Older Couples Who Decided Not To Have Children Share How They Feel About The Decision
Once you become a fully committed couple, the questions start pouring in. "When are you gonna have kids?" "When are you having kids?" "When are the kids coming?"
The hardest thing to say is they might never come, but that isn't always a bad thing, as evidenced by the stories below.
Reddit user, u/throwawaygeneral8899, wanted to know:
Everything Should Stop With Me
For my spouse, I can only say that they have physical and psychological issues that they've mentioned that they'd rather not pass on to a child.
For myself, I've always said that while I'm occasionally afraid that someday I might regret not having children, that's not the same as wanting children, and that's an important difference to me. I have my own reasons to believe I'd probably not be a good parent.
Yeah, we both get concerned sometimes whether anyone will be arsed to care about the sole survivor once the other's gone or incapacitated. But this thought is the result of our decisions, not a basis for changing our minds about having kids, which we will not. Having kids or not is no guarantee that you'll end up cared for or not anyway, though it does probably move the needle on your odds.
No Need To Pile On The Issues
I go back and forth. My SO has some significant mental health issues and I know that I would be alone doing much of the emotional labor of raising a child, and I know I'm not really capable of doing it alone. Sometimes I worry very much about what I will do when I am old. I'm an introvert and dont have many friends and am not overly likable, so I assume I will be alone. I just hope that there are some kind robots to take care of me, and that I'll die before the robots turn on us.
Be Self Aware Of Your Own Limitations
I'm not a couple, just a person. I've been in lots of relationships and was married twice. I would not have made a good parent.
Regret sometimes I wasn't born into a different life, but given the cards I was dealt... I think I made the right choice in that department and have no regrets.
Adventures Galore
Been married for 21 years and initially we tried to have kids but found out that it was going to be hard to do. Wife was heartbroken at first, but I was somewhat relieved. It's a lot of responsibility and your life changes to accommodate a child.
Over the years, wife has actually said a few times that she was glad we didn't have kids because we couldn't have had the adventures we did. I feel like it was the right choice and we're better off due to not having kids. We love our life and are continuing our adventures now in our 50's and we're starting to make plans for retirement.
You Don't Always Have To Spend Time With Your Own Kids
We've been married twenty years. We are both 50. Neither of us wanted to bring children into our family.
I spent a WONDERFUL afternoon with my 16 year old niece yesterday. We talked about her boyfriend, picked blackberries and discovered a woodland clam [fingernail mussel] living in a mud puddle [vernal pool] in the woods, which we named Fred. It was magical. I just adore her.
Not having kids is just as normal as wanting kids, I've always felt.
Zero regrets.
Seriously, Hang Out With Other People's Kids
Well...I'm a dude in a relationship with a dude. 26 years. We could have had children but didn't. Have plenty of nieces and nephews to spoil.
Also...we've been able to save and we are retiring this week. I'm 54.
Sometimes, You're Escaping From Old Wounds
My husband & I are in our 50s & have been married 19 years. We both grew up with abusive dads, were the "smart kid" in the family, got the hell out ASAP, worked our way through college & made something of ourselves before meeting & getting married. A lot of common ground & we've built a strong, rock-solid marriage.
We considered having kids, but after working so hard on healing from the childhood abuse & escaping the cycle of poverty we grew up in, we decided long ago that just the two of us was enough. We still consider ourselves a family and we've been really happy with our life together. Our home is peaceful & that's the thing we care about the most.
If I had to choose now, knowing what I do, between becoming a mother & having the marriage & home life I now enjoy, it's absolutely no contest. Zero regrets.
You Learn To Deal With It Everyday
I (43F) and my husband (41M) tried unsuccessfully for about 2-3 years to conceive. We did clomid and 3 IUIs. We stopped short of IVF due to the cost and low chance of success at my age. Adoption also was eventually ruled out for a number of reasons but chief among them was I didn't feel called to it (and I'm adopted myself), I wanted to have a child that was half me and half my husband which adoption would not have given us, and the sheer cost of adoption which still does not guarantee you a child (I have friends who have been waiting 2 years now for a child).
