Going to Vegas brings a certain level of discretion, thanks to a brilliant marketing campaign from the early 2000s telling us what happens in Vegas must remain in Vegas. Your trips' nastiest bits aren't for social media. Instead, they'll be relegated to your memories, tucked away into the deep folds of your mind. You know...until the next time you go, and do something awful again.
Reddit user, u/MommmyDearest, wanted people to open and share the worst of the worst when they asked:
For those who have been to Las Vegas —What's your "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" story?
All Part Of The Job
I warn that this isn't super exciting. I went to my sister's wedding in Vegas. I stayed in a hotel room with my dad.
He was asleep upstairs while I was downstairs playing blackjack. When I went upstairs, I was approached by two women offering to have a "good time"
I said no thanks, but they asked me why not. I just said "Oh I'm sharing a room"
They said "That's fine, we can do two people"
I said "Well, it's my dad"
They said "We're still fine with that"
Not What You Were Thinking
GiphyMan I have the lamest verision of this ever.
I had a job interview in Vegas, it was in Nov. or Dec. Two years back and I had put on some "winter weight." Didnt realize quiet how much. Dropped my portfolio with my resume and writing sample and sh-t walking to the interview.
Bent down to pick it up.
Tore my suit pants in the crotch, had to hold my portfolio awkwardly over my lap the whole interview. Didn't get the job.
Have never told that story, when everyone asked how it went I just said "fine" and then acted suprised when I didn't get the job.
So uh, I guess being so fat I tore my suit was a story that up until now stayed in Vegas.
Just...Close Your Eyes...
I've lived there for 18 years, but went away for college. I recently went back to Vegas for a school-sponsored event, meaning I got to experience it as a tourist. Saw a homeless person hooking up underneath a blanket, accidentally made eye contact. Worst half second of my life.
Untrue Love
Fell in love with a porn star, spent thursday through monday acting like a couple.
Felt different once we got to the real world.
Twofer
Its a tie for me
At the bar of a busy casino on the strip (the Flamingo) a very drunk (possibly on drugs) mountain survivalist from Idaho with a fu-manchu mustache pulled a gun on my wife and I because of how excited he was to show it off "in case he ran into trouble".
Saw a Go-go dancer fall off a table and horribly break her leg, she was (probably) on drugs and tried to get back up to dance more. It didn't work.
An Almost Tragic End
Spring break, 21 years old. Me and my best friend got blackout drunk and tried to get married in the hotel chapel cause it'd be funny. We texted our 4 other friends to come to the ceremony. 3 of them were also blackout drunk and asleep, but our 4th friend who didn't drink stopped us.
That's Why They Have No Smoking Rooms
I accidentally set the fire alarms off on the 16th floor of the flamingo cuz I rolled a 5 gram baby leg of bud I got from a dispensary and smoked it in our room. I was frantically trying everything to shut it off before security rolls through and makes me fan a pillow at it for 20 minutes and then left.
My arms hurt so bad after doing that but f-ck I was not trying to get smoke damage charges or some other bullsh-t. Dude pulled me down the hallway at the end and pointed to the stairwell and said "you're on the 16th floor dumbass no one is using the stairs smoke there."
Which I then did so dutifully.
No Dance Is Free
So my older brother got to start this tradition and I hope to carry it on when my son turns 21. All the guys in the family go to Vegas on 21st birthday. We live on the East Coast so it's not a quick car ride from CA.
My uncles, dad, grandpa, and brother were all there. Another memorable moment was seeing my dad walk to the ATM shaking his head. Apparently he thought that when the dancer wanted another dance he thought it was free? 11 years later he still hears jokes about ATMs. Christmas is fun. Grandpa is 87 and still going trucking along!
Lesson. Learned.
I bought edibles from a local dispensary. I quickly opened a rice crispy treat and ate the whole thing and prepared for a night of fun.
Well... During the ride on the roller coaster at New York New York, the edible kicked in full blast and left my head spinning. I ended up getting lost and walking 2 miles (I think) in the opposite direction of where I was staying.
I started to freak out, because I was high as a kite and was NOT enjoying myself anymore. I started to cry and have a panic attack until a guy dressed as Elmo helped me get back to my hotel.
Next morning, I woke up and read the packaging. It recommended breaking the rice crispy treat into multiple pieces, and NOT eating it whole. Lesson learned.
When The Truth Is Sadder Than Fiction
I suddenly got very bored hanging out with my friends at a club. I just wasn't feeling it. I abruptly stood up tossed my drink back and said "all right. I'm going to find something different to do."
I can be unpredictable and go harder than them usually. A couple of them were asking what I was doing and wondering if they should join me. I told them to enjoy the club. If sh-t got too crazy I'd text them.
