People Imagine The Funniest Things To Say Before Getting Put Under Anesthesia

People Imagine The Funniest Things To Say Before Getting Put Under Anesthesia

People Imagine The Funniest Things To Say Before Getting Put Under Anesthesia

[rebelmouse-image 18354387 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Anesthesia is fun, it's ok, you can admit it. But before that milk of amnesia flows, what do you want to say? My gastroenterologist used to say, "see you on the inside" before a colonoscopy.

Jamarcus_Haag asked, What would be a funny thing to say to a surgeon before anesthesia kicks in 5 seconds later?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.

Narrator: it worked.

[rebelmouse-image 18354388 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Last thing I remember saying before a minor surgery, "I know what you're trying to do to me, and it's not gonna work."

What a great way to confuse people.

[rebelmouse-image 18354389 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Related: Penn Jillette told a story of someone he knows in the medical field who would count down with the patient as they go "under". The same person would be there as the patient regains consciousness and would continue counting from where they left off.

I remember my surgeon in April saying, "ok, now you're gonna..." then I woke up.

[rebelmouse-image 18354390 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I had seen two orthopedists for my seriously broken ankle. One was nice and pretty quiet, but the other one was an obnoxious smartass (I really liked him.) I thought the quiet one was doing my surgery but I was just about to go under when I saw this face looming over me. He was wearing a surgical mask but I saw the mischievous blue eyes and said "oh shit! It's YOU!" He responded with a maniacal laugh, and next thing I knew I woke up feeling like I was about to puke.

Waking up outside the operating room can throw you way off.

[rebelmouse-image 18354391 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I was having my wisdom teeth removed and as they were knocking me out they had set me up to the heart rate monitor. I then started playing with it by changing my breathing rate making it beep faster and slowing down. The last thing I remembered was the nurse asking if I was okay and I replied, "Yeah, just playing with the heart rate monitor." Midsentence I had knocked out and when I came back to, I was finishing what I was saying, but then realized I was in another room and had no memory of sleeping, so I suddenly screamed. "I TELEPORTED!"

There would definitely be a story to tell. Or would there?

[rebelmouse-image 18354393 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"Wake me up if I die."

After my first surgery, I woke up trying to order pizza from my mother.

[rebelmouse-image 18354394 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I was going on for brain surgery. They had given me the injection about a half hour before wheeling me into the OR, so I was pretty loopy when we got there. There was like 15 people in scrubs waiting. My wife reassured me, "Look, there's a whole army of people here to take care of you!"

I replied, "Oh no, how are we going to feed them?"

My gastroenterologist used to say, "see you on the inside."

[rebelmouse-image 18354395 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I had to go in for a colonoscopy, the awesomeness of getting old... As I was about to go under, I looked at the doctor and said: "safe word is waffle." He laughed and then I was out cold.

From the story it sounds like a premature discharge.

[rebelmouse-image 18354396 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I woke up very groggily from surgery to the nurse saying "You're about to be discharged, sweetie."

My croaking response: "Is it an honorable discharge?"

This kid got the good stuff.

[rebelmouse-image 18354397 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

When I had my tonsils removed, my mom told me I said

"Where did all these spiders come from? " just like, out of nowhere a bit before I passed out.

I've said the same thing, and I distinctly remember laughter.

[rebelmouse-image 18354398 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I remember telling the nurse "I don't feel woozy at all stop chatting sh_t and operate" thank God I fell asleep straight after that.

I'll have what he's having. Why not make it an adventure?

[rebelmouse-image 18354399 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

True story:

Had a few brain surgeries but before the last one, the anesthesiologist didn't properly secure my mask so I wasn't falling asleep. I was tripping out on fentanyl and just sat up and looked around. The doctors all surprise quickly because I'm supposed to be sleeping so they come over to fix the mask. I stop them and say (again, I'm tripping out on meds):

"Guys, guys, guys... wait, wait, wait - I'm serious here... Don't f_ck up" and then I start belly-laughing as hard as I ever had. I even had my brain-surgeon laughing himself to tears.

Speaking in tongues after surgery? What did they do to you?

[rebelmouse-image 18345656 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

This was post-surgery, and I don't even remember doing this. When I woke up, I immediately started yelling "AGUA! AGUA!" (I don't speak Spanish). The nurse finally understood and asked me, "Do you mean water?" and I shouted back, "No, agua!"

