It's a new year, ladies and gentlemen! And you know what that means: It's time for some tales of drunken debauchery. Yours truly happened to spend the night in an English pub smack dab in the middle of London's East End, so you can only imagine what I had the pleasure of seeing (and trust me when I say it was a blast).
But some people take it too far, becoming drunk to the point of either passing out or losing entire blocks of time. That's never fun, as we were so clearly reminded once Redditor Grump_Monk asked the online community "What is something you did while black out drunk that you still to this day cannot believe you did?"
"Apparently..."
Apparently i drank a red Gatorade from the fridge and later threw up in the bathtub and my roommates thought I was throwing up blood. Of course no one called 911 lol instead they decided to wait till the morning and ask "bro was that blood?"
"For some reason..."
For some reason, my friend wanted to show that he could do a lot of squats. We both pulled our pants down next to his fire pit ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and did a lot of squats.
I didn't remember this, so I woke up terrified by how sore I was from bowling before the drinking started.
I honestly spent all week having a crisis about "This is it. I'm getting old and my body can't handle physical activity." Then my friend told me his gf kept teasing him about us doing squats with our pants around our ankles, and I freaked out like "Aaahhh yes! I'm not getting old yet! I can still do things!"
"I once..."
I once crapped on a cop car, there was dashcam footage released looking for any info on who it might be and I recognized my hat and sweatshirt.
"A guy said..."
Giphyallegedly i was saying something and spat while i was talking. A guy said "aye bro you just spit on me" and instead of apologizing like i would any other time i said "i spit on all my b!tches". Then the fight started.
"Girlfriend at the time..."
Threw up on a band in Nashville during a live show.
Girlfriend at the time needed to find an ATM so I drunkenly followed her. When she found one, I sat on the concrete against a metal railing. I knew I was going to be sick so I stuck my head through the railing and vomited my heart out.
What I didn't realize was that it was actually about a 15 foot drop between me and the concrete. Where a band was playing...with an entire audience watching.
"I still can't..."
Punched my friend right in the face. Apparently I said I would, then he said "you won't" so I did.
I still can't believe it.
"I got on a stranger's..."
i got on a stranger's parked motorcycle and pretended like i was riding it. then the owner came up and asked me if i wanted to go for a ride. so we went for a ride around the city. it was fun but could have ended very differently.
"Told my then gf..."
Told my then gf (now wife) at her own birthday party at volume in front of a few other friends that we were leaving because "I wanna bang". This is way out of character. I'm a real introvert and quiet.
Then when she got me home I threw up all over our bed.
Woke up in bed with a towel under me and a blanket on top with no idea what had happened but I knew it must be bad.
Weirdly she forgave me really quickly.
"I ridiculously drunk..."
One of the guys in my group of friends was dating a girl. They had been together awhile, and the rest of us weren't crazy about her. Maybe because we were all young (early 20s) and he was the first one of us with a serious relationship and so we didn't see him as often.
I got ridiculously drunk at a party, and ended up declaring my love for some girl I had just met, then passing out in the bathroom on the floor with the dogs. I was found at some point, and people were amused at my expense. My friend's girlfriend, rather than mocking me, helped me out. She took me upstairs, gave me some water, and put me to bed. Before passing out again I said something along the lines of "you're really awesome, I don't know why everyone says you're a b!tch."
We didn't see our friend much for awhile. Eventually things smoothed over. They got married and I was invited, so no permanent damage done. Still, I couldn't believe I said something so stupid. I've also never gotten that drunk again.
"I was 18..."
I was 18 and living with some friends on a farm house in the country, as one of the few people in my social group living alone, we tended to throw some solid parties. I woke up one Sunday morning and my shoulders, back, and hands were killing me. I had a few serious blisters on my hands and had no clue where they had come from. I went downstairs, and there had to be 15 or so people passed out all over the living room, dining room, and kitchen. I woke up a friend of mine and asked him why everyone was still here.
