The trajectory of a dwindling friendship can take a couple different forms.
There is the gradual death approach, when years of mutual distance simply allows the once close bond to peter out. In this variety, there are often no hard feelings, just some nostalgia and the somber recognition that people grow and change.
But there is another way that friendships end: problematic behavior from one side crescendos until a breaking point is reached. Then, suddenly, the bond is snapped in a single instant.
It was this second kind of end that a recent Reddit thread was concerned with. Internet strangers of all ages and temperaments contributed their experience of a time when they just couldn't take it anymore and called it quits with someone they used to feel so close to.
Aidennn92 asked, "What was your 'I'm done with this friendship' moment?"
A Profound Lack of Empathy
"When my son died, who was an identical triplet, one of my friends told me that grieving would be easy as I have two other sons who look just like him." -- lucina20
"I would'a smacked him three times. 'This last slap should be easy, as you had two already.'" -- Stargazer7t
One Can Only Do So Much
"I output a lot of effort to help her try and get out of a debt caused by shopping sprees (no car, no school, racked up 25k just to buy stuff) she admitted to spending like $1000 a month on doordash so we focused on getting her out of that."
"I work in a place where I get a lot of excess food for free (meal kits so I have an excess of meat and produce every week!) and I offered to help her out that way."
"I brought her a selection of foods and recipes and when I brought it to her she expected me to cook it for her, stating that she hated cooking and would not cook for herself ever."
"It was the nail in the coffin that suggested she wouldn't take care of herself and would find a way to get someone else to do it. At that moment I couldn't do it and bounced."
-- Pathojay
Not at all a Safe Space
"When I quit doing drugs and informed all my friends that I am going clean. I was still drinking though so one night I got really drunk and closed my eyes on the couch."
"Everything was spinning but I can hear my former friend trying to convince my gf to allow him to put drugs in my nose, That itll make me feel better."
"She yelled back at him and said that we quit and we are going clean. He kept trying to push it and after a little while, she helped me into the car and locked the doors. Sleeping there till we sobered up and drove home."
"That was 5 years ago and I've stayed clean. I haven't hung out with him since and from what I heard, he's moved onto meth and never got clean."
-- BlackStarDB
Unsustainable Dynamics
"We were maybe 12 years old, and every single day was nonstop drama and a self-pity party with her. Every time her custom text tone rang from my phone, my heart jumped. That's how exhausting she was."
"One day she said 'you're not as fun as you used to be.' I was just furious and hurt by that comment after spending many nights trying to make her happy because she was always so sad."
"I basically said 'excuse me for acting like an adult.' She never answered back and we didn't talk at all after that."
"Until I was 19. I reached out to her for nostalgia's sake, and she was a lot more mature. She actually apologized to me for acting like an immature emo kid all the time. We chatted for a little bit and it was nice."
"We still don't talk, but it was nice to catch up and be on good terms with each other."
Didn't Realize What They Didn't Have
"I deleted my entire friend group who I was friends with throughout high school from my life entirely after I went to uni."
"My uni friend group were all very caring for each other and so supportive, and celebrated each others successes. My friend group from my home town were quite the opposite, always in competition with each other and full of macho egos."
"It wasnt until I'd experienced what being involved with a genuinely good group of people was like, that I realised that wasnt what I had with these people at all. After that realization I didnt want anything else to do with them and their toxicity."
-- Khal_Andy90
Taking the Wrong Side
"Disinvited me from a board game night because he'd turned it into a birthday party for a guy that assaulted me at the last minute (like, I was literally almost on my way out the door). And yes, he'd known what had happened, and had promised to never let that person set foot in his house again."
"Then, when I got upset and called him out on it, he told me he thought I'd made the whole thing up, that I was overreacting, and not to talk to him until I 'calmed down and got over it' (IIRC, he told me that I needed to 'be rational' as well)."
"That was 7 years ago. I'm still f***ing furious."
