People Describe The Stupidest Thing They've Seen A Religious Person Call 'Satanic'
Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

Religion is not that hard, people.

Attend whatever service you feel is right, take the lessons to learn how to better yourself, and then use those lessons to better yourself. That's it.

It's when religious people start policing the world that problems tend to arise. Satan isn't everywhere, regardless of what some of these people might think.

Reddit user, Dreammare56, wanted to know when someone's values crossed the line when they asked:

"Whats the stupidest thing you ever seen a religious person call "satanic"?"

You wouldn't expect your food to be accused of being a satanist, but, this is the world we live in.

Lost In Translation

"Godzilla" because god's name shouldn't be used like that. Told his kids there was a spelling error and it's actually called "Goodzilla"


"I didn't expect THIS to come up. I don't think that he knows that Godzilla is literally the English transliteration of Gojira."


Everyone Knows Satan Isn't A Scorpio

"I knew this Christian lady that refused to eat deviled eggs."

"Edit: my wife said her cousins weren't allowed to eat candy on Halloween when they were kids because their mom didn't want to celebrate the "devils birthday"."


"Had a young cousin who thought they were ‘doubled eggs’ until a relative corrected him; he refused to eat them afterwards. Much cuter hill to die on when you’re only four."


It's The Fire, Isn't It?

"Without a shred of sarcasm I once heard an evangelical describe hot cheetos as a product of the devil"


"When you feel your a--hole burning after eating those, you'll understand."


The devil can come out at you anywhere, they might think. Technology is no exception.

Imaginative Gaming Takes All Kinds Of Form

"The same teacher who taught abstinence only sex-ED class took away my deck of Magic cards because they were satanic."

"How am i supposed to keep my virginity without my Magic cards!?"


"The satanic panic around Dungeons and Dragons also cracks me up. Can't have the kids getting together for math and creative writing."


Listen To Your Heart, And You'll Find Satan, Apparently

"My wife's mother pulled her out of the carebears movie when she was a kid because the bears were casting satanic spells out of their stomachs. My wife still holds a grudge."


"I appreciate your wife's dedication to this grudge. I will die mad about it, in solidarity. That was rude af."


Wait For It...

"Back in the 90's my family had a home pc. We didn't have much so this computer was a big deal to my brothers and I. For school work and some good ole fashioned DOS games. My dad managed to figure out how to get a screen saver with sound onto the computer, was quite proud of himself too. He failed to mention this screensaver to my mother who is VERY religious."

"So one day I am sitting in highschool and get called to the principals office mid 2nd period. Now I am a darn near straight A student, who didn't get in trouble ever. So this isn't something that has ever happened to me. I get to the office, and I was told my mother called and was very very distraught and I needed to head home to be with her. I hear the secretary telling another office staff that she was losing her mind, and a few variations to that effect."

"I rush home to find the pastor from church, performing an exorcism on our computer. My mother praying fervently through gasping sobs. The pastor and my mother prayed for sometime, before my dad came home. My dad gets home mad he was called home then he just starts laughing hysterically. Calls my mom a few variations of dumb, goes and wiggles the mouse to bring the computer up and plays the darth vader screen saver he added to the computer. "Give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant" “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” "You underestimate the power of the Dark Side. If you will not fight, then you will meet your destiny." "

"You know all the come to the darkside quotes. With a picture of darth vaders face. Of course my mother couldn't get the computer to do it again because she kept messing with it, and it never went back to sleep mode. So of course her first thought was we had a evil satanic computer possessed by the devil himself. The pastor just quietly snuck out with me during my dads laughing and my moms sobs."


You would think you would know if your body was possessed by the lord of darkness, wouldn't you? Especially if it was in your mouth.


Roots In History

"Being left handed...a church I visited wouldn't let me play music bc of it"


"Medieval and early modern witch hunters used to believe left handed people were witches, because it was "unnatural". In fact, the word sinister comes from the latin word for left"


Just Keep Smiling...

"A toothache. "The devil is trying to enter my body." Was the quote. Initially i thought they were making a weird joke. They were serious."


"Ah yes, teeth. The portal to the soul"


"They are the root of all evil."


Hence, The Plot Of "Footloose"

"Back in the 70s it was a lot of stupid: bar codes. The little symbol on Proctor & Gamble products. Yoga and/or meditation. Lots of different music by different artists. My small town Christian private school had a particular teacher who was absolutely dying mad about his students' fondness for Michael Jackson, AC/DC, and other bands of the time."

"The funniest one of all was dancing. The joke around my (conservative Christian) college in the 80s was that sex was outlawed because it could lead to dancing... for some bizarre reason the administration thought dancing was totally evil."


The devil is in the details, and his greatest trick was convincing us he never existed.

Odds are he's never been in "The Care Bears Movie." Just for the record.

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