He groggily tells me that I wouldn't let anyone drive home drunk, so I had chopped down a tree, and it had fallen across the long driveway to the road. I walked about 50 yards down the driveway, and sure enough, I had chopped down a tree somewhere around 1 or 2 am, and it fell straight across the drive, blocking anyone from going home. I had to walk a few miles down the road to our nearest neighbor and ask him very nicely if he would be willing to bring his tractor over to our place and pull a tree out of the driveway. An hour an a half later, my friends all left in a conga line of cars 10 deep.
Homeowner’s Associations may seem like a good idea to neighborhoods looking to foster a sense of community. But as these stories prove, too often HOAs are absolute nightmares run by total Karens and causing havoc wherever they are. Here are the worst HOA horrors that Reddit has to offer.
1. Tensions Running High
white and brown concrete building near swimming pool during daytimePhoto by Paul Szewczyk on UnsplashMy condo association wanted to renovate the pool and pitched the cost they were moving forward with. There were a lot of developers in the building and they noticed that it was about four times the cost it should have been. Association says tough cookies. Then things get fun.
People writing notices of what's going on with the association, the association writing emails about it, lots of sniping back and forth. Then one day I'm in the lobby waiting for someone to show up, and the head of the association and one of the people calling them out ran into each other.
They had to immediately get separated by security because they were about to start throwing punches.
2. We’re Always Watching
white and black camera on tripodPhoto by Michał Jakubowski on UnsplashI swear to God, my HOA has a camera pointed directly at my house and hired somebody to watch it 24/7. The plumber came in to change my toilet and put the old one on the sidewalk next to his plumbing van while he was working for about 30 minutes. I got a letter from the HOA a week later that said "Owner will remove toilet from front yard".
How dense do you have to be to not see what was going on there? Oh darn, my toilet garden idea isn't allowed? Freaking muppets.
Although these omnipresent jerks have "neighborhood watch" signs posted all over, nobody was watching when my motorcycle was stolen from my driveway the one time I didn't pull it up onto my patio. So, for my next motorcycle, I was sure to pull it onto my patio (behind a gate and out of sight) every time I rode.
It was only visible from the street for about 15 seconds while I unlocked the gate and came back out to push the bike. Got a letter that said, "Owner will remove motorcycle from patio". SCREW YOU.
3. The Power Behind The Throne
white puppy rolling on green grassPhoto by Daniël Maas on UnsplashWe've only been part of an HOA for the last few months, and it's already living up to every stereotype I ever had in my head.
They held our once-annual meeting with very little notice, and like six people showed up. They elected a new "association" and immediately decided to spend $700 on dog poop receptacles, even though like four people have dogs, and the whole neighborhood is one street. This sparked an incredible amount of drama.
One guy on the HOA decided he was going to get super defensive when people started questioning this decision, and it quickly devolved into him just taunting people on Facebook because he was on the board and they weren't, and if they didn't like his authority, they should change the by-laws. Then someone left a bunch of dog poop in his driveway. Then he resigned from the HOA. No word on the dog poop receptacles.
This has all happened in the past three days.
4. It’s The Little Things
a view of a city from the water at sunsetPhoto by Rihards Sergis on UnsplashI lived in a high-rise in Chicago that had an HOA full of old people with too much money.
Fortunately, I was only renting, but I was curious to learn about the HOA and they were gracious enough to let me sit in.
The condo had just built a brand-new outdoor patio for grilling, etc. The powers-that-be didn't like the shade of red of the cobblestone brick that they laid for the area, so they allocated $1 million to redo the entire area with new brick.
There were a few attendees who were young professionals who protested, but they were heavily outvoted by the contingent of wealthy old people who felt this was a justifiable use of funds.
Outrageous.
5. Who Needs Community?
a faucet running water from a kitchen sinkPhoto by Imani on UnsplashMy mom was the president of the HOA for her backwoods little neighborhood. Maybe 30 people lived there, and everyone used one well. The well had a problem once so no one had water. It was 800 dollars for a temporary fix or 2,000 for a permanent fix... My mom had a meeting where out of the 30 people, five showed up.
No big deal, those five people funded the 800 dollars to get it fixed since they’ve been without water for almost a week. No one would split the cost and dues were so low it didn’t cover them so those five people paid for everyone’s well.