We're slowly coming to peace with the decision and it gets easier day by day but I still have many days where it's hard to realize that we won't have what so many other people have attained so easily. Infertility really does change you and breaks down your entire sense of who you are as a woman. Ironically I didn't even want to have kids for years until I met my husband.
Kids? Or Sports Cars?
Me and my girlfriend don't want kids
we want sports cars and to live debt free.
There's too many kids out there without parents so we may adopt one day
"Just fine with it."
Just fine with it.
I'm retired and my wife will be retired next year.
Almost all of our retired friends that have kids are still dealing with some sort of dysfunction or drama with at least one or more kid that should allegedly be "grown up" by now.
One couple actually went to court and fought to gain custody of their grand-kids, taking them away from their dangerously irresponsible parents. Grandparents were well into their sixties raising two teenagers, but both are doing very well now.
Sometimes, You Just Need To Cheat The System
I'm 53, and has a vasectomy when I was 28. Never regretted not having children. I married a woman 10 years older than I am who had two grown kids (17 & 21 when we married,) and now I get GRANDKIDS! We've been married about 20 years, and I have three granddaughters, 10, 8 and just 7.
So I sort of cheated the system. But I am glad I didn't have to raise small children, and I get to enjoy being a grandfather.
Why Make Them Fix Our Problems?
We are both around 30. Both of us don't have the wish/urge to get kids.
I think we would be great parents, but its just so much work. So much time, risk and what not.
And [I] really don't [want] my kid/kids to go through school and fix (if possible) climate change.
Oh Yeah...The World...
Wife & I are older than 60 and retired. Neither of us ever wanted kids.
We are extremely happy we never had any kids. I am reminded every day I read the news that it was a good thing not to have kids.
Freedom Is More Important
I'm 33 and my partner is 43. Neither of us have ever wanted kids, nieces and nephews are enough.
My family constantly tell me I'd make an amazing parent and yes I'm wonderful with kids and kids adore me, they always have but I just know myself enough to know I'd resent them at times.
I'd want my freedom back, I'd rather focus on my life, my partner and my career. Instinctively I know eventually I'd get so frustrated I'd just become one of those jaded parents who can't be bothered and ends up treating their teenagers like a couple of friends just out of laziness. The teenagers would love it but that'd be some god-awful parenting. Plus financially? F-ck that in a bucket.
I honestly believe I'd be terrible. There is so much I want to do with my life. Raising, feeding and educating another whole human being is not f-ckin' one of 'em.
Braver To Take The Road Not Walked
It's braver to realize you shouldn't be a parent than it is to have kids and do a sh-tty job of raising them.
You Most Definitely Need An Even Temperament
I'm 60 now, been married for 29 years.
God did not provide me with the proper temperament to raise children. Have never regretted our decision to be child free. We're good 👍🏻.
You Find Love Elsewhere
I have a professor at my university who has been married to his wife for 50 years, and they have no children. He calls us his children and always talks about how he and his wife are inseparable. He's a really eccentric and energetic guy, even in his 70's. He gives out candy to the entire class before every lecture he gives.
He seems like he truly loves life and has no regrets about not having any children.
What's a reason why you don't want to have kids? Tell us all about it.
Oh, the things people say.
Sometimes you wonder if people have the capability to think before they speak.
It's an especially thorny issue in relationships.
Redditor Human02211979 wanted men to share about the things they're over women saying, so they asked:
"What's a phrase men hate hearing from women?"
I don't dabble with the ladies.
I feel like I'm about to be glad about that.
Thoughts?
season 6 episode 24 GIFGiphy“'Do you know why I pulled you over?'”
WHEENC
"It depends on how long you were following me."
ersomething
Just Pick!
"The food thing."
"'I'm not hungry or you pick... but not there not there not there not there or there.'"
