Secrets, lies, and betrayal. That is often the foundation of a family. We can go through life thinking our families are perfect and everyone loves one another, that's the training that keeps us from searching for the skeletons in the closets.
But our secrets will always find a way to break free. We may not even be alive to see the outcome, which is anti-climactic, but they will be out of the dark eventually. And once we learn what some loved ones are hiding, life as we know it can be obliterated.
Some secrets may best be buried. So be really sure you want to know everything.
Redditor u/mykirto wanted to hear about all the family drama they've been uncovered, by asking:
What is the most f**ked up thing you found about your family?
My family has a history that includes the mafia, the FBI, murder in an asylum, alcohol, drugs... the list is endless. And I'd rather just watch Days of Our Lives.
Family Issues
Stephen Colbert Love GIF by The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
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"My mother told me that my dad, wasn't my real dad, drunk one night when I was 16. That was 31 years ago. To this day his side of the family still thinks I'm his."
- Traiz3r
Show me the $$$
"One of my uncles borrowed $20,000 from my other more successful Uncle to start a business and refuses to pay his more successful brother back because he's "got so much money already". The more successful uncle refuses to sue him because that's not what family does, but they are no longer on speaking terms."
- mikenyle
Mum is crazy...
"My great-grandmother helped cover up a murder. Claimed the guy was a psychopath and attacked her daughter and granddaughter for no reason. In actuality, my mum was going through a phase where she would try to get men turned on by rubbing her arse on them. This guy pushed her off and told her to screw off."
"My mum took offence to this and claimed the guy was trying to take her clothes off. My grandmother, who was on all the drugs, came out of her room and stabbed the guy to death to protect her daughter. My mum told the truth after the guy was dead and they came up with a cover up story so that they wouldn't get in trouble."
We were on a BREAK!!!
"My grandpa and grandma broke up for a few weeks in August 1962. In that one week my grandpa got drunk one night and got the woman living across the hall from my grandma pregnant, and my grandma had a fling with a married man while on the late shift as a bartender and got pregnant herself. My grandparents got married and my grandma passed my aunt barb off as my grandpas child."
"The other woman gave my aunt Joyce up for adoption. Both were born exactly a week apart. 30 years later my mom was getting married and visited my Grandmas sister to hand out wedding invitations. My Grandmas sister decided that was the perfect occasion to tell my mother out of nowhere that my Aunt Barb was not my grandpas biological daughter. My mom was shocked and confronted my Grandma after the visit and who denied it."
"My mom then decided stupidly to keep it secret. It was kept a secret from my Aunt Barb for 40 years until my aunt Joyce found my grandpa and looked exactly like him. That is when my aunt Barb had a DNA test done and confirmed she wasn't his daughter. It took my aunt barb 17 years to find her real fathers family and she finally found them last year. They all accepted her into the family."
WTF
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"My Dad lives in his car and is only given enough money for basic food and is only allowed in the house to clean it. He's more of a household servant than anything."
- Catctus
Yeah, that is a whole lotta mess. That's why sometimes you just have to change your name, or fake your death. These people are crazy.
Captor
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"I have done extensive genealogical research and found that my maternal family enslaved over 700 human beings."
Dirty Grandpa...
"My grandad had sex with everyone of my grandma's 5 sisters, over about 40 years, 3 he had long term affairs with. It all came out at my grandma's 60th birthday party when everyone had too much to drink. Fun times, trying to get between several old women, trying to prevent them from punching one another."
Parents Explain Which Things Surprised Them Most When Their Child Moved Out | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Most Wanted
"While cleaning out a relative's house after his funeral, we discovered that the family member was virtually on a first name basis with every major law enforcement department (city, state and federal) within a 100 mile radius. Among other things, he had consulted on FBI cases."
"He wore his disdain for all politicians openly. So, imagine our surprise to discover that he'd been invited to almost every Presidential inauguration within the last forty'ish years. I never had any illusions that I ever truly knew this family member. But if I had, they would've gone away after discovering all that stuff."
Boxed In
"My great grandfather would lock my uncle in one of those big metal toolboxes you sometimes see in the back of trucks for hours as a form of punishment when he was a kid. I can't even imagine how hot it must have been being locked up outside in one of those during the summer. He must have been terrified. I see now why my uncle's a drug addict with a crap ton of mental health issues. And that's not even the worst thing my great grandfather did but that's not my story to tell."