Then I caught an Uber and went to Walmart for snacks, checked to see if they had any of the action figures I collect, and went back to my room and watched Netflix.
The next day they asked what I did and I didn't want to say "I looked for dolls and bought Doritos." And they took my slow response to mean I'd got up to something crazy. "Dammit I knew I should have went with you!"
They can never know.
Made up for it on Fremont the next night. We had crazy fun out there. Old Vegas is where it's at.A Tale For All Families
Oh boy. So about 6 months after I turned 21, my mom(43),brother (24) , grandma (oldish) and I flew down to Vegas. We of course got pretty drunk and made some friends in our hotel casino. Well. Apparently one of the guys had just came up from the Mexican border with some cocaine and other fun stuff.
I sh-t you not, this guy pulls out a f-cking ROCK from his damn sock and puts it on our hotel table. And that's what I remember of the story of how I did cocaine with my mom & brother in Vegas with some random drug pusher while grandma was asleep next door.
Seriously, Keep All Moms Out Of Vegas
Had some beers on Fremont street with my parents, aunt, uncle, and cousins. My mom was sober, but just to be funny she jumped on the fringe of this group of people dancing in a group (not a flash mob or anything, just some drunk people). She doesn't dance usually, mostly just pumping her hands up and down and jumping around (I love it, she's so funny to watch).
One guy turned around and started dancing with her, but he spanked her, and my mom took off like someone shot her in the ass, we all absolutely died laughing.
He Was Living His Best Life?
Walking down the boulevard and a guy jumps on a parked police car, whips his penis out, and starts pissing all over the windshield of the vehicle. Cops jump out of the car while trying to avoid piss and reach for their taser. The speed pisser finishes, jumps off the hood, and narrowly dodges the tase.
He then bolts across the street, but gets hit by a van on the opposite side of the road before he makes it all the way. I'm pretty certain his level of intoxication helped him survive being hit by that van.
Living The "What Happens Here" Lifestyle
I was an Elvis impersonator in one of those high class nudie shows.
I was skinny Elvis in the fat Elvis jumpsuit. And the guitar I used was a stage prop, weighed nothing and didn't make a noise anyone would consider music.
Something Left Behind...
I sharted myself badly in the middle of the Cosmopolitan Casino while trying to find a bathroom. I waddled the rest of the way to said bathroom and waited there for an hour until I was rescued by my brother who was all the way on the other side of the strip.
The underwear I was wearing at the time stayed in Vegas.
...And Something That Came Along
GiphyMet a drunk girl at a bar (I was also drunk). We start making out in the one narrow hallway in the bar, blocking people from both sides. I left her shortly after that to fly home.
I got her number and Turns out she lives a few towns over from me
5 years later and we got married last August.
EDIT: I thought I left "it" in Vegas. She just followed me home the day after I left and never let me go ;)
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Redditor Frozen_yoghurt123 asked:
"Who is the 'black sheep' of your family?"
I'm the black sheep or at least I'd like to think so.
Join me...
Scandal
"Probably my dad's cousin, who went to prison for murdering his lover's husband."
DW_555
Oh My Wow GIFGiphy"biggest disappointment"
"My Dad. He is the only one of 6 siblings who wasn't a huge f**k up. And yet, before my Grandma died she stated that he was her 'biggest disappointment.' He is estranged from his surviving siblings... not by his choice. It honestly blows my mind."
Unfair_Biscotti2828
"Toxicity is often a group mindset thing; people don't want you to leave because they are dysfunctionally co-dependent on each other and need each other to justify their own shortcomings in life. A lot of the 'family loyalty' stuff is typically shouted loudest by those who are the least good idea to stay loyal towards."
Creative_Recover
The Dead
"My great uncle who stole my great grandfathers identity, stole a couple million dollars, and ran off. No one even knew he was alive until my great grandfathers funeral in 2009. No one has seen him since. My grandma started to cry because she honestly thought he was dead."
"Everyone else just kind of nodded on his direction and went on with the rest of the funeral. I just remember being very confused because I was 9 and I had never met this guy who my dad pulled me aside and told me he was my great uncle. It was a few years later that I got the full story."
valkyrieonaunicorn
"matriarch"
"According to my mean aunt, the 'matriarch' in her own mind, it's my twin brother because "he doesn't care about family now that he's a doctor." (He's a resident. Chief resident. He works ridiculous hours and spends the rest of the time recovering from work.)"
"According to my ex-MIL (who still counts because she's Son's grandma), it's me, for divorcing her son."
"According to everyone else, it's Mean Aunt. The rest of us are warm and caring and compassionate. We have our moments; all of us have been accidentally thoughtless or done something selfish once in a while, but we're not deliberately mean and snarky all the time."
insertcaffeine
Everybody
"My immediate family are the black sheep of the entire family."
