Folks listen... yes those are your pants and the police totally know it. Stop it. Nobody believes you.
Reddit user RoundTriagonalSquare asked:
and I gotta be honest here people, I'm kind of disappointed in us collectively speaking. The sheer number of people out here in the universe wearing other people's pants is just staggering. At least that's what some of us would have police officers believe.
I'm not advocating lying to law enforcement ... all I'm saying is that if you're going to do it, at least make sure it's a new one, ya know? Not like these people.
The Pants Dance
"These aren't my pants"
Blew me away the first time I heard it. Laughed my butt of for the next few times after that. Then it became routine, maybe once every couple of weeks someone would try it.
Typically when they were being arrested, we'd have to search them for inventory and find: pipes, baggies, knives, etc. Which - according to the suspect- just happened to be in the pants when they put them on, and didn't notice they were in the pocket until we found them.
Dehydration
As we were treating the patient, the officer tried to get the story. Apparently, when the guy came home there was a man inside their house. His girlfriend, who was home, "did not know who the man was." (yup, she was cheating.)
The boyfriend "politely asked the gentlemen to leave," which he obliged. But the boyfriend thought he saw the random man in their house grab something and drive away. (Boyfriend and side dude fought. Side dude left.)
Out of frustration, he became so "dehydrated" that he wanted to go to the store immediately and get water. Which is when he promptly rammed into the car of said "random man." (Boyfriend got angry, chased him down, rammed his car.)
He then proceeded to get whooped by said "random man." (Oops. That didn't work out the way he had planned.)
Moral of the story is don't make decisions when you're "dehydrated."
Murdered Over Noodles
GiphyPolice officer of 24 years here. This is not an unbelievable lie, but rather a believable lie followed by an unbelievable truth.
When I worked homicide we responded to a dead body fallen from a high rise apartment call. The deceased is an elderly, Asian male. When we went upstairs and met with the wife, an elderly Asian woman, she told us he jumped and committed suicide in front of her.
She was hysterical and distraught. After talking to her for awhile, she revealed that he hadn't actually meant to commit suicide.
He pissed her off when he demanded dinner. He asked her for noodles and then went and took a nap. When water was boiling, she poured the boiling hot water on his face and body.
He woke from the nap disoriented, in shock and in horrible pain - and jumped out the window. Dead. 11 stories. Yes, he had scathing burn marks on his face when we inspected his body. She was arrested for murder.
Pants Again
Found a baggy of coke on a guy arrested in the courthouse, on his court date, after sentencing. He knew he had that court date and brought the coke anyway. His response when I pulled it out of his pocket?
"These aren't my pants, I borrowed them from my friend two years ago."
Donations
Got a call about a robbery. An elderly guy had been punched and someone stole his phone. The victim had a bloody mouth and gave a very good description of the suspect. I found the guy at a nearby bus stop and put him in cuffs. He had the phone sticking out of his back pocket. His story was that the victim walked up to him and just gave it to him.
Uh-huh
And then while I looked in a different direction for a second I looked back and he had been able to reach around in front of him and was digging in the front pocket of his hoodie. I pulled his hand out and he was holding a wad of crack. He immediately said that this wasn't his hoodie and some guy just gave it to him. But it was a different guy than the one with a phone.
Now he wasn't wearing a shirt under the hoodie and it was in the mid 30's. I guess he was just walking around with no shirt on and people just decided to donate stuff to him.
We don't catch the smart ones folks.
Whaaaaaaat?
We were searching a car and found meth and pipe next to the passenger, the driver (in the most unconvincing tone possible) said "Whaaaaaat? I can't believe that...that's crazy...I would never expect that from her. I'll be honest with you, (usually means they're about to lie) I had no idea she had that."
Two minutes later I go to search him and unsurprisingly find another bag of meth at his feet, just under the bumper of the car. He said it was there when he got out of the car.
Red-handed
I quite literally had a case involving a guy doing graffiti with red spray paint. He tried to deny that it was him when we caught up to him - with red paint all over his hands...
In HD
GiphyThe dickheads who deny its them in the HD quality CCTV of them shoplifting is always a laugh. Especially when they have been caught just after and they are in the same clothes, same obviously Tatts, everything.
