Any meat is a definite plus. Any vegetable needs discussion. Any fruit... we need a town hall. Not everything belongs on pizza. Let's see some ideas...
Baby Drinking GIF by reactionseditorLute Who?
"Lutefisk"
"Dried cod that has been treated with lye to preserve it. It's a Christmas tradition among some Norwegian American immigrants in places like ND and MN. Once soaked, rinsed, and baked in butter it takes on a gelatinous texture. I can choke it down when prepared well but it's not good."
Too Much Red
"I've mentioned this before, but I once had the displeasure of eating a pizza where they apparently decided to use ketchup instead of the usual marinara sauce. Worst pizza I have ever eaten in my life. Please never do this, people. Just because they are both red doesn't mean you can substitute one for the other!"
- Gurasola
The Sog...
"Worked at a pizza restaurant. A customer used to come in every Friday and bring us, sealed from the factory so we could use it behind the counter, baked tofu. Now, I've had baked tofu but this stuff was different. It was verging on silken. We would put it on there for her... with no cheese... and only a little sauce... and it would make the pizza into a soggy mess. She came back every week for one. Tipped us 5 bucks every time. It didn't even resemble pizza anymore. And it stunk when we cooked it... like feet."
Oy No!
man oyster GIFGiphy"At a company lunch, one jacka** insisted on an oyster pizza. No one ate it."
I'm Dead
"Once found a cockroach baked into the cheese... So yeah, cockroach."
"Okay... now this is scary. Imagine it's baked in there but certain toppings are stopping you from seeing it and then you take a bite."
- ZooWap
Ok. I'm ok with a few things there and a few things I'm a big "NO" on! Oysters? Are you kidding? And roaches are everywhere, so be aware.
Horror
Janet Varney No GIF by IFCGiphy"Finally, I can pour my heart out. In Taiwan there are two types of pizza's with horrifying toppings. One has rooster balls as a topping, the other one has cilantro, century egg and pig blood cake as toppings."
Durian
"In Shenzhen they had a Durian pizza place. I couldn't bring myself to try it though."
"Edit: found someone that was braver than I was. This is a different shop, but it looks about the same."
"I've had it. The first bite or two with durian on it is ok. Then you go in for another and it's like, "I can't do anymore of this". And pull all the remaining durian off. The flavor is still there, but at least there's no giant chunks. And then you have durian burps for the next 6 hours."
- tnp636
In Korea...
"Whatever they're doing to pizza in Korea. Mayonnaise and cinnamon apple with chocolate syrup and one still beating heart of an artichoke or whatever. I dunno, they get weird with it over there. The impression I got was that in America we see pizza as a simple fast food and in Korea they see it as some kind of delicacy."
"Edit: ok in hindsight, artichoke heart isn't that uncommon. But it just sounded funny in the moment."
WHAT?!
Excuse Me Reaction GIF by One ChicagoGiphy"Peppermint."
"They make mint jelly. Get some of that, put it on a pizza, and try to eat it. You won't make it past bite 5."
Food has gotten so complicated. Why can't we just be simple? Don't overthink the menu. It can quickly get out of hand.
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But one of the most controversial pies that people seem to have a beef with has got to be Hawaiian pizza.
Some just crave the sweet with the savory that the combination of pineapple and ham provides, while others passionately believe pineapple has no business being a topping.
Others seem to have issues over its classification of what exactly makes Hawaiian pizza, Hawaiian.
Because unbeknownst to some, Hawaiian pizza has its origins in Canada, not in Hawaii.
In 1962, Sam Panopoulous – who co-owned Satellite Restaurant in Toronto, Canada, with his brothers – came up with the idea to add canned pineapple on pizza.
The pizza became an instant hit among his customers but also received flak from pizza purists.
Wanting to get to the bottom of what makes the hotly contested pizza so controversial, Redditor happyfuckincakeday asked Hawaiians:
Hawaiians of Reddit, what are your feelings about hawaiian pizza?
