It's moments like these when you remember why you got into teaching in the first place. Free comedy show!
1/29. Girl got so drunk that she locked herself in the bathroom.
We found her and obviously had to call her parents to come take her home. We kept telling her, "Listen, it's your dean and you have to unlock the door."
She kept responding in the horrible drunk teenager voice, "No YOU listen....I'm YOUR dean." It was very difficult for us to not break down in laughter.
2/29. Can I tell you what I did instead of kicking a kid out? I was covering another teacher's class in a computer lab and we have a program called Net Support that basically allows you to spy on all the kids' computers. It also serves some legit instructional purposes like allowing you to take control of a kid's computer so you can demonstrate things. Only this teacher never used it so I don't think the kids knew it existed. I don't normally use it because I don't like the Big Brother vibe it gives off BUT there was a kid being a total obnoxious jerk. He was looking up stupid and distracting videos and laughing loudly about them and making obnoxious comments to show off in front of his friends. I could have blocked YouTube but instead I took control of his computer.
I started typing in "kitten videos" into YouTube. "My Little Ponies" anything I could think of that wouldn't be cool to him or his friends. Then every time he started to freak out and insist he wasn't doing it to his friends, I gave him control back. And then took it away again. Then finally I made a little pop up come up on his screen that said, "I'm watching you." I expected him to figure out what was going on but I think he got freaked out instead. It never seemed to occur to him that it was me. So I gave him control back and he did his work quietly for the rest of the class.
3/29. There was a student with Autism who lived in a very literal world, we'll call him, T. You had to be precise with your words as T could not comprehend slang or figurative language. He had an issue with another student at recess the day prior. It was something minor about a basketball. Basically, T had a basketball and placed it under the goal and walked away, another student grabbed it, T became angry and ultimately gave the ball to the other student rather begrudgingly. Apparently, T told his uncle and the uncle's response was, "I'd have made that kid eat a shit sandwich!" Well, T made a quick stop by the litter box before coming to school. He also wrote a note to the other kid saying, "I get the ball today, you can have this shit sandwich." It wasn't a gesture he viewed as inappropriate, he actually thought the shit sandwich was a viable option for the other student. I had to send him to the office, but my god did I laugh. Even his mom laughed before aplogizing. The principal still has the note in the office 2 years later.
4/29. Kid dropped a folder full of xeroxed copies of his hairy ass. Turns out he had been taping them to people's lockers all over school.
5/29. Kid in boarding tried to cook a whole raw chicken with like 5 minutes in the microwave. A whole chicken.
6/29. I used to work in a super strict school for kids who got kicked out of their regular schools. We had an assembly twice a day, morning and afternoon, that was extremely serious. Kids had to sit up straight with their hands in their laps, girls on one side and boys on the other. Totally silent. That kind of thing. Occasionally when we were having behavior problems with entire groups we'd make them sit in assembly for the remainder of that period or however long until they could get it together.
There was a class (middle schoolers, naturally) who could NOT. STOP. FARTING. They'd intentionally fart as loud as they could just to be gross and disruptive, and it even evolved into them getting up out of their seats and farting on each other. This is hilarious to me now, but it got REALLY old (and really smelly). Anyway, one day, it was happening so much throughout each class that we took them to assembly. I'm standing in the front with the other teachers, and our principal was talking to them. Except he was PISSED. So he's pacing back and forth, reaming these kids out, punching his fist into his hand, spit flying out of his mouth. His face is bright red. He's saying all this stuff about respect, and then he adds in "oh, and if you have to FART...." and he yelled the word "fart" with such venom and disdain that I just LOST it right there in front of everyone. I could not stop laughing. I tried to play it off like a coughing fit or something but I couldn't. I had to leave the room.
7/29. "Mrs. B, I have a question. I think it might be a dumb question."
"Sweetie, there's no such thing as a dumb question."
"My brothers told me this though. So there might be."
"....fair. What is it?"
"Okay, so you know Michael Jackson right? He was like kinda old, so I think you'd know about him."
"Yeah, hon, he was even a thing when my mom was a kid."
"Wow. But yeah. So you've seen Thriller right, when they play it around Halloween?"
"Yeah, I love that video."
"Okay, well my brothers told me that Michael Jackson was really a werewolf and a zombie, and I just wanted to ask: was he really a werewolf? Or a zombie?"
"...no dear."
"I knew it. I knew Michael Jackson wasn't a zombie. He still dead, and they're full of sh-t."
Several students head and gasped, otherwise I never even think I would have sent him to the office. I was about to die laughing. And he wasn't wrong either! I knew his brothers, and they were both consistently "full of sh-t."
Note: I feel the need to explain. He was sent to the office for cursing in front of other students. I did not make school policy regarding cursing.
