Age isn't just a number, it's a part of life. That doesn't mean we sulk about it. We can still be vibrant at all ages, but acknowledging that time is running out is just accepting fact.
There are signs everyday to remind us. For me, its the loud music. Was music always this loud? And if so, why? We all get to that moment when we feel it, the turn of an era. The old era.
Redditor u/tamedreckless wanted everyone to share about the times in life so many have come upon the truth that.... the sand has run out of the hourglass by asking.... At what moment did you realize "Damn I'm old"?Get Velcro
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When I find myself grunting and groaning just to bend over to tie my shoes.
At 36....
When I fell down at work and no one laughed. Instead three people came running over to make sure I was ok.
Edited to clarify: I'm only 36. I was walking in our break room and stepped down wrong I guess. I fell into the stove and rolled my ankle. Thank you all for the awards. Kinda weird that my most popular post is about me falling down. Let me assure all of you that I was ok after this fall and have gone on to fall down two different sets of stairs and trip over my dogs on multiple occasions.
Take me Home
When I went to a music festival and slept in a tent after five or so years of not doing so. My God. I need to get home and take a real shower.
Truth! I slept on an air mattress for the first time in years and holy hell did I ache the next day. Gone are the days I could fall asleep on cold concrete contorted like the best circus act and wake up feeling as refreshed as a spring chicken.
The Wardrobe
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My 12 yr old daughter's friend told her "the amount of times your mom has worn that outfit is ASTRONOMICAL" and when my daughter repeated it to me all my hopes of being a "cool" mom were crushed and I felt older than I ever have.
Hey Grandpa...
When I was in my late 20s I dated a girl who had a daughter. The daughter and I got along great, played a bunch of Katamari together, etc.
Years later, that girl and I have long since broken up. I did some volunteer teaching at one of the local alternative schools with my wife. And one of students in the film class we taught was my ex girlfriends daughter, now 18 years old.
At some point in your life, whether you have kids or not, you realize you're technically old enough to be a grandparent. And that feels very old.
Surpassing....
When my son could outrun me.
I went obstacle course running with my oldest (6 years at that time) and he asked if we could still be doing that in 10 years. I told him I would be 50 so sure. You know what that little shit said? "Cool, I will hold back for you dad".
He is probably right but I will keep training to not make it easy for him to pass me.
being 38....
I used to drive for Uber and one night I realized the college girls I picked up could have been my adult daughters.
I'm not quite that old yet; I'm 38, but the really crazy thing to think about is that you don't feel it happening AT ALL. Like, with the exception that for some reason I emit a noise when lifting something light like a box of Cokes, I literally feel exactly the way I think I remember feeling in my 20s, only now there's this number that feels like a freaking toe tag.
Hair issues
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Instead of growing facial hair to look older, I'm shaving it to look younger.
"The accident"
I saw a picture on Facebook of a friend from college and thought, damn he got fat and old. I immediately realized... I also got fat and old.
My two New Years Resolutions are: #1, get back into the shape i was before the accident; #2, stop referring to letting myself go and getting fat as "The accident."
Who am I?
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I was playing basketball alone and a bunch of kids smashed a beer bottle on the other side of the court just for fun.
I shouted at them, told them to pick up the pieces and warned them not to do that crap ever again.
They got scared shirtless and apologized. I had never felt older.
D.O.B
When I'm signing up for an account on a website, I have to scroll back pretty far to find my birth year now.
According to most websites I was born on January 1, 1901.
I got kicked off of an alcohol site for entering my birth year as "19" (not realizing it only allowed 2 digits). As a 30-something, i am offended that they don't think a 100 year old can use the internet!
Classics
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They played Green Day and The Offspring on the "classic rock" radio station.
Then the announcer says something about it being "released on this day 20 years ago" ... WTF!
papa can you hear me?
Coming around the corner of a department store and seeing my dad come around the corner at the same time.
It was a mirror.
I occasionally say things and hear my father's voice coming out of my mouth. I even notice I have the same half smile he does when I think I'm being clever. It's worrisome.