Great Throw (Yup, More Pants)
Had a woman say, when a baggie of suspected coke was found in her pants pocket, that "some one threw it over the stall wall while I was in the bathroom and it landed in my pocket."
Undercover
"I'm really undercover following this lady around she's a known meth dealer" - from an obvious crack head...
Redditor BarooTangClan wanted to compare notes on all the entertainment we've said "that's enough" to.
"What will make you instantly stop watching a movie or show and why?"
I hate bad acting, writing, storytelling... I hate bad anything.
Stop Jumping
Fight Scene GIF by Operation FortuneGiphy"Fight scenes with a million visual cuts. Gives me motion sickness. Contrast the absolutely masterful work in John Wick. long cuts, realistic use of weapons (mostly), 100% skill."
StabbyPants
Louder
"When the actors whisper the whole movie and you have to crank the volume to hear what's being said - but the soundtrack or some other misc noise starts blaring at a higher volume directly after."
Blaze*itch
"I basically had to watch Stranger Things up in my attic with the windows and doors closed. I was worried the neighbors would think something was wrong or be annoyed if I watched it downstairs in my single family home. It was ridiculous."
ForecastForFourCats
"spice things up"
"Love triangles out of no where in a second or third season to 'spice things up' because studio writers are hacks and their idea of relationship drama is 'potential infidelity' at all times. It's the most tired trope on the go**amn planet and the second I see it rear its head I dip right the hell out."
amalgamas
"The whole concept of a love triangle to begin with an incredibly juvenile. Any healthy functioning adult who found themselves in a love triangle would soon choose to find themselves single."
Ouch_i_fell_down
Save your lips...
"When couples in a movie/show have a fight and one of them instantly goes to a friend and end up kissing her/him after talking for 5 minutes. I cringe so hard i turn it off and never watch it again."
Dry-Mycologist3966
"This pissed me off so much in Manifest. Girl is desperate to get back her ex-fiancé, he finally breaks up with his wife to get back with her and she's like 'nah, it's not fair to your wife, let me do this other dude I just met through a calling and be pissed at you for being jealous.' Michaela was the worst and everyone acted as if she were a saint the entire time."
gingerisla
Talk to Me
In Love Flirt GIF by OriginalsGiphy"Shows where a single polite conversation could fix everything."
Horror_Librarian_133
We are going overboard with the witty repartee. Talk normal...
Shut Up
Scared Home Alone GIF by FreeformGiphy"Annoying main character, especially if it's a kid."
abananation
"Kids who have a quippy, sassy retort to everything, and everyone just kind of crumbles before their wit."
CarpetPure7924
Speak Good
"Shows where kids in high school talk like they are 30 years olds who have done everything, been everywhere, know it all and use a ridiculously flowery and extensive vocabulary in every conversation. Like, have any of these writers ever been to high school? Literally no one talks like that. Even worse is when, in addition to this, all the adults talk normal or are just plain stupid, like so weird parallel universe."
StretchArmstrong74
Nonsense
"If the movie is too dark. Not graphic, just literally dark. I lose all sense of intensity in dark scenes and I'm not straining my damn eyes trying to figure out what the hell is going on."
TheShadowOfKaos
"I've seen about 10 percent of all DC movies recently. I've seen all of the individual films in full, just actually saw 10% of each of them."
Mortlach78
"Movies in the late 80s had a lot of dark but you could see the depth because of different shooting techniques. Now you cant see crap because its a CGI fest drowned in black color so you can't see crap because you have no depth in a scene. Compare night scenes in dark alleys in 80's movies and movies now. Utter crap show in the new ones."
Bombzey
Pay Attention Storytellers
"Bad editing would be a big one. A lot of modern horror movies can't help but edit the movies like they're trailers, with added noises to scare the audience because they are afraid the script alone isn't enough to keep people watching."
ThisIsCreation
"I remember this is where the first transformers movie lost me. When the transformers are fighting at the end, it's all a big, jumbled mess of metal and I can barely tell what's going on or who is who."
1840_NO
Drama
will devry soap opera GIF by General HospitalGiphy"When they go straight to relationship drama right away when it wasn't the selling point of the show."
