Life can be unforgiving, and that's an unfortunate truth of the game. It's usually when things are going bad that we need to find something to hold onto, something pure, unfiltered, disconnected from what's troubling us, to keep us going. Everyone differs in this regard, since everyone has different problems, but maybe there's some help here for anyone suffering right now.
Reddit user, u/Redpo0l, wanted to know the best bits to keep pushing when they asked:
[Serious] What fueled you during the tough times?
Someone Else Who Needs You
Giphy
My cat
I need to stay alive to take care of him, I need to get up 3 to 4 times a day to feed him, I clean his litter box every day, I go outside around once every month and a half to buy him food. No matter how much I want to let myself wither away in bed, he stays my priority.
Latch Onto Something
Clinging to something or someone. Any kind of moderately good coping mechanism will usually do it, but when the tough times are over you gonna start walking on your own again. Sometimes I tell myself I'm not allowed to die yet, because my kid needs me. Sometimes I tell myself to get a piece of cake. Others it's something as simple as wanting to see a movie that just came out. And before you know it the tough times are starting to pass. And things are ok again for a while.
The tough times will always be there. But they'll never last.
Knowing You're Not The Only One Suffering
So, I have major depression, and I've been to the psych ward when I was younger for trying to kill myself. My family still gives me a lot of sh-t for it, telling me I didn't need to go, and I've heard "You don't have depression" a lot by my family. The only reason I'm still alive is because my friends, my girlfriend, and my dog care about me.
My dog is honestly one of the happiest dogs that I've known, and she always does goofy sh-t to make me laugh. Literally 2 minutes ago, she was next to me, greeting me how she usually does in the morning, which is breathing as hard as she can on me and whacking everything with her tail until I pay attention to her. Works every time. I don't wanna make her think I didn't come home because I didn't want to visit her anymore. My girlfriend is in a sh-tty situation that I desperately want to get her out of, and I keep thinking about how her life would go from bad to worse if I wasn't here to help her however I can until we can move in together. I hope we can before too long, I wanna marry her and take her away from that sh-t permanently.
The Family You Actually Care About
I don't have much going on but I still look forward to seeing my nieces. They're 6 and 3 and they genuinely look excited and happy to see me. I don't get that reaction from anywhere else. It cheers me and I spend as much time as possible playing with them or helping them out with mundane tasks like helping my 3 year old niece put on her shoes.
Anything To Get You Out Of The House
Honestly? Watching football.
I was depressed and didn't have any many friends. But started going to the bar for the weekly games, met some of my best friends there.
You Find Something To Take Personally
I don't know why, but I take the Holocaust personally. And there I feel obliged to honour them, not to let their suffering become irrelevant. It's just out of the question for me to quit. The duty to "live on" the lives of the victims keeps me alive.
Are you Jewish?
No, I am a 14 year old German atheist who has no ancestors directly involved with the Holocaust. As I said, I don't know why I take the Holocaust personally, but I have a guess why I take it personally.
Understanding How Little Your Reach Is
Focusing on what I alone could control.
It's easy to tell yourself a story about how hard life is, and how it's got you down, but that keeps you in a disempowered mindset. Find things that you can do for yourself - maybe it's setting up a networking lunch to talk about that new job you've been thinking of, or investing in a friendship. Maybe it's small, like going for a walk outside today because you know it's good for you, or spending some time petting your dog and making sure he feels loved even when you're depleted.
Over time, as I did these things, I grew to trust myself and see myself as someone who was capable and could be relied on. It wasn't easy, and I backslid some days, but all of those little moments eventually added up and showed me that I had value, purpose, and strength.
It's also good to have a trusted friend or two who will sit in the dark with you and hold your hand when you're just feeling low. Not someone who will try to solve your problems or tell you what to do - but a safe person who knows you'll get yourself past this eventually, and they're happy to keep you company while you muster the courage to do it.
Focus On You
Center your focus on self. No one is going to care for you better than you do.
Make a chart, or list or diagram or whatever about the "Problem". Brain storm "Solutions" - write them all down - the do the "Pro" and "Con" columns for each solution. Make sure to focus on the benefits of the solution. You don't want to be thwarted by fantasies. You want to focus on reasonable reality.
Sleep on it. Share it (or don't). Evaluate it with fresh eyes.
Then choose a path and nail it 1000%, adjusting to unforeseen minor complications.
Yes, YESSS...
Cynical as it may be, stubbornness and spite. "If I go down now, everyone who ever doubted me will be vindicated, everyone who put in effort to f-ck me up will be victorious." I won't lose to the sh-ttiness of this world. I only get this one life, and I'll be damned if I'll let it go and give up my chance at making it fulfilling.
...Let The Hate Flow Through You
Giphy
Spite mostly. I'm too stubborn to let anyone see me fail.
For me, it was a combination of what you just mentioned and that I felt I owed it to my parents to get out of the rut. It's like I believed that my unhappiness was contagious, in a sense, and I just couldn't do that to them.