DarthDregan
John Stamos Cheers GIF by GrandfatheredGiphySounds like everyone has a little black sheep in them.
People Issues
"By now, my brother for cutting off everyone because he prefers his rude, selfish, paranoid, narcissist wife over all of us."
"My wife is the black sheep of her family in the sense that she's the only one who isn't a rude, selfish, paranoid narcissist."
Lvcivs2311
Joe Dirt Brother GIFGiphySo Dumb
"Me. My granddaddy told me 'I’ve only had the sheriff knock on my door two times in my 80 years, and both times he was looking for you! 'I did some dumb sh*t, caused a little trouble, burned a few bridges but always managed to stay out of jail. Partly because my sister has kept an attorney on retainer for me since I was 16."
This_Personality3731
Liar Liar
"My younger brother (2nd of 4) is a compulsive liar and it got him in a lot of little trouble as a teen, then he told his wife he graduated a big college when we're not even sure if he got his GED because he failed to graduate HS, went to some GED school and eventually just stopped going."
"IF he graduated college, he never mentioned he was going in the 4+ years it takes nor mention graduation or have a diploma. He's not a bad dude, but now family time is super awkward when he and his wife are talking about 'their' college team."
UniqueUsername82D
The NOT good girl...
"My aunt's daughter. She’s been in jail for drugs, stolen money from my aunt and other family members to use on drugs and physically abused my aunt. My aunt has tried getting her help, but nothing has worked. She’s just not a good person, and everyone in my family, except my aunt, doesn’t want anything to do with her. I haven’t seen her in 8 years now, and I’m happy about that."
Hello_Im_the_world
Maria?
"A former nun - my great aunt - left the religious life and got married. She called herself 'the black sheep of the family' because her habit was black."
Back2Bach
Excited Julie Andrews GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein OrganizationGiphyWell the black sheep sound like the most interesting family members.
Redditor OldAboba asked:
"What is the best non-sexual physical feeling you’ve ever felt?"
Adele. Adele live. She sends me.
Floating
Relaxed Exit Strategy GIF by Hannah Bronfman Giphy"I got a professional full body (everything but my man parts) massage a few years back for the first and so far only time at a spa after the recommendation from a coworker. I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the next few days."
gil_beard
Through your nose...
"Sneezing when you're sick. Then you get that about 20 second feeling of breathing through your nose again and you like ahh that's what I aspire to at the moment."
Sanguiniutron
"Or the very last sneeze of your illness. During a fire drill in high school, I was ambling out after fighting a head old for a few days. The alarm was killing my head which was already throbbing from the sinus pressure."
"I was nearing the field, well away from my classmates, when I cough/sneezed out a huge, green loogie - cleared it about three feet, no icky trail - and by the time I was walking back to the building I was feeling pretty much back to normal. No more head cold after that. Never had something like that ever happen again where there was such an abrupt end to the head cold."
NnyIsSpooky
'migraine cocktail'
"Right after a migraine goes away. It's almost a spiritual experience."
LarryLong*alls_
"This was going to be my answer. I was in the ER one time for a really bad migraine. They gave me what they called a 'migraine cocktail.' When they pushed it through the IV I could feel the cold liquid make its way through my body, up to my head. Once it hit my brain, the migraine was gone. It was pure ecstasy. Even better was that cocktail had Benadryl in it so I fell asleep not long after and slept so good."
master_baitor12
Shake It
"That stretch til you shake when you wake up."
Quanisha8472
"I once stretched too hard in the morning and got the worst calf cramp ever... it looked like a prune and I thought I would die from the pain. Couldn't stretch in bed for months afterwards out of fear it would happen again."
tevelis
"When you move over 50, it turns into that stretch til you put your back into a muscle spasm that lasts days."
wrichards12
The Itch
Scratching Feel Good GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy"I had a cast and splint on both my legs for 2 months. When they cut it off, they scratched my legs for me and the itch was just top notch! Yeah."
Existing-Seat5962
Itching an itch can change a life.
YUM!
Emma Stone High Quality GIFGiphy"When you're starving all day and devour a bomb a** meal."
Lime_Rose
Sleep for Life
"When you’ve been up for 20 hours+ and finally get into bed and you just know it’ll be the best sleep of your life."
Ok_Sprinkles_8777
"But man, after 36+ hours, the body sort of aches and it's hard to fall asleep despite being completely exhausted. Then the restless legs kick in... ugh. I do agree that a 20hr-ish stint is amazing to cuddle into, especially if you don't have to get up at any specific time the next day."
curlyfat
"Makes it better when you’ve been sleep deprived for weeks and know you have NO PLANS tomorrow and can sleep as much as you need."
Batcraft10
That Feeling
"When you're absolutely busting for a pee and you can finally go!"