How Do You Really Feel?
"It's so dumb that the rest of the English speaking world dumps pineapple on something and it's instantly 'Hawaiian.' (Including Canada, where ham+pineapple pizza was invented.)"
– carmium
You Can't Report This
"Doesn't have enough Spam in it."
– NoKindofHero
"They need to make spam pizza, then it would truly be Hawaiian."
Not About Toppings
"When you live in Hawaii, all pizza is Hawaiian pizza... even without the ham and pineapple."
– blipsman
Meanwhile, In Canada
"In Canada, we order Canadian pizza and its toppings are always the same: pepperoni, bacon and mushrooms.We can order other pizzas too, but I am not sure why anyone would need to."
– canada_is_best_
A Matter Of Taste
"Am a fan although I get sh*t on for it. Hawaiian pizza is not at all Hawaiian but I don't really care cause it's tasty."
– majorityrules
the little mermaid pizza GIFGiphyThe Thing About Pineapples
"I don't want to blow anyone's mind here but I'm pretty sure it's called Hawaiian pizza because there's pineapple on it. Just speculation of course but it's speculation based on the fact it's just because of the pineapple."
– KingRokk
A Bigger Offense
"As someone who lives in Hawaii, and travels a lot, I am far more offended by the crap they are calling poke bowls. Put whatever you want on your pizza. I don't care. If you use anything other than fish for your poke bowl, it ain't poke!"
– laura-michele78
Make It Your Own
"You know what's great on pizza? Whatever the hell you like to eat on pizza."
It Doesn't Make It Hawaiin
"My wife is native Hawaiian and is ok with pineapple on pizza. However she is not ok with calling it Hawaiian pizza. Pineapple isn't native to Hawaii, and putting pineapple on sh*t doesn't make it Hawaiian."
– zergbait
A Game-Changer
"Live on the Hawaiian island of Oahu."
"Typically I am not a crazy fan of Hawaiian pizza, but if you add some peppers, it completely changes the whole pizza."
"Also, Kona Brewing Company's Hawaiian pizza is out of this goddamn world. They have a porter BBQ sauce that they use instead of tomato sauce, and they add BBQ pulled pork to their Hawaiian pizza. It's probably my favorite pizzas on the island."
– paul_swimmer
For And Against It
"Born and raised, live on the mainland now. Simultaneously don't care at all and am deeply offended by it. Will eat it any day of the week, but I prefer a Pepperoni/pineapple."
– Murdathon3000
Socialized By The Stigma
"90% of people who 'hate' pineapple pizza have just been peer-pressured by society into thinking that way."
"The other 10% though, they mean business. They're not messing around."
– LordPoopturd
The Great Protector
"I am not hawaiian. I have never even set foot on hawaii. I just know I am here to defend hawaiian pizza."
– kinglamink
Final Word
"I come from a heavily anti-hawaiian pizza family, except I really like hawaiian pizza because goddamn is it good, but whenever I mention that I want hawaiian pizza I'm treated like the anti-christ and ignored. Why is hawaiian pizza so discriminated? It's good pizza! Why would people eat white cheese and broccoli pizza and say it was good but then act like hawaiian pizza is made of trash straight from a garbage can? Anyways that was my pizza rant, if you like white cheese broccoli pizza, nothing against you I just don't personally like it."
So good.
I deliver for Doordash and Grubhub, sometimes pizzas. One time I picked up an order from each app, same exact order, from the same restaurant, both named James, to the same hotel.
When I knocked on the door two guys were there and asked me which was I, Doordash or Grubhub. I told them I was both and have both orders. They started to laugh really hard.
When I asked what was so funny, they told me they had a bet on which one would come first. They thought it was going to be 2 different drivers and never thought one person would be using both apps. I laughed too and asked them which one was James. They told me they are both named James. I still wonder what other funny things those two guys try come up with.
