Let's face it we've all done things we'd rather out parents didn't find out about. Well these brave souls share some secrets they would NEVER tell their parents.
1/24. I shot myself in the leg when I was 8 and fixed the hole with a wad of toilet paper and some duct tape. There's still metal in there 20 years later.
2/24. As an adult I was visiting my Mom. She was divorced from her 2nd husband and at the time she had a "roommate". One day they were at work and I answered the phone in my Mom's bedroom since it was the closest phone to me at the time. I needed to take a message and opened the top drawer of the nightstand on instinct to find a piece of paper. Big mistake. Right on top was a double sided dildo, a Hustler magazine on top of a stack of Hustlers, and a love letter to her roommate. Trust me when I say that I only read the first sentence or so and put it back in the drawer. Here we are almost 20 years later, lives with a different woman now, she's never come out of the closet, I've never outed her and never will. It's her decision. I love her no matter what and I think I'll call her today because it's been a couple weeks.
3/24. My grandmother had a collection of fairly expensive rings and when she died she left one to every woman in the family. I was 13 and told not to wear mine out of the house because it was a bit loose on me. I did and lost it within a month of her death. Every now and then my mom asks about it and I'm just like "yeah it's in a box in one of my drawers, I don't wear it because I don't want to lose it."
4/24. Stole my dads car when I had no licence and then had to race him home so that I didn't get caught with it. Made it in time. I will never tell him this. Ever.
5/24. Less than a year after my brother bought his house (with considerable help from our parents), he and a friend were looking at a gun in his living room. Being young and careless, his buddy pulled the trigger, blowing a nice, big hole in the refrigerator our parents bought for bro. It was a nice fridge, too. After promptly shitting himself, he and the friend hauled ass to a local second-hand appliance store, and bought a reasonably similar-looking fridge, which stands in his kitchen to this day.
6/24. I didn't slip in the shower. My girlfriend fell through the wall when I was banging her.
More confessions on the next page!
7/24. I used to play my game boy advanced every night for about 2 years, never told my parents and certainly don't plan on it.
8/24. When I was like 10-12 I threw a soccer trophy at my door during a tantrum. It put a hole in my side, but not all the way through.
I stuck a bumper sticker for my favorite college team over it.
I'm 28 and it's still there.
9/24. I stole my moms earrings to give to my girlfriend in 3rd grade. She never found out...
10/24. Burnt a portion of our fence down when I was 14 by putting out a cigarette on it. Told my parents it just spontaneously caught fire and I heroically helped our neighbour put out the fire before our house burned down.
11/24. When I was in primary school I was playing tag and thought it would be a good idea to go through the out-of-bounds area. Unfortunately there was a small rabbit hole or something that I tripped on and then fell and cut my forehead on a rock just on my hairline. Unaware of how bad the injury was, I just continued playing and at some point I ran past a teacher on duty and she said I had to go to the nurse (there was apparently blood dripping down my face). Turns out I had to get three stitches. Naturally, Worksafe were all over this shit. They had to know how something so serious could have occurred, and asked me to take them to where it happened. I was really scared and couldn't tell them I went out of bounds because I couldn't get in trouble. So I told them that I didn't really remember but would have a look anyway. Turns out that I found a bolt sticking out of a pole and blamed that. Worksafe audited the whole school and found several more, so we were not allowed outside at lunchtime until it was fixed. The only problem was that the people who came to fix it, couldn't start for a week. So every day for a week we were stuck in classrooms at lunch and recess time, all because of me. Still haven't told my parents.
More unbelievable stories on the next page!
12/24. I got lost in the woods hiking. The police had to rescue me. It was a whole big scene. I texted them with the little battery life I had on my phone and told them I was staying at a friends, so that they wouldn't worry. The police eventually found me, and I got home at 5AM. They thought I was at a friends, and I've never told them the story.