Well in preparation for the actual fix she tried to raise money but only got halfway there when it broke again. My mom went door to door asking for everyone’s share before they’d fix it. It was like 50 dollars. It was another week without water. No one would pay for the well they all used.
Finally around half of the neighborhood raised the money to fix it. Later they all had a huge BBQ at my parents’ house but the people who didn’t pay weren’t invited
6. Power-Tripping Like No Other
a man in a black hoodie looking at the cameraPhoto by Sander Sammy on UnsplashWe have the HOA president from the Third Reich. This man is on such a power trip you'd think he was running a massive operation with the lives of a million peasants at his disposal. He protects even the most trivial information as if it were top secret intelligence and dispenses his own brand of justice with no regard for the actual rules. And he's a liar.
At the last general HOA meeting, we sat for 40 solid minutes while he regaled us with his vague “true” stories about his years as a special forces officer. According to him, he's been shot (twice), held for ransom in an "undisclosed foreign location," and awarded "top secret" “honors" that he "isn't allowed to talk about". (??) Here's the thing, though.
He's maybe 5' 5", weighs at least 350 lbs, didn't know how to break down the gym weightlifting equipment. He also made a complete idiot of himself by saluting a neighbor who came to the meeting late still wearing his BDUs. The neighbor, who works at the nearby base, laughed out loud and said, "Dude. I'm an E4".
Guess who then got written up for leaving his garbage cans out?
7. Power Loves A Vacuum
top-view photography of houses at daytimePhoto by Tom Rumble on UnsplashOh boy do I have a good one. Not me but my best friend. My best friend, Sam, grew up in Suburban Arizona. His family owned their home and rarely had problems with their HOA other than it being generally power-tripping. It all started with some cardboard boxes.
Sam and his sister, at the ripe age of around six or seven, wanted to make a fort in their front yard. Their dad, being the great guy he was, helped them build a cardboard box fort for them to play in. Being kids, they played in the fort for a couple hours and proceeded to get distracted elsewhere.
Not a day later, they received posted notices on the door and phone calls informing them they need to clean the "unsightly" garbage out of their yard or be faced with fines. It wasn't a huge deal, but left the family a bit jaded towards the HOA. Fast forward a handful of years later, Sam's dad decides he wants to paint the house.
Now if you don't know, most HOAs have strict rules on the color and send templates for you to pick off of. He said the templates ranged from tan to slightly different tan. Sam's dad finds a color he likes that's more of a greenish tan and sends it, paints the whole house. The HOA proceeds to have a meltdown.
All because they painted their house outside of the allowed color spectrum. Sam's dad says no freaking way, it's basically the same color and I'm not repainting my entire house. So the HOA hires a contractor to come down with a paint color tester and posts notices on their door with a detailed analysis of how his color is “yucca tan” and doesn't fit the spectrum and if they don't repaint by the end of the month they will be fined.
Instead of folding, Sam's mom finds out when the next meeting is and discovers that no one votes, that the same dude has been president of the HOA for way too long, and that there is some shady stuff going on in terms of contracting.
So she walks around the neighborhood the next few weeks "campaigning" and runs for president. She wins by a landslide. Largest turnout for an HOA meeting since its inception. Apparently, everyone was also sick and tired but just bent over.
So Sam's mom is elected president and discovers that the previous regime was doing the "ole hookup my son-in-law" by contracting his company and paying him stupid amounts of money to water the sand wash stuff. She quickly ends all that.
But rather than change any rules other than a few stupid ones, the mom just decided to refuse to enforce any of them. Sam's mom goes years as president. Recently she decided, screw it, and didn't show up to the election and someone else got elected. Now the new guy is trying to enforce the old rules, but everyone is so used to the freedom, there is a huge conflict going on.
8. Idiots Of The Year
brown wooden fence with white flowersPhoto by Daniel Janzen on UnsplashWe got a letter in the mail: "Please remove the items from the front yard on the right side of your house". Which is confusing because there is nothing on the right side of my house. It's my blank side of the fence between me and my neighbors. So lawn, wall, fence. Those are the contents of the right side of my house.