Nobody We Know
When I see popular Reddit posts mentioning celebrities with weird, crazy names and I'm like, who the heck are these people?
This isn't just age, it's also a product of the internet era. It used to be that everyone watched the same shows on the same few channels or listened to the same few radio stations, or whatever, so everyone knew the same celebrities.
In this age where the monoculture has been shattered, everyone is watching different shows on Netflix, YouTube, etc, it's so much easier to find niches, no one knows the same set of celebrities anymore.
Mac Who?
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I was teaching a class last week and told my audience that they may need to MacGyver a solution if they come upon a certain problem. No one knew what that meant.
Because someone asked, it was an EMT refresher course. These are the people you trust with your life!
But I'm just 16!
When my oldest daughter was in 1st grade, she brought a note home from the teacher, saying that my daughter had misbehaved. I had to sign it and send it back. My daughter was scared and tearful and it suddenly struck me: holy crap - I'm the adult here. I'm the authority figure who a little girl is scared to be in trouble with. To me, I was the same person I was when I was 16.
What am I Thinking?!
I was walking through Sheffield after work, about 7pm, around December 2013 I think. - it was f,f,f,freezing. A bunch of students rounded the corner and a couple of the girls were wearing really short dresses, no coats.
Thought 1: she must be freezing
Thought 2: that's something my dad might have said
Thought 3: I'm OLD enough to be her dad
Thought 4: why did I not think "she was fit!"
Thought 5: when the hell did I start thinking like this?
These thoughts passed through my head in what must have been only half a second.
The Little Things
Getting excited over things like a new vacuum, new water heater, or a not plastic silverware tray. Realizing the Lincoln Park album i like is 20 years old. Laughing when someone invites me out, especially if the start of the event is 9 pm.
It only seems like a couple of years ago that I was spending most of my money on synths and other music gear and preparing to go on tour again.
This morning I was giddy because the Amazon driver delivered my new cushion covers and comfy slippers.
Damn.
deep in thought
I was at work and had a meeting with an ex Olympic gymnast. She was stunning and had cosmetic surgery to 'enlarge her frontage' She was also wearing quite a low cut top that had metal spikes in the shoulders. All (supposedly) very distracting stuff.
My very first thought - 'I bet that jumper makes a noise in the tumble dryer!'
My second thought - 'Damn I'm old!'
Bless You
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I'll add mine since it was the reason I thought to ask this question.... Last week I sneezed and it threw my back out.
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There are a ton of jobs or favors that don't require much skill, experience, or labor, and people who are fortunate enough to get hired walk away with a king's ransom.
Looking for those kinds of "jobs," however, is like finding a teardrop in the ocean.
Few who struck gold, at least temporarily, shared their experiences when Redditor NikTheNerdBoy asked:
"What's the dumbest thing you were paid to do and how much were you paid?"
Good luck finding these well-paying tasks.
Running Errands
"Had a WFH gig working sort of as a personal assistant for a rich guy on the opposite coast from me. I did all kinds of wacky sh*t for him. For example, one time I had to break up with my boss's girlfriend because he was too wimpy to do it himself. That was literally my job."
"One day, I bought him a new pickup truck. Meaning, I negotiated the deal and paid for the truck with his credit card. All in all, I'd say the process probably took about two weeks, for which I was paid my usual wage at six hours per day. No big deal."
"Somehow, his dad found out about the new truck and he decided he wanted a new pickup truck too. He called me about a week after I bought the truck for my boss and said he'd pay me $2,000 to buy a truck for him. I called the same dealership back, spoke to the same salesman, told him what was up and basically said give me another truck, same price as before. The salesman was only too happy to comply."
"It took ten minutes to make the phone call and then a day or two to get the title and other paperwork sorted out. So, depending on how you look at it, I made $2,000 for just ten minutes worth of 'work.'"
