There's a show on Hulu called A Teacher that made me think about the repercussions of a teacher having an illicit affair with a seventeen-year-old student.
While the controversial topic is justifiably subject to condemnation, the show delicately depicted each characters' emotional turmoil and their families in the aftermath.
While many in these types of forbidden relationships don't end well, Redditor Sadebiru was curious to hear from those familiar with the situation and asked:
These Redditors faced immediate disciplinary consequences for their involvement in their respective intimacies, but one suffered emotional trauma for years.
The Trauma Of Being Used
"My English teacher used me as a sperm donor. She slept with me until she got pregnant and then stopped. She didn't even bother to switch schools so I wouldn't know. This was about 50 years ago and it still crosses my mind and bothers me. So the fallout on my side was being mentally messed up for about 4 years and not being able to have a normal sexual relationship for a long time."
Predatory Soccer Coach
"I had a very inappropriate relationship with the assistant soccer coach. His contract was not renewed the next year and I was the subject of gossip, obviously, and labeled the school sl*t by my classmates. It was a very small private school so there was literally no way to keep anything secret. It was only later on I realized he'd taken advantage of me and was, obviously, a sicko who knew I'd fall for the flattery of an older guy the rest of the girls on the team thought was cute."
Sleeping With The P.E. Teacher
"My cousin Adrian slept with the physical education teacher. It was in the mid 1980s, and it right near the end of the school year. She was immediately transferred and he lost his school reference and was suspended for the remainder of the year, which was like four weeks from memory."
"he was no angel. He was an absolute player and he said he has no ill feelings about the whole thing at all. It didn't affect his schooling any further after that and he said he absolutely seduced her, it wasn't the other way around."
Left "Morally Conflicted" About Taking Action
"It was horrible. I was groomed by my English teacher. He said all the right things and I thought I was emotionally mature enough to handle it. I was not."
"I realized when I was 19 how messed up it was and very quietly told the bishop and the Victims of Sexual Misconduct Councilor (catholic school). My worst fear was that it was going to be a big public scandal and I didn't want my family's name dragged through the mud. So he permanently lost his teaching license."
"He is now dating a woman and I want to reach out to her so bad to her to ask if she knows, but at the same time I want that chapter of my life to end. I'm very morally conflicted."
"I had a little intercourse with the replacement French teacher after class, first gay time for him, never did it again. He spent the rest of the year looking at everyone but me in class and dodging every occasion to interact with me, definitively out of shame. But idk if it's because he slept with a student, had gay sex or did it in the classroom we were in atm."
"Towards the end of the 70's, I was in a boarding school, and a student in a class above mine slept with one of the kindergarten teachers. He must have been about 16, she in her twenties. Since he was in his final year, he passed out, and from what I last heard, he was doing well in life. She on the other hand was not allowed back to school."
Instead of suffering a fallout per se, the following Redditors reflected on their flirtatious entanglements.
Creepy But Without Incident
"There were no real ramifications."
"In high school I was in a unique study program. Because I was smart enough to do the schoolwork on my own but didn't bother attending class, they let me do all my work at home and I only had to go in once a week to take tests. This let me work more, not have to figure out how to get to school, get As, and learn more. I was being moved around a lot, so for a while I had to do this program at a different school."
"I had to meet with the teacher privately in his office for about an hour. Of course he was a creepy old man so after months of him hitting on me eventually we ended up meeting up one day to screw. I was in the program because I didn't go to school, so while I did my schoolwork I missed the next couple weeks and so he showed up at my work panicked over my lack of attendance. Since he probably got scared over that and the potential ramifications he didn't hit on me anymore afterwards and eventually I moved again and went to a different school."
"I had a long affair with a college professor. He broke my heart, of course. After about 15 years. I don't think anyone knew except maybe a couple of my friends who never said anything. I was older than my classmates, so it wasn't so bad. Til it was, but that was years later, after I graduated."
"Nothing since I was 6 years out of high school by that point."
"We became friends a couple years after I graduated, eventually I told her I had something of a crush on her, she thought it was cute and flattering and sat on it for a while. One day she invites me out and we meet up, have a good time, we leave. Later that night she texts me when I'm work says she's got feelings too and wants to pursue it."
"We go on a couple more dates, see a movie (The Watch for those wondering), make out in her car afterwards like a couple horny teenagers. We do the deed that night, good times."
