One consistent sad truth about life is that for just about every person, life is often full of regrets. There are far too many shoulda, coulda, wouldas moments that will haunt many of us until our last breaths. Regret is a hard pill to swallow, but we must never allow it to impede our future. Starting today lets make the goal going forward be that we will make the most of every second and opportunity. And when we feel like we're regressing, we will learn form the past of ourselves and others.
Redditor u/damnthispandemic wanted people to discuss the moments in life they wish they could do over, in hopes the rest of us do better by asking.... What's one thing you deeply regret?The Letdown....
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Was struggling with anxiety and depression, going on auto pilot for a couple months. Wanted to visit with my friend but never had the energy. She died unexpectedly in February. Feel like I let her down. I always try to remind myself of that. Just wish that those days where I was like, "I should pop in on my way home" and then not cuz I was tired.... idk, I think no matter how it worked out I would have felt something wasn't done right. Just part of grief I guess.
be active
Not being an active decision maker in life. Just flowing through time and life like a dead plant.
All the worst case scenarios you've played through in your head aren't nearly as bad as the regret. Plus pretty much none of them play out.
Story of my life too. And then I look at what I've done with my life and I get sad. 31 working a minimum wage job. But at least I have a job.
Love your parents....
Not calling my parents more. I lost both this year and I'd give anything to talk to them one more time. Or hug them both.
I feel this and am sorry. 13 years for me this year and I still miss them every day.
The Cheat...
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Dating my ex.... believing I was his girlfriend while he cheated, for too long.
This was me... crap hurts when you finally realize it and step away.
You will find somebody so much better, and with a name like pizzalover2458 you are probably lots of guys type.
Rest Without Anger
Asked my husband to sleep on the couch that one night. I woke up to find him dead the next morning.
My wife asks me to sleep on the couch every once in awhile when my snoring is out of hand and she has to get up early...
It's not uncommon. I feel the greatest amount of empathy for you, such a simple request between partners that neither of you could have foreseen to have such terrible consequences. I hope you understand that you aren't responsible for what happened.
Jump!
Being too scared to make the leap. Justifying myself back from the edge. Staying safe, where absolutely nothing happens.
I am an amateur musician. Always playing by myself in my bedroom for years. I had a few friends I jammed with but nothing serious at all. Slight performance anxiety kept me from getting out and expressing myself. On a whim I went down to a local amateur jam at a bar, nerves on absolute damn edge.
I was welcomed with open arms, friendly faces with similar lifestyles. Ever since I've been going every other week for a couple years, joined a band that is locally successful, met women, bar owners, pro athletes, hardcore bikers, comedians and all sorts of unique characters. Became a regular and well known. Gave me a purpose that still drives me to this day. Take the leap, man!
Hold On....
When my dad told me he was dying, I was 10. We sat out back and it was the first time he showed emotion. He said "Do you know what cancer is?" To which I responded "Yes" and he began to hug me and cry. As a 10 year old I didn't understand the depth of what he was telling me, now at 34 I deeply regret not hugging him for longer that day.
Forget Him!
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Loving a guy only to find out he had a girlfriend the whole time. I think the regret comes from me letting him screw with my head for much longer than the relationship lasted.
Dude! This happened to my friend! The guy even invited her to his home country to meet his family and as soon as she landed, he told her that they should only act like friends. Her visit lasted a whole two weeks. Two weeks, heartbroken, with a guy and his family and his girlfriend and over a thousand dollars short because she paid for both of their flights. Screw that guy.
Always get Help
Not seeing a psychiatrist sooner. Spent 6 years getting a 4 year degree, and that's with a full course load every semester. Struggled throughout my entire school life. Struggled with talking to people. Thrived online and over text though. The year after graduation, finally sought out help. Turns out I have a learning disability, specifically, auditory processing disorder. Requested reasonable accommodation at work and my production doubled. All I needed was to be able to read what people were telling me.
I've watched more movies in the last 2 years than I have in my whole life, subtitles are a game changer. I'm living in a new world.