But yeah, it was mostly stubbornness and a sense of pride. Or shame, I guess, depending on how you look at it.
Real life contains the scariest horrors you could ask for. So aren't we all living in a horror movie, in a way? At least, these people sure freakin' were.
MisterSnowman69 asked: What was a moment in your life that felt like a horror movie scene?
In the words of the legendary Mary Vivian Pierce in the film Pink Flamingos, “Murder merely relieves tension”. I’m sure the following Redditors felt differently.
Nothing scarier than the woods at night.
Went into a real deep woods hike for only the second time in my life.
My gps broke and had to rely on my compass. Got turned around a few times because I couldn't remember the direction I came from, and it was getting dark. Lost the trail way.
But the woods are weirdly silent in the dark and alone.
It was around 2am by the time I found the trailhead.
Darn foxes.
the simpsons react GIFGiphyMy friend and I got lost late on one foggy night in the Italian countryside. There were rats all over and every once in a while we heard someone scream.
I've never been more sure I was about to get murdered than I was that night.
It was probably a red fox that was screaming.
Could've also been a lynx, but they are much rarer in Italy.
At least she wasn’t speaking in tongues.
My mom is quite the sleep talker, but it's usually pretty short and incoherent when it happens. One night as a teenager, I woke up to her scream-yelling the Hail Mary prayer (my bedroom was across the house and upstairs).
Difficult to get back to sleep after that one.
Sometimes scary sh*t ends up just being funny coincidences. Super funny. Right?
Don’t give them any ideas.
I was exploring an abandoned mental asylum and then got the scare of my life when a scary looking person inside one of the rooms was just staring at me without moving. Turns out some joker had left a cardboard cutout there.
And now I have plans this weekend... Just need to find a couple of cardboard cutouts and to break into the local abandoned asylum.
Don’t you hate when that happens?
Evil Dead Horror GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphyI was driving home on backcountry roads at midnight in heavy fog. Like can't see 10 feet in front of you thick. Suddenly I see an all-white silhouette running in front of the car. Every hair on my body stood up. I immediately think "oh god, oh f*ck, it's a f*cking woman in white, I'm gonna f*cking die"
Nope just a drunk who dove into the ditch.
Gotta love paranoia.
When I was about 12, my parents went out for dinner leaving me home alone. We lived out in the country, on a private road with only three other houses, surrounded by cow fields and wooded areas.
I went into the the kitchen and glanced out the window towards the trees and there in the fading light I could see a person walking slowly through the woods. They were wearing all black, moving slowly and appeared to pause behind trees. My heart started pounding so hard in my ears I couldn't hear anything else and I was weak and shaky from fear. I froze and just watched them. Would they come to the house? Where were they going?
This was before cell phones but I suddenly remembered my mom had left the number of the restaurant by the living room phone. Slowly, I made my way towards the living room, trying to watch this stranger in the woods.
Just as I entered the living room, all the lights in the entire house went out. By this time it was nearly dark outside. I started openly sobbing and in the dark I heard a weird boom like noise. That was it, I ran to my parents room, hid under their bed and sobbed. That's where my mom found me hours later (it felt like).
Well, turns out the stranger in the woods was a stupid cow that had busted through a fence, the lights going out was from an accident a few miles away (hit the power line) and the boom was the pilot light in the gas stove. Man, I have never been that scared in my life though!
I have a lot of questions.
A naked man who was covered in blood chased me across a park at 2 in the morning. I was totally alone. He just wanted money for a bus (????) and luckily nothing bad happened but I thought I was going to die.
But of course, the genuine horrors do exist. And they aren’t scary in a fun horror movie way, they’re actually terrifying because they can happen to anyone.
A scary few seconds.
car chase GIF by Mayans M.C.GiphyI am a "baby" in a car seat in between cousins in backseat. Dad is driving. This is in the 80s and it is my aunt's insistence that I am in this seat even though I am like 5.
A sleeping semi driver is coming over into our lane and there is a cliff on other side. Basically my dad did some amazing driving but semi blew us up. I am uninjured sitting in the seat swinging my legs while everyone is unconscious. They all wake groaning. Dad doesnt wake up.
Long story short just minor scrapes and dad has broken leg. But the crunch of metal and those few seconds/minute of being the only "alive" person was quite fear inducing.
Glad they’re all ok now.
Two days after my now boyfriend told me he liked me he fell from a zip line and broke his back. Almost died. 6 months later he got into a car wreck from a drunk driver - almost died. 6 months after that, he passed out and had to have emergency brain surgery, again, almost died. I now have severe anxiety/separation anxiety/and ptsd. That whole year was a f*cking nightmare
Edit: we're both okay now, the brain injury was almost a year ago. But TBIs take a while to heal so he still has side effects. Thankfully our relationship is still strong; he's physically getting better and I'm healing emotionally too. Lucky for him, the trauma of the injuries has caused him to forget the majority of the pain and memories of those incidents.
