People With Schizophrenia Reveal When They First Realized Something Was Wrong
People With Schizophrenia Reveal When They First Realized Something Was Wrong
[rebelmouse-image 18358396 is_animated_gif=Like most mental illnesses, people have misconceptions about schizophrenia based on what they've seen in movies or on TV.
To clear up some of the misinformation, Reddit user GrumpyYorke asked "People that have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, what was the first time you noticed something wasn't quite right?"
Here are people's own stories of their experience with schizophrenia and related disorders.
Visitors
[rebelmouse-image 18358397 is_animated_gif=I was in college and I recounted to a teammate about a person who visited me sometimes and they were trying to kill me - this person floated and looked half dead. It never occurred to me that this was a strange thing but the look of shock I was given was really curious to me. It made me think they must never experience something like that. That was the first time I thought maybe something was up. I was referred to a psychiatrist but I didnt talk about the visitations because I didnt think it was any different then talking about people on my sports team. I also started to notice people mentioning that I never talked. It actually took another five years, and an experience I had when I attempted suicide, for me to realize that my experiences and my emotional state were not experienced by most people and that I needed to get help.
Questioning Reality
[rebelmouse-image 18358398 is_animated_gif=I used to think I could see people that weren't there. The girl from the ring used to stand in the corner of my room and point at me while I tried to sleep. That and an old guy that would show up from time to time and wave. I also thought my mother was trying to poison me with her food, so I taught myself to cook (for other reasons as well) to make sure the food was safe.
I wasn't diagnosed as schizoaffective until I had my first psychotic break a couple years ago when I thought people were watching me through the television and following me everywhere I went. I still fight with the paranoia on a seemingly daily basis and as such I don't leave the house for usually more than an hour to go to the gym or twenty minutes to go to the store a few times a week. It doesn't help that my dad built spy software for the government when we first moved to the us. It makes for a shadowy group of people potentially working for the government following you around asking you very personal questions when you're sitting at a cafe almost plausible which is just f'ing terrible to deal with when you have to question reality all the time.
Seeking Help
[rebelmouse-image 18358399 is_animated_gif=I was in the prodrome phase which was early signs. I was constantly going to doctors complaining about suicidal thoughts, anxiety, stomach problems.
I was always brushed off cause I have a degree and a good job, but I was psychotic. I knew things were off and there was something severely wrong with me but one second I believed in Mental health and the next second the delusions took over and meds were a sham perpetrated by "the man"
Cool fact. I actually predicted my hospitalization here on Reddit. I made a post asking when I should go and sure enough later within the week I was hospitalized for my first time ever.
Fears
[rebelmouse-image 18358400 is_animated_gif=I'm not sure what the first time was, but there are certainly some things that stand out in my mind.
When I was 12-ish, I was terrified of the spiders in my room. My mom thought it was because I was afraid of spiders, but individually, I didn't mind them. However, I strongly believed that the spiders on my ceiling and walls coordinated to do me harm. I pretended to be sick in bed one day because there was a spider directly over my door frame, and one beside my light switch, and I could smell an ambush.
Another time, I was in the shower, and something told me that I was dead, very convincingly. I checked the mirror immediately, because TV has conditioned me to think that dead people don't have reflections, I guess. So I finished up in the shower, and got out, and went out into the living room where my family was. Of course, I wasn't dead, but they didn't really acknowledge me when I walked in the room, so I just kind of accepted that I was dead. I went to bed, and for the whole night I thought that I had died, until morning came around.
Those two anecdotes are kind-of lite-mode, I think. The one thing that has really always been present, is music. I hear music almost 24/7. I didn't even realize it was a weird thing, until I started questioning why other people wore headphones.
Finally, when I was around 17, I really started to get paranoid. Like, ludicrously paranoid. I had a small apartment on the second floor of a building, and I kept the blinds and windows closed 100% of the time. I expected, at any moment, for a grenade to be chucked in. I hated leaving my apartment, because there were so many people. I devised strategies for passing them when meeting on a sidewalk. I checked windows and rooftops for snipers. One time, there were too many people on a bus I was supposed to take, so I ended up walking about 40km instead. At one point, I think I really started to break from reality, actually... because I vividly remember trying to work out where the stones on the path in front of me stopped, and the air began, and not really figuring it out.
Shortly thereafter, I completely broke down and went about rebuilding myself.
Violent Impulses
[rebelmouse-image 18358401 is_animated_gif=I spent 30 minutes hovering over my sleeping boyfriend with a pillow. He was a heavy sleeper. I could have killed him. I almost did. I woke him up, sent him home (much to his confusion), spent 10 minutes on hold with my psychiatrists' nurse (I was already being treated for depression), booked an appointment, hauled ass to the clinic, waited 3 hours to be seen, told him everything, got a script, went straight to pharmacy, got my pills, and took them immediately. I've done my absolute best to try and stay medicated properly ever since. Of course I grew up knowing my mother had mental illness, so I was a-typically very educated about the whole thing. Otherwise, he'd likely been dead since 2008.