"It's one of the most widely joked about relationship tropes... but it has to be one of the truest. I watched two married friends this weekend almost lose it over this lol."
HotelRwandaBeef
"Frustrating for anyone in a relationship whose partner does this. I'm a woman and my male fiancée can't make a decision about food to save his life, almost literally. If you put him in a room with his 2 favorite foods and told him he can't eat until he chooses one, he would starve to death. It makes me freaking crazy."
forestfairygremlin
Not Good Enough
“'They couldn’t handle me.'”
"Relationships are about building each other up, not constantly having to deal with the other person’s attitude or poor behavior/mental health. This is not as much of a flex as a lot of people think it is and raises major red flags for me."
OreoKing10
"Dude this is so true, God *amn its true. These type of girls who say that are ONLY trouble and have no insight to why they act like they do. Its mental."
TheZwoop
“nothing”
"'How can you not think anything, you must be hiding something.'"
SuvenPan
"I mean sometimes it’s nothing but most of the time 'nothing' is just a random situation that makes no sense that I’m thinking of in my mind. I don’t know why I’m trying to think which animal would be the best drift racer and I don’t know where to start explaining the thought process behind it or how I even got there."
ThePowerPoint
Say Nothing
quiet tim and eric GIFGiphy"'Do you like my friend?' Because it always ends up in an argument either way."
nothinglasts21
Oh that is a dangerous setup.
It's a Trap
the office no GIFGiphy"'Tell me what you are thinking. Do I look fat? Be honest.'"
illini02“
"'As a modern woman, you do not need a man to validate your self-image. Take a look in the mirror and tell yourself whether or not you look fat.'"
Jedi_Master_Baggins
Start Over
"Are you even listening to me, and I think to myself what a weird way to start a conversation."
bigfish3636
"I sometimes forget that whenever my boyfriend is doing something like reading the paper, I have to get his attention BEFORE I start talking. Often ends in me talking for a minute before noticing an all too familiar blank stare on his face which prompts the question 'did you get any of that?' and then he repeats the last three words in an unsure cadence. Then I start from the beginning, lol."
shadythrowaway9
Nonsense
“'How are you still single, you’re a great guy?' Hear it a bunch from some women friends of mine. I always just brush it off but kinda stings a bit more each time."
AverageJames
"I lived in a big house with lots of roommates. We had this big vent one night. We were going to go bar hopping but all the girls vented about how often they were bothered and hit on at bars. How they needed to go in groups to feel safe. And they never could go to just have fun with each other."
"2 weeks later I mentioned how frustrating dating can be at group dinner. There was a communal laugh about how easy it was. 'Literally just go to any bar.'"
DigNitty
Not my Owner
"Thankfully my current girlfriend doesn’t do this but don’t ever say you 'trained' your boyfriend or even friend to do something. Friendships and relationships are a great way to have a different perspective and take things on in different ways. To say you trained your friend or boyfriend is incredibly dehumanizing and makes you seem incredibly narcissistic and manipulative. Plus, you didn’t 'train' your boyfriend to use conditioner, you just made him realize that even though he doesn’t think it’s significant in his value system, it isn’t worth the fact you keep bugging him about it."
DuncanRobinson4MVP
Oh Lord
Come On Man GIF by IdentityGiphy"'I was thinking...'"
"Whenever my wife says that means I'm gonna be doing something that I don't want to."
Revolutionary-Rip-40
"And it's always 'I was thinking we should...' There's no WE here, just come out and tell me what I will be doing."
BusterOfBuyMoria
Know your warning signs gents...
Anything else anyone would like to add? Let us know in the comments below.
People Break Down What Their Life Would Be Like If They Married The Person They Lost Their Virginity To
The first time having sex can be wonderful or excruciatingly awkward.
Maybe there is an in-between there.
But more often than not, it's not a fairytale, and that person becomes a memory.
What if they stayed more than a memory?
Ever think about life with that person?
Fairytale or nightmare?
