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People Imagine The Funniest Things To Say Before Getting Put Under Anesthesia

Anesthesia is fun, it's ok, you can admit it. But before that milk of amnesia flows, what do you want to say? My gastroenterologist used to say, "see you on the inside" before a colonoscopy.

Jamarcus_Haag asked, What would be a funny thing to say to a surgeon before anesthesia kicks in 5 seconds later?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.

Narrator: it worked.

Last thing I remember saying before a minor surgery, "I know what you're trying to do to me, and it's not gonna work."

What a great way to confuse people.

Related: Penn Jillette told a story of someone he knows in the medical field who would count down with the patient as they go "under". The same person would be there as the patient regains consciousness and would continue counting from where they left off.

I remember my surgeon in April saying, "ok, now you're gonna..." then I woke up.

I had seen two orthopedists for my seriously broken ankle. One was nice and pretty quiet, but the other one was an obnoxious smartass (I really liked him.) I thought the quiet one was doing my surgery but I was just about to go under when I saw this face looming over me. He was wearing a surgical mask but I saw the mischievous blue eyes and said "oh shit! It's YOU!" He responded with a maniacal laugh, and next thing I knew I woke up feeling like I was about to puke.

Waking up outside the operating room can throw you way off.

I was having my wisdom teeth removed and as they were knocking me out they had set me up to the heart rate monitor. I then started playing with it by changing my breathing rate making it beep faster and slowing down. The last thing I remembered was the nurse asking if I was okay and I replied, "Yeah, just playing with the heart rate monitor." Midsentence I had knocked out and when I came back to, I was finishing what I was saying, but then realized I was in another room and had no memory of sleeping, so I suddenly screamed. "I TELEPORTED!"

There would definitely be a story to tell. Or would there?

"Wake me up if I die."

After my first surgery, I woke up trying to order pizza from my mother.

I was going on for brain surgery. They had given me the injection about a half hour before wheeling me into the OR, so I was pretty loopy when we got there. There was like 15 people in scrubs waiting. My wife reassured me, "Look, there's a whole army of people here to take care of you!"

I replied, "Oh no, how are we going to feed them?"

My gastroenterologist used to say, "see you on the inside."

I had to go in for a colonoscopy, the awesomeness of getting old... As I was about to go under, I looked at the doctor and said: "safe word is waffle." He laughed and then I was out cold.

From the story it sounds like a premature discharge.

I woke up very groggily from surgery to the nurse saying "You're about to be discharged, sweetie."

My croaking response: "Is it an honorable discharge?"

This kid got the good stuff.

When I had my tonsils removed, my mom told me I said

"Where did all these spiders come from? " just like, out of nowhere a bit before I passed out.

I've said the same thing, and I distinctly remember laughter.

I remember telling the nurse "I don't feel woozy at all stop chatting sh_t and operate" thank God I fell asleep straight after that.

I'll have what he's having. Why not make it an adventure?

True story:

Had a few brain surgeries but before the last one, the anesthesiologist didn't properly secure my mask so I wasn't falling asleep. I was tripping out on fentanyl and just sat up and looked around. The doctors all surprise quickly because I'm supposed to be sleeping so they come over to fix the mask. I stop them and say (again, I'm tripping out on meds):

"Guys, guys, guys... wait, wait, wait - I'm serious here... Don't f_ck up" and then I start belly-laughing as hard as I ever had. I even had my brain-surgeon laughing himself to tears.

Speaking in tongues after surgery? What did they do to you?

This was post-surgery, and I don't even remember doing this. When I woke up, I immediately started yelling "AGUA! AGUA!" (I don't speak Spanish). The nurse finally understood and asked me, "Do you mean water?" and I shouted back, "No, agua!"

I had a resident tell me, "I'll be working on you, it's my first day."

The surgical nurses were laughing at something while I was wheeled in, so I said "Wow, sounds like a party in here. I guess I'm the piñata." I heard laughter as I blacked out.

When you're responsible to the bitter end.

Before I went under I slurred, "one of you's gonna hafta drive I'm f_cked up" - brought the house down.

It can be intimidating having all those people watch, give them a show.

True story. I was doing my clinical rounds for RN school at a surgical center. We saw a lot of colonoscopies that day. The very last one was a young guy....maybe 36ish. He was really timid about having nursing students watch his procedure, but the doctor assured him we would be professional and he said OK. Anesthesia was pushed in and they were rolling him on his side to start sticking the camera up his butt, when he whips around saying, "wait wait wait..." looks at us (me and another student nurse) and says, "My wife says I have an a** like a cherry!" We hold our laughs in, nurses turn him back around, then again he whips around: "wait wait wait!" Points at me with a shooting gun finger and says very coolly, "I'll see you (winks eye) up my BUTTHOOOOOOLE!!!" Then passes out. The doc busted out laughing and so did we. I like to tell that story to anyone that's going to get a colonoscopy hahaha!!!

Morphine really can take you places.

I woke up after the anesthesia and I remember the nurses laughing at me because I thought I was the medic in Saving Private Ryan. What did I say? "Mmmmmmmm-morphine, I've been hit!"

