For my fifteenth birthday (which is a pretty big deal for my culture) I got dumped. In the middle of the dance floor at my birthday party. While wearing an enormous white poofy gown. Because he had a baby the whole time and realized he wasn't going to be able to keep lying about it. Oh, and also he thought my mom was hot and it was weird for him.
He sprung this all on me directly after handing me my birthday gift, so it was like a 1-2 combo. Buddy hit me with the ol' 2 piece and a biscuit.
It sucked, and it absolutely caught me off guard - but his gift was a Pearberry set from bath and body works, which was like gold to a 15 year-old in the 90's. So it all worked out.
Recently, a Reddit thread about unexpected (though maybe not as crappy?) birthday gifts popped up. The responses made me feel less alone in sucksville, but also kind of restored my faith in the birthday fairies.
Birthday Package
My girlfriend and I started dating freshman year of college and neither of us live in the state we go to school in. Over the summer we went home and did long distance for the three months. My birthday is in the summer and she kept telling me she was gonna send gifts she got for me and kept asking questions like "when does mail usually get to your house?"
She also made up this story about how the kids she babysat liked to take her phone and play with it. She casually mentioned that she was taking them to a pool the next day (day before my birthday).
Her mom texted me that day while I'm at work telling me that one of the kids dropped her phone in the pool. I felt so bad because I was told that she was a wreck about the whole situation because she would be out of communication for my birthday.
I get home from work and I'm sitting on the couch and my mom comes home and tells me the package that my girlfriend sent me was on the porch so I open the front door expecting a big cardboard box but instead I got a short, gorgeous lady who had flown so many miles to spend a week/my birthday with me
- jgilly00
Don't Give Up
My husband and I were trying to have a baby, and not having success. For my 34th birthday my mom sent me a sleep giraffe for my future baby nursery. Turns out it was the last birthday gift I would get from her, she died 10 months after that birthday in 2016. I found out I was pregnant in early 2017, and never got to share that news with her. I remember being annoyed when I opened the box, but now I realize it was just a sweet sentiment from her telling me not to give up. After she passed, going through her things, I found a congratulations card meant for me in the event I had a baby, a card she never got to send.
I look at that sleep giraffe every day, it's the first thing I see every morning when I wake up, and she tells me every morning "don't give up."
- peechpy
A Late Meeting
A few days before my 30th birthday, my (now ex) wife told me she had a meeting in the city and would be home late - but she actually drove to the airport and picked up my best friend who had secretly flown in from out of state to surprise me.
The next day she took us to a spot a few hours away where we spent my birthday weekend with a bunch of my other friends. One of the best weekends of my life!
Broken Down
My 13th birthday I got the surprise that our truck broke down.
I lucked out and was able to ride home with the football team. We lived on a farm 13miles out of town. I did all the chores the next two days while my parents stayed in town "working on it." When they finally get home, my birthday was never mentioned. I never got cake or presents. They completely forgot about it. Sucky thing was we were really poor. I looked forward to my birthday because that and Christmas was when I'd get new clothes.
Killed me ever caring about birthdays. Which is sad since my wife really tries to spoil me. I have to put on my fake happy face and act like it's a big deal.
Fourth Grade
Not even joking, in fourth grade my friend gave me a 3 hour couples massage coupon.
Lost And Found
GiphyI have an old silver watch that a nun gave me when I was in my teens. I would visit her in the nursing home when I was doing my required service hours for school. She was so sweet and I always looked forward to seeing her every day. My senior year she passed away, but gave me her watch before she did. I wore that watch every day until finally it stopped working.
A couple years after I moved in with my now fiance I accidentally lost it and was really upset for a long time because of that.
For my birthday last year I told my fiance that I didn't want him to spend any money on me so we can save for our wedding. That morning he handed me a small box. Inside was the watch, which he found at the bottom of a box in the basement, and he had cleaned it and fixed it. I still wear that watch everyday and that was honestly the best gift I'd ever received.
Swapped
A few years ago my siblings and I hosted a 70th birthday party for my dad on my birthday. My birthday is in July, his in February. We had him fooled into thinking the surprise party was for me and he was shocked when he walked in and realized it was his party. Half the fun was watching him almost spoil the surprise about a half a dozen times.