Redditor Pristine_Arm_898 wanted to know if anyone had ever played the what if game, so they asked:
"If you were forced to marry the person you lost your virginity to, how would your life be going right now?"
My first and I together would make no sense...
Cheers?
Drunk That 70S Show GIF by PeacockTVGiphy"I would be richer but much more miserable. I'd probably be trying to drink myself to death."
banvillesghost
No Regrets
"I think it would have been just fine. She was/is a wonderful woman. But I wouldn't trade the 40 years I had with my late wife, including all the ups and the downs, for anything in the world. And when she left me, she left me with two wonderful sons and two fantastic grandchildren."
Maxsdad53
"Same here. I was with a person I loved and if it would go on it would be nice. We split because love didn't last and if it would, it should be just fine. Now I am in relationship i wouldn't trade for the previous big love. I'm happy where I am. No regrets."
Livid_Tailor7701
Misery
"Not good. He was a sweet down-to-earth dude who turned into a massive a**hole after he landed an amazing job opportunity and his dad got him a flashy car. It's like he turned into the biggest douche overnight and then dumped me over the phone probably because he thought he was now out of my league. My heart was broken, but life goes on."
"I learned many years ago that he lost this high profile job, and because he got this job through nepotism and not because he actually knew what he was doing, he couldn't find the same type of job or at least work in the same field."
"He got recommended by a company to get a degree (which they would sponsor) so he could return to the industry but he refused because he was under the impression that he knows more than everyone yada yada."
"He did nothing about the situation and ended up working at a gas station where he still is now, all these years later. I can't imagine how someone with this attitude could be a good partner in life. I would have been miserable."
Stuck_on_venus
The Good Guy
"It might be ok, but not nearly as good as it is now. He’s a great person and I’m still in contact with him, but we weren’t meant to be together forever."
HearTheCrushingSteel
"This is how I feel too. He was/is a great guy. His family is awesome and all my family loved him. Sadly I didn’t! I got a lot of flack for breaking his heart, but after me, he met his now wife and they’ve got a lovely family. I met my now husband around the same time and we’ve got 3 kids. I think we both thought we were happy together but I’m glad we got a chance to realise we were simply contented."
WeeBo2804
Forevers
Smooch Love GIF by molehillGiphy"The same. We are married."
polarbearsforpets
"Same here. We were quite young when we lost our virginities together 15 and 16. Been together for 7 years and married for 2."
InXXu_
Sometimes it's forever.
'Nienka'
Confused Wile E Coyote GIF by Looney TunesGiphy"I’d be looking for my wife."
Shoe_mocker
"Surprised I had to scroll this far down to find this response (assuming you mean what I think you mean)."
"A one night stand with a Dutch foreign exchange student. I woke up and she was gone. A note said 'Nienka' with a heart drawn underneath. That was more than half my lifetime ago."
Various-Month806
Legit
"Probably would have been awesome for a year or two - she was a legit Penthouse centerfold girl. Guarantee she would have got bored with me and moved on pretty quickly. Then I probably would have gravitated back to the path I've been on for the last 40 years and ended up right where I am."
Earthling1a
Seems to be happy...
"I’ve thought about this from time to time. She ended up getting engaged a few times but never married. Ended up getting pregnant from a sperm donor and has been a single mom by choice for the last decade. Recently she came out not exactly as transgender but more like non-binary. Seems to be happy. I honestly have no idea what would have happened if we’d ended up together. I didn’t and still don’t want kids so that may have been a stumbling block. Also I had severe wanderlust after graduating from university and ended up on the other side of the country."
"Not sure if I would have been interested in staying in our home town and I’m pretty sure she never had any interest in leaving. So… either things would have hit some major roadblocks and we’d have split up after a few years. Or maybe I’d end up comfortable and lose the desire to move away and maybe settle down and have kids. Unlikely though."
bg-j38
Bye Sanity
"The guy I lost my virginity to is Turkish, and we broke up partly because his mum hated my guts because he wasn't dating someone of their own religion, and then partly because I discovered he had a 'thing' for girls like Bella Poarch and who acted like her. So if I married him? I wouldn't know sanity if it smashed me in the head with a brick rolled in glue, then dipped in a bowl of razor blades and lemon juice."
jamieeet
Like A...