-- LemonSkye
Getting Used
"When they would only be 'friends' with me when they needed help with their homework, and then afterwards would proceed to make fun of me for being a nerd" -- PhysicsQueen
"I know that feel. I even did their homework, thinking the teasing would stop." -- Agitated_Signature_
The Cut Off
"Texted him to have coffee three times, he cancelled twice and ghosted the third time. We had been friends for 7 years. To this day (5 years later) I still have no idea what I did to piss him off."
"(Edit: we are both 50+ year old men. I know, right?)"
Enough Was Enough
"Friend wanted me to get involved with the church, I did. We read the entire Bible. But eventually he kept insinuating I'm going to hell no matter what and that I need to keep listening to him."
"After a year I'm just like, 'Go f*** yourself.' "
-- BigMilk0
Not a Good Look
"I asked him how it was going in his city during the protests, and he said, if he was a truck driver, he would have plowed full-speed right through the protestors for getting in his way."
"Done. F***in' done. Not giving someone like that the benefit of my friendship."
A Follower is Not a Friend
"She was in my wedding and came to the hospital to meet my son the day after he was born."
"She moved to a different state, got married & pregnant all without telling me. Apologized then asked me to come to her baby shower, where I very briefly met her husband."
"She has since returned to the state I live in about 5 times and each time she has done so without telling me...I find out through social media, the same way I learned all the other details."
"Friendship is a two-way street, and I'm tired of driving it alone."
Open and Shut Case
"The second his gf told me he sexual abused her. Literally it hit me that I had years of evidence of his predatory nature but I hadn't put it together. A decade of friendship burned down in less than a day, easy peasy."
"When we intervened/confronted him he didn't deny a thing. I have no regrets."
-- ladyalot
Witnessing True Colors
"We were friends and part of a nonprofit organization. This friend straight up told me she would do whatever it took to get another friend (who's one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet and supposedly one of her best friends) asked to step down from a management position because she wanted it."
"I didn't warn the friend because I didn't think she was serious."
"The f***ing sociopath did whatever it took to achieve her dream and lied her ass off. Things imploded, he was made to step down, she got her f***ing way."
"Joke was on her though because I helped get her yanked out of there. Only difference is, I did it with TRUTH, because that's how I roll."
Stepping Away When it Counts
"They dismissed our other friend's claims that 2 members of our group (who were known for having horrible attitudes towards women and sex) had taken advantage of her sexually when she was drunk and/or vulnerable."
"They also tried to play it all off as her being "a crazy bi***" and her being "unstable". She was neither of those things."
"I realised if I wanted to live up to my principles of listening to survivors and believing women, then I had to make the right choice. So, I ditched that group of 5 shitty men and their gross misogynistic attitudes and I'm glad I did."
-- SpeedoKill
Unsustainable
"I was out to dinner meeting my best friend's new boyfriend. We were all having a good time. Then she asked him if he thought I was pretty. He handles it perfectly and told her that he only had eyes for her. But she would not let it up."
"Finally she told me to keep my hands to myself. We were best friends! I never once even looked at a guy she was remotely interested in! And I was engaged at the time! So I finished the meal, told him it was great to meet him, went home, and never called or texted her again."
A Very Bizarre Way to Go About That
"Best friends as kids. Still really good friends in highschool. Left highschool. Went over to see him after he came home for Christmas from university. We hadn't spoken in 4 months and I was really looking forward to catching up."
"I went to his parents house and they invited me in. He sat opposite and proceeded to stonewall all attempts at conversation with single word answers and no return questions."
"I got the hint he wasn't in the mood and told him to contact me in a few days if he wanted to get a drink and catch up properly. No call ever came. That was 8 years ago."
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Let me be real for a second.
Every time I listen to Bjork's "Unravel," my heart breaks a bit.
Have you ever listened to it?
It's on Homogenic, her third studio album, and it's incredible, passionate, smartly produced and a great showcase for her stupendous voice.
That song? An emotional rollercoaster, for sure.
There's tons of great music out there, though, and even more sad and gorgeous songs to discover.
People shared their thoughts after Redditor humanbear07 asked the online community:
"What song genuinely breaks your heart everytime you hear it?"
"Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice..."
"There's a few, but the isolated vocal track for Heart's 'Alone' is especially heartbreaking to me. Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice and her emotion really made that band."
FartAttack911
A classic!
Doesn't grow old.
There have been quite a few excellent covers of this one over the years, too.
"The first words give me chills..."
"Most songs by the late Jeff Buckley are sad on their own, and even more devastating in context. But the one that hits me the hardest is his cover of 'I Know It's Over' by the Smiths."
"The subject of the song is up for interpretation no matter what, but Jeff Buckley's premature death adds an element to it that seems to be about his life, whether he planned to or not."
"The first words give me chills the most— they happen after the classic reverby Jeff Buckley intro, the kind Hallelujah fans will be familiar with. He takes his time with this one, like he does with that."
Danielmav
No love for "Lilac Wine"?
C'mon, people.
It's clearly the best track.
"Ever since my husband..."
"'Merry Christmas, Darling' by the Carpenters. Ever since my husband Tom died in 2012, my heart breaks every Christmas since. We loved Christmas."
MysteriousTax5613
Karen Carpenter's voice hits differently when you realize how tortured her life was.
Gone too young.
"My Dad told me..."
"In My Life by The Beatles. My Dad told me when I was a teenager that he wanted it played at his funeral. I still can't listen, and when that day comes and I HAVE TO listen to it to honor his wish, I'm going to be a blubbering mess."
pennylane3339
Sounds like you have an excellent relationship with your dad.
Cherish it.
"My grandmother died..."
"He Stopped Loving Her Today, by George Jones. My grandmother died almost 20 years before my grandfather, and we played it at his funeral. Just typing this chokes me up a bit."
TimfromTampa
Songs have even more meaning (sometimes painfully so) when linked to specific moments in our lives, particularly the moments when we've lost people we care about.
"I'm not a Christian..."
"'Bridge Over Troubled Water' by Simon & Garfunkel. Not a Christian, but when I hear it, I understand why people believe."
holeontheground
A beautiful song, and timeless, too.
"My sister's husband..."
"Always on my Mind by Willie Nelson. My sisters husband chose to have it played at her funeral. And yes he was a crappy husband and she died young in a car accident."
kearlysue
Sounds like art imitating life, no?
"He's an amazing songwriter..."
"Jason Isbell has so many it's honestly hard to choose one. Speed Trap Town, Decoration Day, Cover Me Up. He's an amazing songwriter."
RoamingBison
I don't know him–it's time to look him up and see how I feel.
"I can already feel tears..."
"One More Light by Linkin Park. I can already feel tears coming to my eyes just by typing this."
azavaloka
Chester Bennington's death was such a shock.
His music lives on.
"My brothers passed away..."
"Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd."
"My brothers passed away in a car accident shortly after coming home from Afghanistan. Reminds me of them every time I hear it."
Nessahtron
Sorry for your loss.
Hopefully hearing the song brings you peace.
Hearing a beautiful song can be an immensely moving experience.
And hearing a sad song can, for many people, help them cope with the pain of heartbreak better than they would have otherwise.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Unfortunately, a friendship could really end at any point in life.
Friends grow apart, but also, sometimes, it's just necessary to say goodbye to your relationship with a friend.
Maybe they aren't the right type of friend for you anymore, or maybe something has happened in their lives to make them self-destructive and toxic.
The reasons are many, and they are all sad.
Redditor monarchmondays asked:
"People who have unfriended their childhood friend/best friend, what happened?"
Here were some of those answers.
Bad Looking Out
"I was more-so the one who was unfriended. Was going to be the best man in his wedding. Saw his fiance out with another dude. Like on this dude."
"Told him, he told me I was wrong, Yada Yada. Things got heated. I told him I couldn't be his best man. Some years down the road, he caught her cheating."
"Called me up, asked if I wanted to grab a beer. I went. He apologized. I accepted, but we're still not friends."-TheMotorcycleMan
Friends Don't Control Friends
"He was a pathological liar, manipulative and told all of my most trusted secrets to everyone because he wanted to feel powerful and like he controlled me."