ALWAYS wear a helmet.
Driving home from work at 23, listening to my favorite song.
I pull up to a red light, and see this guy on a motorcycle coming up next to me in the other lane. I rolled down my window to compliment his bike when he stops. He doesn't, and runs the red light. He hits a car going at least 55mph. His motorcycle shatters apart, he goes flying, hits the hood of another car, and lands on the ground and rolls into the curb (no helmet). The car he hit with his motorcycle was totaled. I had to step over his body to talk to the police. He was still alive when they got there. I regret not holding his hand. It was just a normal day, and all of a sudden it felt like the rug was pulled from out beneath me. He was only 18.
Edit: The song was Sunny by Boney M., for those curious
What did we learn today, kids? Foxes scream like humans, shadowy figures are usually cows or drunken rednecks, and once again, PLEASE WEAR A HELMET WHEN YOU RIDE ANY KIND OF BIKE.
Scary sh*t surrounds us. But where there is horror, there are heroes. So next time you think you see a scary figure in the woods, know that Bruce Campbell is probably right around the corner
Hypocrisy is everywhere; it's like a disease. And sadly everyone does it. Some of us indulge in smaller doses than others. But some people live their life by it. Like how can you support civil servants, like police, firefighters, etc... yet try to find ways to hide money in order to not pay taxes? Tell me... I'll wait.
Manga...
Hungry Night Court GIF by LaffGiphyItalian moms that say you're too fat then say I'm making grandma cry by not finishing my pasta.
Asian moms too! Not only that if you try to not eat, they make to go containers for you. Oh, sorry I have to leave, RUNS AT LEAST HAVE SOME FRUIT.
Phonies...
Celebrities positioning themselves as champions for social justice while launching a clothing line with no comment on the labor conditions their garments are made in.
Sexy Times...
The Porn Industry
Why is prostitution considered a crime, but it becomes perfectly legal once a camera is put beside them?
I think the first amendment helps with that one. There's been many a supreme-court case about whether porn is protected speech.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...
You can get away with WAY more crap, in general, when you're attractive.
But we all kind of aspire to attractiveness and it's not like it's attractive people's fault, exactly. So what is there to be done?
So true. Money and beauty are treated like virtues and they aren't. They're luck of the draw. It probably helps you to be a better person if people assume that you are gentle and clever just by looking at your face or wallet.
KIDS
GIF by MOODMANGiphyPeople screaming at you if you don't want Kids and Kids are the greatest thing in the World and then turn around and whine how expensive they are and how annoying yadda yadda.
Yeah see... humans are a mess. And too often then not, personal conviction and dignity are just a myth, or a punchline. Double standards have always been a way of life. And many of us have begrudgingly learned to navigate.
Fashion
Fashion Model GIF by NYFW: The ShowsGiphyIf a skinny person wears something out of the ordinary, it's a fashion statement and awesome. It can even just be something like a crop top or overalls.
But God forbid a fat person wear the same thing.
Distractions
The hypocrisy hypocrisy. People love to call it out but rarely notice it on themselves and if they notice it then it's something completely different or a distraction.
That's the worst. I hate that I have to hate that. But if I don't hate it, then the hate will just continue. So, really, my hate comes from my love of an end to hate. So anyone who hates my hate hates love. And we must hate anyone who hates love!
My Morality
My own personal hypocrisy; When I was a lot less well off financially, delivering pizzas trying to get through college, I kept a cup of coins in my car. When a homeless person would approach me for spare change, I gave them the cup. Most of the time it was nearly full, so there was probably 20-30 dollars in there.
Now that I have a good salaried job, even if I've got a few bucks in my wallet, I tend to not even make eye contact anymore. I know it's awful, I know it makes me crappy, but the last 4-5 years have made me a jaded craphead towards people in general. I used to be so hopeful and I wanted to help everyone, and tried to live a life that reflected that.
Now, while my general and political morality is pretty much the same, my personal morality has gotten more grey. I'd jaded, I hate people, I assume the worst of people I used to assume the best of. I don't really care about the strangers around me like I used to, but I still expect everyone else to.
Placing Blame
Victim mentality.
It's so freaking frustrating when it becomes entrenched. "You did this, it's your fault" "you should've known to do x, its your fault" Yeah bro your problems aren't my problems and if all you do is make excuses and blame me for them, it's not going to be my fault when you don't develop as a person and accomplish your dreams. I'm sure they'll find someone to blame though.
In D.C.
Donald Trump Reaction GIF by Election 2016GiphyPoliticians work part time, are given free housing, education, and health care, and exempt from the everyday violence we experience, but refuse to lift a finger to help us.
At this points most people running for a position in the government are only in it for the benefits of being a politician and the amount of money they can embezzle. Well in my country at least.
Just speak a truth and live it. Yes, it maybe hard. But what part of life isn't? Hypocrisy is just lying. Plain and simple. And it's a sin to lie.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.