8/29. Not a teacher, but... We had an older lady as a Science substitute in 8th grade. It was a hot June day and the windows were open, we were on the second floor. My friend told the sub when she walked in the classroom that "Jimmy" had fallen out the window. When the sub looked out the window she saw "Jimmy" laying on the ground, contorted and she passed out. We never got a chance to explain to her that is was joke. He had just laid down on the sidewalk under the window. The two boys got suspended and that sub never came back.
9/29. My dad worked as a teacher and on the first day, he wrote his name on the board as new teachers do, and when he turned back toward the class, a kid had lit his desk on fire with hair spray and was just laughing. 3 foot high flame no more than a foot away from him.
10/29. I'm a male fifth grade teacher. One of my boys yelled out right before the 3:15 bell rang, "Everybody be quiet! I have an erection!" I was like, "Did he just say that?" Luckily no one noticed me turn and bust out laughing. The bell rang to go home and I call him over, not sure if I should send him to the office or not. I decided to ask him if he knew what an erection was. Very innocently, he said "No." Then I thought, "Oh great!" So I said, "Do you know what a boner is?" Of course, he says, "No." I could tell by his face that he wasn't lying. So I said, "Well it's when your private parts get hard." Right when I said that he got this very scared look on his face and said, "I promise, I didn't know that!" Like I said, I could tell he wasn't lying. I had a very hard time keeping a straight face. He said his friend had yelled that out once so he thought he would. I told him he can't say those kind of things and he has to be careful with what he says. He walked away very embarrassed. I laughed and laughed when he left the room.
11/29. I'm a student, but this definitely should have gotten me sent to the office. went to a small Catholic high school in the Seattle area. We had monthly mass in our gym, and every year around Easter we did the "stations of the cross." Mass was always brutal, but the stations lasted two and a half hours or so. Unreal. A little background, I couldn't burp until I was in my early 20's. I have no clue why, but any built up gas had only one exit. Growing up, I farted to the point that people thought I had a medical condition. People even called me "fart boy."
Anyway, it was my senior year and we were headed to the dreaded stations of the cross mass. My friends and I had farted in class a number of times, but never during mass...we always talked about doing it, but never mustered the courage. I had decided about a week before that this would be the day. The mass was set up where the choir would sing before each station (I think there were 11 or something), and then the priest would ramble on about its significance. Each time the choir stopped, there would be about 10 seconds of complete silence. We're on the 5th station, and the choir is finishing "Were you there, when jesus something something...BRAAAAAAP" I unleashed a behemoth right as everything went silent.
I was sitting on gym bleachers, which amplified the blast perfectly. I remember the guy if front of me was holding a yellow plastic screwdriver...he dropped it. In shock or from the blast wave, we'll never know. My buddy and I proceeded to muffle our laughter for at least an hour until mass ended. I've never tried to not laugh for that long before or since...each time one of us would start to settle down, the other would release a cackle that started the whole process over again. We didn't even get in trouble! I'm not sure if the teachers thought it was an accident or never wanted to speak of it again. I am laughing right now...one of my favorite memories.
12/29. I wasn't the teacher, I was the one working in the office. I am a teacher, but I was covering that day.
I had another teacher bring in this young boy. Probably grade 1. She tells me "He is to sit here and not say or do anything." And I was just like "okay". But as she walked out the door, she said "Oh, be sure he keeps his clothes on". And I was just like "okay.... wait what?".
Sure enough, when I look away, I hear a tiny voice say "Pee pee! Pee pee!". And I see the boy with pants around his ankles and his shirt covering his face waving shaking his hips around.
I'm a high school teacher now.
13/29. I had a kid show up to band with a massive dildo instead of his clarinet, and he honestly thought I wouldn't notice.
14/29. Not entirely "principal's office," because they were kindergartners... But two boys turned off the lights in the bathroom, had their pants around their ankles, chasing each other around in the dark and peeing on each other. That was a weird one to explain to the parents...
15/29. I was teaching cinematography and we were talking about different shots, like close-up and long shots, etc. I asked the students to call all the different shots out, and one student screamed, "CUMSHOT!"
Anonymous
16/29. I was doing an "about Miss MadiDontLeave" slideshow at the beginning of the school year and it had a slide with me at a Cardinals game. I explained how I'm a huge Cardinals fan and go to games every chance I get. Kid raises his hand and asks "do you like getting really drunk at Cardinals games?" I mean obviously I do. But God damn it kid. You're in 8th grade. Don't ask me that.
I had a student, as we were playing team Jeopardy, discretely write a sign to flash to other teams that were up that said "you ninny poos are going down because you friggin suck at science. Love, team 7" it took me a while to catch him. It was one of those "fuck that's hysterical but you can't say that to people in school" situations.