This was not after a fight. I just was aware things were coming to an end. The relationship was not meant to be. In the heat of the moment, I had the idea that if I killed him he would die my boyfriend. It's not logical. I've always struggled with homicidal thoughts, but this was the first and so far only time I almost committed homicide. By and large I struggle more with suicidal thoughts, but because my schizophrenia often causes me to become catatonic, I've mostly avoided attempts on my life (i.e. my brain performs petrificas totalis when I think of killing myself).
Aliens
[rebelmouse-image 18358402 is_animated_gif=The aliens I was able to see in patterns of furniture, flooring, walls directed me to decipher a code. So I wrote up a notebook of total nonsense and then tried to decipher it. At the back of my mind during this, I was able to see logically that it didn't make sense, but I still had psychosis.
Voices
[rebelmouse-image 18358403 is_animated_gif=I've had Voices All My Life. And at times in my life have been absolutely terrifying. I wake up many many many times in my life thinking that events have happened when they haven't at all and only sometimes even years later I realize that something that I thought had happened never happened. I'm a songwriter and will wake up with songs fully formed not only versus but choruses, rhythms Melodies and everything complete and for a long time I thought my brain was just running a song that I had heard at some point on the radio or whatever but I only after time that I realized that these were originals and I just started catching them. Remember waking up one time thinking that I had nervously pulled out all the hair of half of one of my eyebrows and I walked around for a week waiting for the hair to grow back and being just self-conscious about it.. Then only realize that at the end of the week when I took a look in the mirror I hadn't pulled any out and I must have dreamt it and thought it was real.
Always Had This Feeling That There Was Something Off
[rebelmouse-image 18358404 is_animated_gif=I'm schizotypal. When I was 12, I stopped going to school. I can't really pinpoint what exactly made me stop going other than perhaps an instinct that something wasn't right. I felt uncomfortable all the time, it felt like too much effort to keep up with the social things of school (even though nothing out of the ordinary had happened) and I didn't want to be part of it anymore and became depressed. I think the great discomfort and this really deep feeling of not being like everyone else were the first signs. I was a totally normal kid but I just always had this feeling that there was something off about who I was. I remember having paranoid thoughts that I was actually two years older than my parents told me I was, sometimes other people seemed cartoonish and one-dimensional to me, even sometimes questioned if other people were real, and I was genuinely convinced that nobody actually liked me (I had plenty of friends). Sometimes my tongue would feel huge in my mouth, or I would feel like my feet were miles apart even though I could clearly see they were right next to each other. But of course as a kid I didn't know that any of these things were abnormal and you don't really tell people either, so it wasn't until I stopped going to school that my parents had any idea that something was wrong.
I went through psychoeducation (not sure if that's the english term though) in the psychiatry a few years back and it was really helpful for me to learn about the typical early signs of psychosis, so I know what to pay attention to and when to slow down.
Timelapse
[rebelmouse-image 18358405 is_animated_gif=Time was passing strangely and my memories are fuzzy about the worst of it. I remember realizing I couldn't function at work. I asked my boss if I could leave and walked home ( I didn't live far). I called either my boyfriend at the time or my mom on the way and said something was wrong and I needed help.
I had been prescribed some anti-anxiety medication shortly before that but it put me into a downward spiral. I was trying to save the world. I wanted to solve major problems like world hunger. Problems I had no business trying to figure out.
Something had happened with my vision. I have NEVER experienced this before and it was so bizarre. I don't know if it had anything to do with schizophrenia or if it was a side effect of the medication but lights...just regular lights in an office or the sun outside...they were so BRIGHT. I remember when I finally went into a treatment center to speak with someone I had to squint everywhere I went. It was painful. Also I remember being asked why I couldn't look at the person who was giving me a questionnaire (it was so bright) so I'm pretty sure that I really did go through that.
No one ever explained to me why I went through this. If anyone knows anything about this or has experienced something similar, I'm all ears.
Anyway...the main parts. Feeling watched. And for some reason I "knew" where the cameras were. In vents, cracks in walls, old punctures from thumb tacs. Radio, movies and television was tough. I remember being in my car and hearing a voice coming out of my radio talking TO me. Some voice explaining that they were just checking up on me and that they'd be back later. It was hard to watch TV and enjoy my shows.
I did get hospitalized when this happened. On the way when I was in the ambulance I thought that I was on my way to become part of a team that was going to save the world. Obama was leading it and picked me. :/ Yeah i know...
What else... I didn't think my mother was really my mother. She was chosen to take care of me. And my father (parents had seperated when I was very young) had really only left because he was testing my character and once I was proven a "good person" he would come back into my life with plenty of money I could live off of. That delusion is pretty embarrassing.
I'm glad there was at least some part of me that said "help" while it was all happening and I was able to get some medication to help. It's the most frightening thing I've ever been through and I feel fortunate that I've been able to gain stability and work and be happy since all that.