"Anyway, the age gap was something she couldn't get over, I was 25 and she was 48, different places in our lives with different goals. We still chat though."
The Chinese Teacher
"She was my Chinese teacher at a Confucius Institute, and is almost 10 years older than me, but I always had a minor crush on her."
"When her contract was about to expire and had to leave my country, we went out to dinner. She was leaving for one last trip before returning to China, so this would be the last time I would see her. I decided to take a shot and told her about my crush. We slept together that night."
"There wasn't really a fallout. We are still in contact, but don't really talk about that night."
One And Done
"Gay dude here. It wasn't my teacher, but just a professor at my school. He contacted me via an app. I was feeling desperate, so I invited him over. Did the deed. He messaged a few days later, asking for another session, but I politely declined. Same thing happened a few days later. He took the hint, and I never heard from him again."
The following academic flings were either highly erotic or wound up being blissful.
"Too Riskey To Continue"
"A few people found out and gave me sh*t about it, but really not a big deal for me personally. It was obviously more difficult for her. Rumours got back to other teachers who were not cool with it and she had some awkward conversations to navigate with the headteacher. She admitted we saw each other outside of school but denied anything sexual, which they did not seem to believe. She was told never to be alone with me and had restrictions placed on her ability to act as a chaperone on school trips etc."
"It didn't last as it was obvious it was too risky to continue but there was no bad feeling between us."
The French Teacher
"I slept with my French teacher about 5 years after leaving school, she was just as as I'd always imagined."
"Afternoon Office Nookie"
"It was in college, we slept together before we knew I was in her class. It was one of those lecture only classes with like 200 students in it so it wasn't a big deal."
"No fallout beyond some late afternoon office hook up now and then."
"She would text me pictures of what she was wearing under her outfit that day. I miss being young."
"The Best Thing That Ever Happened"
"I started dating the grad student that was teaching one of my undergrad classes, although because I took time off before going to uni and he started early I was actually older than him."
"The uni had rules against the sort of thing, of course. We weren't found out until the spring quarter, at which time we were told to cease and desist, but by the time this happened we were engaged."
"The administration were happy for us (and we were all friends there, the department was like one big family), so instead they told us that for the rest of the year my exams and juries would have to be handled by another professor and that our class sessions would be recorded to be sure there was no funny business or nepotism."
"20 years on, we're still married - it was the best thing that ever happened to either of us!"
In rare cases, some students have glorified their dalliances with teachers and bragged about their conquests among their peers.
Some – as those participating in this thread – expressed the absence of fallout or lack of emotional trauma.
Love is crazy. I've finally come to that conclusion. And marriage, you take your life in your hands and just throw caution to the wind in hopes of survival with that step.
When love falls apart, things can get real messy, real fast. And I've always been stunned by people's behavior when love subsides.
More often than not, it's like they become different people. Sometimes people are beset by tragedy and grief and sometimes people smile wide and move on. It's a coin toss.
But my favorite post divorce personality has to be the sudden super villain. Oh honey watch out for them!
Redditor u/hyperyog wanted to hear all the tea from the divorcees out there by asking:
Divorced Redditors, what is the craziest thing you or your former spouse did after divorce?
I once had a friend who burned her ex's house down when he wasn't home. He had started seeing someone almost immediately, so she thought, lemme set their sparks. Yeah, she wasn't well. Whatever happened to just a quick goodbye?
Swipeddean winters crying GIF by MayhemGiphy
"She removed the retaining clips for my windshield wipers, but put the wipers back on the arms. First storm after I got my car back from her, driver side wiper flew off the car on Interstate 40. Good times."
"He wrote suicide notes and put them in my kids backpacks for them/me to find. Then he turned off his phone and went to a coworkers house to play crib and have drinks.. all the while knowing I would be freaking out searching for him thinking he was in danger or worse. Thankfully my kids didn't see the notes and didn't know what was going on. This was just one of the many, many crazy things he did. Two years out and he just recently stopped showing up at my work and driving by my house at night."
A Sad End
"Died of a drug overdose. To be fair, her drug addiction was the reason for the divorce, so maybe that isn't too crazy."
"That's so incredibly difficult to have gone through. I unfortunately know the depths of this kind of pain, and while I'm sure the circumstances surrounding it are different, the loss that still happened is a tragedy. My condolences."
