Even though there are literally thousands of published works about how to effectively parent, once you're in the thick of it you'd be surprised how fast all that information goes out the mental window. Fortunately, a solid method for guiding your parent path is remembering the mistakes your parents might have made before you.
Reddit user, u/wetbreadstick, wanted to know:
What is something that your parents did that you swore never to repeat to your own kids?
Give Them Pure Energy
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Really poor food choices
Same, I was raised on hot pockets and those instant lunch cups.
Every Child Is Their Own Entity
Never blame them for the fears or insecurities of their siblings. It causes deeper insecurities in the children when you do that. If my child is extremely paranoid I should be there to help them not tell my other children it is their fault.
Let Them Mess Up
I'm definitely going to let my kids make mistakes. Growing up my parents always told me "Don't do this because [this will happen]" which in some cases is a fine way of parenting, but if the consequence will have a greater impact on my decision making after said incident than my parents' word, let me do it! It's true what they say... pain is an excellent teacher
Tell then you didn't want them.
My parents never planned on having kids, I was an accident, and they had my sister so that I wouldn't be an only child (I had an older cousin who was and my mom's sister told her that we would be able to keep each other company and they wouldn't have to pay as much attention to us. Dad was a massive asshole, Mom had a ton of mental issues). She told me at a young age that she wanted to get an abortion but my grandma wouldn't let her. They got a lot happier and their marriage improved after my sister and I moved out, but they used to use us as a pawn in their petty games. My dad never came to events because he didn't care about us and my mom blames us for ruining her life, but then puts a ton of pressure on us to be perfect so that maybe he'll start loving us... it was awful and I still can't stand being around my parents.
Party Ovah Here!
Not allow their friends over because kids are too loud..... I now have 5 kids and an open door policy. You want to invite Jack the Ripper over to play, and the 8 kids from next door, and your friends horse? no problem. Everyone is always welcome whenever.
Children Are A Gift, Not A Burden
Repeatedly telling my children how much I sacrificed for them.
My mum gave up her life in Myanmar to come to the UK so that my sisters and I could get a better education. She likes to remind me every time she gets upset (which is often) and though I really do appreciate what she's done for me, I wasn't the one who made that choice. I love her so much but it makes me feel really guilty whenever she reminds me and feel like I disappoint her if I don't do too well in school. I never want my children to feel like they burdened my life so if I ever make a decision like that, I'm keeping it to myself as much as I can.
You Learn And Gather From Their Mistakes
Something that I once said I wouldn't do but have now 180'd on. Dad was military, mom was a paramedic and volunteered a lot. Lots of moving, lots of extended periods of time with only one parent in the house. Swore to myself that I'd get a stable job that had had lots of free time. Although painful as a child, I eventually realized most of the qualities I like about myself were probably thanks in no small part to that type of childhood. No kids yet but I think I'll focus more on being a good example and quality of time spent rather than quantity.
Let It Fit The Crime
Using reasonable punishments and sticking to them. I remember i got in trouble for something as a kid, and my parents took away my PlayStation for 6 months (or so they threatened anyways) i can't remember what i did, but it wasn't that bad. They only stuck to their guns for about two weeks and honestly that didn't teach me all that much.
I really think having a private discussion with your SO before deciding on a punishment (or even in some cases letting them off without one, maybe a warning) is the logical and most beneficial course of action when trying to correct misbehavior. Also insuring clear boundaries helps a lot, too. If it's clear beforehand that missing curfew means you can't go out for a week afterwards, then they can learn more about the consequences of their actions.
Shots Shots Shots Shots Sh-Shots!
My parents refuse to vaccinate me. I'll say now, being unvaccinated hasn't caused me too much trouble, and I hope that trend continues until I'm old enough to get immunized, but if I ever even think of having kids I'm going to make sure that they'll have the security of knowing they won't get polio or the measles.
Always Be Allowed To Help
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When I was little, when my dad was doing anything out in the yard my brother and I would ask if we could help.