LightInthewater
Do better, Hollywood. It's not that hard.
RedditorCallMehRiverwanted to hear about all the ways none of us what to leave this life.
"What Do You Think Would Be The Worst Death Imaginable?"
My list of the worst deaths is long. My imagination runs amok.
Trapped
season 6 friends GIFGiphy"For me? Being trapped in a small tube or cave (like the ones you have to wiggle through) and getting stuck to where you can’t move your arms. And all you can do is wait to die. I’m getting chills just thinking about it."
Stuck
"The more I hear about cavers that get stuck, the more I think that's a crap way to go."
- braydenmaine
"There’s a great YouTube channel called Ask a Mortician and this was her #1 worse way to die. I can’t remember the exact details or their names, but two well-known divers went into an underwater cave."
"One of them became entangled and died. Years later, his friend dives back down there to try and retrieve his body, the body itself is rotten and his head comes off and the other guy also becomes tangled and dies. Really sad."
- melancholybuzzard
A Long Process
"Believed to be in a coma but coherent through the whole 20 year process until they pull the plug."
weebeardedman
"Oh man this just reminded me of a story I read on here about a guy who lost the ability to move and speak but was completely conscious. Had to just lay there and be awake but trapped in a useless body. His family thought he was brain dead or something and he couldn’t communicate to them that he was 'all there.' Crazy"
habeeb51
Slow & Steady
"Being slowly impaled by a growing bamboo. It was a form of torture probably used by the japanese during WW2 against Allied prisoners."
JazzySocrate
"My uncle who served back in the day said that people would have the bamboo slipped under their fingernails because it would continue to grow still. It would just continue growing into the body."
Payness0826
Excruciating
"Rabies."
Santolmo
"The scariest part is that once you have symptoms, you 100% will die. A 100% mortality rate has to be a psychological torture in itself."
RonaldRawdog
"Not only that, you feel irrational fear. Your brain is literally being eaten apart by the virus and it fu*ks up everything on it. You can't drink water because it hurts you. You feel dizzy, present a fever, excessively salivate, everything hurts and it only gets worse. I'd rather take a bullet and die when the symptoms are still tolerable."
Santolmo
Why can't we all just go engulfed in calm and quiet?
Suspended
"Some pulpy sci-fi book I read a while back had one of the best deaths of this real piece of crap bad guy. Left to die in a drowning sea lab under the Antarctic ice, he freezes himself in a state of the art suspended animation pod with some kind cold fusion power source that would keep it running for millions of years."
"But he forgot to inject himself with the drug that would put him to sleep. So basically he is in suspended animation at the bottom of the Antarctic ocean while his mind is perfectly awake and conscious in a near unbreakable machine that won't run out of power for millions of years and nobody knows about it."
DubiousAlibi
No Cure
"As an RN I have always thought that the worst way to die (natural process) is ALS. Lou Gehrig's Disease."
randymn1963
"My mom and grandmother have Huntington's disease, which is essentially ALS, Alzheimer's, and Dementia combined into one really messed up genetic disease. I have a 50% chance of inheriting it and if I hit 40 and there's still no cure I can't promise I'll feel like continuing on with my life because that disease is absolutely freaking miserable."
DevTheDummy
Agony...
"Radiation poisoning."
binhan123ad
"The fact your chromosomes can be so destroyed your body basically lost it's genetic code and with it the ability to make any new cells. It's literally a 'dead man walking' and you slowly rot away in agony. Stuff is so unimaginably f**ked up."
yea_nah448
"What's also bad about radiation is that it affects your nerves and brain cells last, so you have everything in place to feel all the pain of the rest of your cells being destroyed."
nosmelc
Goo
Not Listening Season 2 GIF by The Fresh Prince of Bel-AirGiphy"I want to believe anything that slowly kills you painfully to be the worst. Such as slowly being crushed or something where the pain is beyond compare and yet not enough to throw you into shock or unconsciousness."
Beardless_Man
"Alternatively, being rapidly crushed into goo would probably be the least painful. I'm talking one of those massive industrial hammers they use for large steel work. Basically smooshed before the nerve signals make it to the brain."
Bannon9k
Now I'll never sleep again without nightmares of death.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