If you think movies and shows are impossible to follow, if you walk away from conversations with no idea what was said, if you have bosses constantly repeating directions to you, or if you hate phone calls because they're ineffective, that's not normal! Look into it!!!
Pick up
Not answering my friend's phone call as it was late at night and I had exam the next day. Woke up to the news that she killed herself.
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Finding a Way
Letting my anxiety get in the way of me being happy. Not everyone will like it or use this method. But I am a Christian, and I recently gave my anxiety and life to God I really recommend it, I know not everyone will want to do this, but trust me, it works and it feels amazing.
PUSH HARDER!
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Not trying.
I'm in my mid thirties and only started really giving a crap about myself in the last 5-10 years. Before this I was OK with just drifting.
Now I look back at all the accomplishments I've made over the last few years. I have a good job, people that care about me and some people even look up to me.
Everyday I live my life with pride and a sense that I have more to give but I still have regrets.
I think about what I could have done with my life if I tried harder and pushed myself in my teens or even in my early twenties.
Knowledge Hunt
Not going to school when I should have.
School put such an immense amount of pressure on me to perform well (Was one of the top pupils of the year, so thats why) that I literally broke and became a shell of a human. If I had turned up every day, I honestly would have either had a brutal mental breakdown or killed myself.
Humans vary so much, there is no way anyone can convince me that the schooling route and the way the system works caters to every single person. Theres no way.
I'm Sorry
Being a horrible piece of crap to my old friends. It really screwed me up mentally and emotionally in the end and I'm still dealing with the consequences. If there was one thing I could change in the past, that would be it. I said some unforgivable things and acted like it was their fault.
Nonsense....
Reading that "how do you get over someone?" Thread here from yesterday. I thought I was fine before but that made me spiral pretty hard.
I checked out that thread too, but I just kept seeing the same old "time heals all wounds" nonsense. No. Time does not heal all wounds. There are some wounds that will only heal once you recognize a specific problem, and deal with it.
Some problems require you to go through specific steps and run through a specific path in order to reach a solution
I was still head over heels for my last ex 5 years after we broke up. In 5 whole years, my feelings never diminished. two and a half years were spent with extremely little contact between us, but even then I thought about her every day, and always at my worst.
What finally got me past her was one last conversation. One last time I tried to reach out to her, and she met me with hatred. I realized how broken everything had been, too broken. I realized there was no hope at all. No spark to ignite, no embers to fan. The person I knew and loved was long gone. All that was left was a void, and thats exactly where all of my feelings for her went. No more chest sinking when I think about her, no more heart aches when I hear songs that used to remind me of her. No more pain.
You Gotta Get Friends....
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Not being more social and spending lots of time alone in my room in high school. It's difficult to make friends and break out of your shell later in life, and even your best friends have bigger ambitions than living by you their whole life.
Not sure how old you are, but I think a lot of people become their most social selves in college. In college it's easier to find people with similar interests and quirks as you.
Anyway, I can relate. As I got older and started working, I didn't make an effort to be social after work and on weekends and found myself alone a lot. It's hard!
Toxic Shock
Being the toxic one in the friendship when I was keeping myself convinced I was the victim.
This is literally me! I kept complaining to my other friends saying that I was the victim, I was in a toxic relationship. I kept spreading shit about this friend that I called "toxic". Years later I've realized how toxic I really was :( so I feel ya.
Relax. Breathe.
Constant worrying.
Either I worried about something and it didn't happen, so I was choosing misery over literally nothing... or it did happen and I just found a way through it.
Maybe I dealt with it, maybe it worked itself out, maybe somebody helped me out... but it was never once improved by me worrying in advance.
Release the Baggage....
I only have one regret.
I didn't have time to reconcile with my sister before she passed of cancer. Literally got there a few days late, she was induced into a coma and I watched her fade away over a few days.