I call and leave a message asking for clarification, no reply. I email, no reply. I get another mailed warning. Call, nothing, email photos of the side of my house, nothing. Then I get a fine.
By this point I do a little investigating—and it all becomes clear. I see the same address, similar street name behind me has stuff on the right side of their house.
I take copies of my emails and print out my phone records, plus copies of their letters, and put it all together in a fax and a certified letter to them along with photos of my house and an explanation that the lazy moron who didn't know the street names clearly made a mistake and that they were lazy morons who couldn't answer the phones or emails.
I told them any additional communications would involve a lawyer for harassment, and that I would be taking this information to an HOA meeting. Never heard from them again. Didn't even get a reply. The sale of that house was free and clear, though, so they clearly fixed it.
I just don't understand the point of being that terrible.
9. A Game Of Chicken
aerial view of green grass field near lake and mountain during daytimePhoto by Matthew Ball on UnsplashNot an official HOA, but the management at my trailer park were very upset with me. Why? I was simply exploiting a loophole. We are technically only allowed two pets per household, and I had eight chickens. I was able to get away with this for so long (three-four years), that I thought no one would ever notice. But if they did, I had a plan.
Reading the lease rules, I came to the conclusion that my chickens were technically "livestock," and being that there was no rule listed against livestock on the property, I went ahead and got them anyway.
Fast forward to about eight months ago, and my manager discovered my coop. She had a very heated argument with me, but I kept my cool and explained to her that I was not breaking any rules. She left after about a half hour of shouting and general unruliness.
Around a week later, at around 10:00 pm, I hear my chickens panicking (being louder than usual). I assume that an animal is trying to get into the coop, as we have a stray/feral cat problem and it has happened before, so I retrieve my gun and go out the back door and around the back of the house.
And what do I find? None other than my manager, as well as the park's landscaping guy, trying to pry the roof off of my coop and stuff my chickens into waiting animal carriers. I rack my piece, getting their attention, and watch them promptly run out the front gate.
Nightmarish behavior on her part, but I waited a week to see if anything else would happen, and when nothing did, I decided to let it go. She learned her lesson, and so did I: Don't leave your chickens in plain sight!
10. Slow Your Roll
a close up of an abstract painting with colorsPhoto by Daniel Olah on UnsplashI rented a house in an HOA. It wasn’t too bad, just normal stuff, but every now and then some board members would tool around and hand out fines for dirty driveways and such. I wouldn’t have cared if the President and a board member didn’t live on the same street as me, and their driveways were in massive disrepair.
The board member’s son did some work on his truck and there was a massive oil spill, partly covered with a red towel, that sat there for eight months...while a few “rust-colored” streaks on our concrete was worthy of a fine.
The funniest was when the HOA decided to install very aggressive speed bumps. The ones that were there previously were fine, graded to not be too jarring but required you to slow down. The only accident that occurred while we were there was when the spouse of an HOA board member was driving after drinking. They plowed into a tree.
Still, there were always notices and mailings for people to slow down as “this is not a racetrack”. I guess they felt adding in a couple of literal asphalt “curbs” in the middle of the street would “show people” who dared to drive over 10 mph on the main road.
The only way over these things without feeling like you were going to break something on your car was to ease up the first side. Come to a complete stop. Then slowly ease down the drop. Once for the front wheels, another for the rear. Some people had just taken to driving on the grass around them, so they put up concrete barriers there.
After a few weeks, one of our neighbors, Jimmy, decided to pour diesel fuel on the speed bumps the day before the garbage trucks did their rounds. The speed bumps got completely destroyed. But it wasn’t over yet. The HOA reinstalled the bumps, and somehow made them even more aggressive...and a week later, Jimmy struck again.
They yanked them out again, and just paved over the holes. It was beautiful.
They did end up installing speed bumps a few months later, but they went with the stock plastic ones that bolt to the street. Which was much more preferable to the man-made Cliffs of Dover that were there previously.