"Haven't spoken a word in 5 years and I have never looked back."-TheDandy9
Sometimes Life Is The Only Thing In The Way
"As soon as I left my hometown and my best friend growing up stayed, we both changed in opposite directions. He assimilated to the local lifestyle, quickly became friends with people he never got along with in school."
"I left, made new friends, found new things I liked. He started a family, I started a career."
"The final straw though was he RSVP'd to our wedding and then just didn't show. No text, no call, no anything. I think he was pissed that I didn't make him my best man after I was his best man, even though it was exactly because he wasn't reliable and made everything about himself that I couldn't do it."
"He caused sh*t at other people's weddings and I just didn't want to deal with what I knew would be inevitable. It did highlight though that growing up I was his best friend as a matter of convenience where I genuinely liked hanging out with him."-porscheblack
It's never fun or happy to lose a friend, but sometimes it's necessary for your healing process.
We've Reached The Point Of No Return
"I haven't unfriended her YET but I'm basically at the point where I'm sick of her drama, pettiness and 'main character syndrome.'"
"Anything that doesn't go her way is taken personally and if you disagree with her (or even have a preference that differs from hers) she will berate you into submission and 'agreement.'"
"And heaven forbid you have a life that doesn't consider her wants and desires. We're both 30, almost 31. I'm too old for that sh*t."-Deezus1229
When The Punches Come, I Go
"I met my ex-best mate in school, he had a little narcissistic personality, but I understood that and ignored his faults."
"In late Teens, we started drinking and partying as most do; this is when it became apparent that he had alcohol problems, forever being violent looking for fights, killing my good vibes, and getting me pulled into unwanted situations where I saved him or stopped him from beating on someone for no good reason."
"Throughout our life, he never attempted to fight me. He remained a pretty good friend to me until our first trip overseas to Asia; during our trip, he tried to coward punch me in the back of the head because I asked him to put out his cigarette that he had just lit."
"I asked him because we were seated in a restaurant surrounded by families, for some reason that angered him, I got up to leave and luckily heard him coming and avoided his punch, but he then tried to attack me further, which ended with us both on the ground and me on top of him while he shouted and went crazy."
"Eventually, police arrived and pointed a gun at both of us; luckily, they didn't shoot. Having foreign police aiming at me because my friend wouldn't calm down was one of the most scary moments in my life and that's saying something because I don't come from a easy upbringing."
"He was drunk, of course, and claims he doesn't remember, but there's no excuse to try and coward punch anyone, especially your best mate."
"I packed my bags that night and left our joint holiday plans in the dirt, traveling solo and having a blast. When I got back from my trip, I quit drinking myself and have remained sober for the last five years."
"Throughout that five years, I've had brief encounters with him, but our friendship was never the same. Unfortunately, my old friend never changed as he aged; he eventually went to jail."
"I work in hospitals and have seen him show up to the emergency triage, bashed with broken bones, and just a few months ago, he randomly knocked at my door where my wife answered, he was covered in blood."
"My wife went and woke me up; he had a stab wound and refused to go to the hospital; I drove him home and haven't seen or spoken to him since.. His brother updated me and said he was fine, whatever that means."-King-Callous
When He's A Predator
"I, a 5th grader at the time, knew this chick who was in the 7th grade dating a junior in hs. The dude thought she was 16 because she was lying about her age."
"They had been f**king and sexting and all that jazz...he didn't know she was a minor. I went and told him, and they broke up, and he was pissed... yada, yada yada..."
"They became friends again after a few years. When I was in the 8th grade, she called just so he could flirt with me 🤮. I was 13 then, and he was probably around 20. I blocked her real quick."-Cancerous0713
The End Of An Era
"Inseparable all through jr and HS. We graduated in 85 so no social media but I still feel ghosted. He stopped returning my calls, I always had to initiate and when we did get together he wasn't that interested."
