The Well Known Sector Of Metal

Steve Irwin wrestles a croc back into the river, stands up and looks at his hand. "Crikey, I dislocated my finger." Grabs his finger and pops it back into place, then double-takes. "Wait, nevermind. It's broken."

R4wrSh4rkR3dB34rd

Fun fact: Popping a dislocated finger back into place apparently breaks it most of the time.

One time I had my pinky dislocated at the second knuckle by a football. The top half of the finger was sticking strait sideways. I grabbed it, remembering all the bad@ss times I've seen tough dudes reset their broken digits, and pulled it back into place, which was a LOT harder than I though it would be.

Anyohoo, after a quick "POP" it was back to normal so I held it up to @ssess. As my friends looked on it just popped right back sideways, lol.

I popped it back into place again and just made a fist to hold it together until I could splint it, then went to the emergency room. Doc says I probably broke the knukcle when I tried tO set it.

So my friends all thought I was Rambo or whatever because I didn't really react. Just kind of "Huh." But the thing is, it never really hurt until it started healing.

QuackNate

Maimed Nonchalantly

My boss drilled into his hand when a bit slipped.

Got his knife out.

Picked the filings of steel that got into his hand. Got the alcohol and poured it over. Slapped crazy glue to "close the gap" and drove to the hospital. the crazy part is that his face never changed. No emotion at all.

Edit: shoutout to my other co-worker that had two of his fingers get caught on a rolling machine and torn apart. He just turned around and said "help me guys" in the most nonchalant way.

Mister_Sassafrazz

Domination

Didn't see this first hand, but my dad's friend told us about one time when his dog chased a bear up a tree. In a dog vs. bear fight, the bear would win every time, but they tend to be pretty timid so this dog treed it. The guy calls his dog back into the house, but before leaving, the dog pees on the tree with the bear in it. Super ballsy on the dog's part.

-MazeMaker-

Venom Go Bye

I didn't witness it directly but it absolutely qualifies. A few months back my friend noticed his 18 year old cat seemed sick, just really lethargic, and seemed to have a small wound/bump on his tail. He kept an eye on him for a day or two, seeing if he was going to have to take him in to the vet. Two days later, the cat barfs up a dead black widow spider, and legitimately went back to normal after and cleaned his tail wound himself and it healed.

This fucking cat was BIT by a black widow and then ATE IT and came out completely fine. So metal.

ambiguous_she

What Dat?

At the time I was a CT tech at a major trauma hospital. Patient comes with gunshot wound to forehead (self inflicted) with a 22 caliber. They were alert and orientated and following directions but kept trying to put their finger in the hole. They were surprised there was a hole in their forehead.

photondeployment

Sadism: Animal Style

I used to have a basset hound and a tiny cow looking chihuahua. Basset hounds have a nose and a desire to hunt.

One time a hawk came down, trying to carry away the chihuahua. As it swooped, it didn't get a chance to grab the tiny cow because my basset caught its neck, brought it to the ground, and started methodically breaking all its bones by running its jaw up and down the hawk's body until it laid there dying unable to move.

My dog won't even eat other animals. It just hunts.

NosyNoSee

Rock Down To Electric Avenue

I worked at a music venue downtown in my city. Every Saturday was a mix of punk rockers and metal heads who came down for 80's night.

This disheveled dude stumbled in and walks up to the bar. He, long greasy hair, a bloodied busted lip with two matching black eyes, reeking of whiskey and a bad attitude. Me, six hours into a PBR drinkers shift with a tip bucket full of change and the occasional dollar.

He orders a PBR, and hands me a $10. I give him a $5 and two singles. I go to turn to the cooler to grab his drink and he yells something along the lines of, "where's the rest of my f*cking money?!"

I snap back, tell him he gave me a $10, and turned the till to show him the empty $20 spot. We didn't keep large dollars in the register, because we dealt in pocket change for $3 tall boys and $5 40's.

As I go to grab the register and turn it back towards myself, ignoring his demand for money, I feel the damn thing slip between my fingers as I watch this f*cking fool lift it over his head.

I hear people yelling as they realize what's about to happen, while I drop behind the bar in hopes he doesn't bash my brains. In a matter of seconds, I hear the most animalistic growl and heave as I watch the fucker toss the register over my head, flying right into the glass bar.

This was the mother of all oddly satisfying sounds, a giant bar mirror with six glass shelves, fifty plus glass bottles of liquor and assorted beer breaking into bits and raining down all around me.