Fast forward to yesterday, I get a package in the mail with a super cozy sweatshirt and note from dad saying is was a birthday gift for me on his birthday. Included in the note, he stated, "I couldn't think of better person I would want to swap birthday's with." I'm not gonna lie, the note was the real gift.
- Tanaisy
Birthday Bike
My brother was riding my bike the previous day, and left it at the end of out driveway apparently.
So for my birthday he got me a stolen bike.
My mom's friend told me to not be upset because "we'll just get you another one" but I have never owned a bike since. Her parents had a lot of money, and always bailed her out, so she couldn't relate that not everyone would get bailed out all the time. I haven't had a bike since.
- mkicon
Hilarious
A cousin thought that it was hilarious to get me a 12 pack of condoms at my early 20s, in front of the entire family.
I wanted to die.
Bagels And Love
A Bag of Bagels.
I was at university (UK) and I had been wished happy birthday by my family and a small number of friends (read housemates) but hadn't gotten any gifts, considering I didn't have many good friends at uni and my Family live almost 6 hours up north from me, I wasn't really expecting anything in the form of gifts.
I decided on a whim that I would join up with a society I'm part of for a couple drinks at the local Spoons, but didn't tell anyone and just met em there. When I got there one guy saw me and called me over and gave me the bagels and said that they were really glad I came along cos they weren't sure if I was gonna.
Before he gave me these I had had like 5 conversations with this guy and barely knew him, but he went out of his way to learn my birthday and grab me a bag of bagels knowing it's one of my favourite foods.
Long story short we've now been dating for just under a year.
Nose Hair
My cousin gave me electric ear/nose hair clippers. She had apparently just had a first date with a guy and he had really long nose hair and it bothered her so she thought it would be a good gift for me (I don't think she was implying that I had long nose hair, just that it was something I should handle).
- twomz
Snoopy
GiphyMy family one time just gave me Snoopy clothes,I don't know why, since I never mentioned Snoopy at that time. And I got a lot of them. Weird, but they're still good.
Tickets
For my birthday, I was visiting my great aunt in California, my cousins were visiting with us as well. I was so happy, I love these cousins and they are so awesome. We were talking about their plans after they finish their visit, and they said something about ComicCon in San Diego. I told them I would love to go, but I don't think I'd ever go because I live on the east coast and don't have money (college student at the time).
They offered to take me and bought me a ticket! I was so in shock I told them they didn't have to do that and they said 'Its a birthday present.' I was not expecting that and I had so much fun there with them. I was so happy that they loved me so much to take me. I didn't tell them they had to, they offered to and I first felt bad because they had to spend more money on my ticket.
She's Totally Winning
A few years ago my then girlfriend, now wife bought me a PS3 and about fifteen games. Very unexpected, and very appreciated. And last year she bought me tickets to see Train and the Goo Goo Dolls, which was awesome for me (and taking one for the team for her; she's not exactly into either band). Worth noting that she has the same birthday as me, just a year younger; I have yet to give her anything as cool, though not for lack of trying.
- twcsata
Coldish Soup
A container of ice cream from a fancy ice cream shop a 4hr drive from where I live. Was a coldish soup by the time it got to me 😂 IDK WHY
Airpods
Not birthday, but one Christmas my mum got me airpods out of the blue. I didn't even ask for them or think about asking for them. Turns out it was the best thing I've ever got and I'm obsessed and they literally don't leave my ears lol.
Back To The Future
I'm a huge Back to the Future (BTTF) fan. I also grew up playing old school video game consoles like the Genesis and Super Nintendo. And as an adult I got back into retro games.
Now when it came to Back to the Future video games back in the day, they never got it right. From the horrible NES games to the horrible Genesis BTTF Part III game to the god awful Universal Theme Park simulator or whatever it was that was on the GameCube. It wasn't until 2010's Back to the Future game from Telltale Games that we finally got a great BTTF game.
But there was one BTTF game from the '90s that actually was good that I didn't know about for a very long time. In Japan they released "Super Back to the Future Part II" for the Super Famicom. It was only released in Japan and I live in the US, so I never heard about it. When I did I watched gameplay footage on YouTube and thought it looked great. But I had no way to play it, so I didn't even try to look for a copy.
Then, a few years ago, my birthday rolled around. My brother came around to my house to hang out and he brought a gift for me. I unwrapped it and there it was: A modified copy of "Super Back to the Future Part II" that worked on US Super Nintendos. And it was in English, too!