Same kid asked if I like to smoke weed. Not as funny. But still funny that he thought it was appropriate to ask.
The joys of being a 23 year old teacher are endless. They think of you as a peer sometimes, and ask the most inappropriate questions.
Edit: remembered one more that I cried laughing about. I was working with groups. Same kid who asked if I smoke weed was upset because I wasn't getting to his table fast enough. He started shouting my first name. I shoot him a look and say "I don't respond to kids calling me by my first name." Kid says "oh I'm sorry. Miss (insert first name). I call him in the hallway and ask him why he did it. He says "I thought it would be funny." I point out that no one but him was laughing (even though I was on the inside) and he responded by saying "yeah no one was laughing because you sucked the funny right out of it". It was so funny. I'm going to miss this kid. Never a dull moment.
17/29. I didn't send him to the office but one of my fav moments was one time I was working with a small group while other students worked on independent stuff around the room. One student was working pretty close to me and obviously made a mistake because he exclaims "shit!" So I said "excuse me, Ty? What was that?" and he says "oh, I didn't say what you think I said Ms. Someday42." And I said "oh good. What DID you say?" And he says "I said shiiiiiii.......(obviously thinking hard)..... t." And then just stared at me horrified. I was trying so hard not to laugh but I just told him "That's what I thought you said, please don't use that language in my classroom."
18/29. I had a sixth grader (let me set the scene- this kid is the human incarnation of Ralph Wiggum) who wanted to get out of class so desperately that first he raised his hand and said his ears were ringing and he needed to go to the nurse. Sorry kid, not falling for it. 20 seconds later he raised his hand and said his tongue was burning and needed to go to the nurse. Not falling for it, Ralph. 10 seconds later he had blurry vision. (He was squishing his eyes with his hands). No dice, kid. And then, in the grand finale he stands with a flourish and yells so loud that teachers all down the hall stuck their heads out into the hallway- " MY PENIS IS BLEEDING!!!!!" We all stood mouths agape until the one smartass in the class adds, "...and you want the nurse to look at it???"
19/29. Not a teacher but the last time I was sent to the principals office was over a live chicken in high school. The high school I went to used the 8 block schedule system. My last period teacher was afraid to the point of hilarity of birds. We had chickens at home and since they were 4-H chickens they were quite docile. I put one in a duffle bag one morning and then put it in the top shelf of my locker. They will just sleep if its dark so once last period came I just put it in the bag (she was used to all of us bringing bags in since it was last period and when she got up to put the attendance slip on the door i just took it out of the bag and put it in the middle of the room..hilarity ensued and I spent the next day playing pokemon in suspension in the cafeteria.
20/29. First year of highschool, got sent to the principal's office by my near retirement teacher for breaking dress code with my t-shirt that had drug references/paraphernalia on it. Funny part is when the principal had to explain to my teacher that 'Billabong' is a legitimate clothing company name and nothing more.
21/29. As a student, I once witnessed a classmate get written up for using "Telekinesis" on another student.
22/29. Not a teacher, but my mother is.
Kid in her class asked if she had any kids. At the time I was my mothers only child. She mentioned me, and the kid goes "what school does he go to?", and of course my mom answers without hesitation. Kid goes "good, i'mma blow it up". Expelled
23/29. I use to work in a tough high school in south-central LA. One of the most challenging boys in school was in my integrated math class and one day he's been using profanity so I've gone through the whole discipline stages and have a referral written for him on my desk, but I'm giving him chances because... its south-central. Well eventually he cusses again. I go. "RonSean, again, we cannot be using that language in class." Under his breath he goes "Fuck that shit mother fucker." I whip around. "What did you just say!?!" The whole class turns and looks at him and it catches him off guard and then in Dave Chappell's Rick James voice he screams "i said... FUCK THAT SHIT MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!" Whole class is laughing, I'm in tears, he gets up grabs the referral and walks to the office.
24/29. I made the mistake of leaving a ninth grader in my classroom when he missed the bus home. I had to go to meeting and it was pouring rain, so I let him stay. I told him not to use the computers.
The meeting was in the computer lab. We were learning how to see all of the students' computers on our own screens. The tech guy had us all pull up our first period classes on our monitors to test it out. No students should have been logged on to a computer at the time. All the screens should have been blank. I saw that a very conservative Jehovah's Witness teacher in the row ahead of me had one screen lit up on her multi-screen view. I watched as she clicked on the screen to see it larger. She gasped. She made a small whining sound. It was anime style tentacle porn. It was the screen of the student I had left alone in my classroom. The teacher quickly turned around, calling my name very loudly, and asked if (insert student name here) was in my classroom. I told her he was.