13/24. When I was 8 I used to like sleeping in my grandmas bed with her because she was over 90 and had the most comfortable bed in the universe. One night I peed the bed having one of those dreams where I pee during the dream (don't fall into the trap kids). When we woke up, my grandma was under the assumption that she had peed the bed and not me. I just acted like I was super understanding because of her old age. I'm sorry Mama Nene.
14/24. I put my foot through my bedroom door after I lost an online match on UFC 09. The guy kicked my ass and then pm'd me abuse so I went bezerk. I told my dad it was over a girl who faked pregnancy with me and that she was phoning me. Truth is I hadn't spoken to her in months and didn't want to admit it was over a video game.
15/24. That the month I was "living a month in Spain" was actually spent in jail. I had friends to post fake Instagram pictures for me too.
16/24. When my dad and I lived with his then fiance years ago, her oldest daughter and I used to fool around.
17/24. I skipped college for like 4 months.
I was studying to become an english translator. The first month there was so f*cking bad, I couldn't stand the subjects, and as I hadn't finished high school yet (exams left), I couldn't keep going to college anyway.
So I spent the next months pretending I was going to class, while actually taking really long bus trips back and forth and reading books near the river.
Its the douchiest thing I've done and I can't let my parents know.
18/24. My dad recently asked me how I paid for my college when he knows I don't have a job. I'm never going to tell him that I became a local drug lord for 24 months and moved hundreds of lbs of pot through frat houses and cashed out when I was free of student loans.
More unbelievable secrets on the next page!
19/24. When I was 13 and my little bro was 11, we stayed at the mall WAY past when we were supposed to come home, like a few hours. This was the time before cell phones.
On the way home we hatched a scheme. We devised a lie that involved us being detained by a mall security guard for running down a back hallway of the mall.
We even came up with a real person to base this security guard on, in case we were questioned separately. We pretty much described to our mom the pro wrestler Dean Malenko. It was perfect.
Little did we know, there was a guy in our area posing as a cop and abducting children. Mom called the cops. My brother and I separately had to give statements about what happened.
The thing is, the lie held up. The cops told Mom that there was a good chance this was the guy. IIRC there may have even been a little blurb in the news about a sighting of this guy at the mall we frequented.
We threw a wrench in an investigation, caused a minor local scare, scared the shit out of our Mom, and ruined our freedom to walk to the mall by ourselves for 6 months, all because we didn't want to get into trouble for being 3 hours late getting home.
20/24. I broke my moms waterbed having sex, the same night she came home really drunk and when she woke up in the morning, she thought she did and didn't remember.
21/24. When I was a junior in college, I lived off campus with five other guys in a shady neighborhood. One Tuesday night while a few of us were high and watching tv, a couple thugs busted our door, broke in, and robbed us at gunpoint. They were looking for a drug dealer. It turns out they had the wrong house; the dude from whom everyone at school bought their weed, coke, and pills lived one house over. (None of us ratted him out because that would've brought more trouble)
These guys tore our place apart looking for our nonexistent stash, and when they couldn't find anything, they grabbed some random worthless decorations, getting antsy to bounce. One of my roommates- big, burly, but usually reserved- grabbed one of the guys as they were leaving. He must've snapped. The thug turns around and lets two shots fly that both hit my friend: one in the leg, the other in the gut.
He lived but was in the hospital recuperating for a month. None of us were able to recover from what happened, so after the short, fruitless investigation was over, we withdrew from school and went home.
I stayed until the end of the semester. When I went home, I just told my parents that I wanted to transfer to a school closer to home. I never told them why I made that decision. I have two younger brothers. I didn't want my parents to be afraid to send them away to school; I didn't want my brothers to be afraid to leave home and explore.
22/24. I found their "home movie" when I was looking for something to enjoy alone...
23/24. My dog ate a whole pot cookie left out once. My mom thought the neighbor tried to poison my dog by throwing something in a Ziploc bag over the fence since the poor pup was falling over and 'fainting'. In reality the pup stole my Friday night from me.
24/24. I went on Disney channel's website without their permission. I'm gunna burn for that one.