I don't know where or how he got it, but, man, I did not expect it and it remains one of my most treasured gifts because he got me something that really rings true to the type of person I am. He knows me extremely well and he used that knowledge to get me something that he knew I would love.
The Notebook
GiphyWhen I was in my last year of high school I really hated both my literature class and the teacher who taught it. I often complained (in a joking manner) to my dad about how much I just wanted to straight up destroy my notebook once I graduated. A couple months after I finished (on my birthday) he took me to a shooting range to teach me how to use my mom's pistol (no big deal, he is a retired firearm instructor and it was something we had previously discussed).
After practicing for a while he went to retrieve something from the car: my notebook. Needless to say, I got the chance to tear it apart just like I always wanted to. The fact that he remembered something so trivial and turned it into an awesome yet unconventional gift made it really meaningful (and fun!).
The Cupcake
Three years ago someone at work gave me a cupcake for my birthday. I was the first time in 35 years that I've gotten anything other than a generic card or a facebook message for my birthday. I took the day off and went home and cried.
An unwillingness to learn
"I feel like the classic example is being unable to change your opinion or idea when you are presented with new information."
"You don’t have to set everything you believe in stone."- Rusty_of_Shackleford
"I think a key thing that separates the intelligent from the less intelligent is curiosity and how far you actually go to learn."- TuxedoWolf07
When even they don't know what they're talking about.
"Maybe not unintelligence but ignorance."
"People getting angry when I ask them to explain what they just meant as I want to understand them and not misunderstand."- smokinstuff·
"Getting angry when someone ask them to explain their point."- SuvenPan
Working Julie Andrews GIFGiphyIt's never attractive to gloat
"Obsessively telling everybody how intelligent you are."- terribleUsername18
It's ok to admit defeat every now and then...
"Playing 'last word' in an argument you've lost."- LennonMcCartney65
"Being defensive when corrected instead of just accepting it."- Marthstewart123
"Claiming they are always right but not being able to argument why or have a serious debate about it."- GReatChinook
Drop The Mic GIF by In Real LifeGiphyAre you sure about that?
"Constantly saying 'facts' that are extremely false."
"Gets on my nerves."- Sharkifish
Read the instructions!!!
"I just started driving for UberXL."
"The amount of people who think they can fit 8 people with all their luggage into a midsize SUV is astonishing."
"You can see which car comes to pick you up and it says fits 5 people."
"If you have a piece of luggage each then it's more like 3 people."
"I had one group sit there and stare me down like they didn't understand."
"I swear some people just have a mental limit for figuring things out and they all find each other and never get anywhere."- predict_irrational
One should always reserve judgment, as one never knows for sure what lurks beneath the surface.
Even if more often and not, you are left with little to nothing which encourages you to see what's there.
Overprotective parents tend to be evasive about discussing the birds and the bees with their kids because they feel it's not up to them to have that conversation.
Remember Carrie White's religious mom who refused to talk about intimacy with her 16-year-old?
We all know how that turned out in the classic Stephen King novel.
Anyway, parents turning down an opportunity to have the uncomfortable convo or having their kids miss out on sex education can lead a child to potentially develop damaging misunderstandings about their body and puberty.
The effects of which were explored when Redditor sparklingshanaya asked:
"What’s a sexual misconception you had for way too long?"
It helps to have an earlier understanding about your body when you're younger.
Sex Education
"As a girl, I had no real idea of where/what the vagina was until I was like 11 or 12. My mom didn't give me a real sex talk, just a puberty/body book that said 'the vagina is between the woman's legs' and just had a full frontal diagram (legs closed) of a woman with an arrow pointing to her pelvic region. I also didn't know a period lasted longer than a day until I got mine at 14, and then wondered why it was still going on the next day."
"When my mom realized how abysmal my sex education was, her solution was to rent a video from the library about it and make me watch it on the big family TV in the living room at like 3pm. Granted— it was a very educational video but I won't ever forget one of the educators (a 50 year old woman) talking about how to give a satisfactory blow job."