Sexy Queen Of Pop GIF by MadonnaGiphy"She married someone else. Divorced them, married me, divorced me when someone better off came along. So, if I was forced to marry her now, apart from the bigamy, it would mean I'd have to be a lot better off, financially, than I am actually am."
NiceinJune
Sometimes that person is the best and worst.
The longer couples are together, the more creative they have to be to have quality time together.
But quality time isn't always what other people think it will be.
Curious about the deeply intimate moments, Redditor Glittering_Age_9045 asked:
"What do couples do when they shower together?"
Personal Care
"I have disabilities that make standing for more than 60 seconds (especially in a hot, humid environment like a shower) very painful for me, so my husband showers with me to help me get clean."
"He washes my hair, scrubs me down, and makes sure I'm all taken care of. Do sexy things happen?? Occasionally, but for us, showering together is an act of deep love and care. I appreciate him endlessly for it."
- v_4_valhalla
Greatest Form of Intimacy
"This is what showers and baths turned into for me and my husband as he approached the end. During our last shower together, I shaved his facial hair for him, and it was just very intimate. I knew I had to cherish that moment, even though I didn't know it would be the last one."
"We'd always joked to each other that washing each other's hair is the greatest form of intimacy (quote from 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'), even way before he got sick, but it really was true."
"Oops, now I'm tearing up at work!"
"We were both 30 when he passed, only four months ago. F**k cancer!"
- go-with-the-flo
Romantic Jokes
"One says, 'This is so romantic,' while the other nods and shivers."
- churchin222999111
Support System
"I bought a shower chair, because if I'm gonna freeze, I'm gonna be comfortable. Then I bought a shower head with a stationary head AND an extended one."
"We talk about stuff, we play, we laugh, everything. It started during the pandemic when I was extremely depressed. I'd take a shower to cry away from the kids. Then he'd start taking them with me at night and just hold me while I cried."
"Now our showers are much happier."
- ThrowMeAway_8844
How the Time Flies
"I awkwardly wait there while waiting for my girl to finish with her hair."
- BurningRoast
Water Temperature Disagreements
"My husband pretty much boils himself, it's crazy, and then he calls my regular warm water 'ice cold.' I love showering together but I do wish he would be a bit less of a hot water person."
- OddCupofTea
Define "Hot"
"My husband walked in on me taking a bath the other night and the first thing he said was, 'Woah. It's super hot in here,' to which I, of course, replied, 'It isn't even that warm."
- AnnieBannieFoFannie
Hot Girl Problem
"You take your first shower together, and you realize your girlfriend is actually the spawn of Satan and connects with her homeland through the boiling of her own flesh until her mask has been washed away and her skin is as red as the devil himself."
"A milestone in every relationship."
- Anymonimous
Shower Jokes
"Spin in circles, making silly noises, while the other person says, 'Rotisserie chicken!'"
- GastontheBeast
Unique Shower Set-Ups
"We have two shower heads. It is great. And seats built into each side. Came with the house."
"It is glorious to be able to sit down and relax with one shower running over your head and back while the second shower keeps your front and legs warm."
"But you run out of hot water twice as fast. SIGH. And every kid in the house insists on using the ensuite cause the shower is “better.” Can’t really disagree with their logic, to be fair."
- stiletto929
Taking Turns
"Shuffle round and round, taking turns to be cold and warm like f**king penguins."
- Defiant_Hawk_9892
Enjoying Each Other's Company
"10 years together, married a year, and lived together for about six years. We always shower together, and that’s where we catch up on each other's day, vent, or just talk and enjoy each other's company."
- doggiechewtoy
Good Memories
"Shower conversations are the best. My ex and I would end up just holding each other under the running water, talking about bills or plans or some such nonsense. I miss that. It was incredibly cathartic."