"Somehow, my boss's rich friend found out about all this. He decided he wanted a new SUV. 'OhYeahThrowItAway, you have to buy it for me!' I told him the last time I bought someone a vehicle, I got paid $2,000. The friend was basically like F'k it, I'll pay you $3,000, just get it for me' and then he emailed me his wish list."
"That deal took a little longer, maybe two weeks."
"I made $5k extra in just two months buying vehicles for lazy (or dumb) rich people."
Staying Out Of The Picture
"I was paid $300 to move my car for a movie that was filming by my apartment."
Pack It Up
"Got paid 10k to leave an apartment because it was sold and new owner wanted to move in. I was tenant (renter) under previous owner. I had 4 months left in my rental contract. This was in Spain (Barcelona)."
European Vacation
"I was flown to Paris to do a compliance audit, the systems weren't set up for the audit, couldn't get access so spent the week being taken to restaurants and shopping. On 1 of the days and at the last minute the company decided to send me to London for a meeting, literally just to meet people. I missed the Eurostar because I forgot my passport (totally blanked that I was entering another country), they had to rebook the Eurostar. Nothing was achieved out of this trip. No audit was completed. Nothing came of the meeting. The cost to the company 25k+ for me to do nothing for a week. Corporate money is ridiculous money."
Not much labor was required for these so-called "jobs."
Ten-Minutes Of "Work"
"I used to work for a PR agency. Every month one of our clients wanted a handful of photos re-sized for their website; nothing fancy, just setting the width to 500px in Windows Photo Manager."
"It was maybe ten minutes of work every month, but the contract said the minimum amount of time we would charge them for was one day - and this was for the full team too, not just me. It must have cost them several hundred pounds every month."
"I showed the client how to do it several times, and explained that they could save a lot of money doing it themselves. They didn't seem to mind."
"In the end I made sure I got it in writing that I'd informed them of their options and let them get on with it."
Thank You, Goodbye
"$175 to do some kind of user study at Netflix, I show up in the lobby and then they go, 'actually we got the data we needed from the studies earlier today, you're free to go!'. Still got paid!"
– Lycid
Hush Money
"I did an event for a national association for deaf people at which they did every presentation in ASL. I am an audio engineer, who specializes in live sound and concerts. I did nothing for 5 days of show, $450 a day."
– murter95
Paid To Play
"I got asked to do 2 hours of barrier watch (Guarding a barrier ribbon while a crew did x rays inside a power plant). This was asked last minute after a 12 hour shift so the bonuses of staying happening to be a Sunday, etc I was being paid $110 to stand and play on my phone and make sure sure nobody tried to pass all the DO NOT ENTER DANGER DANGER signs during a time of day with minimal personnel."
– Hotel29
Movie Scene Dance GIF by FandorGiphyGotta Have Wendy's
"I was driving for uber. Picked up a bunch of drunks at like 2 AM. They were like 'Yo we gotta grab some Wendy' I go 'I'm sorry this is my busy period' they go 'Can we bribe you?' I go 'Absolutely you can bribe me.'"
"One the guys said I'll give you $100...I was shocked it was that high, another guy said '$150' and finally his wife said 'F'k it I want Wendy $200 and we buy you Wendy too.'"
"I finally said yes, FYI I hadn't said yes yet because the reality is $20-$40 would have gotten me to stop at Wendy."
"So there I sat at Wendy as those 3 drunks bought me wendy and paid me $200."
Substitute Chef
"One time I was at this super fancy dinner party. I'm talking servers and everything, I was in a freaking tux! It was outside and catered by a professional bbq company. I mean these guys had won international competitions. Well get this, they were double booked and didn't show. The other servers didn't know how to grill, and this totally smokin server in her 30s is just staring at the grill like a deer in the headlights. Well I don't want to be a hero but I ask if I can help. The entire staff spend the rest of the night bringing me drinks as I make this bbq and NOBODY realizes the award winning chefs didn't show up!"
Where Do We Apply?
"Ok this wasn't a job or anything.... But I got 10$ to eat half a watermelon."
Some opportunities present themselves.