Some people were more hesitant to share their most personal stories.
"Nice try mom."
My list is too long to even try to narrow down. I'm just going to say that most of our political officials, on all sides, need a muzzle, a sedative, and a new career path. Start there...
Divorce Time
Real Housewives Goodbye GIFGiphy"Oh man I often think about the guy asking if he's an ahole for asking his pregnant wife to wear a diaper at night because she was disturbing his sleep whenever she got up to pee." ~ Morrigans
Psycho!
"I remember a girl in her late teens who thought her older sibling was faking their child's food allergy so she tried to catch her by not telling them about the ingredients before serving them a dish. Someone else had it first and recognized the ingredient and stopped the kid from eating it in time and called her out. She then tried to play it off saying her sibling was a drama queen and she was trying to trap her. Reddit tore into her, of course, since the child could've... well, died." ~ SylancerPrime
Glassware
"The guy who moved into his younger girlfriend's apartment, and threw away her fancy drinking jars that she loved from their shelf because they bothered him and he wanted her to just drink from normal cups. I think about this entitled jerk a lot. ~ SelfDiagnosedUnicorn
"get over it"
"Girlfriend of a widowed father of two, she moved in to his place. He was still struggling with letting go of his late wife. So the gf in her eternal wisdom decided to throw away all family pictures of his late wife one day when the dad was away because she felt it was time for him to "get over it". He did not get those pictures back, they were legit gone forever. When she posted this on AITA but didn't get the validation she wanted she just doubled-down instead." ~ YoungDiscord
Thief!
Angry Season 9 GIF by ShamelessGiphy"The girl who found a lost dog after someones house was destroyed then refused to give it back because they had "bonded." ~ dawsonsmythe
I dare you to try and keep any of my animals. What kind of lunatic does that?
"emotional support"
Steve Harvey Reaction GIF by Super DeluxeGiphy"The guy who was mad his GWB wouldn't give 10k usd because he provided her with "emotional support" by listening to her rant about her ex a couple of times." ~ Hopelessyhopeful
Vile
"The OP deleted it so I can't link. OP was the wife of a man whose first wife died. OP was jealous of wife #1 and destroyed all the photos and knick knacks from the first wife, including deleting all the digital photos. She burned everything physical. Her husband packed up his teenage daughter and left her. It was 3 or so years ago and I still feel rage thinking about that vile OP. I hope her husband divorced her. It's the least she deserved." ~ fluidentity
Cinderella
"OP wasn't the a**hole in this one, but her son was. Basically she found out that her son was using her daughter-in-law as a stay at home maid. They had two kids, I wanna say, and DIL did EVERYTHING - cooking, cleaning, childcare, EVERYTHING. OP gave DIL some money for a girls' weekend and her son forced her to cancel it because he wanted to go out with his friends that weekend, leaving her to watch the children."
"DIL called OP in tears and OP loses it - tells her to drop the kids at her house and go take her weekend. OP takes the kids to her sister's (with DIL's permission) and goes to the bar where her son is and tears him a new one to the point she gets kicked out of the bar. First thing she does after that is call her other two DILs up to make sure her other son's aren't pieces of crap." ~ SpidersMcGee
Awful Dad
"'ll never forget the one guy. He'd just turned 18 and was getting ready for college when his dad walked in, said "your mom cheated on me. I'm not your real dad. I'm not paying for your college. Move out after you graduate high school."
"The dad had known for the son's entire life but didn't say anything until that moment because he thought it was the mom's job to do it. And the kid assumed his family would pay for his college like they did with the others so he didn't save any money or look for scholarships." ~ justking1414
Call John
John Cena Mind Blown GIFGiphy"The kid that ruined his little brother's signed John Cena poster. The little brother had gotten it signed when he met John Cena during a Make-A-Wish event that was held for him." ~ nsa_k
That little kid is a psycho in training. Those parents need to sleep with BOTH eyes open. I hope John Cena sent another poster.
