Sometimes seemingly harmless statements might not be as harmless as that person thinks. Backhanded compliments, invasive questions- plenty of "innocent" things can absolutely crush someone. And these Redditors are going to tell you their worst stories.
This is so sad.
My mom accidentally called me after about 10 years of not talking. I answered all ready for a serious conversation. When I answered, she was like "wait, who's this?" I say "hey mom it's me." Her reply is what hurt.
"Who? Why are you calling me mom?"
She was so drunk she didn't recognize her own daughter's name. F**k'aye.
What conversation were they thinking of?Giphy
A friend looked at me and said "I know we've talked about it before, but how did you break your nose?"
I've never broken my nose this is just how it looks.
That's gotta be tough.
My son undergoing chemo and radiation treatment for a bone marrow transplant. People, meaning well of course, would always ask "how's your son doing?" I'd always have to fake a smile and give some shallow hopeful answer "he's fine. He's a fighter" but deep inside the question crushed me every time. No, he was suffering. Teetered on the brink of Life and death. He was not "fine" and Everytime I heard that question I was reminded of it and had to swallow the pain.
My son has since recovered, but it was a very tough time.
She sounds like a good person.
I went to get a haircut for my Fiance's funeral. It was Friday. He had died on Tuesday. My stylist, all bubbly, said, "It's been awhile!! The last time I saw you, you were just about to move in with your boyfriend! How's it going?" The words stuck and I kind of rasped it out.
Honestly though, her reaction was so wonderful. She was behind me, and just put her hands firmly on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes in the mirror. No shock, no stupid platitudes, just silent, genuine empathy. The rest of the haircut was pretty quiet, but she did everything so... like, lovingly, and didn't make a big deal out of it when I cried a little.
Nonverbal, but the nurse at the flu shot station seemed unsure whether to give me the under-65 or over-65 consent form. If I'm going to be mistaken for being that much older than my actual age, at least it should be in the context of me getting a senior discount.
Insensitive of them.
"Rough night last night?" Usually asked with a big smile.
I was asked that all the time when I was younger because I had a really obvious tremor. Thing is, I did not drink or do drugs at all and I had no idea what was wrong with me. I was eventually diagnosed with Graves' Disease and treated for it, but I still have a bit of a tremor.
That does hurt.
I teach 1st grade and was talking about how I've been married for 5 years. One student asked, "How could you not have a baby by now?"
Not wanting to explain multiple miscarriages and IVF to a classroom of 6 year olds I said, "Being around all of you makes my heart so full that I don't think I have room in my heart for a baby!!" They all smiled. I smiled too. I've learned from my experience to never ask couples when/if they want to have a family.
I had no friends in summer school and a girl asked me if I had any friends. Like straight up, "Do you have any friends?" Then became friends with me but still.
Did she have any friends?
This is heartbreaking.
"When will you get better so you can play with us?" My niece who was to young to understand what disabled meant. She's older now and understands I will never get better. And we have adapted play time to do things i can handle as well. But that broke my heart.
The smallest questions can be the toughest.
"How are you handling everything?" - my notary public who also happens to be my boss's boss while notarizing my divorce paperwork.
Completing a divorce packet with no help from an attorney can be a real pain, but at least it kept me focused on the bureaucratic bullsh*t nonsense part of it rather than the fact that my 9 year marriage was ending.
Turned out that as soon as someone asked me sincerely how I was doing, the answer was not at all well. I went back to my desk and had a panic attack.