11. Gaming The System
white and brown concrete buildingPhoto by Tessa Wilson on UnsplashI live in an upscale beach neighborhood. The HOA repeatedly refused my solar panel application, citing that their location was an eye sore, even though it was at the back of the house and wasn’t visible from the street.
They fought me at four different meetings and delayed my installation. But they didn’t know who they were dealing with. I ultimately cited the state law that they couldn’t do it. They immediately backed down and amended their covenants. By the way, a clothesline is a "solar collection device" and they cannot deny you use of that either, so if you want to play dirty—hang a bunch of beach towels in your yard!
12. That’s Not How Physics Works
green trees on green grass fieldPhoto by Dan Tuykavin on UnsplashI lived in a neighborhood with a park in the center, located directly behind my back fence. The entire neighborhood was managed by the same HOA company, but the neighborhood was officially set up as two different HOA communities. Even though it was on the other side of my fence, the park was designated as part of the community I was not in.
On multiple occasions, the irrigation system in the park broke and completely flooded my backyard. Three or four times over a span of a few months, I woke up to literally a foot and a half of water. Over time, my brick fire pit literally sank into the ground an entire layer of brick.
Water came into my kitchen on two occasions, and every time my home's foundation looked weaker and weaker after clean-up. I called to complain to the HOA each time. The flooding almost always happened on a weekend, and it wouldn't be until Monday that they came out, leaving my home flooded for a minimum of two days each time.
After the third or fourth complaint, I finally reported them to the BBB and the Water Authority, and I sent a video to the local news. The next business day, the head of the HOA company called me, furious. Despite all the pictures and videos I'd sent, she said she was convinced I was making it all up. When I pressed her why she thought that, she specifically said it was because "The park can't be flooding your house. It's not even part of the same HOA community you live in’!
13. Here For A Bad Time, Not A Long Time
aerial photography of trees on hillPhoto by Abby Thompson on UnsplashA friend of mine lives year around in a luxury condo with a view of a popular ski slope. His buddy a few doors down is the HOA president. Just the two of them for the majority of the year. Nice and calm. Then when ski season starts, hold on to your hat. The east coast millionaires don't shut the heck up with their complaints when they live there for three weeks.
14. Coming Out Of The Woodwork
a porch with two chairs and a table on itPhoto by Francesca Tosolini on UnsplashMy parents modified the front porch so it was now different from the other houses on the block. Once it was done, a middle-aged lady comes out of nowhere--I had never seen her before, nor had she ever talked to us before—to kindly warn us that we had just lost the right to vote on HOA or something like that since we did an "unauthorized modification".
We replied with the equivalent of "K, thanks". And, once again, we haven't seen her ever since. It's like she crawled out of her lair to inform us that we lost a right we didn't even use, as if it were a huuuge major offense. Screw that.
15. Highway Robbery
well-lit house at nightPhoto by Juliana Malta on UnsplashThe HOA sued me for thousands of dollars in late fees. But that wasn’t the worst part. It came through on the day after Christmas. I was told my dues date was the 15th when I bought the house. I paid on the 13th for a year or more. Except it was actually the 1st of the month. Turns out the idiot admin at the management company input my previous address, an apartment, when setting up my account, so I never saw a late notice.
When I explained the situation, they said "No exceptions". I couldn't afford a lawyer to fight it.
16. There Goes The Neighborhood
white and black satellite dish lotPhoto by Pawel Czerwinski on UnsplashI was moving to a different city and crashed at my dad's townhouse for a few months to save money for the move. One day, a guy showed up to install a satellite dish that my dad ordered.
My dad isn't the type of guy to pay very close attention to HOA rules, and apparently missed a brand new (and HIGHLY contentious) rule that satellite dishes were "eyesores" and no longer allowed.
So just as the installer guy is getting up to the roof, this couple (head of the HOA) comes SPRINTING from their townhouse across the street to shut it down, screaming all the way. I had absolutely no issue with not getting a satellite dish, it wasn't even my house, but these two HOA thugs were absolutely awful.
The wife was just hurling insults at the installer guy and I, and the husband immediately started climbing the ladder up onto the roof to "kick the heck” out of the installer guy. None of this was provoked at all, it just went from 0-100mph in no time flat and this couple was out of control.
