Relationships are hard, y'all. It's not all sunshine and rainbows, there is actual work that goes into them. When you have two people constantly together in an intimate way, things can get tricky. So any and all advice is received and noted. Here is some of the best advice Reddit has to offer.
u/Ironwolf9876 asked: What is the best relationship advice you have ever received?
Was your Grandpa Abe Simpson?Giphy
On my wedding day I asked my grandfather if he had any advice for me and he told me "Never start a land war in Asia."
I mean, I'm still trying to work it out but when I do I'm sure I'll have the recipe to a perfect marriage.
By far, for me, it was "Both people should feel like they're giving 60% of the whole."
Try to outdo each other in acts of kindness, and don't keep score.
Thanks Michael J. Fox!
The best relationship advice I have heard came from an interview Michael J. Fox did where he talked about how his marriage had lasted so long. He said "We give each other the benefit of the doubt".
If your SO does something that makes you worried, angry or sad, ask them to tell you their side of the story before you let your emotions run wild. There is probably a reasonable explanation and a good reason for how he/she acted.
That will help avoid a lot of conflicts and foster trust.
More couples should know this.Giphy
It should never be "You vs. Me" but rather "Us vs. The Problem".
We didn't fight over stressful situations, we joined together in our frustration and anger.
It worked for a while. We lost it somewhere along the way and split up a little over a year ago after 9 years.
Take your partner's feelings seriously.
Things that aren't important to you might be very important to them, and vice versa.
So if you're doing something that really bothers them but to you it's no big deal, make it a priority, because even if you can't see why it's important , it still is to them.
Likewise if they do or don't do something that really bothers you, explain to them that it's important to you. They might not even realize they're doing something that frustrates you to no end, and to you it feels like they're doing it out of spite.
Finally, take your partner's feelings seriously. If they hate that you leave your wet towel on the bathroom floor and it's no big deal to you, you can't act like it's no big deal, you have to treat it as something important to remember, because to them it is.
I like this one.
If you're arguing to win you've already lost.
Often it is better to be kind than right.
Don't lie, please.Giphy
Never lie; you don't have to remember anything.
More amazing though, is the amount of people I've met who say "I could never" or "how do you do it?"
Listen to your father.
"Are you sure she's the one?"
She wasn't, but I married her anyways. But that lead to a legitimate sense of doubt that made it easier to ask for a divorce after 8 months of a rough marriage.
At the time i thought my dad was a HUGE a**hole for asking me that question. But now I recognize just how hard it was to ask....
Just recently I heard "if he loves you, you will know. If he doesn't, you will be confused". I thought well d*mn, that's true.
Grandpa knows best.
For me, my grandfather gave me the best advice. He said,"choose two things to do around the house that she never has to ask you to do. Do the best job you can do and take pride in it but never draw attention to or complain about it. Just do it and expect nothing in return."
I cook dinner and do the dishes/cleanup cooking messes. It took my wife almost a year to notice. When she did however I would find my laundry was magically done on its own, folded and put away. When I told her she doesn't have to do my laundry she stated "you always cook and clean for me! I figured it was the least I could do!"
That's all the proof I need!
Mine was "if you are thinking about a divorce, then it is time." Best advice ever because later I found she had been cheating the entire 8 years of our marriage lol.
Don't listen with the intention to answer. Listen with the intention to understand.
It is very hard work.
We grow love by HARD WORK
Want to lose weight and gain muscle?-it requires dedication and work that most don't want to do. Want to gain knowledge? It requires dedication and work that most don't want to do. Want to gain wealth? It requires dedication and work that most don't want to do. Want to have a healthy relationship? ....Guess what? It requires dedication and work that most don't want to do.
If you haven't dedicated yourself to any other method of self improving, then maybe marriage isn't for you.
Loving is extremely easy, allowing your love to wax and not wain is tough-you do this by doing things you don't necessarily want to, like, selfless acts of kindness (even when you don't want to) forgiving (even when you don't want to) spending time with each other (even when you don't want to). Going to sleep together. (Even if you don't want to). Give 100% in anything involving just you and you will not fail. But a Marriage has 2 people.... And both of you need to be just as committed.
This is cute.Giphy
Came from an older couple in a super-market. He was 93, her 92, traversing the alabaster rows in custom scooters. I asked them, "what's the secret?" They had been together for so long, any insight will be - at the very least - interesting. The wife told me about compromise and compassion. She told me that I should recognize that men and women are different, and it's my job as a husband to know that. She left, leaving her husband with me. He checked the hall, left and then right, not wanting his wife to overhear him; then gave me his words of wisdom:
"Just don't cheat," he said. "Women will forgive most anything, but they can't forgive that."
Love languages are important.
Find her love language. People perceive love in different ways. Touch, Acts of service, quality time, gifts, and words of affirmation. My wife is Acts of service and words of affirmation. The best foreplay in my house is when I clean, cook and tidy up, tell her I love her, she looks beautiful in what she is wearing. To me it means nothing because mine is quality time and touch, to sit beside her, watch a movie and snuggle fills me up. But for her, it lets her know I know what makes her feel loved, secure, content. That her needs are being met.