There are certain expectations you have of your partner in a relationship, most of which are behavioral.

You make a contract with each other. And if someone breaks that contract, it can break down the relationship.

u/xCombust asked:

What is an instant turn-off in a relationship?

Here were some of those answers.


Refusal to admit they have done anything wrong. Never apologizing. Constantly positioning as the victim. Deluding themselves by twisting reality so they never have to honestly look at themselves.


They Can't Learn

A big red flag in either a romantic relationship or just a friendship for me, is when the person you're talking to is always either the hero or the victim in every story they tell.

Usually a pretty good indicator or how they view themselves / interact with the world, and it usually means they're going to be "my way or the highway" or "everyone else is to blame for everything"

Both are insufferable qualities


Just Dodging Bullets

Listening to your girlfriend talk to her daughter's father like complete and utter garbage on the phone even though he was having a family emergency in a hospital and hadn't actually done anything wrong. Screaming and name calling and all that because she wanted to talk to their 2 year old but grandma had her at home.

Took me all of 30 seconds to realize that would be me eventually getting treated like garbage so I enjoyed the rest of the night with her, said when we talked on the phone the next day I didn't think things would work out long term. Oh yeah, she has a pending assault charge for breaking his nose that I didn't find out about til that same night.


Insults Are Always Red Flags

Inability to communicate problems without yelling or insults. I've spent my whole life training myself not to yell at or insult someone unless it is 100% justified. I like discussing and resolving issues in a levelheaded manner where both sides get an understanding of the situation from the other perspective. Just please, for the love of God, don't insult me for asking about your parents when I don't know how your family life is. That's why I'm asking.


One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

Being controlling and demeaning, not turning off lights in unused rooms, lying, complaining about health issues but refusing to do anything to get better/under control


When It Lets Itself Go

I think when you're in a relationship, all the loud chewing and putting the to in the wrong way kind of evens out. They're not glaring. What for me is a turn off is that cut off point. Where you're so sure of the other person that you start taking them for granted. You don't check in on the relationship, you stop talking and the comfort of not having to look good, or even smell good seeps in.

And you get stuck in this cycle that you may not even realise is happening because all those small things just be one so routine that you forget what it's like to be in love with someone, what it's like to feel a bit nervous about someone. How beautiful the other person is and how you should tell them. How much you cherish that unspoken comfort and support, how the little touches as they walk by you mean something. How you forget to appreciate the individual.

That's where I check out, that's the real turn off.


Empathy Is Key

Being rude to customer service people. If you can't empathize with how hard they have to work, I can't imagine they'll be pleasant when we are having some issues.


Thou Shalt Not Name Call

Name calling. Maybe not a deal breaker for everyone, but I've always felt like there was no excuse for anyone to call me derogatory names. My dad NEVER called my mom names. So that what I expected from my husband (and myself.) I never call my husband names either.


Sniff Sniff

Someone who is always complaining. It could be about the smallest things or really big things. But a person that is a constant source of negativity is not someone I personally would like to spend too much time with.

It comes down to that saying, "If it smells like poop wherever you go, check under your shoe."


Honesty, Turning Saints Into The Sea

I don't know how many others can relate to this, but that's definitely one of the most important things if I want to start a relationship:

Don't tell me lies or half-truths, even if it's just because you think it would make me insecure or mad.

A lot of people don't agree with me, but if I want to start a relationship, my end goal is possibly building a family. I'm going to ask you personal opinions and things about you and your past, and you're free to ask me whatever you want. If you're not comfortable, just tell me that you don't feel like answering. But if you answer, be 100% honest, because if I find out that you were lying or omitting things, for WHATEVER REASON (even not to hurt me), it's an immediate turn-off for me, and I lose trust really quickly.


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