– ash-on-fire
Hard Epiphany
"Ok so I grew up in a VERY conservative household. Was not allowed to take sex ed in middle school and they helicoptered in high school. Any internet access they had access to view so I never watched porn/looked at pics. Absolutely nothing. So for a long time I thought penises were shaped like a smaller pringles can. I thought it was just like...a straight up cylinder. Moved out at 17 and googled some things and man I had men's anatomy SO wrong."
– WholeLottaIntrovert
Wrong End Of The Stick
"Friend of mine has a similar background and I just about lost my mind when she said the balls are the END of the penis. Like she had seen those doodles and had it upside down so they just dangle off the end of the shaft lmaooo."
– xchakrumx
Let's get verbal about getting oral.
Satisfy A Woman
"Learn to go down on a woman, like become a master at it. Do this."
– ecallawsamoht
Excuse For Supper
"I second this. Been married for 20 years and it's something I'm happy to do."
"Get involved, people."
"Edit: thanks for the medals and upvotes, people! Be assured that I'll be celebrating tonight."
– AhabVanCleef
Semantics
"Friend of a friend thought it meant kissing. And they were like 19. So glad they found out through a conversation and not through a dude asking for it, or her talking about it. That would've been extremely confusing for everyone."
– SilverWaters793
Pucker Up
"My friend back in middle school thought a blowjob meant to literally blow on it. I still tease her about it to this day."
– Ashurii_desu
Failed Expectations
"Man, I thought I was gonna get so many blow jobs. That’s just not true."
– Studying_Politics
As young adolescents, these Redditors got these terminologies mixed up.
Dirty Talk
"When I was around middle school age I thought that oral sex meant talking dirty :’)"
– strawbrykat
"I used to sext with my girlfriend in high school. When we broke up, she just went crazy and told everyone in our grade that I was great at 'oral sex' (she meant sexting💀) School hasn’t been the same since then."
– Particular-Ad4356
Learning By Example
"I was kind of sheltered growing up, and like most sheltered kids, I learned a lot about sex through porn. I kept seeing 'blowjob' videos, and (i had no idea what a blowjob) assumed it was some kind of sex blooper. Like, something got messed up and the director said 'Oh darn, you blew it! Let’s take it from the top.'”
– Danny_my_boy
I had sex education in sixth grade after my parents gave the school permission for me to attend the special assembly centering on the topic.
But I remember how vague the instructor was. By the time I eventually had my first nocturnal emission, I remember being terrified, yet simultaneously elated. It was very confusing, and I didn't know what happened.
I remember reflecting back to sixth grade and thinking the school must've skipped that part in sex ed.
We all scream for ice cream.
"Go to Doncaster, England, to pick-up an ice-cream van for a friend that he'd bought on eBay while he was in Australia."
"I said yes, and so it began..."
"Firstly he wired me £6000, which I withdrew in cash to pay for it."
"At the time this was the most money I'd ever held so I was a little nervous."
"My girlfriend then drove me down the M1 to Doncaster, and dropped me off at a house with a Pepto Bismol pink ice-cream van in the driveway."
'I knocked on the door and a jolly, gigantic man in dirty overalls opened the door and spent the next two hours with me as I learnt to strip and rebuild the Mr. Whippy ice-cream machine inside the van."
"I was thoroughly unprepared for this."
"I was also unprepared for the machine exploding in my face after loading it with the minimum 4 litres of UHT ice-cream mix."
"With slightly sour milk now liberally coating my clothes, and the light fading, the Friendly Ice-cream Giant talked me through the intricacies of starting and driving a 1973 Bedford ice-cream van."
"The ice-cream machine inside ran off the engine, rather than a generator like most do."
"So there was an elaborate set of linkages that transferred the engine power from the wheels to the machinery when engaged."
"They were also entirely exposed and directly where you would normally put your foot when driving."
"Lovely."
"The engine also didn't start on its own, you had to crack open the bonnet and spray a generous amount of combustable gas directly into the air intake before giving the accelerator a bloody good stomp."
"Fortunately, The F.I.G did this for me. He then let me drive it to the local petrol station to fill it up, during which time he also let me discover that the speedo, windscreen wipers and lights didn't really work."
"Oh, and neither did the fuel gauge."
"And, for some reason, the fuel cap was level with the tank, so you couldn't pump fuel into at more than a dribble or it all ran back out."
"This meant you had no real idea how much fuel was in it."
"But plenty to get it home, I was assured."
