Sometimes, the hardest part of being a parent is taking the things you hated and using them as lessons on what NOT to do.
Even the most loving and well-intentioned parents screw things up. But not every parent is loving as well-intentioned. One Reddit user asked:
What is one thing your parents taught you but you will never teach your children??
So yeah... this is a pretty solid "What Not To Do" list.
Just Chill
That you need to hustle 100% of the time and be constantly busy with school/work, extra activities, side projects, cleaning etc. Spending time unwinding is a sign of laziness and boredom, and intelligent people are never bored.
This really messed me up and I'm still learning the art of wasting time. Don't get me wrong, I love laying in bed doing nothing but it usually comes with guilt that I could be more productive during this time. I'm still in the process of learning that rest is needed for a healthy and well functioning body and mind.
Stop When You're Full
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Eat everything on their plate. I try to get my kids to make an effort to eat their meals, but I'm never going to punish them for not being hungry when I say so. Sometimes you start it and can't finish. Sometimes you just don't like it. Now if they keep saying they're hungry sometimes you gotta learn to take what you can get though.
- Jay985
My parents were Depression-era kids, so they were taught that wasting food is a sin. I guess it was back then. But now I am trained to clear my plate no matter how full I am. It has been an uphill struggle to not teach my kids to do that.
Cry
That crying is shameful
I'm trying to not teach mine this one. But I still feel REALLY ashamed when I cry. I'll say it's allergies rather than admit I'm crying. I HATE it if anybody sees me crying.
"I'll give you something to cry about" was common for me. I hate it, I hate it so much.
This. My father has always been well... mean. Then he will tell me to stop crying because it makes me look weak and I 'm stronger than that.
It really messes with me. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Even now as a grown adult struggle with embarrassment when I cry.
The "Awkward" Stuff
That sex, sexuality, drinking/partying, politics, money, spirituality are awkward things to discuss. I want my future kids to know facts and that if they are ever in trouble, I am a safe place for them. We don't have to talk about it if they don't want to, they'll be taught how to be safe, but they should also know that these subjects are a part of life and should not cause shame.
A Crush Shouldn't Hurt
"If a boy acts like a jerk, it means he likes you!"
No...just no...
First of all, he shouldn't be let off the hook for acting like a jerk. (Whether he's 5 or 105). Secondly, it teaches girls that abuse is okay, or that they should expect to be treated like crap (and that it's okay for them to be treated like crap.)
My daughter had a little boy that was picking on her and I was pissed. I asked her what would happen if Tati (her dad) pushed me off of the sidewalk or pulled my hair?
She said he wouldn't do that because he cares about me and that other little boys in the school are a lot nicer. That's damn right... you stay away from that little boy. That little boy is an a$hole and don't forget it. Oh! And at the start of the Coronavirus thing he was "blowing air" on her.
- NailFin
Oh my god this sh!t brought me into so many wired and some even abusive relationships. It actually taught me to choose the guys that were mean to me.. "because that must mean they like me right?"
Man...
Go Your Own Way
That i basically have to be a smaller version of them, believe exactly what they do and not think for myself and have my own opinion. If I have kids id let them be open minded and believe what they want
I'm not saying I'll let them do whatever they want regardless of it being stupid or dangerous or harmful. I fully intend to offer guidance to them and try to reason with them if I believe something they think is wrong. I'm just not going to punish or censor them.
I've seen so many parents disown or punish their kids for leaving their religion or coming out as gay and it hurts me man. When they get older I believe they have the right to have their own opinions
The "Wait" Isn't Worth It
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To wait until marriage.
You know they won't anyway. The best you can do is teach them to be safe and pray they do ok.
Same with a lot of things, actually. I know my daughter is going to have sex no matter what. I know she's going to try alcohol at some point. I know she's going to probably try pot. Her safety is my priority, so the sex talk is going to include how to stay safe, where the extra condoms are stashed, that it's perfectly okay to ask me any questions about sex (like, "x happened, is this normal?"), all about consent, etc. And about the effects of alcohol (based on science) and how to stay safe when drinking socially with friends.
Definitely would prefer if she didn't drink before 21, but if she's going to, might as well try to help her help herself not get absolutely shitfaced and possibly assaulted.
Petty Party
My mother celebrates her pettiness, and never misses an opportunity to take the low road or seek revenge. For example, she had a customer skip out on a $150 bill. My mom turned it into collections.
Years (and I mean yeeeeaaaaars) later, she was contacted by a debt management company looking to pay the $150 bill so the former customer could fix their credit to buy a house. My mom dodged the call for weeks ON PURPOSE just to be an a-hole and hold up the process.
She told me this story all proud and smug. I think she was expecting me to clap for her. I just stared in disbelief. My kid is being taught to show mercy when given the opportunity.
Critically Critical
Being hypercritical. My parents were very critical of me about so many things. My grades, my performance in extra circular activities, even how I did chores. What was worse was that they would often compare me to others as well, and would only ever praise me when they were basically bragging to other people. An example that always stuck with me was when I had a part time job as a waiter in high school, and my dad would often scold me for wasting my time at a a useless job instead of focusing on school, and how I was just gonna end up being a bum just like my older brother. But then when he's talking to his friends he brags about how his youngest son is so hard working, he even has a part time job in high school!
It's this sort of hypercriticism is why I struggle a lot with self esteem and confidence. What's worse is that I find myself even being hypercritical of other people's behavior, like if they make a mistake or don't do something how I would've done. I don't snap like my dad would do, but I still find myself immediately getting annoyed. It's something I'm working on, and hope to never do to my future kids.
"You Make Me Hit You"
That a parent's feelings are more valid than the childs.