- saintlyknighted
Married Routine
"My husband and I shower together every single day. It's not even sexual or romantic, it's literally for hygienic reasons. We started showering together when we were dating and it never stopped."
"Even when we're fighting, which forces us to talk about the issue. It's kind of nice being trapped in a small area with no other distractions."
- redwhiteandchill
Good Conversations
"This made me remember the time my husband and I spent half an hour in the shower discussing whether or not lobsters are sentient."
- kincaidinator12
While many people may think of two people to get into a shower together for far more intimate activities, these couples might argue that their showers together are already intimate enough. All aspects of a couple's relationship are important, but it's nice to set aside time specifically to talk and reconnect.
Cinema aficionados love to enjoy discussing and engaging in debates about their respective favorite films.
While there are many excellent movies in historical cinema, fans also enjoy trash-talking the absolute worst films ever made.
What they don't disclose, however, is the fact that they embarrassingly enjoy campy films and appreciate revisiting them behind closed doors.
Curious to hear about the films moviegoers secretly enjoy and appreciate while being cognizant of the fact that they're total garbage, Redditor HorsesSuck120 asked:
"What movie do you enjoy that you will 100% agree is a bad movie?"
Action movies don't aim to win an Oscar. Nevertheless, there's definitely an audience for them–even the really bad ones.
We Dig That One-Liner
"The Core. I’m paraphrasing here, but there’s a portion in the movie where everyone says it can’t be done; but one guy takes a drag on a cig and says: 'but what if…we could'. The entire movie progresses on that point."
– tucktan
Oldie But Goodie
"Flash Gordon was released in 1980, but re-released this year in 4K. Bad, but in the best way. (And that Queen soundtrack!)"
–NumericTrack9
It Kept Their Afloat
"Deep Blue Sea. I mostly enjoy that one unexpected scene. Check it out!"
– shiru2k1
Priceless Cast
"Street fighter with Raul Julia as Bison and Kylie Minogue as Cammy."
"Oh, and a Samoan bloke as E Honda, because 90’s."
– Molongoloid
From Zero To 60
"Gone in 60 Seconds . Say what you will , but I can watch this everyday."
– kindalikeacoustic
Campy films will always have a place in some moviegoers' hearts.
Dumb And Fun
"Fool’s gold. It’s a dumb movie that makes no sense but for some reason I go back and watch it at least once a year and enjoy it every time."
– milkynipples69
Can't Beat Funny
"Accepted. It's terrible and hilarious, has Justin Long at the peak of his teen movie years, and features Lewis Black as a version of himself as a jaded professor. So good."
– burnt00toast
We Love Ah-nold
"Batman & Robin is certainly a bad movie. I love it so much. It’s worth watching for Arnold and his puns alone. But the whole movie is just campy fun."
– randomnbvcxz
Sometimes we prefer the quantity of fantasy and animation films–regardless of quality.
Chilly Reception
"You know what killed the dinosaurs?"
"The ICE AGE"
– mr_blanket
Extraordinarily Egregious
"League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. It's so much fun and I love the Nautilus."
– jim_deneke
Wolverine Wouldn't Approve
"Van Helsing. It's Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale ala the glory days of 2004. It's got a 27% on rotten tomatoes,. 6/10 on IMDb but there's something about the dry jokes smattered in what's supposed to be high tension scenes, or scenes of sexual tension. The special effects aren't the greatest but at the same time it also adds to the experience."
– Jakows
Hands down, the worst movie ever made in my opinion has to be the campy 1995 erotic film noir Showgirls directed by Paul Verhoeven.
The trite premise and performances in the unintentionally comedic drama were so embarrassing to watch, but the movie wound up becoming more entertaining for those reasons.
Elevating the rewatchable factor of Showgirls is the DVD commentary by solo comedy performer David Schmader, who leaves plenty of repeatable quotes that are absolutely hilarious.
Highly recommended viewing.