Late Onset
[rebelmouse-image 18358406 is_animated_gif=Im not your typical case i was 30 years old when i started to hear voices. I was getting ready for a camping trip with the family when i herd someone say "You are doing it wrong". I was in my garage by myself getting my boat ready, it made my blood run cold. I looked everywhere thinking someone was playing a trick on me but found nobody.
The next 4 months where a living hell at my house. I started seeing people in my house at work even outside. They would just stand in corners or walk by a doorway i was literally freaking out non-stop. I thought it would go away but it didnt.
I finally told my wife when the voices started telling me to kill my wife and daughter. She was very supportive even went to the doctor appointments with me. After a brief stay in the hospital they got my meds worked out and the voices and people stopped manifesting. From time to time I will hear something or see something and i know its not real i just ignore them and move on with what ever im doing
Auditory Hallucinations
[rebelmouse-image 18358407 is_animated_gif=I noticed something wasn't right probably around 19 years old. Because schizophrenia makes you think your hallucinations are normal, the first time I heard a random voice talking to me I didn't realize it shouldn't be happening or that it wasn't real, I thought there was really a woman talking to me despite the fact there wasn't anyone there, eh. Anyway I still am not sure how much of my major depression and serious unhappiness was due to the abusive relationship I was in, and how much of it was from the schizophrenia but around 19 years old everything hit the fan. I couldn't put up with everything that was happening. I had this disconnected from reality feeling happening and was starting to act strangely like sending cryptic messages to my ex's friends. I was slowly starting to go downhill. There were signs that I didn't realize, like people were telling me I was blacking out and doing strange things like staring out windows for an hour just standing there while a group of people outside look at me like what is she doing...or putting cigarettes out on my bare foot...didn't realize it was happening AT ALL...like when I black out my mind creates an alternate reality that seems totally normal...like when I put the cigarette out on my foot I was thinking about it but I didn't realize I was doing it, I thought I was just walking down the sidewalk. Little stuff like this just kept building and building until I felt I was losing my mind and I had to go see a doctor. He diagnosed me depression and mild psychosis, that diagnosis has changed to schizoaffective with depression which is basically schizophrenia combined with a mood disorder. It really stinks to this type of sick...even medicated I'm not fully normal.
Started With Depression
[rebelmouse-image 18358408 is_animated_gif=I am schizo-affective. It all started with depression, which in hindsight might be the deficit, that people who are schizo develop prior to positive symptoms or hearing things. I ve always been the quiet boy. I don't know if my quiet personality let me develop depression or if my depression caused my quietness.
I realized something was wrong early in my childhood, cause I always saw people do things all the time, that I wouldn't have done or said in my wildest dreams. I to this day can not figure out how to live a life you want to live or how to "dream". It's not that I don't want a happy life with a wife, kids etc. It's just, that I can not ever imagine asking girls out, saying what I think about that selfish, self-centered co-worker I have to sit next to or generally doing anything, that is meaningful to someone else or myself. But enough with the bragging.
First time I heard voices was in my apartment and it was always whispers of neighbors I heard. At first I wasn't able to understand them. Then I thought I did. They sounded real, because by the loudness of their voices, they could in fact have been my neighbors talking about me.
But one day I drove alone in the car and still heard voices. I turned off the radio to hear the voices and realized, that there can in fact be no people whispering outside my car, since I was driving all the time.
That's when I realized, I'm not only depressed and a siciophobic, but am completely nuts.
It starts making me even more depressed thinking about, that I have no chance of ever escaping that disease and having to deal with it the rest of my life.
Paranoia
[rebelmouse-image 18358409 is_animated_gif=I'm diagnosed schizoaffective. It started with a bipolar diagnosis when I was a teenager, so I knew I wasn't all there to begin with. I went off my meds for a few years and had pretty mild symptoms. I was going to school and doing well.
In my junior year of college I started getting paranoia pretty badly. It started off mild enough, I think I've always been a little paranoid. It got progressively worse over the course of a couple months and got to the point where I constantly thought I was being followed or on the verge of being physically attacked.
Then I started seeing things. Just little things at first. Bugs crawling on the wall or flying around in the corner of my eye. I would think I saw people and then I'd focus on them and there would be nothing there. Mostly standing on sidewalks while I was driving, which was fun.
It crept up on me to where I didn't think a whole lot about it at first. Maybe a little "that's odd" or thinking something was unusual. Then I kinda took a step back and realized, "Hey. That's not right. I'm freaked out all the time and constantly feel like I'm being hunted down. Maybe I should go back to the doctor."
And now I've been medicated for a couple years. It keeps creeping back up little by little and we just kinda throw more meds at it. I'm pretty functional and as far as I know only a select few know about it
Memory Loss
[rebelmouse-image 18358410 is_animated_gif=I've been diagnosed as Schizoaffective (Bi-Polar type). Basically means that symptoms of the two disorder present themselves.
Something wasn't quite right when my memory started to decline. Then my cognition got worse, if that makes sense. I'd start walking somewhere, and halfway there, I'd forget how I'd arrived at my location, or why I was even there. I thought I had stumbled out of a dream.