Well, the installer guy eventually had enough of having insults hurled at him and came down the ladder and started a full-on brawl with the husband in my dad's driveway.
The wife was screaming at the top of her lungs at me, a couch-surfer whose only contribution to this whole fiasco was to answer a door and let a guy on the roof. I still vividly remember being absolutely dumbfounded watching these two grown men beat the heck out of each other while I tried to communicate to my dad on the phone over the shrill sounds of some strange woman absolutely berating me for "ruining the neighborhood".
17. Can’t See The Forest For The Trees
black mercedes benz g 63Photo by Jake Fagan on UnsplashI was told to have 10-year-old trees removed. Which is bad enough—but their reasoning was outrageous. It was because in the winter they turn brownish and lose their leaves. We also got a notice asking how long we'd have a Toyota Tundra truck in our driveway over Christmas. It was my cousin, and he stayed with us two nights.
18. Not On My Lawn
shallow focus photo of toddler walking near riverPhoto by Daiga Ellaby on UnsplashAt my school they closed off a fence letting kids go out one way, to walk home. Because of this my walk home was extended like five minutes, but it was still annoying. However, one old dude named Frank let me walk through his yard to dramatically speed up the time of my walk home…until the HOA said I couldn’t do it anymore. I’m still a bit bitter.
19. Get Your Hands Dirty
two men playing chessPhoto by Vlad Sargu on UnsplashMy dad lives in one of those weird Over-50 communities, and he was a member of their equivalent to an HOA. One day, he was asked what mulch to get for his house and the rest of the properties. He thought it was a nothing decision, so he picked one.
His email was flooded with complaints about how the mulch was Too Dark. Flooded, legit angry hate mail. They actually did go buy new mulch, it was crazy.
20. Money For Nothing
person grilling meat outdoorsPhoto by Aral Tasher on UnsplashThe HOA charged me $500 for leaving a glass cup on the BBQ. Darn, I was so angry. My blood boils just thinking about it. I pay $617 monthly to these people. Screw them.
21. Time’s A Ticking
yellow coupe on parking lot at daytimePhoto by Raban Haaijk on UnsplashMy at-the-time girlfriend (now wife) rented a townhouse with friends in a community that had an HOA. There was parking reserved for guests of the tenants. Ironically, parking was always an issue for my wife and her roommates but always simple for me. I just popped on the visitor's pass and was good to go in that lot.
I spent the night probably once or twice a week, and one day I awoke to find my car missing. After some ace detective work, I found out that my 10-year-old (at the time) 5-speed manual transition Honda had not been stolen, but just towed When I reached out to the HOA, their response left me dumbfounded.
They told me that there was a provision in the by-laws that said a car could only be parked in a visitor's spot for a maximum of 72 hours and that a board member submitted my car to a list of cars to be towed due to “misusing” a visitor's pass.
They argued the language in the by-laws was such that the total amount of time that a car may be parked in the visitor's lot was 72 hours, non-consecutively. So if you park there once a week for 10 hours each week, on the 8th week we are “misusing” the policy.
This in opposition to the clear purpose of the provision, which is to prevent people from storing their cars in the lot. They summarily denied my request at the next HOA meeting to recover the $150 towing fee. Long story short, I sued them in small claims court and got back the towing fee plus court costs. Plus, they engaged a lawyer, so I feel good about wasting some of their retainer as well.
22. Don’t Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out
closed brown full-lite doorPhoto by Tim Mossholder on UnsplashMy mom's been going through a lot of stupid HOA stuff recently. Two and a half years ago she needed a new storm door and contacted the HOA to get the proper paperwork for the request. Seven attempts and three weeks later, after getting zero reply from the HOA, she decided to just go through with it by contacting the contractor the HOA uses and having them install one of their standard doors.
She needed the door changed because the one in place was broken, and didn't want to risk having to endure them installing in late fall/winter. This past November, the HOA contacted her saying her door wasn’t up to their standards and that she was required to change it before January. She contacted a lawyer over it, and—long story short—she has to change the door.
