Sex shops are fascinating not only for what they hold, but for who they attract. Visitors come from all walks of life - but of course, some are more memorable than others. Here, 18 sex shop employees share the craziest experience they've ever had with a customer.
1/18. One time an old lady came in looking for a big dildo. She asked me how much the red dildo on the wall was... I had to tell her that was the fire extinguisher.
2/18. We were open till midnight on the weekends and about fifteen minutes before closing this normal looking woman in a tracksuit comes in with a man on the end of a leash wearing nothing but a diaper. What shocked me more than anything was the dude had sandals with socks on. I told the couple they had to leave because pant were required in order to shop.
3/18. I went to a very tech-oriented university, and while there I worked at an upscale adult boutique. I was on register and was checking out a middle-aged guy and his wife. They had quite a few purchases so I was making small talk in the meantime, the guy said he had just returned from E3 (video game conference), and I asked some questions related to new games coming out at the time.
He eventually mentioned that he taught game programming at a nearby school, which narrowed it down to 3. I asked him if it was school A or B, the most likely guesses, and he told me it was school A (my school). I simply responded with "cool", but he asked where I attended school, so I told him. Awkward silence after that, the only thing I could think to ask was if they needed batteries for their vibrating nipple clamps (they usually take those annoying watch/disc batteries).
Had him for class about 6 weeks later, I got a pointed stare the first time he took roll, and I believe we came to a silent understanding in those few seconds.
4/18. Dude comes in drunk. We chat for a while and get talking about where he works. Then he grabs product and bolts. Except I knew where he worked. Probably a weird one for him when the popo showed up at his job for stealing dildos.
5/18. When I was nineteen I worked for about three weeks at a rental store that didn't just have a "back room" but a full on sex shop in back that was bigger than the front of the store. If you wanted to rent Dumbo for your kid and buy an assortment of cock rings for yourself we were your one stop shop. One time I had a guy come in to buy an electric vagina, about a $80 item. When I told him to have a nice evening he responded, very enthusiastically, "oh you bet I will."
Three hours later he came back. He wanted to return the electric vagina because the box was missing the lube that was supposed to come with it. Since I'd only been there for about a week and a half I didn't know how to do a return, so I had to use the inter-store phone to call the manager who was working the cash wrap in the front. She asked what was being returned and when I told her it was an electric vagina she said "okay the first thing you need to do is inspect it to make sure it hasn't been used."
"Umm, what?" socially awkward nineteen-year old me said.
"Yes, you have to inspect it to make sure it hasn't been used."
So I had to open up the rubber vagina and inspect it for wear and tear in front of the guy, who was giving me an "are you fucking kidding me?" look. Mercifully, it had not been used and I gave him his refund.
The worst part about it is that I was still a virgin at the time so that was my first close encounter with a vagina. I told this story to a couple of friends of mine too and became known to them as the "electric gynecologist" for a while.
Continue reading on the next page!
6/18. I was 19 and worked at this shack looking sex shop. Sketch central of town and if I didn't get free shit and paid to be there I wouldn't be. One evening I'm working with my buddy and I can here him talking to a familiar voice. It was a voice I tried recalling but all I could recall was that it was someone of influence to me. Well I automatically hide thinking it might be my dad and well... it wasn't. It was my youth pastor from church. We locked eyes, my stomach drops, he goes pale and noped the f*ck out.
7/18. A customer came in and she said she never had an orgasm and she was told that some women just never have an orgasm. She didn't buy anything besides condoms and then left. Two days later she comes back in with her boyfriend. The boyfriend is in a big huff yelling, "TELL HER THAT SOME WOMEN JUST DON'T HAVE ORGASMS!" As he was throwing stuff around the room and talking about how his manhood was being insulted and how he was gonna show everyone in the shop how big he is. After he finally left, he peed all over my girlfriend's car.
8/18. A woman came in who was very rough looking. I was watching her closely because I thought she might try to steal something. A guy came in and started talking to her. As they were talking, another person came in and asked me a few questions then bought something and left. I looked back over and saw that the guy and the rough looking woman were now having sex in the back corner of the store. I yelled at them and the guy took off and ran out of the store. The woman walked up to the counter, bare naked, and told me that she had met that guy on some phone chat line. She then asked if we had any "loaner" dildos. I told her no and that she needed to get dressed. She just walked out of the store completely naked.
9/18. An old gent came in and wanted to experiment with sex toys as he and his wife's sex life was somewhat dead. I spent a while going through options with him and he seemed happy with his purchases so that was that. A week later an oldish woman came into the shop on my day off to see me to say thank you because their sex life was now incredible. She actually burst into tears while talking to my colleagues because it had made such a difference.
10/18. I grew up in a teensy midwestern town, population of like 900 people. For many years, my mother managed a gas station in a town 20 miles east of my hometown.
