p>
"When they exhibit..."<p><strong></strong>When they exhibit a personality trait that I also have, and don't like about myself. Every time I find myself being dismissive or judgemental of somebody, it's just my own insecurity.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginn0g5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3"></a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginn0g5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">iotangle42</a></p>
"When I'm talking..."<p>When I'm talking and they are not listening. Like they are not even trying to pretend that they are listening.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/gincjto?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">eat-the-rich-07</a></p>
"Because one of these days..."<p>A person can treat me like a princess but as soon as I see them mistreating either animals or people, I am out of there. Because one of these days, you'll be on that receiving end.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginpr97?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">starlightradio</a></p>
"It just screams..."<p>Telling people to smile. It just screams condescending and a lack of emotional intelligence.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginovsj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3"></a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginovsj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">3FoolsinaTrenchcoat</a></p>
"When I hear that..."<p>Grown ups using "baby talk" to try to get what they want. I'm not talking about when people goo-goo at babies, but when they use a silly whiney voice to try to persuade people or make people do them a favour.</p><p>"Aww, pwease hewp me wiv dis wittle pwoject."</p><p>When I hear that I instantly lose respect for that person, be it a stranger or someone I know.</p><p>Pet peeve.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginbwb4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">handsahwill</a></p>
"Okay, we get it..."<p>One-upping people. "Yeah, that's pretty good, but one time I..." Okay, we get it, your life is more amazing than everyone else's.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginhrkd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">well-uh-yeah</a></p>
"When out driving..."<p><strong></strong><strong></strong>When out driving, someone who pulls out in front of you, then proceeds to go 5-10+ mph under the speed limit.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/gingjuj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3"></a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/gingjuj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">FuzzMcBeefy84</a></p>
"If you don't..."<p>Talking negatively about anyone who's just trying to have a good time in a fun setting. If you don't have nice to say shut the hell up.</p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/gio4vf5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">intergLACTIC</a></p>
"When people..."<p>When people put other people down to try and make themselves look better. "Oh I'm just playing around with them we're friends." I don't care quit being an @ss you know what you're doing and you should be able to tell you're making them feel bad.</p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/gio9p3c?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">inf303</a></p>
"If it's into a drain..."<p>Spitting on the pavement.</p><p>If it's into a drain, that's fair enough, sometimes you get phlegm and you need to get rid of it. Going for a drain shows you're at least considerate of other, imo. But on the floor where anyone can step in it (or if you're in a wheelchair, get it all over your hands from pushing the wheels) is just gross.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ktpb6p/what_small_action_immediately_makes_you_dislike_a/ginojq3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ghostmadlittlemiss</a></p>
When you're in the market for a slew of very specific facts that all fall under the same general theme, the internet really delivers.
Forget streamlined public health capabilities and revolutionized human communication, the true beauty of the internet is all the random, barely useful information you can find when a bunch odd people decide to assemble and swap info.
Homemade Tarantula<p>"Dental student here. Black hairy tongue is a common condition and it's exactly what it sounds like." </p><p>"It's just caused by buildup of dead skin that becomes hair like because of tobacco use or antibiotic use. Usually combined with lack of frictional forces from brushing"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/giu9tdq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Alarm-Potential</a></p>
Load Em Up<p>"When a patient gets a kidney transplant, they usually leave the old 2 behind unless there's a significant problem with them."</p><p>"The extra kidney is just tucked in the peritoneum leaving the patient with 3 kidneys."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/giu6qjd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">MedicalJargon-itis</a></p>
Come On Mutations!<p>"Every single melanocyte on your skin (you know, the ones that give your hairs color, and your skin its skin color) is connected to your sympathetic nervous system via modified synapses."</p><p>"No-one knows why they're connected that way - but we do know that under stress, those nerves nuke the pool of stem cells that create hair pigment, which is why it makes you go grey."</p><p>"A few mutations and you could theoretically be able to control them and change color like a chameleon."</p><p>"So in many ways, we're basically walking cuttlefish."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/giuyo29?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">PavlovaPalava</a></p>
Play the Long Game, People<p>"Humans can outpace any animal on the planet."</p><p>"No, we're not the fastest, but if we were chasing the fastest animal (cheetah) we would catch it and be able to keep going."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/gisujdr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Bout3Fidy</a></p>
Little Helpful Critters<p>"There are little microscopic organisms living in your eyebrows, eating away at the dead skin."</p><p>"Don't freak out, they are very helpful and completely harmless, just a little gross"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/giud33u?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Vid-Me-BossCheesburg</a></p>
Thankfully That Filter is a Pretty Good One<p>"Saliva is filtered blood. Your tears are too. And if you're too stressed out you can cry blood."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/gitshe5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">mylifeisathrowaway10</a></p>
Imagine It All in a Bottle<p>"I know that the average human churns out between 1 and 2 liters of saliva every day.... oh and we have parasites who are embedded in our hair follicles, and they eat away at our skin, thus causing Dandruff :,)"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/gisrxcc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Throwawayyy123451</a></p>
So Hot<p>"Humans give off so much body heat that in 30 min we can boil a gallon of water" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/giu1ngt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Financial-Ad-6050</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/giu1ngt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3"></a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Rookie numbers" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/giuvqqt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">nopenothappening</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Pshh I can get a gallon of water boiling in like 10 minutes tops" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/giuhji3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ridiculouslygay</a></p>
Oh Dear<p>"Old ladies often have prolapse of their pelvic organs. This means their vaginal walls got so weak that it can no longer support their bladder or uterus."</p><p> -Nurse practitioner"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kum69x/doctors_of_reddit_whats_the_weirdestgrossest_fact/gitopxb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">vespertinas</a></p>
Working in a doctor's office means helping people when they're at their lowest. Sometimes, that leads to wonderful moments when the patient is thankful for all the advice and care you provided. Other times, it means taking something out of someone's bum.