"After, sort of, filling it up, struggling to start it, and chugging home at an unknown, but very leisurely, pace, I paid him and we filled in some paperwork."
"At which point he let me know it was untaxed and, contrary to my friends belief, not exempt."
"So I'd be breaking the law driving it home."
"Which I now had to do."
"In the dark."
"With no real lights."
"Did I mention it had just started to rain?"
"But off I set, gingerly traversing the on-ramp to the busiest motorway in the UK, foot to the floor, wind whistling through the various holes in the bodywork."
"I had no idea how fast I was going, but from the waves and gestures I got from passing vehicles it definitely wasn't fast enough."
"I also realized I didn't know how good the brakes were."
"Or what condition the tires were in."
"And it was wet, very wet."
"And the off-ramp was downhill, with lights at the bottom."
"Oh goody, now there was smoke coming from the bonnet."
"By some miracle of agricultural engineering and blind faith I made it back to my flat, and parked the dreaded van in a visitors space."
"Where it sat for the next 3 months, as I gradually ate my way through the industrial sized box of Cadbury's flakes that were going out of date."
"Until my building management lost their sense of humor and forced my friend to come and get it or they'd have it towed away. because once he realized he'd bought a lemon, he was in no hurry to have it become his problem."
"But I'd do it all again."
"The joy you can give kids on boring car journey by hitting the ice-cream tune as they go past is brilliant."- Will-this-do
Ice Cream Truck GIF by Jordan McGrawGiphyA real friend puts up with all kinds of sh*t.... literally
"Not something a friend asked of me but something a friend offered to help with."
"Had a lingering smell of rotten sewage in the house."
"Was a bit short on money at the time so I called a buddy who can fix anything to see if he could figure it out."
"He identifies the issue right away and crawls under my house to find a previous owner used drano and must have not done a proper flush so it ate away the main sewer pipe."
"At least 6 months of sh*t, piss, and food was built up that was probably 4 inches deep."
"He went to his truck to put on his boilersuit and crawled through my girlfriends and my sh*t for 2 hours replacing the rotted pipe."
"I was down there with him trying to help however I could but he pretty much did the repair solo."
"Every time he encountered a thick chunk of poo he would yell up through the crawl hole that my girlfriend should ease off on the corn."
"Didn't phase him one bit and he wouldn't accept any form of payment even though I insisted I had to repay him somehow."
"Best friend I've ever had, this isn't the only example I could give about how great of a friend he is but definitely the wildest."
"Dan the man, you the real MVP if you ever see this."- COYFC
"I became friends with a female coworker as I was dating a guy who was friends with her boyfriend at the time."
"She had this weird thing about not pooping around him to the point when they eventually did long distance she would visit him for the weekend and hold it in the ENTIRE TIME."
"We planned a trip together and shared a hotel room with all four of us."
"While her and I were getting ready to go out, she pulled me aside and told me she had to poop so bad but didn’t want to be in the bathroom alone because everyone would know she was pooping."
"She asked me to stay in the bathroom with her while she took a sh*t so it would just seem like we were doing our make up."
"I kid you not, it stank so bad that I’m 100% sure the guy smelled it in the room anyways and we both just looked like weirdos who poo together."- titsout666
But who helped him bury it?
"To 'un bury his boat' no other information was given, I said yes and turns out he thought that burying his boat in one of our cornfields would help protect it over the winter because 'it wouldn’t get snowed on cause it underground'."- EatingH_tlersB_oty
digging spring fever GIFGiphyThe "big cheese" indeed...
To borrow my truck to 'get the cheese'."
"He drives a Tahoe, I have no clue how much cheese he was getting."- Zpitfire_MK_VI
Keep your property off mine!
"Neighbour asked if they could put a dead rat in our bin because they didn't want to put it in theirs."- HungInSarfLondon
An underground operation gone wrong...
"Back in the old days, had a paranoid friend pay me good money to rent out and dupe porn vhs tapes because he didn't want a record of him renting them out."
"His logic: if he ever became famous he didn't want a record of him renting out porn tapes."
"Postscript: he never became famous."- jacklord392
Bizarre as many of these favors are, one will effortfully lower their raised eyebrow and muster up the courage to do it, on the assumption that this friend would do the same for you.
Then too, sometimes getting a bizarre request might actually indicate just how good a friend some people actually are...