There are some moments in life that we want to forget, but there are even more we want others will forget. Whether it's facing the consequences of that spicy food we ate or downing that last regretful shot of tequila, our bodies can quickly go from being our friend to becoming our worst enemy. It's good to have a sense humor about these things, they're only natural after all. Here are the best of the worst moments that truly, ahem, stunk.
Redditor u/madbubers asks:
What is the most embarrassing way your body has betrayed you?
Urine Trouble Now!
I peed myself in class. I was wearing a skirt and no tights. I was 17.
It was my first year of college and the lecture lasted 4 hours. I held it as long as I possibly could, until at some point I was 100% certain I would pee myself as soon as I stood up. I couldn't excuse myself to the bathroom because I'd pee myself on the way in front of everybody.
So I stayed. I waited until the other students left, but they didn't. Of course they had questions for the professor, some lingered... I got out, made it out of the classroom miraculously, then as soon as I was out the door I couldn't hold it anymore. I kneeled down on the floor, pretended to look for something in my bag (someone even asked if I was okay), hoping against all hope that no one would notice the puddle at my feet.
I kept pretending to look in my bag for 5 more minutes until everyone was gone, then walked to the nearest bathroom to dry myself as best I could. Then I went home, changed my underwear and dried my skirt and shoes with a hairdryer, because it would look suspicious if I came back with different clothes.
No one ever mentioned it. To this day I wonder if some did see it and avoid talking about it to spare me the embarrassment, or if I somehow managed to hide it.
He Was Scared Stiff They'd See
So in 2016, I had hernia surgery.
I got the dopey medicine that's supposed to make you act crazy, and my parents were watching to see what I would do. Now, this is the first time I've ever had it. My *ss just sat there and spaced out, but I had one thing in mind:
DON'T GET A BONER.
The hernia was right above my groin, and they had to have full view of Mr Wiener. I didn't want to scar those poor nurses and surgeons.
After about 30 minutes, (maybe? Coulda been 2 hours even, time was weird) I get wheeled out to surgery. I'm like f*ck yea, no boner.
Then, I feel it.
Well, it decides that being moved is the perfect time to rise and shine (this was at about 7:45 AM) and I'm sitting there whacked off my a*s thinking "eh whatever, I'll live with this embarrassment."
Yea. They put me on the table and it was a tent.
To the nurses and surgeon (all females), I'm so sorry. You caught me at the worst time possible.
Full Of Hot Air Much?
2 hours train ride. I felt the air coming slowly but I held it back until the end. Finally, the next stop was mine, so I stood up and walked to the door, still holding back that, now massive, amount of air in my colon. Just when the doors were about to open, some child stumbled into me from behind. It surprised me so much that I, just for a moment, didn't hold in.The result was the loudest, most disgusting fart you could ever imagine.
I never left the train station faster in my entire life.
Out, Out Damn Spot!
When I was in high school by starting a period without any of the usual symptoms and leaving a bloody puddle on the chair and huge stain on my jeans.
This happened to me, except I knew it was happening. My (male) teacher had a blanket, no-using-the-bathroom-during-class rule, and I was too embarrassed to tell him what was going on.
Its not even technically legal for them to do so.
We had a teacher in elementary school who had this rule. If you didn't go during lunch that was your fault. One day a girl was begging and literally crying asking to go with the teacher being very loud and telling her no, we have lunch soon.
Girl wet herself. Luckily the whole class recognized it was the teachers fault so no one made fun of her for it and some even berated the teacher.
Seriously teachers: if i could sue my job if they said i couldn't go because holding it can cause medical problems an angry parent is gonna have a way easier time. Let people go to the bathroom.
Oh Veil No!
On my wedding day..... but not like you're imagining. Woke up at 6 AM, blew up the toilet, thought it was just nerves. About an hour later the vomiting starts. Then the poop. Then the vomit. Repeat this cycle for a few hours. My friends are thinking, oh she's just hungover. Hell, I thought it could be that too, I had drank wine the night before but not in my usual quantities and had gone to bed sober as a judge. After awhile we all realize this is bigger than a hangover. My mother finally picks me up off the bathroom floor after a few more hours of the puke-sh*t-repeat game and drags my ass to urgent care where I burst into tears when they ask what's wrong.