"I gave it a few tries but I got the message and just stopped contacting him and he never reach out to me after that. I never new why and it took almost 10 years for me to get over it and stop thinking about it every day."
"I kind of wish he would have just told me he doesn't like me anymore. I have a current best friend I met in college and we've been friends for 30+ years so it's all good."-DreamArcher
There is never a right time to say goodbye to someone you once considered a trusted friend.
Tragedy
"My best friends young son was killed in a four wheeler accident. I was the first responding paramedic. I had to take him from my friends arms to work on him. Knowing he was dead the all along."
"We flex the child on Lifeflight then I drove my best friend and his wife to the hospital. I knew all along he was dead but they didn't. It wasn't his fault or mine that he died in any way but I could never look my best friend in the eye again."
"All I could see was his pain. So we drifted apart. I finally got to tell him and his wife before my friend died with heart trouble."-hotandhornyinbama
Secret Mental Health Leeches
"She started being nasty to my husband when we got engaged. It was so gross. She was snarky and rude to him every time he spoke and made him feel unwelcome in our own home."
"I kind of fell out of friend love with her after watching her behave like that. My mom thinks it was jealousy or something, idk. My husband is the most fun and caring person I've ever known, I expected her to be happy for me."
"In retrospect, I realized there were a lot of other red flag issues I had been ignorant of. It's been 3 years now and I am so much mentally healthier without the drama she was churning up."-ThunderHeavyRains
When Mom Damaged Her
"Had a friend I met pre-kindergarten but had a falling out in middle school. Families knew each other and we were like sisters. But sadly, her mom was a true definition of a Tiger mom. Her mom always pushed my friend to be in all of these extracurricular activities, music lessons, tutoring, etc. Her mom was always dissatisfied; nothing was good enough."
"She wasn't the most nurturing parent. But my parents were the opposite. Especially my mom, she just wanted me to be a good person and do my best. But naturally I was a very good student."
"So my friend's mom would always compare my friend to me saying I was better than her because I was naturally gifted and didn't NEED all of that help. My friend began to resent me."
"Throughout puberty, she would call me a slut because I was physically developing, tried to imply I was ugly just to see my reaction, threatened to punch me, things I understood where they were coming from but did not think were justified as I had not done anything directly to her."
"Final straw was when she posted on Facebook that she thought I was ugly so I just cut her off completely. I pitied her for her family life but her bitterness toward me was wrong. Because through my eyes, she was my best friend and all she wanted to do was hurt me. Don't regret cutting it off"-dookieconductor
The sad truth is that people are not always meant to be close, and that some people are too mentally unhealthy to have any kind of closeness in their lives.
Until they grow up, there is not much we can do but sadly step aside and take care of ourselves.
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Citizens Of The World Speculate How Their Country Would Behave At A Party
Certain personalities show up at almost every party like clockwork.
There's always that person who get's too drunk, someone awkwardly standing in the corner nursing a drink, the person who's not having a good time no matter what and the person babysitting the crowd they came with.
When there's alcohol—or any other substances—and the pressure of a social situation, all sorts of quirks will come out. We wanted to know what people thought their country would act like if they were a person attending a party.
Redditor amotyvukufyd asked:
"All the countries of the world are at a party. What is your country doing?"
Here are some of the best and most hilarious answers.
The United Kingdom is just leaving.
"UK: Leaving."
- TomasNavarro
"Not before slapping the knees and saying 'right.'"
- guido405
"Northern Ireland looks nervously at her sister before putting her sunglasses on and following."
- Casual-Notice
"As an American from the Midwest, we do a 'welp' knee slap. Then sit/stand for another 25 minutes before leaving."
- flyingtubesock
"Then talk in the porch. Then talk in the doorway. Then talk in the driveway. Then talk out the car window."
"'Well anyway.'"
"'Yuh, I guess.'"
"'See you around, I suppose.'"
"'Yuh you bet.'"
"Buzz of the window rolling up."
- Field_Marshall17
Argentina is in the backyard.