Mood.
GiphyCustomer paid with a card and he had instructions to leave the pizza on a bench in a public area. Drop it off and quickly leave the area. I left but pulled on a side street where I could see the bench. I wait probably close to 5 minutes and then I see a man bust out of a dilapidated building I thought was empty.
He runs up and grabs the pizza, he spins a whole 360 degrees and he is glancing in every direction as if he was afraid he was being watched. Then he hurries back to the place and when he gets to the door he sees me and his eyes get huge and wide, paranoid and fearful. He slammed the door shut. I just think he was tweaking or something wouldn't be out of the ordinary around here.
That's me eating pizza while on a diet.
Interesting.
Was delivering to a hotel, had a guy pass out on me 3 separate times in a 10 minute encounter. Apparently he was narcoleptic, but it still scared that crap out me.
Narcoleptic here. He was probably having a cataplexy attack. We don't actually pass out, we're still conscious but we lose control over our muscles so we look passed out. Theres also the scenario where it's only partial, then it looks like a seizure because we try to move only to cause spasms. Its triggered by emotion so he probably got nervous or something.
Oh my GOD.
I delivered to a hotel in the middle of a local golf course. Called the number to let them know I was there and was told to come on up. Get to the room and when the guy answered, there was a large group of guys, all in golf attire, surrounding a single guy in a chair. He was bound & blindfolded. The one that answered didn't even bat an eye, just asked how much and tipped me $30 bucks. Warily I took the money and walked away, but before the door was fully closed, I heard one on the guys ask "I wonder if he knows this is a.."
Before I even left the parking lot, the guy that answered the door called me to say that the bound guy was his brother and he was bound & blindfolded because it's his bachelor party and the stripper was waiting to come out. I just showed up way earlier than they thought I would.
....wow.
Some dude opened the apartment door completely naked, I was stunned but what came after that made me ask myself is he some kind of f*cking magician. He put a hand behind his back and pulled a wallet. Only reasonable explanation I could give myself was that he tucked the wallet between his buttcheeks.
Sure it wasn't the Village People?
Just simply coming up and there were 3 guys in underwear waiting for me. Handing the pizzas over and more just start coming out in underwear and these were also wearing cowboy hats and Native headdresses, some kind of Bro Halloween party or something. Got to grab my tip out of the dudes bra. It was funny as hell but when I left the building I had to process for a moment what the hell happened.
YIKES.
I had two teenage girls open the door in their underwear, as a joke I guess. They think it's funny but I had to report it to my manager and hope nothing came of it.
Valid question.
GiphyJust the other day showed up to a house to be greeted by two guys (about 25) on the roof in underwear clearly ecstatic about the pizza being delivered.
Did you Walter White the pizza up there?
Good snekko.
Had someone answer the door once with a snake on his shoulders. Not like a milk snake or a garter but a ball python. Probably about 6 feet long. As he closed the door I heard him say to someone that I hadn't reacted at all lol. Sounded so disappointed.
Edit to clarify: this was almost a year ago. I am not a snake expert to so it is quite possible I misidentified the species. Thanks to those who pointed out my mistake.
At least there's a happy ending.
I delivered a pizza to a young girl who was home alone and when she opened the door her dog immediately ran away. I handed her the pizza, got in my car, found the dog and returned it. She left me no tip so I was feeling kind of salty about it on the way back to the restaurant.
A few hours later her Mother called the store asking to speak to me. She thanked me and explained they had left tip money but their daughter was so upset about the dog she forgot to give it to me.
I worked at this pizza place for two more years through college and they would get two large pepperoni pizzas and request me to deliver it every week after that. They always tipped me at least $25.
But when you add in the fact that the customer service employee is also human and also full of all the extremely dumb stuff humans are full of? Well that lethal combination is a recipe for disaster.
This is one of those stories.