Then I started giving too much weight to ridiculous thoughts and ideas. Normally humans can dismiss stupid ideas like their thoughts are conspiring with the universe to give people cancer, or that everyone is conspiring against you, but...sometimes it went a little too far.
I didn't see anything explicitly wrong because I was still functioning well enough. I just chalked it up to my over-active imagination. I should have gotten help when I started seeing and hearing things. Shadow people lunging at me, following me...Bugs on my skin. Took a certain episode until I did.
Meds were tremendous help, and now in my life, I am doing very well.
Seeing Things
[rebelmouse-image 18358411 is_animated_gif=I'm on medication for schizoaffective disorder and it's helped tremendously. However.
Before I was diagnosed I spent most days in fear of being alone in my home (even though I would isolate myself to my bedroom) because of the visual hallucinations. Some of them were in my peripheral vision, but I used to see hands snaking over the backs of furniture, like couches or beds. It would terrify me. Also, as soon as I would begin to relax, especially before bed, I would hear voices and deep, loud growls. Once I had a friend staying with me and she didn't respond to it and I realized that maybe something was wrong. It took 3 years after that for me to seek medical attention. I would think I was getting better because it would stop, just to return a few days or weeks later.
Family
[rebelmouse-image 18358412 is_animated_gif=My mom has this and constantly talks to the FBI and Obama. She also talks to her doctor who tells her not to take her meds. We have had her committed a few times because she would get very angry and disappear for a day in her car and get lost. She a!so doesn't believe my dad is her husband. I have a recording of her talking about it and it's chilling.
It's a really unfortunate and life stealing disease. I could go on for years talking about the different things she has seen and people she talks to.
Just know for anyone reading this that has a friend or relative with this disorder, they believe everything they see and hear. It is as real to them as the air you breathe. Don't get mad at them; try and help them. Thanks.
Newcomer
[rebelmouse-image 18358413 is_animated_gif=My first symptoms were visual and auditory illusions, specifically speech, I didn't hear anything else at the start. I found out something is up when during a conversation with my friends, a person just randomly joined in the conversation, and since no one acted I thought I was the only one who didn't know the person and rolled with it. A bit later my friends asked me who I am speaking to, concerned. I pointed to the newcomer, and he gave a little wave back. Of course, I was the only one who "saw" him. Ironically at the time I thought everyone but me was crazy. After being diagnosed with schizophrenia the guy accepted himself as a part of my imagination. Or technically I imagined a guy who accepted himself as my imagination. Psychologically dealing with schizophrenia is mind boggling.
Monster Under the Bed
[rebelmouse-image 18358415 is_animated_gif=The space under my bed began talking to me in my dreams, then not in my dreams. The first thing I ever remember it saying was "don't worry I'm not going to kill your mom". I was 8 or 9 years old.
Early Onset
[rebelmouse-image 18358416 is_animated_gif=I had an early onset of symptoms, at the age of 12. I was stressed out for different reasons and lived with only my mum, who also has schizophrenia. It skewed my baseline a bit.
I don't remember the exact first thing that changed, but there were milder early signs. If I stepped on the pavement in this particular pattern, my mum would get better. I walked very strangely as a result, turned around one afternoon and a group of boys from school were laughing at me. I could sense that someone was in the room with me, sometimes. I'd turn on the television, and somebody would say something on the sitcom that matched up exactly with what I was thinking, like we were having a conversation. I'd open a book and there would be a very specific message that seemed like too much of a coincidence. Hallucinations in schizophrenia are usually auditory, but all of mine have tactile and visual. I found lots of tiny pieces of paper stuck on my bedroom wall and when I drew closer to read them, they'd divide by 2. When I went even closer, they'd divide by 2 again. So I could never read what was written on them. I ended up as an involuntary inpatient at a children's psychiatric ward when I was 14, which exacerbated the symptoms further.
I read a paper in my psychology minor where a group of researchers asked for childhood home videos of people who would later be diagnosed with schizophrenia. It was a blinded study, and researchers found that they could pick which child would grow up to be diagnosed with psychosis based on their motor patterns. The children tended to be clumsier and walk in a stereotypical fashion. Not surprising since the motor system is neurological. The gut system (enteric nervous system) is also neurological, and has been implicated in schizophrenia and more commonly developmental disorders like autism. It's kind of interesting, because it's believed that the first signs of schizophrenia aren't positive symptoms (hallucinations, delusions), but negative symptoms like withdrawal, anhedonia (feeling flat), social interaction issues. So perhaps there's a step even before that.
I'm in med school now and a bit nervous about my psychiatry rotation actually, because I know patients in the public system aren't always treated with dignity. Fortunately my cohort of students and the staff in my hospital placement are absolutely wonderful people who I trust will treat patients with respect.
Antisocial
[rebelmouse-image 18358418 is_animated_gif=I wasn't social because voices told me people were plotting against me. After being in enough situations where I was forced to be social I noticed that a lot of people were actually pretty nice and the ones who weren't didn't care enough about me to do anything. Once I realized that was a lie I started looking for other things to be suspicious about.