When I was a kid, I hung out at a Japanese summer festival booth where you roll a bowling ball on a track that had two hills. The objective was to push the ball hard enough to get it over the first hill but not too hard to get it over the second hill.
I was fascinated with the challenge and stayed there for a long time as my parents were over by the food booths with their friends.
It was a slow day, and the dude working the booth wanted to peace out for a bit, so he offered to pay me $50 to "hang out" in his stead.
Of course, I said "sure."
No one ever came, and I earned fifty bucks rolling bowling balls for an hour. Was it the dumbest thing I ever did for money? Maybe, but I laughed all the way to the piggy bank that day.
That guy really must have despised his post enough to give a twelve-year-old kid $50.
Food is for survival. That was the plan. But over the years it has become somewhat of a way of life. Some of the most annoying people are foodies. They get so uppity about the preferences of others. Like, let me just enjoy what I enjoy.
Mom No!
Mom Smile GIFGiphy"I don't like my mom's cooking."
"Livestock have refused to eat my mother's cooking. She's a terror in the kitchen."
Take them OUT!!
"I hate walnuts in baked goods. It tastes like wood shavings and completely ruins the flavor."
"I love walnuts but I feel this way about raisins in baked goods, raisins are fine by themselves but not in sweets, I once ordered cinnamon rolls at Hardee's and bit into it and found out there were raisins in it, and I was grossed out and didn't want to eat it. At least freakin' McDonald's serves real cinnamon rolls without freakn' raisins!"
The Fart Ingredient
"I don't like kidney beans except in chili."
"I don't even really like them in chili. I'd rather have pintos in everything."
Oh thew Crunch...
"Pickles and onion make the best sandwich. I make most of my own pickles from stuff I grow or get from local farms in the fall, but I responded to another comment with two different heinous concoctions I enjoy. Crunchy, salty, sour. I really like pickles and onions to begin with."
"I use more than pickled cucumber though. Like the last one I made, I used garlic naan, mayo, red onion, scallions, pickled garlic, green olives, Kalamata olives, garlic dill cucumber, and green beans. Shallot, sour pickled onion, sweet pickled cucumbers, and sushi ginger on sprouted 14 grain bread is also also a favorite of mine."
No Sizzle
bacon GIFGiphy"I do not like bacon."
"I've been learning this over the years. If I'm gonna do bacon I much prefer the maple bacon since it's sweeter and doesn't overpower with saltiness."
- truije15
Who doesn't like bacon? That seems like a sacrilege. Right? But to each their own. Though I will never understand not loving walnuts in comfort food. Y'all need more self love.
Love the Big M
"Fast food tastes amazing, yeah its unhealthy as hell but don't you sit there and lie and say it tastes bad."
"Pisses me off when people act like they're better then McDonald's. What the hell? McDonald's is incredible and billions of people buy their food still. The same can't be said for other restaurants."
Blasphemy!
golden girls flirting GIF by HULUGiphy"Cheesecake is disgusting."
"I don't find cheese cake disgusting. It looks good. Smell delicious. Has ingredients in it that I love. But i can not eat more than one bite. It is too rich. One bite and i feel sick."
Too Many Legs
"Lobsters and crabs are giant insects."
"I don't really think that's that controversial, in my area of the world we even call this creature a 'Moreton Bay Bug' even though some fisheries try to give it the more appealing name of 'flathead lobster'."
bad bones
"Boneless wings are vastly superior to bone-in wings. I think bone-in wings are a ripoff because when you get half a pound of them, part of that half-pound is inedible. It's like if you ordered a quarter-pound cheeseburger, but the restaurant considers the weight of the plate to be part of that quarter-pound and you end up with just a slider. Just give me some damn meat."
The Slime
man oyster GIFGiphy"Oysters are truly disgusting and absurdly overpriced for quarter sized pieces of snot that tastes like salt water and hot sauce."
- C_23_s
Ok, I'm trying to stay calm. I don't want to judge. But some of these opinions... are leaving me shook. Except the oysters. That is that work of the devil. Look away...
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