My name is "let's get this over with."

When I was going in for a hernia surgery, the hospital had a practice of asking you to confirm your name, birthday, and reason you're here multiple times before you go under.

The last time they asked as the anesthesiologist held the mask, I replied "surgical male enhancement", to which she laughed and put the mask on anyway.

Talk about driving on a 'high'way...

I was getting surgery and was awake being wheeled into the OR. At the time I was a younger kid, who loved Mario Kart, so when my gurney started getting pushed down the hall I sat up, held my hands like a steering wheel, said "It's a me, Mario!", and then made driving sound effects all the way to the OR, where my surgeon burst out laughing seeing me wheeled in like that.

You've been warned, have that coffee ready.

Before my last surgery: "keep your distance, I don't wake up nice."

They asked me what that meant when I woke up afterward. And then I had to tell them I'd punched a nurse after a previous surgery because I'd woken up while I was still intubated.

What could possibly go wrong?

I had knee surgery right after Michael Jackson died. The doc said to me, "This is what Michael Jackson used to go to sleep." I did not find it funny and was very mad for about four seconds.

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

Have you ever been reading a book, watching a movie, or even sitting down for a fantastical cartoon and began to salivate when the characters dig into some doozy of a made up food?

You're not alone.

Food is apparently fertile ground for creativity. Authors, movie directors, and animators all can't help but put a little extra time and effort into the process of making characters' tasty delights mouthwatering even for audiences on the other side of the screen.

Read on for a perfect mixture of nostalgia and hunger.

AllWhammyNoMorals asked, "What's a fictional food you've always wanted to try?"

Some people were all about the magical foods eaten in the magical places. They couldn't help but wish they could bite into something with fantastical properties and unearthly deliciousness.

Nutritious

"Enchanted golden apple" -- DabbingIsSo2015

"The Minecraft eating sounds make me hungry" -- FishingHobo

"Gotta love that health regeneration" -- r2celjazz

"Pretty sure those are based off the golden apples that grant immortality. Norse mythology I think?" -- Raven_of_Blades

Take Your Pick

"Nearly any food from Charlie and the Chocolate factory" -- CrimsonFox100

"Came here to say snozzberries!" -- Utah_Writer

"Everlasting Gobstoppers #1, but also when they're free to roam near the chocolate river and the entire environment is edible." -- devo9er

Peak Efficiency

"Lembas" -- Roxwords

"The one that fills you with just a bite? My fat a** would be making sandwiches with two lembas breads and putting bacon, avocado and cheese inside. Then probably go for some dessert afterwards. No wonder why those elves are all skinny, eating just one measly bite of this stuff." -- sushister

Some people got stuck on the foods they saw in the cartoons they watched growing up. The vibrant colors, the artistic sounds, and the exaggerated movements all come together to form some good-looking fake grub.

The One and Only

"Krabby patty 🍔" -- Cat_xox

"And a kelp shake" -- titsclitsntennerbits

"As a kid I always pretended burgers from McDonalds were Krabby Patties, heck from time to time I still do for the nostalgia of it all. Many of my friends did the same thing." -- Thisissuchadragtodo

Cheeeeeeeeese

"The pizza from an extremely goofy movie. The stringy cheese just looked magical lol" -- ES_Verified

"The pizza in the old TMNT cartoon as well." -- gate_of_steiner85

"Only bested by the pizza from All Dogs Go to Heaven." -- Purdaddy

Get a Big Old Chunk

"Those giant turkey drumsticks in old cartoons that characters would tear huge chunks out of. Those things looked amazing, turkey drumsticks in real life suck and are annoying to eat."

-- Ozwaldo

Slurp, Slurp, Slurp

"Every bowl of ramen on any anime, ever." -- Cat_xox

"Studio Ghibli eggs and bacon" -- DrManhattan_DDM

"Honestly, any food in anime. I swear to god half the budget no matter what the studio goes into making the food look absolutely delicious." -- Viridun

Finally, some highlighted the things that aren't quite so far-fetched, but still far enough away that it's nothing we'll be eating anytime soon.

That tease can be enough to make your mouth water.

What's In It??

"Butter beer" -- Damn_Dog_Inappropes

"came here to say this. i was pretty disappointed with the universal studio version which was over the top sweet. it was more of a butterscotch root beer. i imagine butter beer to be something more like butter and beer, which wouldn't be crazy sweet, but would have a very deep rich flavor" -- crazyskiingsloth

Slice of the Future

"The microwave pizzas in back to the future two" -- biggiemick91

"I've been fascinated with those for years! They just look so good!" -- skoros

As Sweet As They Had

"The Turkish Delight from Lion Witch & Wardrobe. The real ones I had weren't bad but nothing special." -- spoon_shaped_spoon

"Came here to say this. I know it's a real thing, but I always imagined that it must have been amazing to betray your siblings over." -- la_yes

"You're used to freely available too sweet sweets. For a WW2 era schoolkid, it would have represented all the sweets for an entire year." -- ResponsibleLimeade



Here's hoping you made it through the list without going into kitchen for some snack you didn't actually need.

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