And you thought your mom was a handful!! Redditor ThrowAWAY_Please12 needed some serious life advice by letting us know... My mother [50sF] sold my car then disowned me [20sF] Yes you read that correctly. I'll start right from the beginning. So what had happen for this poor girl was...
My father died when I was around 16. He had an abusive relationship with my mother, but he was still my dad. When he passed, we got a pay out. With this money, my mum bought me my first car - My last present from my dad. With an agreement (loosely) to pay back what I could.
Recently, I sold the car as I wanted something bigger and got another car. I sold the car for £3K, paying my mother half of that, (paid her regularly before this) and spent the rest on the car. I really don't think I owed her too much as this stage, especially with paying her 1.5K on top of what I already had. I loved the car, it had personality and was just me all over, I was very pleased. I thought dad would definitely approve of it and it made me happy. It was an old rare car and I knew there weren't a huge amount of them left which was nice too.
In a weird set of circumstances, I ended up facing prison time and huge fines for something that my mother was solely responsible for. I took the blame and got slapped with a £1000+ fine. I was out of a job at the time and looked for my mum for guidance (seeing as though I took the blame) but unfortunately received none. In the end, I had to go to court again if I didn't pay - I had no way of paying at the time so I ended up going again to potentially once again face prison time. My mother didn't step in to own up, and I felt it wasn't right to "dob her in" as it were. I managed to get extra time to pay it, which I am still to this day. A friend paid a couple months, if he hadn't - I would most probably be in prison. My mother knew this but still refused to pay.
Shortly after this, mum said she was moving abroad. It was completely random but she informed me that I must start saving for a house as she would be gone in a few months and the house was put on the market - When it sold I was to be kicked out. I shoved away as much as I could muster each month, informing mum I would pay 50% of all utilities, buy my own food and a little bit of rent. She seemed content.
Recently (a couple months after the house fiasco), after coming home, I noticed my car was missing. I was panicking pretty bad, worried it had been stolen. I called my mum and she told me she had sold it. Sold it, I asked? I was really confused, thinking it may have been some weird joke but she was very blunt and matter of fact and told me "Yeah, I paid for it." Which wasn't entirely true - Dad had paid for it, as a last gift. We agreed paying her back was going to be slow as she wanted me to save to move out, we had agreed this... Also on top of this, I was in the process of paying her back. I paid for it through my account, had insured it with my money - By law the car was mine. I was really upset, asking her why she would do that and if she needed the money faster she should have said - I would have gladly paid! I just wasn't aware... I was mad at this time. I was shouting - As was she and we left on a bad note.
I know to most this is only a car, but to me it was the last bit of my dad I had.
I had to go to work the next day, so I left it there and stayed at a friends house. The next morning I came home to find the doors were all locked with keys in them to prevent me getting in. I managed to get in through the back of the house, where my mum asked what the hell I was doing there. Turns out she had kicked me out and disowned me. At this point, I was pretty much homeless - I'm quite young with not enough savings to financially support myself. She seemed uncaring and made me pack my bags. At this point I'm very upset, crying and confused - My mum just watched me pack. Later on, whilst still packing a relation [Mid20sF] came around, screaming at me for treating my mother so poorly. It got so bad she was throwing my belongings out the window! She stopped me from calling anyone to come pick me up by snatching my phone out my hand and scratching me quite badly across my hands.
I'm at a friends now, I've tried calling home 4 times, messaging countless times with absolutely no response. Through a turn of events, I found out my mum had sold/gave my car to my abusive ex boyfriend. He was awful, and even she hated him at the time for the things he put me through. It took a lot to leave that relationship. I am feeling betrayed, upset, lost and extremely angry.
I've called the police and know where I stand on the law - I can report my car as stolen and get it back, but do I? Is there any coming back from this, and even if there were I'm not sure I can forgive them for all they have put me through... It's been a few days and I don't feel like I'm capable of forgiving them a second time, I want my car that my dad got me. It makes me sick thinking that my abusive ex has it. I really do feel like my mother has done this just to hurt me - The way she worded that she "sold" it makes me think it could have been given away to him.
Would love some advice.
Where do we begin?!
Are you alone?
There seems to be a lack of information around some parts of your story. What was this situation that was your mums fault and how did you end up taking the wrap for it if you were not responsible at all?
What's the reasoning behind your cousin attacking you? Is there any merit to what she said? You kind of glossed over that whole situation. You describe your mother as someone who cares about you, wants the best for you and then suddenly changes into kicking you out and wanting nothing to do with you. What's the context for this?