"Stalked me for 5 years. Would make fake social media profiles to try to follow me (which I would block endlessly) and would try to find where I worked so she could talk to me. This lady cheated on me with 7 different men 2 months after we were married. I kicked her a** to the curb and made her sign the court papers."
"When we had our day in court she cried in the judges office while I just wanted to get this crap done. After, my dad was with me and he threw 50 dollars at her and told her to "change your freaking last name." Good guy Pops. I haven't seen or heard from her in about 5 years, thank goodness."
Take it All!skin care spinning GIF by Primal Life OrganicsGiphy
"I had an ex-boyfriend go through my apartment and take back every gift he had given me that he could find. Then he went in my bedside table and took the condoms. And the vibrator he had given me."
See now, when I'm out... I'm out! I don't want to see you, hear from you or know you. I wish you well in life, but please live it far from me. Anyone agree? Clearly not the people here. Let's continue...
For the Boybicycling father and son GIF by NETFLIXGiphy
"All I wanted was custody of my son, I gave her everything else except one of our cars. She fought me through 5 hearings, I won. She never came to see him again."
"My ex cheated on me the week my mom died in the hospital. She spent a year and a half trying to get in touch with me. She would call my old work and make fake accounts trying to message me on FB. It was insane. She later sends a certified letter explaining she was sorry that she did what she did and that she aborted our child."
"Wanted me to meet her somewhere so she could apologize face to face. She already married some other guy that she had children with and was still trying to get in touch with me. I never understood her."
"After years of telling me she wanted a child, that she wanted to be a mom, that her life's dream was to be a stay at home mom, she got pregnant with the first guy she slept with while we were getting divorced and put the kid up for adoption even before it was born. This was a long-standing thing with her, she always wanted something (car, house, dog, cat, marriage, etc) and the second she got it she immediately hated it."
"Called me and pretended he had been hit by a car while we were talking. He even tried to voice the crowd that had gathered around his "body." God-awful acting, but pretty funny listening to him try to mimic a woman's voice. Points for trying to be inclusive, I guess."
"I think he was trying to get me to re-live my trauma of being on the phone with a friend who actually HAD been hit by a car while we were talking. Too bad he didn't realize that hearing the real thing is worlds different than hearing a dumba** try to act it out."
"I was sending 600 dollars a month to support my daughter because she's the only thing I give a sh!t about. My ex texts me and tells me I need to be sending 1200 a month because she's broke and can't pay her bills and I should feel guilty about it. She left me for another guy while I was on deployment I told her to go screw herself--call my lawyer."
Pop OffTom Hanks Drinking GIF by The Good FilmsGiphy
"Took the sodas from the fridge as he walked out the door. Dumfounded."
See, I blame Alanis Morissette and her "Jagged Little Pill" album. All I'm going to say is... the secret song. I think she gave people ideas. (I love that song) Y'all, seek therapy if you can't shake people. When it's done, let it be done.
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Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay is highly regarded for his delicious plates, his ability to run a solid restaurant, and, let's face it, his stage presence.
He's also a foul-mouthed Brit who is all too willing to dismantle people's self-esteems and compare them to livestock animals.
Alas, as watching all reality television goes, we love to see the crashing and burning.
But what if the shoe was on the other foot? What if you were the one being torn into by the sailor of all chefs, Mr. Gordon Ramsay.
Wondering what horrible dishes were lurking in unknown kitchens all over the place, Redditor FalloutSl*t413 asked:
"What's something you made that was 100% delicious but Gordon Ramsay would slap you for anyway?"
Some people talked about those purely functional meals that are just perfect for piling on enough protein and calories to get through the day.
"My mom used to make us 'Volcanoes.' Mashed potatoes topped with ground beef with some ketchup. I still tear it up to this day."
Quick and Easy
"I make weeknight 'enchiladas.' "
"You stick frozen taquitos in a casserole dish and cover them with canned or frozen chili and cheese. Bake them until everything's hot, serve with a dollop of sour cream. They sound disgusting but they taste amazing, and they take like, five minutes to prep."
"I know it looks like, smells like, and probably tastes like cat food but potted meat sandwiches. Look, when you're poor as hell and you can make 3 sandwiches with one little can that cost like 20 cents, it's pretty good."
"While I'm at it, Treet and bologna are pretty great. I have the taste palette of a raccoon and I like it that way."
"When I was younger I would make this thing where it was a patty melded of:"
- "a can of tuna"
- "two eggs
"And I would eat that almost daily, pan-fried, for lunch. Just slap me now and lets get it over with."