The TIFU (Today I Fu**ed Up) subReddit recently lit up with a pizza delivery guy's harrowing story, titled "TIFU by continuously making a customer angry when delivering them pizza." On its face, it seems like just another tale of a customer being that wonderful combo of unlikable and weird.
We've all encountered that guy. But the story quickly takes a hard left into "Oh...no..."
Redditor Kyle__'s story starts off pretty standard. He shows up with some pizzas, knocks on the door of a very loud party and gets a less than enthusiastic greeting when the door opens:
"This massive dude with hair down to his a** answers and yells at me for knocking too loud. I apologized, and went on my way."
Fairly typical "oh I'm SO sorry for DOING MY JOB" customer service stuff, right?
Sure, until the following weekend, when he delivers pizzas to another unit in the same building.
"This tall bald dude answers. I ask him if he knows the guy upstairs, and told him the a**hole upstairs yelled at me for knocking too loud. He looks at me puzzled, and says 'I know, that was me, I bought this 4 plex'. The dude shaved his head. From hair to his a**, to bald."
Yikes.
Our Pizza Dude, after he "instantly died inside" apologized and went on his way, no harm no foul.
Until the next weekend, when he really upped the ante by, well, destroying the dude's property.
"...the loop on my pizza bag got hooked on his mail box that was hung on the fence. It ripped the mail box clear off the fence, and flung it down the stairs."
Can't get worse than this, though, right?
Don't worry, it does.
"It actually bounced off his door when it landed. He opened the door to see me looking like a deer in headlights, frantically pointing at his mailbox (which was bent and twisted now) and trying to explain that I really didn't mean to do it."
And if you can believe it, this guy ended up delivering to this customer again—though thankfully this time there was a happy ending.
"After he paid I nervously said 'Hey, I didn't even insult you or wreck your property this time'. He laughed, said 'good job' and handed me a $5 tip."
Aww!
And now they're best friends.
Just kidding, they actually never crossed paths again, which is probably for the best.
Naturally, Kyle__'s fellow Redditors had plenty to say about this weird tale.
"'I know, that was me' LOL, dying" --u/GrauGeist8888
"Finally a good Tifu, I thought for sure you were gonna end up having sex somehow." --u/Hasnath_249
"Reminds me of the Pizza Delivery Guy from Home Alone who kept running over their damn statue." --u/ChefChopNSlice
And several gave him props for making the best of a sticky situation.
"You didn't FU imo. The man even laughed at your joke and tipped you.I see it as a win considering you destroyed his mailbox and called him an a**hole." --u/Fuhgly
"I dunno, sounds like you handled it well." --u/LostestGoat
Though not exactly everyone was on the pizza guy's side.
"...Don't call customers a**holes to their neighbors (or to anyone really). They might be friends (or the same person in this insane story)." --u/phunkydroid
"Like massive respect to this dude for not punching you" --u/RetardedGaming
And several folks had some wild pizza-related stories of their own to share.
"Oh man, delivering pizzas was generally fun! I was offered a St. Bernard puppy, bags of marijuana, and coke as tips (which I did not take). Only sad I couldn't take the puppy...." --u/Elle3786
"I delivered pizzas in college and I guess I knocked too loud over their music. The guy swung the door opened and yelled at me for 'knocking on the door like I was the cops'"--u/SatireDiva74
"Late to the party here but I was once a pizza driver too. One time I unknowingly delivered a pizza with a slice missing. Turns out one of the guys in back had made a pizza for himself and someone else mistakenly put the ticket on that box."
"The look on the woman's face when I had to re-deliver her pizza was one of pure disgust. She probably really thought I had eaten a slice of their pizza, and likely wasn't sure I didn't tamper with this new one. That was almost 15 years ago and I still think about it sometimes at night and get uncomfortable." --u/RickGrimesLol
Anyway, if there's a moral here, it's this: If you put your foot in your mouth, at least don't up the ante by damaging someone's property.
Customer Service 101, folks.