How is the rest of your family / extended family dealing with this situation? Do they sympathize with you?
Be done with her!
GiphyIf I've read this correctly, you've already taken a fall for your mom on a legal issue. You are now put out due to her not following the law. Due to the auto removal on this sub, I cannot say the words your mom is.
But yes. You are done with her. You call the cops. If the car is in your name, you report it as stolen. No one should have taken it without title anyway.
Hello 9-1-1!
Report the car as stolen and report the illegal eviction. Go to r/legaladvice and get advice on the legal process to follow where you are.
From a relationships perspective you need to stop letting her walk all over you. This is insane. Stop giving her money. Call the police when she breaks the law. She will not stop until there are actual consequences for her actions.
enTITLEd
GiphyWho's name was on the title to the car? If it was yours, absolutely call the police. Also, she can't just kick you out. At least in the US, she'd have to properly evict you. I'd also report the woman who scratched your hands. Even if she doesn't get arrested for assault, you'll have a report filed in case she ever tries to harm you again. And go no contact. Best thing I ever did. My mom pushed me down stairs when I was pregnant. She died in October. All I feel is relief.
Get organized!
GiphyCall the cops, report the theft and the assault. Further, if you have access to a lawyer, see if there's any way to actually turn your mother in for the crime you took the fall on. Say you're willing to testify against her.
After that, start printing out your bank statements. Go through with a highlighter and see how much you paid in terms of car, utilities, etc. She evicted and disowned you suddenly. She's decided to up and leave the country. You've been set up as a patsy for her crimes once before. Get your ducks in a row because I wouldn't put it past her to pull that trick again.
Embrace the truth...
I'm sorry to tell you, your post belongs in r/raisedbynarcissists
Repeat: Not my circus, not my monkeys.
Your mom needs to live with the consequences of her behavior. Please report her, get your car back and tell the truth about what she did.
Ignore the guilt...
I'm going to repeat what everyone else has told you, report it stolen. Do it right now.
I guess I feel a little guilty.
I know how that feels. It sucks so much to feel guilt over something you know is right. I used to have that sort of relationship with my mom. Having to stand up to her and stand my ground always made me sick with guilt, but I did it. Here's the thing: there's going to have to come a point where you realize that blood is just blood. Blood does not make you family. All it means is you share DNA and with this particular person, she happened to be an incubator for you.
Read this carefully: she will not change. In fact; with people like her, the harder you try and the more you beg and the more you give, you're fueling her. You're giving her power. Power over you, power to feel righteous. Take a look back over your post, reread it. Commit it to memory, because I promise you as long as you chase after her skirts looking for love and approval, that's what the rest of your life is going to look like. All that drama, all that wasted money, having your possessions stolen and sold, having your home ripped away from you. It'll happen again and again.
So report your car stolen and focus on your next steps. Focus on you and what you want out of life and how to get it. Get a job at McDonald's, put yourself through school. Prove to her, but more importantly to yourself, that you are better and you don't need her. Read up on narcissists and how to handle them because that's what she is. Once you understand the beast and how to respond (or not), life becomes simpler.
Always beware... DNA can be an issue...
GiphyNEVER EVER EVER take someone else's charge for them. It will have permanent consequences on your life, and no one will ever believe that you actually didn't do it. Be careful who you're hanging out with, because they can pull you into getting more charges. The more crap on your record, the harder it gets to walk away from trouble (more likely to get tickets, fines, etc, it just gets harder!)
If the car title was in your name, call the police and see if you can file charges, or reports and get it back. Or at least t Get the money?? Idk, do it soon.
Your mom let you go to jail and have a criminal record for her and has done nothing but abuse you since. It is time to walk away and never have her in your life again once you get your car back with the help of the police.
Your mother needs some time at the leisure of Her Majesty's Criminal Justice system. I am guessing it was benefit fraud.
Calling The Garbage Man
GiphyWhen I was 18 my uncle gave me his old car. My dad sold it for parts one day without asking. He got $200 for selling it. It was worth ~$5000. He laughed in my face when I asked him why he did it. So I did what any psychologically abused son would do, beat him up so bad he ended up in the hospital. He threatened me the next time I saw him and I beat him again and told him if he ever messed with me again I'd make sure he could never would never walk again. He never messed with me in any way.