The voices are not internal. They're an audible voice.
The voices are not my own voice or the voice of anyone I know. They're unique.
Not all the voices are bad. Now that I'm in a place where the bad ones don't affect me as much there are some nice ones, too.
The voices don't have a set volume. I don't hear voices as often now and when I do it tends to be muffled, like when you butt dial someone and they're trying to get your attention from your pocket. But they can range anywhere from a whisper to a shout.
I'm in a much better place now.
While we've all seen familiar items in TV shows, or even obvious product placement, most TV shows and movies also include items that were specifically made for their story line.
Though they're meant to be fictitious, we can't lie and say that we haven't wished for some of these items to be real.
Redditor splendid_moisture asked:
"What is your favorite fictitious product from a TV show?"
Instant Toast
"As someone who doesn’t have a toaster and hates the wait time but loves toast, that instant toast-cutting knife from 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' sounds reallyyy good right about now."
- TechsSandwich
Quick-Fix Prescriptions
"'Colon Blow' from SNL (Saturday Night Live) with Phil Hartman."
- Ok_Report_6272
"Or Chris Farley’s 'Hibernol.'"
"While you sleep, living off stored body fat, the cold will run its course. In fact, many other colds and flus may come and go, but you won’t even know it, because you’re out cold!"
- Bosoxbooster
Vitameatavegamin
"Vitameatavegamin from 'I Love Lucy.'"
- Wonderful_Horror7215
"It's so tasty, too!"
- emmennwhy
"Just like candy... honest."
- spitel
"Do you pop out at parties? Are you unpoopular?"
- 1201_alarm
"Lucy, you got some 'splainin to do!"
- deadwood
Big Kahuna Burger
"The Big Kahuna Burger from 'Pulp Fiction'!?"
- naugasnake
"That's some serious gourmet s**t."
- r2mayo
"Now THAT is a tasty burger!"
- quackupreddit
Log Log Log
"'Log' from 'Ren and Stimpy.'"
- Canazabis
"What rolls down stairs, alone or in pairs, and over your neighbor's dog?"
- BetterThanHorus
"What's great for a snack and fits on your back?"
- WishBear19
"IT'S LOG, LOG, LOG."
- maggot_smegma
Bachelor Chow
"Bachelor Chow from 'Futurama.'"
- TheRogueToad
"When I was a bachelor, there was a time when I was like, 'I could go for that if it were a real thing...'"
- macjoven
"The way my husband ate before we got married? Yeah, I'm pretty sure he would have just bought Bachelor Chow by the case and eaten it from the can with a spoon every day. They were pretty on point with that one, lol (laughing out loud)."
- niceoldgranny
Krabby Patty
"The Krabby Patty of course."
- DarkCinnamon
"Ravioli, ravioli, give me the formuoli."
- grantgoldenboy
"It'd probably taste bad to humans. It's made for sea creatures and is meant to be eaten underwater."
- fluffynuckels
Products from "Back to the Future"
"Hoverboards from 'Back to the Future.'"
- VodkaMargarine
"I'd actually rather have the pizza hydrator."
- Hammerheadhunter
"Those auto-tighten shoes he wears in 'Back to the Future 2' blew my little mind back in the day. They're actually a thing now."
- TripleB_Darksyde
Veridian Dynamics, Period.
"Anything from Veridian Dynamics on 'Better Off Ted.'"
- Paxil_popper
"Even the weaponized pumpkins?"
"...I sure miss 'Better Off Ted.'"
- UnitedCitizen
"'Veridian Dynamics. We're the future of food, developing the next generation of food and food-like products. Tomatoes... the size of this baby, lemon-flavored fish, chicken that lay 16 eggs a day, which is a lot for a chicken, organic vegetables chock-full of antidepressants.'"
"'At Veridian Dynamics, we can even make radishes so spicy that people can't eat them, but we're not, because people can't eat them. Veridian Dynamics. Food. Yum.'"
- Hey_look_new
"The commercials were the best part. 'We treat our employees like family. That’s why we make them work weekends and all major holidays, because that’s when families should be together.'"
- edgestander
Also Anything by ACME
"The complete ACME line of products from 'Looney Tunes.'"
- sickelite
"Slingshot, dynamite, they've got it all!"
- Snoo-35252
An Egg Salad Sandwich
"The egg salad sandwich that Fry ate in 'Futurama' that made him smarter and muscular."
- wrexmason
"What's that black cracker? Tomato."
- Mdmrtgn
Fight Milk
"'Fight Milk' from 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.'"
- DrRonny
"I drink some every day so I can fight like a crow."
- Caiden0907
Resources from 'Star Trek'
"The replicator from Star Trek. Though not too sure if it categorizes as a product in a world without money."
- AdmiralClover
"The Holodeck!"
- sharrrper
"Yes, and the transporter... though it freaks me out."
- RhymesWithLasagna
"Even 'Star Trek' has a character who doesn't like them."