"Argentina is either playing football in the backyard with Brazil or aggressively telling whoever's at the grill how to cook a steak."
- thrashingkaiju
"Don't forget, they're also drinking fernet and coke, or even cheap wine and juice, out of a cut off bottle even though there were enough glasses for everyone."
- Unreasonableberry
"While listening to El Potro Rodrigo."
- thrashingkaiju
"For sure we're arguing with Texans over asado."
- Phormitago
"Texas would also totally be there despite not being a country itself."
- Bamboozle_
"Texas showing up to a party where only entire nations are invited is such a Texas thing to do."
- ThirdRook
Greece is making questionable choices.
"I'm Greek so I guess a lot of sex, wine and questionable financial decisions that will ruin us the morning after."
- PKassotis
"At least you have your club of friends who will drive you home when you pass out. My country, Argentina, will spend the night borrowing money. When they finally kick him out, he'll have to walk home, broke and alone. And it will start to rain."
- holeontheground
Poland fighting with Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine.
"Poland. In the corner with Russia, Belarus and Ukraine, drinking vodka and fighting each other. Poland fighting Belarus and Ukraine fighting Russia."
- Connect_Document3277
"With some EU guys walking by with fancy drinks, dropping some concerns."
- MeredithJohns
"And then Russia says 'Oh, you want some too?' And the EU guys turn and walk away."
- Fragrant-Principle20
"Then hours later writes a strongly worded comment to Russia's Facebook page. After spending 8 hours arguing over the exact wording."
- Sufficient_Leg_940
Germany brings the beer.
"I'm German and I'd say Germany would complain about the taste of the beer."
- NoeValleyCutie
"Germany should be bringing the beer. Please don't leave it to America who will bring some watery Coors Light!"
- hora_definitiva
"Wouldn't they discuss politics too?"
- Pizzamampf12
"We so would! I was thinking about what we would do what wasn't absolutely cliché (like bringing the beer). I feel we would not only discuss politics but also rant about it. And other stuff. I feel ranting is really something we like to do. But also Germany would be drinking way too much and be completely fine the next morning..."
- Loona_Moon
India is awkwardly dancing.
"India/that uncle dancing inappropriately in the middle of the dance floor."
- rao1411
"Not gonna lie, they got da best moves though."
- Mihirrrr
"I was gonna say India would be that aunty gossiping about and judging others' outfits/looks, but this one is better."
- aesthetic-freak-108
The USA is just destroying things for fun.
"USA. Chugging beers and trying to smash a foldable table by jumping on it."
- realbruhmoment2
"I think the US would be like a really obnoxious frat dude that's also kinda fun. Like waaaay over the top bragging... but also did bring the weed. Then word gets around that he has a gun on him and it makes everyone uncomfortable, but he says it's just cause Russia and China are packing too."
- whitexknight
"I figure we'd also be the one who obnoxiously insists on 'defending' every girl in the party- whether the girl wants it or not. Lots of 'do you wanna go?' energy, then trying to clean up any mess we make but just doing the absolute worst job of it while staying way, waaay too long after the party is over."
"We'd also get mad at China for stealing our famous brownie recipe even though we asked them to make it for us."
- PlasticElfEars
We aren't sure we want to be invited to that party.
Sounds like there's gonna be a lot of drama.
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Irrespective of men's sexual identity or preference, there are men who hate sports, and there are men who love musical theater. Do participating in either activity make men straight or gay?
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
Song Choice
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
– KentuckyFriedEel
School Protocol
"Advice I received in high school from other students:"
"Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee."
"When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist."
"Never button the top button of your shirt."
– Gorf_the_Magnificent
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
– SonOfTheShire
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
– captainmagictrousers
Getting Woodwind
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
– Virtual_Caramell
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
Daddy Duty
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
– Bullydaddy
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
– Freshrendar
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
– Caity26
Life Skills
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
– placeholderNull
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
– desrever1138
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
Manly Appetite
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
– BigJiggies
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
– AmigoDelDiabla
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
– patricksaurus
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
– Sargatanus
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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