She was not a good person growing up: lied, cheat, steal, drug addiction etc... and I carried a lot of issues as I got older but I wish I could have just had a conversation with her before everything went south. She made numerous attempts when she was diagnosed to mend our relationship but I just wouldn't have any of it.
Thats on me and I've carried that baggage for a long time.
Focus on You
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Caring too much about what people think of me.
I feel this one.
3 of Us....
I wasn't a very nice older brother when me and my two younger brothers where younger. I almost killed them a couple of times just over stupid crap. But when you're 12 and a few inches taller then your brother it's too easy to just manhandle them.
We have a great relationship now all three of us call and play games at least once a week but I don't know if it'll ever be enough to undo the harm I've caused them.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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But we should also be prepared and ready to ask the right questions to have a leg up on the competition.
"What is THE best question to ask on a job interview?"
A company's history or information about a past employee were suggested subjects appropriate for questioning.
Prior Knowledge
"When you were interviewing here, what would you have liked to know before you joined?"
"This worked for me. I asked my interviewer a question about how she had personally dealt with a company policy she had just explained. She bragged about her stellar adherence to the policy. I nodded my approval. I got the job."
A Previous Employee
"One that has always gone over well for me:"
"What were some qualities that the previous employee in this role brought to the job that you would like to see carried forward?"
"Another good thing to do is research the company you are interviewing with and you can ask things about what they may be involved in or you could drop that while reading about the company, you wondered this."
Hypothetical questions were suggested as helpful examples of inquiry.
Indicators Of How Companies Treat Employees
"A question that landed me a job once was: 'If I asked your direct reports about your management style, what do you think they'd tell me?' Stumped a hiring manager and he emailed me personally to tell me about it, no one ever asked him that question but got the job.
"In my current interviews I'm asking 'what did your company do for its employees during [the virus] to improve their day to day, work life balance, etc.' and I ask 'Is there anything your company adopted during [the virus] that they plan to keep post [the virus]?"
"These questions give a lot of insight into whether a company treated their employees well."
Past Performance & Adjustments
"If we were currently sitting in my 1 year review, what would I have done in this year for you to say I excelled in my role?"
"If I could snap my finger right now and change anything about your job or the company, what would it be and why?"
The following questions about a prospective company may not be answered from initial digging on their website.
Measure Of Success & Career Trajectories
"How is success measured in this role?"
"What are some possible career trajectories within the company that could stem from this position?"
Being A Solution
"Ask them what is the biggest problem you can solve for them in your first six months with the company. Similar to 'don't think of a purple hippo,' this forces them to imagine you succeeding in the position."
Simply The Best
"Who is your best employee and why is he/she the best?"
"You will then face 2 situations mostly:"
"panicking CEO who can't answer you 'Bob who works 17 hours a day for a slice of bread' so the fear in their faces must be a big nono for you"
"entusiast CEO who actually follow their business and can tell you who is an added value for the company and why."
– ThePiz91
My experiences with job interviews are different than others seeking work in office environments.
Having had a years-long career as a dancer, my "interview" was the dance audition, where hopefuls dance in small groups of people at a time after learning a routine and then awaiting their fate after the panel evaluates their performances.
The question I may or may not have asked in such a scenario earlier in my career was: "Did I make the cut?"
I did not make the cut. And I learned never to ask that again.
I remember the worst date I ever had. My biggest regret is that I stayed for the entire thing. I should've left as soon as I realized this was not going well, which was basically at hello. But he was paying so I drank, a lot. I'll keep names and dates to myself to protect the innocent.
0/10
Big Brother Reaction GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy"Went to brewery, date said I had hairy arms and that meant I was horny, said "you look really awful in this light" and then tried to dig out of that hole by saying in his native language that was a term of endearment long term couples said to each other. 0/10 did not date again."
Lucky 13?
"My wife wanted to plan our 13th wedding anniversary. I was excited because usually, I plan it. She bought us some new disc golf discs and after a quick supper, we went to play. We hadn't played in forever. We were laughing and I had a great time. She served me with divorce papers and told me that the date was a test to see if she still had feelings for me. I also learned that she was having an affair that started well before our anniversary."