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Most of my minor, well major miracles when you think about it, have been in cars. I've lost track of the amount of vehicle disasters I've averted, by the skin of my teeth.
Out Damn Spot!
GIF by Warner ArchiveGiphy"My wife dragged my butt to the dermatologist for a cyst I have had for years. While there, the doc noticed a mole on my ankle that he didn't like. Turned out to be melanoma. Would have never gone if my wife didn't force me." ~ TheDistric
Say "AHHHH!"
"24 years old, had a pesky sore on my tongue that was really bothering me. My boyfriend's dad was a dentist so when I was over at his house one night I asked him to take a look. He recommended I go see an oral surgeon the next day for him to check it out."
"The next day I decided it was feeling better so I tried to cancel my appt but my boyfriend's dad insisted I go. I went, and the oral surgeon pretty much diagnosed it as cancer on the spot. It was aggressive and by the time of my surgery to remove it it had already spread to multiple lymph nodes."
"They ended up removing over half my tongue followed by chemo and radiation. Given how aggressive it was, I often think that if I had put off the doctors visit any longer I probably wouldn't have survived. I'm coming up on my 10 year anniversary in January." ~ bobear2017
Flip Out!
"When driving in the upper peninsula in Michigan last summer a truck full of logs flipped and barrelled straight into my car. Completely demolished the car, someone else had to come open the door for me after the fact because they were all pinned shut by logs. I walked out of there without a scratch on my body." ~ Tman2588
Pit Stop
"On a road trip in college with 4 friends. We stopped halfway for a pit stop because I had explosive diarrhea and was getting more sick by the minute. Friends carried on to Vegas and left me with one of the guys who rented us a car to return home. The friends that carried on got into a roll over: 1 died, 2 will be injured for life." ~ 4fingertakedown
Stay Single
Samuel L Jackson Reaction GIF by Coming to AmericaGiphy"I was engaged to someone, but then came to my senses and broke it off. Nine months later I found out she got married to someone else, then about 1 year after that she killed her husband." ~ Green-Boysenberry396
Life is a minefield when you think about it. Sometimes the heartbreak of love is worth it in hindsight. You look back and realize you loved a psycho and just say... "thanks for looking out God."
Leaks
relief GIFGiphy"The second floor of the house I was renting collapsed a month after I moved out. ETA: apparently a water pipe sprung a leak shortly after we left. We weren't in any trouble." ~ RenaKunisaki
On Impact
"I was driving home from visiting my brother in Vermont when a snow storm started. I didn't have much experience driving in serious snow and I completely lost control. Car careened off the road and I was heading for a giant boulder at around 50 or 60 mph. I felt time slow down and I reflected on my life for a moment and then said goodbye to my body. Suddenly, I was jolted out of it by an abrupt impact, but I could see that the boulder was still 20 or 30 feet away."
"When I got out of the car, I saw that I had hit a little skinny tree that I could have easily grabbed with one hand. However, it had a giant root system that lifted the car off the ground and stopped me. Car was totaled, but I was completely fine because of that little tree. There is no way I would have survived the other impact." ~ senatorbolton
Winter Days
"Walking to work in the winter. Half way through a step forward under a skybridge when an icicle taller than me (6') and probably 2' around at the base crashes down right in front of my nose. If my bus had been a half second earlier, if I had walked even a tiny bit faster pace."
"I would have been impaled from brains to testicles. I was frozen in place for a minute, quietly surveying my near-death. There was another pedestrian nearby who witnessed it and the wide-eyed, ashen look on his face as he stared at me confirmed just how narrowly fortunate I was that day." ~ MoridinXP
where I had just been...
"This happened before cellphones existed. I had a long commute home and on a rare occasion my husband drove into the city to meet me. I started for home about fifteen minutes before he did. On the stretch of Highway 101 that I needed to be on for about twenty miles, there was a big rig in front of me that seemed to be driving erratically."