"I'm supposed to get married in three hours and the vomiting and diarrhea just won't stop!" Ugh. Cringe. So they pump me full of IV fluids and nausea meds. Seems to be helping. I go home and get dressed for my wedding, not so sexy when your mom has to help you into your fancy underwear. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. Here comes the red wave to further ruin my day. I'm in awe at this betrayal. (Also, it starts hailing outside as I'm putting my dress on. Between sh!tting my brains out and not eating, my dress is now too big and is falling down. And, my wedding is outside.)
This is where I just laugh because there's nothing left to do. My period is especially infuriating because I've been prophylactically taking birth control pills for over 3 months so I could purposefully skip my heavy and erratic periods on my wedding day (I have an IUD so I already had birth control and wasn't relying on the pills for baby blocking). I tell this story to nervous future brides to remind them that your body, and nature for that matter, don't give a f about what day you've selected to get married. Luckily my marriage has been much, much better than the wedding but how could it not be?
Quite The Sob Story
In a meeting with my managers. They're complaining about X, Y, and Z that I haven't achieved. I'm not upset about the criticisms, if anything I'm angry I have to ear them, but for some bizarre reason my eyes started watering.
We'd have these meetings weekly and every time my eyes would water and tears would pour. It started just happening when I wasn't even angry.
And even in normal angry situations I'd never tear up. Just in those meetings.
Omg I have the same thing. Whenever I'm confronted with something by a superior, I start crying for some reason. It sucks because I don't want them to think I'm upset about minor things, because I'm not.
They Come Out Of Nowhere
Panic attack, nothing was wrong just my heart did not want to be in my chest for some reason.
Edit: wow this blew up harder than my heart.
I get panic attacks so often. Feels like my chest is being crushed. I swear one day I will die of a heart attack just assuming it's panic. They are the worst feeling.
Seriously, Did Something Die Inside You?
Farted the most rancid fart of death in 6th grade.
The teacher somehow knew it was me and kicked me out of class- told me to go to the nurse and have someone pick me up because she was convinced I had to be sick to produce such a toxic stench.
I thought it was cool I got to get out of school though and my dad thought it was hilarious.
From Frisky To Risky
Story Time.
My grandmother was killed when she received the AIDS virus through a blood transfusion, back in the day. (If you live in Minnesota and get a blood transfusion, know that my grandma was the one that ate the bullet that makes hospitals screen blood.)
My family donates blood on her birthday. I hate donating blood. I hate needles, I hate seeing blood, and I hate the weird cold feeling you get throughout your entire arm. In a terrible twist of fate, I happen to have Universal blood that is CMV negative (I can donate to babies and small children, which apparently is rare?). Hospitals are always in short supply, it seems, as I am always getting calls to donate a double amount every time I'm eligible. (I charge them twice as many cookies as they give other people).
One time, after giving a double dose, I was feeling just fine. I usually feel wiped out and need to go to sleep, but that day I was feeling fine. I got home and the wife was there, and we're trying to have a kid, and we were both kind of flirty, so we went for it. I got in the buff when my knees wobbled, the room spun, and I just collapsed on the floor. I never lost consciousness. I was just sprawled naked on the floor, unable to lift my arms or legs. I could lull my head about.
TL:DR - Don't try to have a romantic time after donating a double dose of blood.
Tinkle, Tinkle Little Star
When I was 12, my best friend and I were hanging out in front of my apartment complex on the front steps with two guys that we were SUPER interested in.
I was sitting on the top step with my bestie, and the two guys were goofing off further down the steps and making us laugh.
Well, I started laughing. So hard in fact that during one of those laughs where you're laughing so hard you're no longer making any noise, where you've basically lost control of it and CAN'T stop, I started farting really loudly.
Even though I was MORTIFIED, I COULD NOT stop laughing and laughed harder and then I started pissing my pants. I couldn't stop!! The piss was running down the steps as I tried desperately to stop laughing by covering my ears and shutting my eyes.
I finally gained control of my body and stopped laughing, but it was too late.
My crush came over to sit next to me, and right before he sat down next to me he saw the puddle of piss and jumped up alarmingly and said "Whoah!"
I got up and tried to run inside, but I didn't have my key, so I had to ring the buzzer and had to wait for my mom to buzz me in in front of them with piss soaked pants, and the giant puddle of my piss that had run down half the steps.
I stayed inside the rest of the day, and that night my crush miraculously came back and asked me out through my bedroom window.
For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
tsunami GIF
Giphy
"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
Scared The Launch GIF by CTV
Giphy
"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
Who Are You Reaction GIF by MOODMAN
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"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
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What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
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Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
Giphy
Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
Giphy
Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...