Moral of the story is don't take that path. I'm still seeing a therapist about how abusive he was. Doing that to him out of spite screwed me up more. In hindsight I would have walked away and cut ties forever. Maybe sent him a "sorry for your loss" card some decades later when he repented being a crap parent. Or maybe not, maybe never talking to him again would have been revenge enough. Don't seek revenge, be the bigger person. Use this as motivation to give yourself a better life. Your mom sounds like a real piece of garbage though. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Redditor Spinksy48 wanted to understand the fun of letting your opponent lose by just doing nothing, so they asked:
"What is your 'never interrupt an enemy while they are making a mistake' moment?"
If the story starts to get really crazy, just wait for a break.
Then ask a question from the beginning.
I guarantee you know more of the lie than they do.
Just keep talking, friend.
Gotcha
Dashcam Hello GIF by TranscendGiphy"I let the lady who changed lanes into me run her mouth about how I rear-ended her before pulling the cop aside to show him my DashCam footage."
ThrowingChicken
A Cherry Wave
"I was accused by a neighbor of reversing out of my drive and hitting his car. He gave me the date and time I had allegedly done it and pointed to a (small) scrape on my car that supposedly matched perfectly the location of the dent on his. This was 7 weeks after the alleged event, by the way."
"I said it wasn't me but told him to contact his insurance and we'd see what they said. A few weeks later I get a letter from my insurance asking what had happened, to which I responded with the date I had bought my car (and updated my insurance) - two weeks after the supposed bump."
"He never spoke to me again but I used to give him a cheery wave every time I saw him glowering at his window."
Gazcobain
Speak Once
"In a meeting with my project manager who has not been in the office or worked a proper full day for MONTHS, she has increasingly been annoyed by people bypassing her to get things done by telling me and her other direct reports what to do."
"I was about to answer a question for stakeholders, and she told me to let her speak one sentence and will let me have my bit. I did as I was told, and she told the stakeholder a completely wrong thing about the system we were handling and made a complete fool out of herself. She got sacked this month."
choiaera
We Hated Each Other
"Guy stole a presentation from me, this is 25 years ago. We hated each other. When he started presenting I realized I had made a huge error, didn’t say anything. Let him get through it. Asked him about the error, but he couldn’t answer. This was in front of COO. Got fired, not for just that, he was an overall douche. This was before everyone was on PCs, and had one printer in one room."
Bmilvis
Whoops
Office Space GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy"When a coworker who I hated got fired a few weeks after I decided to stop fixing his mistakes even if it impacted a client."
Hrekires
It's always thrilling to see the bad colleagues go!
Bye. Bye. Bye.
I will see you on the 15th
Idiot Reaction GIFGiphy"Not my story, but several years ago my older brother was fighting for custody of his son with his ex-wife. As the first custody hearing date approached, they were exchanging [un]pleasantries over text and my brother ended up saying something along the lines of, 'I'm not continuing this conversation. I will see you on the 15th.' The ex-wife told him, 'The hearing is on the 25th dumba**.'"
"So of course instead of correcting her, my brother just allowed her to keep thinking it was the wrong date, and she missed the first hearing entirely. It became the first of many mistakes she made in the court system that eventually led to my brother and the woman who is now his second wife winning full custody of his son."
Damn_Furries
Follow the Prints
"I'm working on a job site and the architect is there one day. I've been given some light fixtures for the sconces in a leasing office lobby. The fixtures are meant to be hung from a ceiling, they can't be installed on a wall. I attempt to convey this to the architect, but he brushes me off and just tells me to follow the prints."
"I turn to the apprentice and say, well you heard the man, put them up. A bit later, we hear the crashing of glass. The architect asks what was that? I said your light fixture. As I picked up a broom and dustpan to go clean up."
Ohhhhhhthehumanity
No Debt
"As I was being fired from a job, the district manager requested we record the conversation. He thought I was gonna be very upset, so I obliged. Then when he started to tell me why I was being fired he started with, 'You are gonna be graduating college soon, and we want to make sure we get ahead of you leaving us.'"
"I very calmly asked him to send me the recording right after he said that. Then later that day I called a lawyer. I now have no student loan debt."
JRTHEAMAZING
The Screams
"I reminded my ex-wife the divorce court was the next day and was invited to Get F**ked. So I went by myself, she failed to appear and pissed off the Judge so he asked what would be my desired outcome for assets and Custody of the kids. He wrote down whatever I wanted and I could hear her screams when she read the Orders from 3500km away."
comfortablynumb15
Silence
"There's a thing in law enforcement/legalese called a spontaneous utterance. Many many people will bury their own cases with these while bi*ching and moaning at their arresting officer on the way to jail."
raccoonsonbicycles
That last one is good knowledge to have in the back pocket.