Others shared the recipes they make to feel fancy despite being totally trashy.
A Nuanced Process
"I call them 'chicken puffs.' Some par-cooked chicken (white or dark meat, either works) with sauteed serrano peppers and onions and garlic."
"All wrapped in crescent roll dough in little balls (a bit smaller than a baseball), put in a casserole tray filled juuuuust above the top of the little dough balls with cream of roasted chicken soup. Baked to completion/safety."
"Overly indulgent and delicious."
A Famous Side
"I consistently make a box of pastaroni angel hair and herbs as a side with meals I prepare for people. EVERYONE always asks for the recipe LOL please don't tell my secret"
Just a Couple Additions
" 'Fancy Ramen' Ramen made normal. Don't mix seasoning. Drain water. Add Mayo. Then mix in seasoning. And Volia. A lot of people question it. Until they try it."
Others outlined the things they eat that combine some ingredients it may seem disgusting to mix together.
Throw An Egg On There
"Fu** it lasagna, alternating layers of bread and shredded cheese (your choice which, I use cheddar) then crack an egg on top and put it in the microwave. Old depression meal, but it still holds up."
Hard to Wrap Your Head Around
"As a kid I would eat a banana with a cheese slice. Haven't tried it in years but it might hold up" -- Send_it_to_me
"Let's not" -- Sea-Entertainer-4974
"When I was younger I would make toast with peanut butter on it, then add pepperoni. Delicious then but I cringe thinking about trying it today"
The truly horrifying thing? There are so many more recipes out there that would leave Ramsay trembling.
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People love to talk about food. There are blogs, books, television shows, conversations in bars and farmers markets. In all likelihood, there is a recipe swap happening right this second in some deep corner of a suburb somewhere.
But sometimes talk is a lot of hot air. And the topic of food sure isn't immune to that criticism.
You can't get through a day without some telling you what "you gotta try."
The problem is, talking about food is often far more exciting than the food itself.
Redditor anicaodha asked:
"What food is overhyped?"
Many people were angry about garnishes. They hated the way restaurants try to entice people to eat certain menu items by slapping some kitschy ingredient on there.
A Very Expensive Burger
"Anything with gold flakes, absolutely pointless." -- Spend_Total
"ugh, i just remembered throwing up gold flakes from goldschlager, yuck!" -- spaceygracie12
"Aka how to add a crunch to your dish like a douche." -- CakeBot_TheReckoning
Catches the Eye Though
"Any rainbow food, rainbow grilled cheese, rainbow smoothie..."
"Just a cheap money grab."
No Breath On My Meal Please
"Dragon's breath/ nitro puffs or any dessert that contains liquid nitrogen to make it look cool." -- throwjango
"This stuff exists? God, I'm out of the loop." -- -The-Magic-8-Ball
"Truffle oil, usually doesn't contain a single truffle." -- BlckontheMoon
"The 1 thing I love about Truffle oil is I've never seen someone use it on a cooking competition show and not lose." -- igotmadshirts
Some people talked about the big trends that they just never could quite figure out.
That Almighty Nectar
"Remember when people were treating Nutella like it was the second coming of Christ?" -- Grapezard
"I had an Italian friend once invite me to his birthday party in high school. His mom made a Nutella pie and it was one of the greatest desserts I've never had the pleasure of trying again. It was so simple, like a soft flaky dough covered with Nutella."
"I don't want to come out of the blue and ask this kid for his mom's recipe 15 years later so I'll just suffer I suppose." -- JupiterTarts
"Red velvet is literally a red chocolate cake that has nowhere near enough chocolate and to much red food coloring. It literally was invented when done dudes chocolate turned kinda red when he added vinegar to the chocolate cake mix."
"Friends loved the color, but it was finicky to get the red color without changing flavor of cake, so he decided to use red food coloring."
"Fu**ing Avocado Toast.
"Avocado is a buck. Toast is few cents. Avocado Toast is $10+"
And some discussed the things that people insist are fancy and delectable, but are really just run of the mill entirely.
Meat is Meat?
"steak is good, and I'd even say a high quality steak can be very very good. But people act like it's better than busting a nut and that's just not true. It's just meat"
"Lobster. It's good, but poor value given it's almost always the most expensive protein available."
"Plus most places just drown it in butter, which again, fine, but if all you taste is butter, why spend that much?"