I had a resident tell me, "I'll be working on you, it's my first day."

[rebelmouse-image 18354400 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

The surgical nurses were laughing at something while I was wheeled in, so I said "Wow, sounds like a party in here. I guess I'm the piñata." I heard laughter as I blacked out.

When you're responsible to the bitter end.

[rebelmouse-image 18354401 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Before I went under I slurred, "one of you's gonna hafta drive I'm f_cked up" - brought the house down.

It can be intimidating having all those people watch, give them a show.

[rebelmouse-image 18354402 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

True story. I was doing my clinical rounds for RN school at a surgical center. We saw a lot of colonoscopies that day. The very last one was a young guy....maybe 36ish. He was really timid about having nursing students watch his procedure, but the doctor assured him we would be professional and he said OK. Anesthesia was pushed in and they were rolling him on his side to start sticking the camera up his butt, when he whips around saying, "wait wait wait..." looks at us (me and another student nurse) and says, "My wife says I have an a** like a cherry!" We hold our laughs in, nurses turn him back around, then again he whips around: "wait wait wait!" Points at me with a shooting gun finger and says very coolly, "I'll see you (winks eye) up my BUTTHOOOOOOLE!!!" Then passes out. The doc busted out laughing and so did we. I like to tell that story to anyone that's going to get a colonoscopy hahaha!!!

Morphine really can take you places.

[rebelmouse-image 18354403 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I woke up after the anesthesia and I remember the nurses laughing at me because I thought I was the medic in Saving Private Ryan. What did I say? "Mmmmmmmm-morphine, I've been hit!"

My name is "let's get this over with."

[rebelmouse-image 18354404 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

When I was going in for a hernia surgery, the hospital had a practice of asking you to confirm your name, birthday, and reason you're here multiple times before you go under.

The last time they asked as the anesthesiologist held the mask, I replied "surgical male enhancement", to which she laughed and put the mask on anyway.

Talk about driving on a 'high'way...

[rebelmouse-image 18354405 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I was getting surgery and was awake being wheeled into the OR. At the time I was a younger kid, who loved Mario Kart, so when my gurney started getting pushed down the hall I sat up, held my hands like a steering wheel, said "It's a me, Mario!", and then made driving sound effects all the way to the OR, where my surgeon burst out laughing seeing me wheeled in like that.

You've been warned, have that coffee ready.

[rebelmouse-image 18354406 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Before my last surgery: "keep your distance, I don't wake up nice."

They asked me what that meant when I woke up afterward. And then I had to tell them I'd punched a nurse after a previous surgery because I'd woken up while I was still intubated.

What could possibly go wrong?

[rebelmouse-image 18354407 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I had knee surgery right after Michael Jackson died. The doc said to me, "This is what Michael Jackson used to go to sleep." I did not find it funny and was very mad for about four seconds.

One would think we're in a place in time where all conversations should be easy.

But that is not the case.

So much is still too "taboo" to be truthful about.

It is so frustrating.

There is so much to discuss.

Being shy is understandable, but it's something that we can all get over.

Keep reading...Show less
Lost Dog poster on a pole
Photo by Michael Jin on Unsplash

As much as we might try to take care of our things, there are going to be instances where we lose things that we love.

Ironically, those lost things might be some of the most meaningful things we have in our lives.

Keep reading...Show less
People Share What Their Reaction Would Be To Meeting A Naked Hiker On The Trail
Jens Herrndorff/Unsplash

There are several things that are appealing to hikers.

Being out in nature and taking in some fresh air is a huge motivation for people to get out of the house.

Getting exercise is also a factor to maintain a healthy heart.

But there could be one unexpected element to a hike that can happen hypothetically, and it's sure to raise your heartbeat.

Specifically, seeing something shocking along the hiking trail, like, say, a naked person could make for an exciting–or disturbing–hiking outing. It certainly doesn't get any more au natural than that.

Keep reading...Show less

30 is the new 20.

At least, that's what a lot of people tell themselves after they pass that milestone birthday.

Even so, while age is merely a number, people still find certain things grow increasingly more challenging with each passing year.

Including, or even particularly, dating.

Those still on the hunt for love after turning 30 might grow increasingly insecure, worry that their moment has passed, or be unable to ignore the ticking of their biological clock reminding them that time might be running out to start a family.

Not to mention, playing a losing game over and over can become completely and utterly exhausting after a while.

Keep reading...Show less