Turns out, that second one happens a lot more than you might think.
For Fashion And Protection<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTQ1MDMwOC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MjkwNTU2OX0.6D-LIQ26JXH0-7OtPpG93HOtt41wAv62bGHMVvuAYpk/img.gif?width=980" id="7ff06" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="6109fb5baf04f17deade8b58695881d1" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />wound up season 3 GIFGiphy<p>I had a patient come in with lacerations to her fingers. Her blender got clogged and she stuck her hand inside to clear it. She cleared it and the blender resumed....um blending. Luckily, she had long acrylic nails. This helped lessen the impact.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/gitz5l4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Bornagainchola</a></p>
I'd Rather Go To Sleep<p>Guy came in after being concerned the bed sheet had stuck to his lower leg. Turns out hed been using a petrol mower the evening before and it had exploded. Full thickness burn to his calf. No pain. He wanted to go home to feed his cows instead of being transferred to burns and plastics. Man it looked like white leather.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/gitkqf9?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">DamaskRoses</a></p>
Why Play Typical Catch?<p>Guy was camping with his frat buddies and they were firing air rifles at each other with a baseball glove on.</p><p>The pellet was lodged well into his hand. Like, how did you think this was going to end?</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/gitq7lt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Milesofstyle</a></p>
Close Eyes Off From The World<p>I was in the ER as a patient next to a guy who was brought in via ambulance because he super glued his eye lids shut.</p><p>He was high as a kite, but so was I from the pain meds I'd been given for my own injury. Whatever meds I was given made me think everything was hilarious. I got yelled at by the nurses for laughing hysterically in the next room. He was being a pain in the a--, ER was on diversion already, and they were not amused.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/githxnc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">brubarbal</a></p>
That's Why It's Called A "Dog" Toy<p>A few stand out. Person somehow swallowed a spiked dog toy.</p><p>Someone tried to reverse his circumcision by cutting more of his d-ck off with a pair of scissors.</p><p>About every object known to man up the bum. 🎵 if you like it then you shoulda put a string on it." 🎵</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/gitnt24?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">bsn2fnp1</a></p>
Yeah, But, How?<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTQ1MDMxMi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MjAyNTM0OX0.Esaobyl7Yq7QltSxli0ZwjggE7j8A4gu0uNRnn1ZwUc/img.gif?width=980" id="95a28" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f4eb7f0131c0d79db2de93fd2bbdc0af" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />homer simpson GIFGiphy<p>I've seen an internal vaginal laceration from someone climbing a fence while trying to see something happening down the street.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/giss2id?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">midturbinate</a></p>
Again With The Butt...<p>ER Nurse here</p><p>-We had a girl come in and who knows what she was doing but she had one of the thin glow sticks in her bladder, maybe some fun finger/glow play during a concert? I don't know but pretty wild.</p><ul><li>Also I had a Spanish speaking only gentleman explain why a shoe polish bottle was in his bum, we had to use a video interpreter due to the language barrier but it's was pretty wild to hear the interpreter say "I have a bottle of polish in my anus" after expecting him to just explain why he had belly pain. We also proceeded to print out multiple pictures of common types of shoe polish he used to ask him if it was "this one or that one". It was hilarious when he identified what one it was based on the picture, he had to go to the OR</li></ul><div><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/gitqmlm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">AirFryersRule</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/gitqmlm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a></div>
Sounds Like A College Guy Thing To Do<p>Had a university student who ignited a firework in his anus while drunk for the amusement of his buddies. It exploded, causing full thickness burns of his rectum, resulting in him needing a colostomy</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kuld31/er_doctors_and_nurses_of_reddit_what_is_the/giss6l1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">ArcofRiolan</a></p>
Wow...<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTQ1MDI4OC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMDMyMzMyMn0.b42VhIpJrAsaFR19Cf55ZVkWnby5yTIrMhI73HVAImk/img.gif?width=980" id="3ccdf" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="50847094a4e17c16febbb35d2146f14f" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />scared homer simpson GIFGiphy<p>Operating theatre - this woman came in with a frozen chicken stuck inside her lady parts. Apparently she had a habit of buying them, inserting them and then pulling them out, as she really had a thing for going through childbirth, but on this occasion, she hadn't allowed time for it to defrost properly /adequately.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Mike_OxonFaier/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Mike_OxonFaier</a></p><p><em>Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter <a href="https://mailchi.mp/knowable/knowable-newsletter-in-content" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">here</a>. </em></p>
I love movies. The cinema has long been a savior of mine and has given me some of my greatest inspirations. But being an avid film watcher has also made me quite the critic. I can always tell when a movie is worth the money to see in theaters or wait until it's on basic cable with commercials. The signs of mediocrity abound, and sometimes they aren't that difficult to spot.Redditor u/fjv08kl wanted to know what is obvious about mediocre cinema by asking.... What are some subtle 'red flags' that tell you a movie is not worth watching?