Depends on the House
" 'Housemade' ketchup. Give me the damn Heinz and get your banana aoili mess away from me." -- peanutbutterallytime
"I live in Pittsburgh and I have seen multiple restaurants try and fail to make housemade ketchup work. Every single time they go back to Heinz." -- HooBoy401
So if you find yourself tired of hearing people go on and on about something you don't go wild over, know that there are others fuming too.
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It's not easy to always do the right thing.
Which is why most people don't usually do the right thing. Doing the right thing involves a lot of thought, empathy for others, and a self-awareness of your place in the world. You're not making a choice just for yourself, you're more often than not doing it for someone else. This, in itself, presents a difficult hill for most people to climb so, usually, they feel it's easier to make the selfish choice.
Doesn't mean people always do. They can surprise you sometimes.
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.
What's the hardest moral decision you've ever had to make?
Even when the choice amounts to something small, it can still matter to someone else.
How Dare You Make Me Morally Astute?!
"This is small potatoes compared to most of the people on this thread but many years ago I was travelling and had very little money. I went to a stall at a market, handed them a 10 dollar bill. Item cost 5 dollars but instead of handing me a five dollar note, the handed me a 50."
"I was walking away from the stall when noticed. My first thought was BONUS. But I had lately been hanging out with a bunch of people who were really into karma. So I stormed back to the stall, slammed the 50 down on the counter and told them off for making me make moral decisions. Lady behind the counter was like "ahhhhhh, thanks"
Didn't Believe The First Time, But Can't Deny Visual Evidence
"I told a co-worker his wife was cheating on him. It ruined our friendship for a good amount of time, until he caught her himself."
"To bad he couldn't just believe you."
Owning Up To The Mistake
"Fessing up to an error I made at work that cost the company 5k. I was a manager and misinterpreted a sales promotion. I almost lost my job, this is the one time that telling the truth actually saved me. It's true what they say that the cover up is usually worse than the crime. Lesson learned.."
Doing something morally correct when it comes to family can be tricky. On one hand, you don't want to ruffle the feathers of the people you're going to be related to for the rest of your life...which is how family works.
On the other hand, do the right thing.
Making The Best Call For Your Children
"Removing the mother of my two sons out of their lives completely as she was unfit and abusive while I was on deployment. They were 3-4 years old then and now they are 17 and 15 with their mother never attempting to come back into their lives which I would prefer at this point."
Because They're Going To Be Sad Later...
"My grandmother died, and I lied to my parents about it."
"My grandparents were 95 and my parents hadn't had a vacation in 30 years. So when she passed away with only 5 days remaining on their vacation, my family decided not to ruin it for them; instead, we'd plan the entire funeral and if my mother wanted to make adjustments when she returned, we'd arrange it for her; there was nothing they could do to get her back."
"Having to decide on the DNR (do not resuscitate) order for my father who had been victim to a massive stroke..."
"I know millions have done it before and millions will again but to me it was devastating....."
"As a health worker, you did the right thing by your father. I've come across families of patients who keep them alive for their own peace of mind while the patient themselves is tired and in alot of pain mentally and physically from the constant treatments and would rather rest from it all. Don't feel bad for your decision."
Never doubt your actions when it comes to protecting children.
"Calling CPS on a student's family after she begged me not to. CPS did an investigation and she was pissed at me for months until the vice principal had a talk with her and explained that I only did it because I care and didn't want her to get hurt."
"That VP is awesome. I sat in his office while he coached me through the call, since it was my first time calling CPS."
Standing Up For Your Friend, Even When No One Else Will
"I was in high school and my best friend was being bullied on the bus. She brought a knife to school and had previously mentioned a list of people. I cried a lot when I went to the principal to turn her in. I knew I was ruining her life but I wanted her to get help. I didn't want anyone to get hurt because we were all just kids. She was expelled and forced into therapy. We had been friends since we were 11."
"My mom listened on the phone line when I was trying to comfort my friend (while absolutely not admitting it was me) and my mom jumped on and told her I'm not allowed to be her friend anymore. I had told my mom I had turned her in and she had no empathy for this girl. Because I had been bullied and stood up for myself and never "did anything like that". My friend was getting cornered on the bus by 4 people whereas I was normally taunted in public and was lucky enough to always have an upperclassmen or school employee around to help me out. I felt guilty about turning her life upside down for many years but would do it again because she did get help."
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/