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No Memory
"Apparently when I was a kid to get me to calm down my dad took me to the bathroom and told me to shut up and quiet down or he was gonna start burning me with a lighter he had in his hand. My sister told me she saw it when she was a kid. I personally have no memory of it. I guess other stuff happened too that I'm not aware of since I was so young. Idk what to think since my dad now like a more normal guy."
He had it Coming...
"My great grandfather was a nasty, abusive man, and possibly schizophrenic. My great grandmother finally shot him dead, in self defense. Great grandma was a strong, strong woman to endure what she did. Our family didn't find out until many years had passed, because the elders just didn't talk about it. We think that there are still undiscovered skeletons on that side, too, but too much time has passed to figure out the details."
Dear Lord...
"My father had been married during WWII while he was in the Navy, before he married my mother. I was told that his wife and infant son were both killed in a car crash. I only recently found out what really happened: while he was at sea, she sent him a "Dear John" letter, asking for a divorce. It seems she had found another man. My father was distraught but did not know what else to do, so he signed the divorce papers she sent to him."
"Once the divorce was filed, the other guy decided he did not want anything to do with her. So she killed their baby and committed suicide. Oh, also she was living with my father's sister and brother-in-law back home in Indiana while he was in the Pacific."
"Wait, I have another one! A first cousin of mine, also dad's side of the family, was adopted when he was maybe 2 years old. I always knew this, so did he. What I did not know (and dk if he knew) was that he was adopted from another of my father's brothers who had repeatedly abused him. So his last name was not an adopted name, he was born with that name."
- codece
My Dad, the Hero
"My grandfather was a classic psycho/sociopath who abused and manipulated my grandmother and his children while maintaining a reputation as a highly intelligent, extremely charming gentleman. My father as the eldest son was his primary target of abuse including things like showing up at his school, drag him out of class while beating him and making him walk barefoot on asphalt all the way home in front of his car on a day where you could literally fry an egg on the surface."
"Once he was home he was forced to dig up the huge garden every day from sunrise to sunset without food or water for a whole month. My dad was 7 years old at the time. And he chased my dad all the way to the border to Afghanistan when my dad finally ran away and hitchhiked to Europe as a teen. I love my wonderful kind and softhearted father because he was able to break the cycle of violence. He has never once in my 40 years raised his hands on any of his children or been anything other than the most supportive dad you could imagine."
"Once he got his life sorted he went back to Pakistan with my mother and got his younger siblings educated, married and set them up for life. He was never able to get an education (grandfather refused to pay his fees) but 3 of his 5 siblings are successful doctors and 1 is a geologist."
"Only his elder sister never got an education, but my dad got her out of an abusive marriage and supported her in building a good life for herself. And he was the shield that protected them for as long as my lunatic grandfather was alive. So yes my grandfather was messed up and most of the stories of his horrific abuse remain untold but it made my dad the heroic backbone of a successful family, and that is the real story to tell."
Accidents
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"My parents told me about some distant relatives who were playing around with a loaded gun and one accidentally shot himself in the head."
Oh Girl...
"My heroin addicted cousin stole so much money from my grandparents that they legitimately struggled during retirement. My grandfather was a teacher so they didn't have too much to begin with. This cousin is also my godmother but I no longer want to associate with her at all. Also her husband is a white supremacist."
"the backwoods"
"My mother, who is from "the backwoods" of Maine, told me one of her cousins turned out to be a hermaphrodite. When "she" hit puberty, her voice changed and she grew facial hair but no breasts. She was taken to a doctor where they figured out she had internal testicles. I don't remember what the outcome was. This was in the early 50's."
So much tea...
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"Great uncle was a multi millionaire but also a Nazi sympathiser (straight up Nazi is probably more accurate), his brother (my grandpa) worked for the mob."
Adversaries...
"My great Grandfather was a pilot in the Luftwaffe in WWII and took part in the bombing of England. The funny part is my other Great Grandfather flew for the RAF at the same time so there is a good chance that they had tried to shoot each other down at some point in time. They met later in life when they both moved to Australia, apparently they had one conversation about it and agreed to never talk about it ever again, and apparently became really good friends before they died."
Lord DNA can be messy. And now I want to know even less of my family's past. I'm going to cancel my Ancestry DNA package. Let's be strangers.
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The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
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"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
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"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
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"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