In the darkness the neon lights shining through the glass mimicking sparklers shooting out of the wall where an entire bar stood a moment earlier.

It all happened in minute, feeling like an eternity. Then it all ended swiftly as the bouncers moved in, picking this guy up over their heads, throw him down two staircases, toss him out the door and beat the dog sh*t out of him.

It was just another Cincinnati Saturday night.

Olealicat

The Stuff Of Nightmares

I watched an epic fight between a spider wasp and a huntsman spider. It went on for about ten minutes and was like a kind of mini Godzilla: King of the Monsters vibe. It ended with the spider wasp winning and dragging the spider back into a big hole in my garden wall. It was fucking intense. Australian wildlife is metal af.

cardboardshrimp

You Probably Do Need Help But I'm Still Impressed

Old lady I used to take care of, she was an aircraft mechanic in her youth during WW2. She fought me tooth and nail every time I went in to help her. One day in the dining room she fell out of her wheelchair and busted her head wide open. She was 95. Blood everywhere. This lady STANDS UP, blood running down her face. We rush to help her, she looked me dead in the face and said "f*ck off, I don't need any help." We called an ambulance.

RiaModum

Rubbah Bonez

One of my friends has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, far worse than myself.

I remember once her foot fell out from under her on a stair case, she slipped down and ended up a curled and contorted mess, having dislocated both shoulders and twisted her legs underneath her.

Before I could even get down the stairs and help, she started popping her joints back in and untangling herself... it was like watching a marionette build itself from a pile of parts.

Either truly metal, or nightmare fodder.

Xenton

Ice Cream Stalkers

I saw three deer corner a small child and eat his ice-cream.

Child was screaming like Dio whilst his Japanese mother filmed the whole thing cackling to herself.

Metal.

Its-my-d*ck-in-a-box

There Is Literal Metal Involved On This One

Had an inmate slice his arm open with a razor before swallowing it. While we waited for backup he calmly sprayed blood all over the cell and counted. Then, when he'd lost enough blood he tore a strip off of his shirt, tied it around his arm to stop the blood loss and cuffed up. Dude was just a bit crazy.

mousevsworld

Chaotic From All Sides

I was at a show for some hardcore band, I think Whitechapel, down in Wilmington NC, with a bunch of other Marines. We were just out looking to get drunk and rowdy, and hardcore shows seemed to be a good place for it.. Anyhow, at the venue (Soapbox Lounge, looks like it is closed now) security would generally let a person climb up on stage every once in a while as long as they turned and did their stage dive and the show went on.

So, middle of the show some kid climbs up there, jumps around with the bassist for a second, and then gets on the front of the stage, but just poses and doesn't dive. He's just standing in the middle of the stage drinking in the atmosphere and basking in the chaos. Security starts slowly working their way over to this kid, but the bassist he was just jumping around with plays his way up behind this guy, turns a little, and "This is Sparta" kicks the f*cker out into the crowd. Full on punts him.

The house went nuts. No idea what happened to the kid, but that's what ya get.

I think I got both of my eyes blackened in the pit that night. Good times.

Dr3wcifer

Mom Brought The Sheet Metal Today

My mother piercing her own ears with a pair of stud blunt-metal earrings.

I almost threw up watching her pierce her own ears with literally NOTHING but her hands and those earrings, and she straight up just... shoved it through her ear, no previous piercing hole. In both ears!

Earrings are not made for that, they're so blunt! Sure they hurt if you step on them or try to stab someone with it, but to get it through that much tissue? Holy Shoot! And it bled! Oh my god, did it bleed! I didn't even mean to watch, I just walked into her room as she happened to do it. I wanna consider myself a tough woman, but, like, f*ck. Metal as HELL

GremlinLesbian

Zero To Sixty

One night working security on a bad side of my town I watched a crack head take on 5 guys by him self naked and win. I don't know why they were fighting all I know is this crack head went from dressed to naked in less then 10 seconds and was dishing out hay makers like a used car salesman sells cars. That was the moment I legitimately thought that crack heads are an untapped military resource.

Onemeanlisp

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man

When I was in high school there was this kid walking through the parking lot and about to cross the drop off zone when a mustang (of course) comes flying through and hits him. He does a flip through the air and lands like Spiderman. A few of us went running to him to help and telling him we saw it and where the car went. He brushes himself off, says "f*ck that guy, don't worry about it", and walks into the building.

IsolatedThinker89