My mom did this once when I expressed to my dad that she constantly hurt my feelings. She came into my room after that since my dad had just tucked me into bed when I told him and she said and I quote, "I hurt your feelings? You hurt mine when *you make me* spank you or yell at you!"
Almost every time she spanked me (with what we call "The Board" which is basically a shaped piece of wood with a handle) it would be about me talking during church or playing with my friends in restaurants too loudly. She never said to quiet down, she'd say shut up/stop and threaten me with "licks" aka spanking me with "The Board". So I never felt like I could have fun as a child.
Basically, that's a trauma I'm still trying to get over. Though my confidence is getting better and I'm finally branching out and doing things by myself. (I say finally because I'm around 20 years old and have yet to ever have a job or adult properly.) I do still have trust issues and issues with feeling like how I feel is valid and okay but I'm working on it.
Homeless
This might sound mean but to give to the homeless
My parents always gave their spare change to homeless people who would just use it for drugs or cigarettes. I think it's better to give them food.
We were poor growing up and I would have rather them saved the money for useful things for ourselves rather than have them give it to people who use it on drugs.
The Neighbor's Daughter
My dad, when I was like 13-14, says, "Son, the neighbor's daughter is ready for some sex education, get on it"... This is not something that helps you grow up to be in the proper mindset!
I know you guys are very curious... No, I didn't bang the neighbor's daughter!
An Intolerant Pot-Smoking Atheist
My parents were extremely old fashioned in a lot of ways. My dad was a proud, racist, homophobic man that had a problem with everyone that didn't think the same way as him.
His lifestyle and ideals projected to my mother, who is mentally unstable and easily manipulated. My dad passed away when I was 11 but one of the things that really pissed me off as an adult (aside from his hateful nature) is them teaching me that if people don't think the same way as me, then I couldn't associate with them because they were horrible people.
For example, I wasn't allowed to hang out with any kids that didn't believe in God. They didn't have to be committed to a religion - but if their faith wasn't in god, I couldn't be their friend cause they would be a bad influence on me.
I've abandoned all his teachings, but that one has always kind of stuck with me and I hate it. Now that I'm my own person, I feel like I still project that behavior onto others based on their political views or religious views, and it's still something I have to correct in myself even though I'm a (in my dad's words) pot smoking atheist now.
I Will Not Be A Karen
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My mom is very manipulative and she keeps trying to teach me how to be the same way. When I refuse to do something bad she gets a bit mad at me.
Sorry mom! But I will never follow your Karen footsteps
Maintaining The Un-Fun Things
That you don't have to keep doing something if you don't feel like it. For example, when I was a child, my dad showed me all kinds of possible interests. Baseball, golf, cars, music, books, etc. Most of them I said "I don't feel like learning this any more" very early on. He was just like "okay". It worked out because I came around to find true interests in music and art, but i think It would be a good idea if there was just a bit more discipline imposed.
I'm not a parent yet, but I think maybe I would say: "You can't quit after three days. You're going to play for a season and stick it out. Then you can choose to quit. You'll learn plenty of lessons and maybe make some friends." (Of course that would change if they're traumatized or being bullied or something) It's important to learn that if you want to do something you need to stick things out when they're not fun. I still have a hard time knuckling down and getting to work unless I really feel like it.
I will have them do small chores as well. It doesn't have to be every week, they don't have to be punished or something. Teach them how to keep a clean house, how to maintain those un-fun things that are necessary in life. My first apartment in college became so messy. I remember not wanting to wash gross dishes and after a week I'd just throw them out. I had to learn on my own those seemingly simple things.
I suppose the thing they did best though was teach me how to learn. Learning is a bit of a skill. You need to be able to break down problems and identify obstacles. You need to be persistent and believe you can learn. If you have that skill plus some books or the internet, you can do anything.
These are super minor things, I had fantastic parents growing up, they were trusting, understanding, and never played head games or withheld love. If I was in trouble , they were mad, but I was still their child and loved. Come to think of it I was never in trouble much. My dad's dad used to use the belt, so he made sure to never hit me, I got time outs and groundings if I was really in trouble.
Feeling Weird About Religion
Religion, I guess. And I kind of feel a bit weird about it.
I grew up catholic but my parents were not militant about it. We went to church on Sundays, I went to Sunday school for a little while...but that was the extent of it. My parents never preached or made a big deal about it...they obviously believed in god and all that but we weren't living our lives for religion.
Then, two things happened: One day my mom was picking me up from high school and on the corner of the street were a ton of anti-abortionists on the holding graphic signs of aborted fetuses. My mom flipped out. My mom herself was mostly pro-life but she was absolutely livid that this group would expose kids to these really horrific images. I remember her getting out of the car and screaming at the top of her lungs at these people. She found out the people went to our church and we immediately stopped going.
The second thing was when my grandfather died and we had a traditional catholic service in the church. The entire service was all about god. They barely said a single thing about my grandfather or what type of a person he was...it was just about god and everything else fell by the way side.
After that I rarely heard my mom ever talk about religion. I'm not sure where she stood after that.
When my kid was born there was never any talk from her about getting my daughter baptized. Never any talk about religion, really. I think I remember her teaching my daughter about the manger scene she put out for Christmas but that was about it.
I don't necessarily have an opinion one way or the other about religion. I don't think it's a bad thing but I find it difficult to believe it. My wife and I feel conflicted about religion in general (wife's parents were a bit on the wacky spiritual side) and it's become one of those things we just don't even discuss.
My mom died last year so I'll never know what she really believed. Like I think if it was important to my mom we would have had our kid baptized for her but it really doesn't mean anything to me either way. I just don't see it being a big part of our lives and I'm still trying to determine what I actually believe myself.
- SeaTie
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.