Get Velcro
shoes GIFGiphyWhen I find myself grunting and groaning just to bend over to tie my shoes.
At 36....
When I fell down at work and no one laughed. Instead three people came running over to make sure I was ok.
Edited to clarify: I'm only 36. I was walking in our break room and stepped down wrong I guess. I fell into the stove and rolled my ankle. Thank you all for the awards. Kinda weird that my most popular post is about me falling down. Let me assure all of you that I was ok after this fall and have gone on to fall down two different sets of stairs and trip over my dogs on multiple occasions.
Take me Home
When I went to a music festival and slept in a tent after five or so years of not doing so. My God. I need to get home and take a real shower.
Truth! I slept on an air mattress for the first time in years and holy hell did I ache the next day. Gone are the days I could fall asleep on cold concrete contorted like the best circus act and wake up feeling as refreshed as a spring chicken.
The Wardrobe
dragon ball closet GIFGiphyMy 12 yr old daughter's friend told her "the amount of times your mom has worn that outfit is ASTRONOMICAL" and when my daughter repeated it to me all my hopes of being a "cool" mom were crushed and I felt older than I ever have.
Hey Grandpa...
When I was in my late 20s I dated a girl who had a daughter. The daughter and I got along great, played a bunch of Katamari together, etc.
Years later, that girl and I have long since broken up. I did some volunteer teaching at one of the local alternative schools with my wife. And one of students in the film class we taught was my ex girlfriends daughter, now 18 years old.
At some point in your life, whether you have kids or not, you realize you're technically old enough to be a grandparent. And that feels very old.
Surpassing....
When my son could outrun me.
I went obstacle course running with my oldest (6 years at that time) and he asked if we could still be doing that in 10 years. I told him I would be 50 so sure. You know what that little shit said? "Cool, I will hold back for you dad".
He is probably right but I will keep training to not make it easy for him to pass me.
being 38....
I used to drive for Uber and one night I realized the college girls I picked up could have been my adult daughters.
I'm not quite that old yet; I'm 38, but the really crazy thing to think about is that you don't feel it happening AT ALL. Like, with the exception that for some reason I emit a noise when lifting something light like a box of Cokes, I literally feel exactly the way I think I remember feeling in my 20s, only now there's this number that feels like a freaking toe tag.
Hair issues
shaving shave GIF by Shawn MendesGiphyInstead of growing facial hair to look older, I'm shaving it to look younger.
"The accident"
I saw a picture on Facebook of a friend from college and thought, damn he got fat and old. I immediately realized... I also got fat and old.
My two New Years Resolutions are: #1, get back into the shape i was before the accident; #2, stop referring to letting myself go and getting fat as "The accident."
Who am I?
old man smile GIF by F*CK, THAT'S DELICIOUSGiphyI was playing basketball alone and a bunch of kids smashed a beer bottle on the other side of the court just for fun.
I shouted at them, told them to pick up the pieces and warned them not to do that crap ever again.
They got scared shirtless and apologized. I had never felt older.
D.O.B
When I'm signing up for an account on a website, I have to scroll back pretty far to find my birth year now.
According to most websites I was born on January 1, 1901.
I got kicked off of an alcohol site for entering my birth year as "19" (not realizing it only allowed 2 digits). As a 30-something, i am offended that they don't think a 100 year old can use the internet!
Classics
green day GIF by AMAsGiphyThey played Green Day and The Offspring on the "classic rock" radio station.
Then the announcer says something about it being "released on this day 20 years ago" ... WTF!
papa can you hear me?
Coming around the corner of a department store and seeing my dad come around the corner at the same time.
It was a mirror.
I occasionally say things and hear my father's voice coming out of my mouth. I even notice I have the same half smile he does when I think I'm being clever. It's worrisome.
Nobody We Know
When I see popular Reddit posts mentioning celebrities with weird, crazy names and I'm like, who the heck are these people?
This isn't just age, it's also a product of the internet era. It used to be that everyone watched the same shows on the same few channels or listened to the same few radio stations, or whatever, so everyone knew the same celebrities.
In this age where the monoculture has been shattered, everyone is watching different shows on Netflix, YouTube, etc, it's so much easier to find niches, no one knows the same set of celebrities anymore.
Mac Who?
sunglasses deal with it GIFGiphyI was teaching a class last week and told my audience that they may need to MacGyver a solution if they come upon a certain problem. No one knew what that meant.
Because someone asked, it was an EMT refresher course. These are the people you trust with your life!
But I'm just 16!
When my oldest daughter was in 1st grade, she brought a note home from the teacher, saying that my daughter had misbehaved. I had to sign it and send it back. My daughter was scared and tearful and it suddenly struck me: holy crap - I'm the adult here. I'm the authority figure who a little girl is scared to be in trouble with. To me, I was the same person I was when I was 16.
What am I Thinking?!
I was walking through Sheffield after work, about 7pm, around December 2013 I think. - it was f,f,f,freezing. A bunch of students rounded the corner and a couple of the girls were wearing really short dresses, no coats.
Thought 1: she must be freezing
Thought 2: that's something my dad might have said
Thought 3: I'm OLD enough to be her dad
Thought 4: why did I not think "she was fit!"
Thought 5: when the hell did I start thinking like this?
These thoughts passed through my head in what must have been only half a second.
The Little Things
Getting excited over things like a new vacuum, new water heater, or a not plastic silverware tray. Realizing the Lincoln Park album i like is 20 years old. Laughing when someone invites me out, especially if the start of the event is 9 pm.
It only seems like a couple of years ago that I was spending most of my money on synths and other music gear and preparing to go on tour again.
This morning I was giddy because the Amazon driver delivered my new cushion covers and comfy slippers.
Damn.
deep in thought
I was at work and had a meeting with an ex Olympic gymnast. She was stunning and had cosmetic surgery to 'enlarge her frontage' She was also wearing quite a low cut top that had metal spikes in the shoulders. All (supposedly) very distracting stuff.
My very first thought - 'I bet that jumper makes a noise in the tumble dryer!'
My second thought - 'Damn I'm old!'
Bless You
dana carvey sneezing GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphyI'll add mine since it was the reason I thought to ask this question.... Last week I sneezed and it threw my back out.
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