Apprehensive_Pen_793
"Apparently there’s a thing called a 'pee-gasm' that people (usually women) have that causes an orgasmic feeling when you pee after holding it for a while! I’ve definitely experienced this and I’ve intentionally waited a while so I could have that good feeling... lol."
cocoawhirl
I Can Hear!!
"The feeling of water leaving your ear after being there all day."
Apprehensive_Bet_438
"I had some impacted earwax for a week in one ear, and when it finally got removed it was the best feeling in the world. Initially it was like having a tv or radio in my ear that only had static, but then I could hear. Good god, I could hear. It was amazing."
doodwhatsrsly
"Oh man, and it’s WARM from being in your head, and the warmth makes the sensation of leaving even better."
AngiesPhalanges
A Good Rest
dog puppy GIFGiphy"Sleeping in a warm blanket in winters."
Puitzza
"Or sleeping in a cold blanket in summer."
pitypuruty
I am enthralled by all of those things.
Redditor Gold-Ad-2827 asked:
"People with mental disorders: What do you hate being told the most?"
I hated being told to just smile. You smile and go away.
Duh
seth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy"It's all in your head. Where else would it?! My colon?"
glorified_throwaway
Don't Minimize
"Everybody goes through that."
rukasu83
"This saying makes my blood boil. Or the 'I was that age once too ya know' yeah no sh*t you were that age once. And just because you were that age once doesn’t mean we have the same experience."
MasterOfRNoSleep
"They try to minimize it."
Previous_Ad7725
Stellar Advice
"You're worried? Just stop."
"You're sad? Just don't be."
"You're compulsively binge eating? Eat less."
"Thanks for that stellar advice."
CrayolaSocks
"Or even better, 'Just do it!' As if ADHD paralysis can be stopped with a can-do attitude."
HumanityIsACesspool
"physical health"
"I get so frustrated when people treat the idea of 'holistic medicine' as some kind of woo. How does it escape so many people that the body works holistically? Even a lot of doctors seem to ignore this. It's very frustrating when you have 2 or 3 or 4 illnesses that are all affecting each other, and your 'physical health' is held distinct from your mental health, and nothing anyone is doing to treat you works because no one's looking at the whole system."
"I just got a lecture from a psychiatrist I am seeing about nutrition, and he apologized to me for doing so but I told him, 'No, I appreciate it. Do it for all your patients.' because it told me he's trying to look at the whole picture and actually fix what's wrong. It gave me faith in him."
TheLastKirin
Relax
Calm Down Golden Girls GIF by TV LandGiphy"You need to calm down."
sorceress__stoned
"Never is the history of calm down has calm down ever caused anyone to calm down."
LBIdockrat
Calm down. I hate that one. You calm down.
Tips
Season 23 Reaction GIF by Law & OrderGiphy"When they try to give me tips on what to do, like bruh as if I didn't already try that."
Mediocre_Ad8282
The Standard
"You don't look sad. No crap... that's so I can avoid having this conversation. Also depression isn't 'being sad' like people think."
allgamerprogram
"God, I hate this. It's because saying 'I'm depressed' has been standard for people expressing that they're slightly unhappy about something dumb like not getting enough croutons on their salad or some crap. Now that's just what everyone assumes you mean when you say you have depression."
NilPill
Be Faster
"'Stop being lazy.'"
LadyBirdLadyBirdLady
“'Lazy' is when you don’t want to do anything at all. 'Executive disfunction' is when you can do everything at all, but that one easy quick thing that you do want to do just makes you and your brain freeze completely days ahead. I’m tired of people not understand that even when I explain and look at me like I’m bullshitting instead."
_Varien_
Ways to Cope
"Maybe you should try praying harder. I did, He prescribed medication."
Ms_Schuesher
"Praying is a way to cope for a lot of people, I think. That's totally fine, but insisting on praying in lieu of getting real help or actually addressing the issue is when it is not only unhelpful, but dangerously detrimental."
TheFrustrated
"Religious people will bypass everyone’s cultures, identity, views, and feelings just to be right and make a point. it’s disgusting. I read somewhere that real so called Christianity is all wrong. The real faith is from the Aramaic history and all the meanings were misinterpreted and the stories and all were made up by Catholics wanting to control their people. Yuck."
RisingPhoenix5271
'contamination'
Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy"As someone with OCD with a lot of attention to 'contamination', having someone try to explain contradictions in why I'm doing something that is technically unclean when I wouldn't do something that is technically clean due to OCD. There are a few doorknobs that I will not touch no matter how much you clean them in front of me and I know it makes no sense, if it made sense I wouldn't have OCD i'd just be cleanly."
Zoooples
Stop trying to be an armchair therapist. Be empathetic to people first.