"I got this weird feeling and just moved over to the next lane and accelerated past him. In my rear view mirror, I saw the big rig run over the car in front of him, flip to its side crushing the cars in the next lane (where I had just been). My husband was behind the accident and as the police were letting cars file past in single file."
"He saw one of the crushed cars had a red bumper. He got home a couple of hours after me and said he'd never been so happy to see my red car in the driveway. That he'd been holding his breath as he turned down our street because he really expected me to be under the big rig." ~ susgrigs
The Rising
Water Douse GIFGiphy"My wife and I were prepared to buy a nice riverfront property in 2019, but the owners ( her dad and uncle) were dragging their feet. We had our down payment, we were approved for the mortgage, and we had even been living there paying rent."
"Then the river rose 30ft/10m and we had to evacuate. The water kept rising. The house was destroyed before we bought it. So we didn't buy it." ~ Idiot_Savant_Tinker
And these are just the disasters we know about. The truth is, we probably survive near-death experiences with every breath we take. God speed everyone.
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Reddit user UWigsOfficial asked:
"What historical facts sound fake but aren't?"
Guess It Wasn't Meant To Happen
"The fact that two times the Mongols attempted to invade Japan and both times a storm sunk the invasion fleet."
"Same happened both times caesar went to Britain."
Even Kings Draw Phalluses, Apparently
"King Karl XIII of Sweden doodled penises all over his private diaries in 1785, when he was 37 years old."
"Clearly he was the inspiration for Superbad."
Christmas Spirit
"The Christmas Truce of WW1."
"It honestly sounds to good to be true, so I'm glad that it was real. It just goes to show you that deep down none of them were the 'bad guys' in the war, no matter what flag or country they fought for. They were all just soldier's that had to follow orders from their COs. It really sucks that it only lasted once & has become banned ever since."
Prime Ministers Don't Just Disappear, Do They?
"An Australian Prime Minister went missing while swimming at a beach."
"In his honour the US named a warship after him while in Australia his local electorate named a swim centre after him."
"There's a few Harold Holt memorial swimming pools around. I laugh every time I see one."
Operation Acoustic Kitty
Game Forum GIFGiphy"Operation Acoustic Kitty. A $20 million CIA project in the 1960s which implanted a microphone, radio transmitter, and wire into a cat, for the purpose of spying."
"The first mission involved releasing the cat near a Soviet compound in Washington to spy on two men. The cat was released and hit by a taxi almost immediately, and the project was discontinued."
"Sounds about right for a government project"
Wojtek
"There was a corporal in the Polish army during world war 2 who was a beer drinking, cigarette smoking bear."
"He didn't smoke he ate the damn lit cigarettes."
Who Needs An Enemy?
"Legend has it that the army of the Habsburg Empire lost about 10,000 people in the battle of Karánsebes in 1788 before the enemy (the Ottomans) even arrived. Basically they were drunk and thought the enemy had arrived and started fighting between themselves."
"The legend part is just the casualties. The event itself did actually happen, it's just debated whether it was anywhere close to 10,000 people lost or just a few hundreds killed and thousands injured."
But How Did They Open Them?
Hungry Lets Eat GIFGiphy"The can opener (1858) was patented 48 years after the tin can (1810)"
"Did they just squeeze em til the tops popped open before that?"
"Cans used to be thicker. They were opened using a chisel and hammer"
"Also cans were significantly less common than jarring"
"Australian troops during ww1 went into no-man's land and dug out/recovered an abandoned german tank that was stuck in mud, pretty much because they were bored and the tank was there."
"The A7V Mephisto. Went and visited it a few months ago."
"As of 2020 at least, President John Tyler's grandson was still alive. That's 10th President if the US, John Tyler, who was born in 1790."
"I haven't seen any stories about his grandson dying so I assume he's still alive. It would be an interesting enough story that it'd be one of the top stories for a day or two."
It's commonly said that studying history will sometimes make you upset or uncomfortable, but most folks probably don't expect it to make them incredulous. Sometimes, though, fact really is stranger than fiction.
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