Sometimes being alive means being awkward in every way.
You'd think the awkwardness wouldn't follow you around in every aspect of your life, but you'd be wrong. Even getting injured isn't free from your personal brand of awkward.
Here were some of those answers.
Peed To The Death
Back in my army days, we had a guy fall out of his 2nd story barracks window while pissing out of his window. To deter him from falling out of the window while pissing again, the leadership moved him up a floor. Well, he fell out again... and died.
I once tested out a jammed nail gun on the palm of my hand. It was no longer jammed.
Heard of a guy who worked at a cannery and stuck his finger in a hole in one of the machines and cut his finger off. They reattached it and had to do a investigation, they asked him to show them what happened and he put his finger back on the hole and cut it off again.
On The Way Down
All those people in National Parks trying to take selfies next to the edge of a massive cliff that fall off. Some stupid selfie isn't worth losing your life.
Pruning Pruned Prunes
Coworker was at home in her yard and had a pair of pruning shears in her hand. She saw a spider, which she is deathly afraid of, and whacked it as hard as possible with said pruning shears.
The spider was on her ankle when she did it. Now she has a cracked ankle and the spider got away, too.
Spiders Cause Harm Pt. 2
I know someone who broke a couple of ribs while in the bath,
he was sat in the bath when he felt something light hit his shoulder looks over and sees this "huge" spider, he jumps up out the bath slips and hits his side on the side of the bath,
1 broken rib A few cracked ribs lots of bruises And a great story to tell
Ps the spider made a safe get away and was never seen again
Back in her elementary school days my mom and her peers would play a game called chubby bunny. Basically you stuff as many marshmallows as you can into your mouth and say chubby bunny. One of her classmates did it one day at recess and suffocated and died in front of everyone. Been scared of marshmallows ever since.
Chugga Chugga NOPE
Someone thought it would be fun to impress a girl by riding on the top of a train, they didn't know that the wires above the trains are electrical wires, and grabbed one for balance.
The bolt went through his hand, and shot out of his thigh causing severe burns.
Yes, he died.
Kid in my year at school once gave himself 6 or 7 "99ers" on the back of his hand at the one time.
A 99 er is pretty much taking a rubber/ pencil eraser and rubbing it on a piece of your skin 99 times. This boy did it around 7 times on the back of his hand
Pretty much his hand was covered in blood, this was during lunch break and he must have got dirt or something in it while playing and the wound got infected.
Basically any of the Darwin Award submissions and winners.
My favourite has to be of Krystof Azninski, a polish farmer in 1995. He and his friends got drunk and decided to essentially have a "macho contest". This included such fun activities as hitting each other on the head with frozen turnips. However, Krystof was set a mighty challenge when one man cut off his own foot with a chainsaw. To one up his friend, Krystof cut off his own head with the chainsaw.