I got up and went to the phone at the back of the room. I called my classroom number. The student answered. I said, "You're doing something you shouldn't be doing right now, aren't you?"
He said, "Uhhhh... yes."
I said, " I suggest you turn it off right now." I heard footsteps running across the floor and a slam. He returned to the phone.
"I'm so sorry... I....I... I'm sorry.. I just...I...."
"We'll talk about this later." I said. I hung up. What an unlucky kid. He chose to watch tentacle porn on the wrong day at the wrong time.
25/29. One of the brightest, honest female students I've ever had to THE most annoying kid I've ever had: "Would you shut the fuck up?!"
Took everything in me not to laugh or say "I know, right?"
26/29. Not the principal's office... but...We had a friend (let's call him Steve) get written up for "In School Suspension."
Steve! Why'd you get written up? ::says nothing, hands me the slip::
-Reason for 2nd write up... "Ate first detention slip."
He vomited a lot later...
27/29. I had this obnoxious, smarmy, show-offy 5th grader. One day he was up to his usual smartassery, and a girl silently got up, opened the classroom pencil sharpener, and dumped the shavings all over the kid. I had to send her to the office, but it was a truly satisfying moment for the whole class.
28/29. This happened today. By the end of class I had enough of two of my tenth graders being disruptive so I asked them to go outside the last fifteen minutes of class so I could actually wrap up the lesson without interruption. I was gonna leave it at that, until one of them grabbed his skateboard and hopped on and road it across the carpeted classroom and out the open door. He got suspended.
29/29. I teach various high school subjects. My bathroom policy is simple: go when you need to. For most students, it's no problem at all.
I had a student who constantly went to the bathroom for twenty minutes at a time to avoid doing work. He had no medical issues that would have caused this, but the 3DS in his pocket explained a lot. Naturally, I put a stop to this and gave him three bathroom passes that he needed to cash in if he wanted go.
So he asks to go to the bathroom five minutes after lunch, (Ugh I hate that so much. Pee on you own time!) and I let him go. He comes back twenty five minutes later, and only after I sent my student service to the bathroom to tell him to shit or get off the pot (in politer words). He's only in class for about ten minutes before shocker! Guess who has to pee? I said no.
Kid goes back to his seat and chugs a water bottle, the whole thing. He leans over to his friend, they giggle a bit, and his friend passes him another water bottle which he empties straight down his gullet. While drinking, this little shit had successfully avoided doing his classwork, so I walk over to get him on task. This is when it gets good.
The kid makes direct eye contact with me and pisses his pants. Alpha, yes, only he is the omega and got to sit in the vice principal's office in his pee pants. The awesome custodial staff (who should never ever have to deal with this) moved the desk outside and laid some paper towels on it. Mr. Pee Pants spent an hour after school apologizing to the custodial staff and sanitizing his mess.
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
Wait what?!
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattz
It's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswers
Everyone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
Well, Then...
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
Sad Premonitions
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
– shawngee03
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
– peachsqueeze66
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
– Evilelfqueen
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
– fallen-summer
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
– Sudden_Blueberry_477
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
– johnjohn9312
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
– SweetCosmicPope
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
– heartpathetic
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
– zenos_dog
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
– mnementh9999
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
– Itsawlinthereflexes
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
– Pencilowner
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
– greenmachine11235
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Ask everything.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I Do
"Are you married?"
wrenchmonkey135
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
Squibit314
We Lived!
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
dont_u_know
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
jmims98
Family Planning
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
GoodAlicia
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
GoodAlicia
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
GoodAlicia
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
HumpieDouglas
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Nayeliq1
Room Temperature
"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
OneFingerIn
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
djdante
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
Discovery
"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
youcantkillanidea
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
LivestockMarc
Personal Time
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
Githard
Past Issues
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
CantTakeMeSeriously
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
phiore
Values
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
SkullKrusher9000
Essentials
"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
KhaosElement
TRUTH PLEASE!!
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
extracensorypower
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
- NmlsFool
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
- Last-Celery7146
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
- emilersen
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
- SpoonAtKnifeFight
Relationship Styles
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
- Altrano
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
- Active-Plate7939
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
- letmetellyousom
Childfree Living
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
- Free-Government5162
Family Ties
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
- Cobra-Serpentress
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
- letmetellyousom
Quality Time
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
- dallasmysterylover
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
- Brilliant-Victory128
Projecting Insecurities
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
- Affectionate_Egg1252
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
- rintan13
Poor Communication
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
- aj_oof0323
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
- empathetic111
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
Deserving Better
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
- cracksintheegg
Big Moves
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
- dont_be_trash
Alzheimer's Disease
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
- No_Transportation258
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
- Mountaingoat1001
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.