The answer was always "You can help by staying out of the way."
My kids are always allowed to help, and so feel they can contribute, grow a sense of self worth, and an appreciation of group effort.
This has been the hardest thing for me as a parent, but I'm working on it. My four year old wants to help me do absolutely everything, but sometimes I just don't have the time to spend doing something in 30 minutes that should have taken 5. He loves helping with the laundry and dishes though, I'm just leery about cooking.
It's All Important
Minimize anything they pursue.
My mother would absolutely burn down any dream I had as a kid. Singer? Well, that's nice, but it will never happen." Gymnast? "We can't afford that." (But she never went without beer, weed, or smokes.)
I was 12, of course it wasn't gonna happen, but jesus woman, a little support!
Give Them Their Personal Space
Not spy on them cuz I don't like the friends they hang out with. Because of this it made me wanna pick sides and a chose my friends because they liked me for who I was, while my parents wanted me to be something I wasn't.
I feel like most of these (that aren't physical or sexual abuse related) are similar. Maybe our parents generation jus did things this way, it's cool to think we can change this and our children's generation can be better then we are :)
On And On And On
Lecture.
My mom could go on for hours for even small misbehaviors. Somehow, it usually looped around to how I didn't keep my room clean, even though the rest of the house was just as much of a mess or worse.
When I need to have a stern or serious discussion with my kids, I force myself to make my point in five minutes or less. I've even said stuff like, "Look, this is taking way too long, just don't do [disallowed thing] again, okay?"
I also apologize if I yell, as soon as I am emotionally able to after an angry outburst. I don't remember Mom ever doing that.
Stepping Over Your Work
Redo things they've done because it's not the exact way I would have done it.
My mom would re-fold the laundry or remake my bed. Drove me nuts and made me feel like why even bother trying?
I sometimes wonder if I was affected by this same kind of thing. Not exactly the same, but essentially, when I was a kid, my mom would tell me to clean my room and make my bed. I'd do exactly that to the best of my ability, then I'd go get her so she could tell me if I was done. It almost never failed, she'd tell me that my room wasn't clean enough and my bed wasn't made enough. Then I was left to try to figure out what I was missing. I would try straightening things more, then get her again, and she'd tell me the room still wasn't clean enough and the bed not made enough.
I would just feel baffled because I had no idea what more I could do before it was enough. I felt like there was some invisible mess that she could see but somehow I couldn't. I couldn't understand what I was missing and it would never be explained to me exactly what still needed to be straightened up, or what part of my bed still needed to be made.
So now as an adult, in just about any context, I often have this underlying self doubt that I am missing something, somehow, and I can't trust myself to know when I've done enough.
Put The Shoe On The Other Foot
Constantly comparing myself to other people's kids and belittling my own achievements
That's just the equivalent of comparing your parent's wages, house or job with other kid's parents
my parents always did this to me and then got really offended if i tried to do it to them. like if i dared mention a friend going on vacation they'd be super offended at the "comparison" when it wasn't even that. it really sucked :(
Come To Me With Everything
Be unapproachable.
Come talk to me any time about anything. Everything can be fixed.
My son hides things from his mom and waits until he can tell me because she won't respond appropriately. He lost a video game, and was lying to her about having lost it, but was so scared that she would find out he was lying. He told me in the car when I picked him up, and I told her I needed to look for something of his that he wanted. All he ended up doing was having it wedged in his game case where he couldn't see it. My six year old was giving himself anxiety because of a stupid Nintendo switch game because his mom would have belittled and spanked him instead of helping look for it. It breaks my heart.
Never Be Afraid To Admit
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Refuse to admit I was wrong.
The only semblance of an apology I've ever received from my mother was, "I'm sorry you feel that way."
I don't think she's ever actually apologized or taken blame for her actions in my 30-odd conscious years.
For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
tsunami GIF
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"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
Scared The Launch GIF by CTV
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"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
Who Are You Reaction GIF by MOODMAN
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"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
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What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
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Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
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Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
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Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...