As a parent of 2 and an aunt to ... um ... like... nine (don't quote me on that number) I can assure you that kids are freaking creepy. They just are. It's not always bad creepy necessarily, but I swear the younger they are, the higher the creep factor.
Some people believe that young children are still "connected to the universe" in ways that older kids and adults aren't. Some people believe that as kids get older they just stop saying all the weird crap that pops into their heads. I'm not an expert on childhood spiritual connections, but I've got a pretty decent grasp of the high art of spouting weird crap... so either one seems feasible to me.
Reddit user [username deleted] asked:
If you don't have a lot of experience with kids, you may be about to read some horrific stuff. If you do, then crucifying kittens and peeling off your face skin is all just par for the course in your world. Yeah, like I said... creepy. They're all creepy. Some of these entries have been edited for language or clarity, but all the creepitude has been left un-altered. Enjoy? Maybe?
I was tucking in my two year old. He said "Good bye dad." I said, "No, we say good night." He said "I know. But this time its good bye."
Had to check on him a few times to make sure he was still there.
I was sound asleep, and at around 6am I was woken up by my 4 year old daughters face inches from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, "I want to peel all your skin off."
In my sleep addled state it was pretty terrifying for a few seconds. I didn't know if I was dreaming, or what was going on. Then I remembered I had been sunburned the previous week, and was starting to peel.
I was the creepy kid. When I was about 3 we had a cat that had still born kittens. I asked my father if we could make crosses for them, which he did. As he was making them, we had this conversation:
Me: "Aren't those too small?"
Dad: "What do you mean?"
Me: "Aren't we going to nail them to them?"
Dad (after several moments silence): "We're not going to do that"
Around four or five months ago, at like 3:00am I was awoken by a very weird growling sound. Disoriented and in the dark I started to come to and for the life of me couldn't figure out what the sound was. I had fallen asleep on the couch in the living room which added to my confusion. I was thinking maybe the cat had caught something, but really had no idea.
As my vision started to come around, this three foot grotesque looking shadow thing starts to appear a few feet in front of me. Just standing there growling. Creepy. Even though in reality it only took me a few seconds to figure out what was going out, I imagine my appearance would have been that of someone who was visibly shaken.
It was my son. My three year old son had snuck out of bed at three in the morning, found his hulk mask in the dark, and decided to go find daddy to play superheroes. I guess his idea of playing was to do a hulk growl two feet from my sleeping face until I woke up in a panic.
He ended up doing the same thing to my wife a few weeks later which, to me, was way more hilarious.
The Big Man And Sister
My kid's catholic school is over 100 years old. there is a basement under the gym that's used for storage. I was subbing once and during recess one of the kick balls goes down the stairs. A little girl was standing at the top of the stairs yelling "just throw it up to me!" I went over and asked who she was talking to and she replied "that big man down the stairs." I went down and there was nobody down there and it was the only way in.
I asked some of the other kids if they have seen the man before and they said "yes, but sister told us not to talk to him." I asked them to describe "sister" and they described a nun. There haven't been nuns at the school in 40 years.
"So I shouldn't throw him in the fire?"
3 year old daughter holding her baby brother for the first time.
Waves Of BloodGiphy
My niece was sitting on the couch with a weird look on her face. Her mom asked her what she was thinking about, and she said, "I'm imagining the waves of blood rushing over me."
Turned out they had been at a local science museum with an exhibit on the circulatory system. One of the features was a walk among some giant fake blood vessels, and she was remembering that.
Yesterday my 3y/o son told me "today's [sister's] birthday!"
I went into labor last night.
The Chickens Are Always Watching
I don't have kids, but once, visiting some friends on a farm, my buddy's youngest girl (5 or 6) at the time, was afraid of the chickens. I tried to explain to her that the chickens weren't there to hurt us but she wasn't having it.
So I'm sitting around the fire pit, looking at one of the chickens a few feet in front of me when I feel hot breath in my ear as she whispers:
"See. He's always watching."
Horrific and hysterical all at once.
"My brain is telling me to do things I don't want to do."
So tell us, what's the creepiest thing you've ever heard a kid say?