- rmorlock
Two Hours from Home
"Not necessarily a date but a person I was dating invited me to his parent's house for the afternoon. He wanted to introduce me to them and show me the house he grew up in. I thought it was super sweet and had no problems going. He was also in the middle of moving and needed to pick up a few things, so it really didn't seem that unusual."
"Yeah, we got there and it was awful. His entire family was there. They traveled from hours away too. This was not just meeting the parents, it was meeting the ENTIRE family. Even worse? At some point, this idiot told his parents that he had proposed. We had been dating TWO months. I spent the entire afternoon dumbfounded and just playing along."
"We were two hours from home and I had no cell service, no way to leave at all. We ended up spending the afternoon brainstorming wedding ideas and planning an Alaskan honeymoon that his parents planned to gift us. His brother even called to say congratulations! We drove back to his apartment in silence. When we got there, I got in my car and left, didn't even bother grabbing my stuff. Weirdest experience ever. I have no idea how he broke it to his parents that we weren't getting married."
You're Cut Off!
"Got set up on a blind date once between mutual friends. She shows up to the restaurant already a little tipsy, orders multiple appetizers and only takes like one or two bites from each one. Then she proceeds to order 3 or 4 more drinks and is visibly drunk at this point. She gets up and says she's going to the bathroom and staggers off. About 15-20 minutes go by so I try to call her several times but no answer."
"Finally I decide to pay the check and just leave. About 2 hours later I'm sitting at home and I get a call from an unknown number. It's the police department. She was picked up on a DUI on her way home after she ditched me and gave the cops my number to see if I could go bail her out!"
- mox44ah
Sorry?
Bbc Three Idk GIF by BBCGiphy"Well, I gave this answer on a different topic, but it ties in with this. We were out on a date, we had been seeing each other for a while, close to a year maybe. She gets a phone call. Suddenly she looks destroyed. Her fiancé had just died in a motorcycle accident."
What in the world? I mean how can we ever expect to pair off with the dating pool being inundated with liars and nut jobs? I'm going to delete my apps.
Girl, Bye.
Sassy Beyonce GIFGiphy"Had a girl openly flirt with the bartender in front of me. She says she wasn't. But handing him her own phone and asking for his contact info in front of her date seems like it to me."
Crazy!
"Came out from a movie, late at night, and date's Camaro was stolen. Apparently, he called his WIFE (that I did not know he had) and let her know where he was and what happened. She showed up and realized he was on a date! She started chasing ME around the parking lot telling me she was going to kill me. Saved by the cops who showed up just in time to take the auto theft report."
Hey Mom
"Met a girl at a country bar one night in my 20s. We were both pretty drunk but hit it off pretty good. Ended up getting her number and we agreed we'd go on a real date. Fast forward to the date, she gets in my vehicle and... she looks almost identical to my mom. I was mortified. I was polite and we went for lunch where I found out she also had a boyfriend she "wasn't sure if she was into". Never talked to her again."
- SgtGo
Liars...
"When I was in college many years ago, before the advancement of cell phones and social media, I was chatting with a girl I met on a BBS who lived on Long Island, NY. I was 18 at the time, but lied and said I was 22 because she said she was 25. We spent a few weeks emailing each other, as well as calling each other."
"We even exchanged pics. When we finally met up, things blew up. Turns out we both lied about our ages: She was really 33, and lied because she thought she looked younger. She admitted she sent a college photo to me. We still had dinner together, but it was awkward as hell. We never spoke again."
Doubles
Kill Me Now Season 1 GIF by FriendsGiphy"It was a double date. She was more interested talking to the other girl throughout the whole thing. Found out later from the other guy that his girl cheated on him with my date."
Ummm... I think I'm just going to stay single. That is a handful of crazy. Why can't people just be honest? I swear the search for love warps people's brains. Be careful out there people.
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