- AdmiralClover
"Totally! I get why. I've had so many conversations about it with my husband trying to understand the theory especially when the transporter pads are used vs site to site transports... And it seems to me a person is taken apart and then put back together elsewhere, and it's questionable if that's the same person really. But the convenience seems so wonderful!"
- RhymesWithLasagna
Cleaning Supplies
"Mr. Sparkle."
"It's disrespectful to dirt."
- okay_victory_yes
Getting By with a Little Help from Our Friends
"The milk spout thing that Joey was in a commercial for on 'Friends.'"
- InspectionNo9917
"ÜBERWEISS from 'Friends.' As a German, I can't stop laughing about it."
- Ser_Optimus
"Ross's sandwich from Season Five of 'Friends' that Monica saved for him. I know I could make something similar, but I want that one."
- Cho596
From food to cleaning supplies to techy gadgets, it seems most viewers have wanted something to be real from their favorite shows at some point.
Somehow, our shows would feel all the more real if we could connect through a shared object, in the way we've already shared experiences with our favorite characters.
Traditions are passed down from generation to generation and are preserved because they provide a sense of comfort.
Groups of people and families repeat time-honored customs without a compelling reason other than the fact that it's what the generation before them engaged in.
However, there are some traditions that are outdated by today's standards and are ones people could do without.
These were explored when Redditor NewImprovement1160 asked:
"What’s a tradition that you think people should get rid of?"
Cakes are meant for consuming, not this.
Unwelcome Facial
"Smashing of the face on the birthday cake."
– Arlington817
"Similarly, shoving cake in your new spouse's face during a wedding reception. I hate it."
– whomp1970
Red Flag?
"This tradition is so bad. The bride perfects her makeup and gets her face slathered with cake and can't just wash it off like a guy would."
"One of my friends was getting married and she told me she discussed the cake smashing with her fiancé before hand and explained why he shouldn't do it. When it came time, they fed each other and she dabbed a small bit of frosting on his nose; everyone laughed, it was cute."
"He was offended and tried to smash the whole plate in her face. She backed away in time and walked away; everyone was laughing...except for him. He chased her down, grabbed her by the neck, and smeared his cake all over her face. It was like watching a 10-year-old teach his 6-year-old sibling a lesson."
"She tried to laugh it off as she retreated to the bathroom for repairs, but I could tell she was seething. The room went ice-cold."
A Follow-Up
"To everyone asking if she immediately dumped him: of course not, this was a real story. They've been married for 20 years and have a couple of kids. She was 22 and poor and the hottest (horse) girl at our university, working on her Mrs. degree. He was 30 with his own business; he bought her a Porsche she uses to travel the horse jumping circuit with her daughter (and her horse). He wanted a trophy wife and she wanted to be a wealthy SAHM; they both got what they were looking for."
– abe_froman_king_saus
Redditors share trauma they've experienced when they were younger.
Borderline Abuse
"I agree so much!!! I've had a family member do it to a young child who cried. What an a**hole!"
– razometer
"I was a young child this happened to. My father's then-girlfriend (later wife, now ex-wife) smashed my face into my cake on my 6th birthday. All I remember was a ruined birthday cake and running out of the room, confused and crying. It's been nearly 30 years, and I still haven't forgiven her."
– squidgemobile
Negative Reaction
"My father in-law did it to his 12y.o. nephew. The nephew punched him in the face and then they tussled and had to be separated. Lol."
– 2ShredsUsay39
Unplanned Swim
"I hate cold water. A lot! As an adult, I can prepare for it, and just go against the grain, and make myself feel tough. But as a kid, it was just always unpleasant to me to be in cold water."
"A family friend, aware of this, threw me into a cold pool once. What the actual f'k? I cried, because I was like, 8. But a bunch of adults thought it was funny, so cool, right?"
– YossiTheWizard
Culture Clash
"I married into a Honduran family, love them all…seriously the greatest people I’ve ever met (minus Carlos..he’s a dick 🥹) and this is a huge thing that I’ve been fighting them on. Smash my kids face into their cake and you’ll be eating drywall. 😂 violent sure but I’m not kidding"
And you thought tying the knot was always a good thing.
No Other Option
"Forced marriages."
– AnnemarieOakley
"I have an Indian friend and his parents basically just sent his wife here from India and said you’re marrying her a couple years ago. I don’t understand it at all but I think they do it like a business deal back at home."
– jadedmonk
Explaining Arranged Vs. Forced Marriages
"It should be clarified in most cases there is a difference between 'arranged' marriages and 'forced' marriages. Arranged marriages are still quite common but the prospective couple each have the ability to say no. Essentially the parents are finding who they think is a good match but it’s not uncommon for either person to back out (especially these days). In the case of your friend his parents just suck."
– Fried_puri
How Deep Is Your Love...And Your Wallet?
"Super extravagant and expensive weddings."
– llcucf80
"I'll add in spending enough money to make a down payment on a car or home for an engagement ring as well."
– OkVolume1
Paying For Rites Of Passage
"Expensive wedding and funerals, specially with funerals, that person is already dead."
