People Imagine The Funniest Things To Say Before Getting Put Under Anesthesia

Anesthesia is fun, it's ok, you can admit it. But before that milk of amnesia flows, what do you want to say? My gastroenterologist used to say, "see you on the inside" before a colonoscopy.

Jamarcus_Haag asked, What would be a funny thing to say to a surgeon before anesthesia kicks in 5 seconds later?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.

Last thing I remember saying before a minor surgery, "I know what you're trying to do to me, and it's not gonna work."

Related: Penn Jillette told a story of someone he knows in the medical field who would count down with the patient as they go "under". The same person would be there as the patient regains consciousness and would continue counting from where they left off.

I had seen two orthopedists for my seriously broken ankle. One was nice and pretty quiet, but the other one was an obnoxious smartass (I really liked him.) I thought the quiet one was doing my surgery but I was just about to go under when I saw this face looming over me. He was wearing a surgical mask but I saw the mischievous blue eyes and said "oh shit! It's YOU!" He responded with a maniacal laugh, and next thing I knew I woke up feeling like I was about to puke.

I was having my wisdom teeth removed and as they were knocking me out they had set me up to the heart rate monitor. I then started playing with it by changing my breathing rate making it beep faster and slowing down. The last thing I remembered was the nurse asking if I was okay and I replied, "Yeah, just playing with the heart rate monitor." Midsentence I had knocked out and when I came back to, I was finishing what I was saying, but then realized I was in another room and had no memory of sleeping, so I suddenly screamed. "I TELEPORTED!"

"Wake me up if I die."

I was going on for brain surgery. They had given me the injection about a half hour before wheeling me into the OR, so I was pretty loopy when we got there. There was like 15 people in scrubs waiting. My wife reassured me, "Look, there's a whole army of people here to take care of you!"

I replied, "Oh no, how are we going to feed them?"

I had to go in for a colonoscopy, the awesomeness of getting old... As I was about to go under, I looked at the doctor and said: "safe word is waffle." He laughed and then I was out cold.

I woke up very groggily from surgery to the nurse saying "You're about to be discharged, sweetie."

My croaking response: "Is it an honorable discharge?"

When I had my tonsils removed, my mom told me I said

"Where did all these spiders come from? " just like, out of nowhere a bit before I passed out.

I remember telling the nurse "I don't feel woozy at all stop chatting sh_t and operate" thank God I fell asleep straight after that.

True story:

Had a few brain surgeries but before the last one, the anesthesiologist didn't properly secure my mask so I wasn't falling asleep. I was tripping out on fentanyl and just sat up and looked around. The doctors all surprise quickly because I'm supposed to be sleeping so they come over to fix the mask. I stop them and say (again, I'm tripping out on meds):

"Guys, guys, guys... wait, wait, wait - I'm serious here... Don't f_ck up" and then I start belly-laughing as hard as I ever had. I even had my brain-surgeon laughing himself to tears.

This was post-surgery, and I don't even remember doing this. When I woke up, I immediately started yelling "AGUA! AGUA!" (I don't speak Spanish). The nurse finally understood and asked me, "Do you mean water?" and I shouted back, "No, agua!"

The surgical nurses were laughing at something while I was wheeled in, so I said "Wow, sounds like a party in here. I guess I'm the piñata." I heard laughter as I blacked out.

Before I went under I slurred, "one of you's gonna hafta drive I'm f_cked up" - brought the house down.

True story. I was doing my clinical rounds for RN school at a surgical center. We saw a lot of colonoscopies that day. The very last one was a young guy....maybe 36ish. He was really timid about having nursing students watch his procedure, but the doctor assured him we would be professional and he said OK. Anesthesia was pushed in and they were rolling him on his side to start sticking the camera up his butt, when he whips around saying, "wait wait wait..." looks at us (me and another student nurse) and says, "My wife says I have an a** like a cherry!" We hold our laughs in, nurses turn him back around, then again he whips around: "wait wait wait!" Points at me with a shooting gun finger and says very coolly, "I'll see you (winks eye) up my BUTTHOOOOOOLE!!!" Then passes out. The doc busted out laughing and so did we. I like to tell that story to anyone that's going to get a colonoscopy hahaha!!!

I woke up after the anesthesia and I remember the nurses laughing at me because I thought I was the medic in Saving Private Ryan. What did I say? "Mmmmmmmm-morphine, I've been hit!"

When I was going in for a hernia surgery, the hospital had a practice of asking you to confirm your name, birthday, and reason you're here multiple times before you go under.

The last time they asked as the anesthesiologist held the mask, I replied "surgical male enhancement", to which she laughed and put the mask on anyway.

I was getting surgery and was awake being wheeled into the OR. At the time I was a younger kid, who loved Mario Kart, so when my gurney started getting pushed down the hall I sat up, held my hands like a steering wheel, said "It's a me, Mario!", and then made driving sound effects all the way to the OR, where my surgeon burst out laughing seeing me wheeled in like that.

Before my last surgery: "keep your distance, I don't wake up nice."

They asked me what that meant when I woke up afterward. And then I had to tell them I'd punched a nurse after a previous surgery because I'd woken up while I was still intubated.

I had knee surgery right after Michael Jackson died. The doc said to me, "This is what Michael Jackson used to go to sleep." I did not find it funny and was very mad for about four seconds.