For about five years, on Saturdays, the Methodist minister from our town would come to the store and buy two or three porn magazines. We were Lutheran, and my mom was shy and not social, so she had never met the Methodist minister. His visits occurred on a frequent basis until the day my mother had occasion to attend a funeral that happened to have been presided over by the Methodist minister. Their eyes met, and at about the same time she realized who she was looking at, his eyes widened in horror. He stopped coming to the store.
Ten or so years later, my mother transfers to a different location in the chain of stores she worked for, this one in the town 30 miles to the west of the town where we live. It was about the third Saturday after the transfer. The door chimes as it opens, and my mother looks up to greet whomever entered, and there stands the Methodist minister, who immediately recognizes her, freezes, turns on his heel and walks back out. Never saw him again.
Continue reading on the next page!
11/18. When I was younger, my mom worked for an Avon-like company that sold sex toys and lube. One day, my mom had to take my sister and I to one of the "parties" she was hosting at a woman's house. We got bored pretty quickly and started walking around the house while my mom explained various devices and products. I was creepily standing in the doorway to the room where the party was occurring, waiting for my mom to turn around so I could ask her if I could have some of the Rotel dip. I was probably 6-7 years old. One of the women sees me and goes bug eyed. My mom asks her what's wrong and she points at me. My mom turns around holding a 3 foot long double headed dildo and screams at me to leave. I did.
12/18. While not a sex toy shop, I did work for about 6 months at an automotive battery place that was right across the street from one. The number of people who would come in and say something to the effect of "Oh, CAR batteries!" then leave was hilarious at first, then just annoying.
13/18. Had video rental rooms with a $20 deposit. Use the Kleenex, don't urinate in the trash can, you'll get your deposit back.
Why we had the urination rule was bizarre to me.
Then I had to tell a guy he wasn't getting his deposit back.
14/18. I worked a porn movie and sex toy shack for about a year. There were promos for staff to try and sell higher end toys. If you sold a bunch you got a bonus.
We all had different sales tactics... there was one super fancy vibrator I was hyping up. I had one (in the package) at the counter with a note saying "husband replacement unit".
An old dad came in to get a stack of rentals. (thus dating how long ago this was). Pops looked at the sign, took the toy, and placed it on the floor. Arms on his sides looking down at it.
"Well, it doesn't cut the f*cking grass so I still have a job."
Rentals on the house for a month.
Continue reading on the next page!
15/18. One afternoon I was ringing up a line of customers in the main store.
There were about 4 people in line. The woman I was ringing up and 3 men behind her waiting. She was buying a vibrator. For obvious reasons the shop has a no return policy. Due to this rule we usually will place batteries in the toy and make sure it works before the customer leaves the store, so they know they are getting a working product.
I tell this particular customer that I am going to grab some batteries so we can test the toy for her, and I reach down below the counter to get the box of batteries.
When I stand back up I see her in the middle of dropping her pants and underwear right there on the spot. The 3 guys in line behind her are all staring in amazement. I'm like, "What the hell are you doing lady?"
I can see her looking confused for a moment before asking, "Didn't you say I should test it first?" It then suddenly hits her and she turns bright red before jerking up her pants and running out of the store.
The 3 men are now laughing. The next guy in line asks me, "Did that actually just happen?"
16/18. My buddy managed a sex shop and a guy brought back an inflatable love doll, wanted to return for exchange because he wore it out.
17/18. My ex-boyfriend worked the night shift at a chain sex store.
His best story was about a guy who had bought a vibrator the day prior, and came in the next day to complain that it was broken, and that they needed a replacement.
Since store policy is basically once it leaves the store, it's the customers problem, he told the guy that he couldn't do anything for him.
First the guy tried to say that it was sold to him broken, which my ex knew was bullshit because before a device leaves the store, it's tested at the counter to make sure it works (by tested I mean they put batteries in it and turn it on for a few to make sure it buzzes). So the guy admitted that he gave it a try and it worked for a few minutes until it shorted out.
Being a decent person, and also an idiot, he decided to try and figure out why the vibrator broke. So he checks the battery compartment first. Well, where you're supposed to put in two double-A batteries side by side, the guy had crammed a rectangle battery. Anyway. Since the battery was basically the same shape and size as the two double A's would be, it worked long enough for the guy to start having fun, but not finish, and so he insisted that my ex owed him an orgasm, cause it certainly wasn't the customers fault for cramming the wrong battery into the toy.
18/18. Not employee but customer.
I just turned 18 and went off to college in the big city. I go to the nearest local porn store because they have a huge XXX Arcade sign on the side.
I go in all excited to the back room to try out this XXX arcade.
It was not X-rated mortal combat or Zelda. I was so disappointed. My roommates made fun of me for weeks.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.