– ALI4MHR
"My brother was telling his wife and me about his wishes after he is gone. He wants to be cremated, his ashes thrown in a coffee tin, and then scattered in the mountains. He also does not want a funeral or memorial service. He just wants his friends and family to get trashed the very night of his passing."
– ShangLoongMa
I've always said this and believe to be true.
Tipping should no longer be customary.
People working in the service industry deserve higher wages, and it's not up to the customer to determine if a server at a restaurant will be making enough that week to put food on their own table.
Other countries don't have this tipping system and somehow I've managed to have excellent service.
There are no expectations and pressure imposed on both the server and patron.
While all couples promise that they will commit to one another "till death do us part," not all couples are able to fulfill these vows.
Sadly, some couples learn after committing to one another that they were not meant to be married, resulting in a divorce.
For most couples, it's a slow discovery, as they begin to learn more about one another, as well as themselves, eventually shedding light on the fact that they simply aren't compatible.
For others, they discovered that their marriage was beyond salvation after one, eye-opening moment.
"Divorced people of Reddit, when did you know it was over?
A Worrisome Sign Of Their Future
"When her grandma died."
"It was her dad's mom and a wonderful lady, who died peacefully."
"Her dad called me sobbing, saying he was a mess and needed someone to talk to."
"I told him I would come straight over and then called my wife."
"Her response?"
"He was being over dramatic and she was with her mom (his wife) and they were ignoring his texts and calls."
"WTF?!?! "
"His mom just died."
"He is sad and alone."
"Went over there and hung out for a while and realized that if I stayed married I was looking at my future self."
"FIL is a good guy and treated like a stray dog."
'They have separate bedrooms."
"She hates him."
"Has made their kids hate him."- _Stamos
All Take, No Give
"We went to counseling."
"She talked about the things she needed and wasn't getting."
"Counselor asked me if I could work on those."
"I said yes."
"This took the whole first session."
"Second session happens a week later."
"I talked about the things that I needed and wasn't getting."
"Counselor asked her if she could work on those."
"She kept avoiding and redirecting."
"On the drive home she said she wanted to find a new counselor, this one wasn't the right one."
"Went to a new counselor a few weeks later."
"First session was a repeat."
"So was the second."
"She said we should find a better counselor."
"I asked 'one that agrees with you?'"
"And she said yes."
"Then I was done."
"Yes, I'm doing much better now."
"We don't keep in touch, but I think she is too."
"I don't want to make it seem like she was terrible and I was a saint."
"We were a bad match."
"This was just the point I knew we couldn't fix it."- PatrickKieliszek
When You COULD Wait To See Them Again
"Driving home from work, coming around the corner, and feeling disappointment to see her car in the driveway."- lucky_ducker·
Filled Their Heart With Anything But Joy
"When I realized I was more at peace when he wasn't around."
"I was calmer, less anxious, and smiling more."
"Also, when I realized I would smother my smiles or hide happy news so he wouldn't have a chance to ruin whatever I was enjoying."- LurkSmurf
Not Their Only Love
"My ex thought I was working out of town."
"She had been having an affair for about three months and totally thought I didn’t know and she had me buffaloed."
"This was way back before cell phones, but she had been call forwarding our phone to her new boyfriends number so when I called her I would think I was reaching her at our apartment."
"I came home about 10:00 pm one evening and she wasn’t home, I called her boyfriend's number, and she answered the phone."
"I asked her what she was doing and she told me she just climbed into bed for the night, I asked her whose bed she climbed into."
"There was a long pause."
" I told her I knew what she was doing and where she was."
"The last thing I said to her was that I was leaving my wedding ring on the nightstand on her side of the bed."
"That was over 40 years ago."
"Been married to a wonderful woman for a very long time now, all is good."- wyoflyboy68
Just One Of Those Nights...
"It was weird."
"I was sitting on the couch, and she was in the recliner."
"I looked at her, and it was like I didn't even know her."
"I thought... I don't like you and I wouldn't even date you now."
"We just grew apart."
"I said, 'do you want to break up?'"
"She replied, 'I thought you'd never ask... yep. It's been over for awhile'."
"It was amicable, and we went our separate ways."
"No hard feelings it was just done."- TotalDomination1952
Sad On So Many Levels
"When he told me he married me to punish me for getting pregnant and he was going to spend the rest of his life making my life a hell because I stole his childhood."
"Friends, he was 24."- Puzzleheaded-War-113
Manipulative Games
"When she filed for divorce, but didn't actually want a divorce."
"That's when I realized I couldn't put up with any more of her sh*t."
"If she was willing to file for divorce (and thought I was going to pay for it all), I knew it had gone way too far."
"I spent the next two years trying to finalize that divorce with her trying to stay married."- Azzizzi
A Literal Sign
"Left work to drive home."
"Hour commute."
"Passed an apartment complex with a vacancy sign."
"Started thinking seriously about why I was driving home."- ReallyFineWhine
Love can be very confusing and misleading.
Sometimes, we think we're in love and discover much too late that we were wrong.
