Sometimes you pull up to someplace in a car and just know you need to stay in your car and drive away immediately.
Sometimes....you can't do that. Because it's your job to deliver a pizza there.
Isn't capitalism fun?
Here were some of their stories.
Sucks To SuckGiphy
I knock on the door, I hear a kid yell "I GOT IT", he opens the door, and runs up the stairs yelling to his friends "The chicken *sshole's here! The chicken *sshole's here!!", after which a crowd of about 8 pre-teens at the top of the stairs start throwing change down the stairs at me to pay for the delivery.
I asked if they could hand me the money, they laugh and just throw the quarters/dimes/etc. harder.
So I picked up the bag of food, winged it up the stairs at them, it hit the wall, and I split.
Told the boss what happened and if they call to complain I won't listen or apologize; I'll just quit if he brings it up. I found out later he did get a call and told them to get stuffed.
Ah, The South
It was outside of town on a dirt road with tall trees. Every "house" was basically just plywood shacks. There was broken down cars and trash everywhere. The entire neighborhood just reeked of a b rated horror film. I find the right house and walk up to the "door" but it was just a blanket so I had to yell "Pizza!" They come to the door and grumbled. It was a haggard looking man wearing boxers and a dirty white tank. Something felt wrong as he handed me a bill that looked washed. I held the $100, with old Ben Franklin's face on it, up to the light and could clearly see Abe Lincoln in the paper. They had ordered around $50 worth of pizza and wanted change. He tried convincing me that he went to the bank and they gave him that bill. I asked him why then wrong face was on there and he said that's how they do it. I said hell no and drove away as fast as I could. We stopped taking orders that don't have street roads.
Rest In Pizza
Someone ordered pizzas to a funeral. There were A TON of people there, all somber and dressed in black while I rolled up in my bright red greasy T-shirt lol. Definitely one of the most awkward experiences I've had.
You just reminded me- my husband delivered to an older woman who ended up dying during the time it took for him to get there after she placed the call (~20 mins). He said he showed up as they were loading her up into an ambulance (I think) and that the family was standing around watching and he didn't know what to do so he gave it to one of the family members (who paid for it) and left.
I delivered in a couple different College towns in Oregon. Theres a lot of Meth and poverty here, not unlike a lot of rural areas in America these days. Granted this was decades ago, but there were a surprising amount, actually. Not like 50, but there were a few in each town. There was always that "pathway" leading in (never went in) and there was almost always an animal or two as well, which always bummed me out.
The smell isn't always what you'd expect, more like an old thrift store book x1000 mixed with *ss and Animal excrement/urine. That kind of smell it takes years of direct exposure to get used to. I'd prefer living next to a paper mill again over that.
One that really blew my mind was an "upscale hoarder". Everything was new and still in packages, just piled from floor to ceiling. Kids clothes, musical instruments, tools, you name it.
I've honestly seen some pretty bad houses as a building envelope inspector. Not really hoards, but just horribly disgusting and filthy environments.
I don't mean to judge, but I just don't understand how folks can live that way.
Immediately Feeling Unsafe
I didn't end up delivering the pizza but the address was an abandoned house.. it was around dusk and the house was so obviously uninhabited, I could see trees growing through the windows and the backside of the house was crumbling so badly I could see to the backyard... from the street. The instructions were to "come around back". I double checked the address after locking my doors called the customer a couple of times, called the store and told em what was up and why I wasn't delivering the pizza and headed out.. I mean seriously who would have been dumb enough to go to the back of that house?
A Yikes Trifecta
- extremely large man naked on his bed telling me to come in. i yelled that i wouldn't like to do that and he replied "oh it's a girl, why'd they send a girl" as if we knew the situation there....
- delivered to a trucker in his rig. berated me for having a single nose piercing and colored hair because he had a son "with all them piercings" and all he does is drugs now. then the man texted me "can i ask you a silly question" (i had called him to find his specific rig for the delivery). i ignored and blocked him and he called the store asking for me specially to return and bring him a specific sauce packet...... my manager said no and had me stay in the store with the crew until it was time to leave.
- one woman answered the door in a thong and asked where another delivery driver was. told her he wasn't working. she replied "well he knows to always do mine for me". again tried to explain that he was not present in the store that day. later found out he was dealing while delivering.
probably many more! pizza delivery is a right of passage in my opinion.
A Hobbit Hole
I once delivered to a guy living under his porch if that counts.
I drove up to the house. Its pitch black. No lights on. I look at the ticket and it says "use back door." I go up the steps and no lights on. Nothing. Then I hear a voice from below me say, "hey down here."
I look under the porch and theres a small door leading into what looked like a makeshift apartment. I had to actually crouch to get to it. Gave the guy the pizza and bounced the f*ck out of there.
I'm Good, Thanks
I delivered to a drug house a few times, its was always obvious that these guys were selling/using, but it never bothered me as they usually tipped well.
This one time i got there, rang the bell and a baggy of slipped under the door... Not sure what to do I decided to kick it back under the door and leave.
Not super f*cked up, but I think about it a lot.
I worked at Domino's and we had to blacklist a guy because he was obsessed with me. He would come in and ask if I was there. If I wasn't working that day he would just show up the next. If I was on a delivery, he'd wait around in the store for me. He would tell me that he loved me and ask me out on dates. He was very bad on heroin and made it obvious. The last time I delivered to his house, he ordered about $40 worth of food and drinks, and kept trying to hand me $100 even though I told him numerous times I didn't have the change. He apparently stole his grandma's cell phone and wouldn't give it back and him and his cousin were screaming at each other the whole time I'm waiting to get the smaller bills he kept telling me he had. He had nothing smaller than a $100 and he kept arguing with me because he changed his mind and just wanted 1 pizza and a drink and I told him I couldn't do that.
This Is Literally The Plot Of A NovelGiphy
First time to a huge mansion that was renowned for big tips, where you had to go around the back to a gate leading to the pool patio. Guy who answered the gate doorbell (!) had been disfigured in some horrible accident. He had me wait while he got his wallet, so I got a good dose of the backyard where a raging party was going on.
Guy finally comes back, addresses me by name (no name tag) and says "you don't remember me, do you?" Knowing that I'd remember those injuries, I realized he must know me from before he got hurt, and I stammered out a weak "no, I don't?" His response blew me away - he recalled being in first grade with me at a local Catholic school I attended for one year. Then, he went on to detail everything about class that year, the people, teachers, activities and that his accident had happened during the following summer - he'd gone through a windshield in a head-on with a semi.
I delivered there a few more times, and hung out chatting with him as long as I could. It slowly became clear that the party crowd was just using him for his money. That was f*cked up enough, but what I also eventually realized was that he was stuck in that last normal year he'd lived and, 20 years later, had moved back (IIRC, he'd moved away because his parents died or were severely injured in the accident) as soon as he was old enough to access the accident settlement. And the money was going up that crowd's nose pretty fast.
I had no idea how to help him or even if he wanted help, and eventually started letting other drivers take that run. Never saw him again, even though it's a small town. Eventually he stopped ordering pizza and then I left for a job elsewhere, but would pass by his house when visiting while my parents still lived there. Fewer and fewer cars were parked out front every time I went by, and the house slowly became overgrown with ivy. F*cked up.