Listen, kids are the literal best thing to happen to the world - as long as you aren't a fan of order or tidiness, literally or metaphorically speaking. As long as you embrace children as the beautiful agents of chaos that they are, you're good to go.
Not sure what I mean? You're about to be. Imagine you're at work, in your groove and you get a phone call saying you need to come pick up your child. Most of you imagined your kid being sick - but take it from these next few folks, you never actually know. They could be sick, they could have accidentally made a weapon while trying to take candy to a friend.
Reddit user OriginalSofaSoldier asked:
Parents of reddit, what's the funniest reason you've been called into school to collect your child?
I'm telling you guys, skilled agents of chaos. So skilled. Here are some of the more popular answers, edited for language or clarity as needed.
The Reddest Face
Giphy
I got a phone call earlier this year from the school nurse, saying she was concerned because my son had passed out while in the lunch line. I went to pick him up and he seemed a little dazed, but ok. My kid couldn't remember anything about what happened beforehand, so I made an appointment with his pediatrician for an hour later.
Right as we were getting ready to leave, he sheepishly said "mom, I just remembered that right before I passed out, we were playing a game to see who could turn their face the reddest."
So, my kid had me thinking he had a brain tumor but no, he just held his breath until he passed out, and not a single other kid thought they should mention that to the teacher.
S's and F's
My youngest had a slight speech impediment when he was at nursery, he would replace his S's with F's to approximate the sound. I had to have a chat with the Head at pick up time because I'd unthinkingly used the phrase 'so long suckers' when pulling away from some traffic lights the day before and he liked the sound of it so much he used it himself.
Lunch Date
I was in an early morning college class and when I got out I realized I had missed calls, texts, and emails from my daughter's preschool. A voicemail said she had been throwing up and to please hurry and come get her. When I got to the school the receptionist showed me to a room where my daughter was sat with a trashcan on her lap. She told me my daughter kept announcing she was throwing up and then would cough and spit into the trashcan. She had no fever and was otherwise cheerful and talkative. I signed her out, got her outside and into my car where she jumped forward and kissed my cheek and told me she missed me and where would I like to go for lunch. That kid busted herself out of preschool to finagle a lunch date with me. It worked.
Not In Class
I got a call that my son was sick and that I had to come pick him up. He was completely fine that morning. I asked the nurse, "he really can't go back to class?" and she said, "he says he's really sick." Fine.
I picked him up and on the walk home I asked what was up. He said he had to fart really badly and didn't want to do it in class. I laughed and said ok.
Two days later I get another call to pick him up. So I got him and it was for the same reason. I told him that it was funny once but that from now on, if he needed to fart in class, he should go to the bathroom lol.
Giving Forgery A Whirl
I was called in because the elementary school was going on a field that my son forgot to give me the permission slip for. He decided to give forgery a whirl. This was in first grade so the handwriting was awful. He also signed my name "Mom."
Blue Flannel
My mother was called to pick me and my twin sister up because we were turning blue. I think it was 4th grade. We felt fine though. It was only after she arrived that we all remembered she had put brand-new blue flannel sheets on our bed the night before.. apparently she hadn't washed them first.
Black Eyeshadow
I was the child, in sixth grade (I was 12). I was in my emo phase and was wearing a lot of black eye shadow from Claire's. I guess I wasn't so good at my makeup yet because they called my mom into the office to discuss my injuries and who was "hurting me"
Pardon My French
That was in elementary school, early years. The principal called us and looked at us with a stern look of disapproval while telling us our son was using bad language. I then proceeded to explain to her that my wife and I only spoke French at home and we did not have television. The only English our son had ever heard was at school, so I asked her what she was going to do about it. It was one of the shortest conversations I ever had with a principal.
Da Bomb
When my daughter was in 2nd or 3rd grade, i got a call about a present she had brought to school. So, the night before, she asked to go to the store to buy some Rolos because it was her friends birthday. She wrapped them up, and put them in her back pack. I never saw her finish them up or i would have stopped her. She had wrapped each rolo in red paper, bundled a few together, put little black pipe cleaner fuses on them, and attached a note that said "your da bomb". The school was not amused. I thought it was very clever though. There were no repercussions thankfully.
Fromage
Nephew is staying with me for 2 months ,I showed him Dexter's Laboratory for the first time, next day they call me to pick him up because he would only say "Omelette du Fromage" to any interaction
- Hawkov
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
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"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
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"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
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"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