Other times, even if love was genuine, it wasn't enough to fix something which couldn't be unbroken.
Every decade we learn and grow.
Well, we hope we do.
Everything changes with the passing of time.
Sex is especially fluid.
They say the older you get the better it gets.
I'm not sure for myself, but it sounds like it's working out for a lot of other people.
20s are full of verve and energy.
30s are full of bitterness and regret from the sex in the 20s.
Though that can be hot too.
Redditor Infinite_Werewolf395 wanted to hear about how things can change over the course of a decade when it comes to sexy time, so they asked:
"What is the biggest difference between sex in your 20s and sex in your 30s?"
I guess I was maybe little more confident in my 30s.
That was a plus.
Never Settle
"I gained the confidence to ask for what I actually want and say what feels good to me and what doesn't. Too many people just go with what they usually do in the sack, instead of talking about what each individual actually enjoys."
"Basically, I no longer settle for bad sex."
mynamecouldbesam
Continue
"20s: It didn't really take a lot to get me going, just 1. being in my bed, and 2. being mostly nude was enough."
"30s: I really need them to be into it, too. Like... if they act like they're only doing this to make me happy, I pick up on it and I just can't continue. I also need them to like, show some interest in me too, or it takes some monumental effort to be in the mood. I'm more particular, and more aware of what the other party is doing and how they're reacting, etc."
We1tfunk
Real Struggle
"The amount of time you have available."
frenix5
"Not necessarily. In general, life just gets busy. My husband and I are in our 30s with no kids and still find this a struggle. Life just gets busier the older you get. We have to work hard on prioritizing our relationship."
TheSilentBaker
"There’s a hell of a lot more planning involved. Gotta schedule that crap out in advance."
KosstAmojan
Learning
"I'm 35 dating a 27 yr old. I tried the pills and all kinds of different things. Eventually, we had this one time where I was really Into it (never happens anymore really. Can't keep it up so it's hard to comply when it's initiated cause I know it'll just end in disappointment for both of us) and It was the best sex we'd had in years."
"I'm still not sure what factors were different that day but I honestly think it was probably mostly emotional reinforcement. Usually, she just starts grabbing at me and there's no romance so it's hard to get... hard. I think that day we actually did some foreplay. Anyways this has really helped me a lot reading all the responses. I figured I was just freakin' cursed. Never got much action in my prime."
"It just seemed appropriate that when I was finally getting some my sh*t would stop working lol. Good to know that I'm not the only man who puts importance on the emotional component of sex. Thought that was my problem for a while too. Guess I just have emotional needs that aren't being met and it's bleeding into other facets of my life."
MurphNastyFlex
Still Hot
So Excited Reaction GIF by OriginalsGiphy"Sex in the 30s are about a million times better. Still very very horny but also experienced, skills, more willing to try things."
probablyurprofessor
I didn't find this to be true.
That's me though.
The Process
Bored Season 5 GIF by The OfficeGiphy"Sex got better. I finally figured out what my wife likes. Though a long tedious trial and error process."
SaiyanGodKing
Ruts
"Exploration is difficult once you’ve fallen into a rut. Routines become commonplace. I’m such a sub these days that I don’t mind bad sex for me as long as I can make my partner climax. It’s easy to tell with men, but with women partners I'm always afraid they’re faking or acting, so there definitely needs to be established trust first."
pissoff1818
Decades of Learning
"Teens: did it like a nympho, but sex was mediocre. 20's: did it like a nympho, sex was a little better. 30's: started figuring out what I wanted. Did it a little less, but better quality. 40's: best and most frequent sex yet. Hornier and more experimental now than ever before."
"(Edited to add: had kids in late 20's, early 30's. Kids consume so much time and energy. Kids are getting older now, so more time and energy for sex again. Honestly sex in 40's has been the freakiest, wildest, most fulfilling yet)."
ChristyCurious
Let's Sleep
"20s: sex?? Yeah!! I’ll have sex!"
"30s: sex? Hmmm okay but it’s already 8:30pm and so if we start now and stop by 9:30 we should still get a full nights sleep but also we could wait until Friday or Saturday night that might be better because if we are up too late it won’t really matter much the next day but sure yeah let’s do it! F**k it who cares wait what was that oh one of the kids is at the door."
Hopeful_Jello_7894
Perfection
"Oh man, it's so much better in my 30s than it's ever been. Multiple reasons but primarily finding a partner (my perfect wife) who has helped break down my walls through conversation and experimenting together. I feel so much less guilt about sex now and I can actually enjoy it. Not sure if it was being raised with Catholic guilt or my first gf being just the wrong partner but wow did I ever feel awful about anything sexual before."
Leebollomew
Learning and Growth
Think Winnie The Pooh GIFGiphy"I’ve got something I haven’t seen yet..."
"20s: As a dude, I’d sleep with almost any woman even if they were a horrible person or I hated their guts."
30: Anything considered a red flag or something I don’t want to deal with causes me to go limp and I lose all interest."
Slappyhandz
A decade can really change everything.
Farewell youth.