I told her that the HOA can go screw themselves because she tried to do it their way and they never responded. On top of that, who didn't notice the door in TWO YEARS’ TIME? It's obvious it's not the same as the doors on the other condos, from as far back as you can see her unit.
The real story here is that the guy in charge of the HOA is a power-tripping jerk who enforces the by-laws whenever he feels like it. Complete "big fish in a little pond" scenario, but he's really a small fish in the smallest pond. Pushing around a 65-year-old retiree over a $300 door (which for some reason they told her was nearly $4,000?) is bush league.
23. We All Go Down Together
man standing infront of miter sawPhoto by Annie Gray on UnsplashMy husband and I were looking for condos forever but no place had a garage space (we live near downtown), which is our #1 item on our list of needs. One pops up that is everything we could have asked for, it was just a little over what we wanted to spend but it was PERFECT.
We ask the realtor to look into why it was suspiciously affordable, considering the neighborhood, size, condition, etc. The answer shocked us.
Turns out, the building was doing some exterior renovations and it was going to be costing each unit, out of pocket, $60,000. Holy. Balls. In the month after we had viewed that condo, seven more units from that building went up for sale because everyone was trying to jump ship.
24. Up A Tree
pink flowersPhoto by AJ on UnsplashThere was an all-out war between two of my neighbors. You see, we had regulations as to what kind of trees you could have. Someone had planted these beautiful cherry blossom trees and lovingly cultivated them from saplings, but got told repeatedly that they were against HOA policy.
The homeowner told the president to go screw himself—this is not an exaggeration; according to what I heard, the guy literally said "go screw yourself,” and left. But the HOA president got a vicious revenge. He snuck over to the guy's house and cut down the trees at night. And that was just the start.
The homeowner, rather than filing a suit, decided to do the same thing. He went to the HOA president's house and cut down his trees. Again, rather than calling the authorities, the HOA president decided to start hacking up the guy’s bushes in the middle of the day.
We moved before this somehow concluded itself, but man, upper-middle-class, middle-aged white people are weird.
25. Park And Fly Off The Handle
green football field under blue sky during daytimePhoto by Steve DiMatteo on UnsplashI live near a college stadium and on game days, we charge $20 per car to park on our land. We can fit 70 cars. This is generally a family affair with all of us acting in some capacity i.e. money taker, flagger, etc. There is also a local elementary school in the neighborhood that charges the same to park cars as well.
The former community association president went rogue and saw fit to kick my 92-year-old grandfather’s "Parking" sign and threaten him. When the other family members saw the commotion and rushed to grandfather’s aid, the man jumped in his wife's waiting SUV and tore off.
He then posted a rant on FB on the community page about how we're stealing from school children, endangering the community with our uninsured (it’s insured) endeavor, and creating traffic jams.
26. Ganging Up
man hugging woman while taking photo of each otherPhoto by JD Mason on UnsplashI sat in on an HOA meeting once because I was the sort of weird teenager who had nothing better to do, and I listened in on a meeting that (in part) planned on “encouraging” an interracial couple to move out.
For the curious: they didn't burn any crosses or anything, though one guy suggested it and didn't get immediately shouted down. Mostly it manifested as passive aggression because they were too chicken to do anything else. The interracial couple continues to live happily in the neighborhood.
27. Better Late Than Never?
person writing on brown wooden table near white ceramic mugPhoto by Unseen Studio on UnsplashLike two days before I bought a condo, I was told that I would be blocked from moving in unless I paid the first month's HOA dues. So the morning of the closing, I went to the management company's office and dropped off a check. I moved in without issue and then continued to pay my dues on time each month. Like four years later, I got an invoice for $800+. The truth of the story was mind-boggling.
Apparently, they never cashed that first check. So when I paid the next month, they credited it toward my first month and assessed a late fee. This continued for four years where every month's check was credited to the previous month. I got in a huge argument with the accounting office and they wouldn't budge on the $800+ in "late fees". I was irate.
28. One For You, One For Me
person stepping on body of waterPhoto by June Admiraal on UnsplashI live in an end-unit townhouse. The common area grass next to it was all withered and the area would be a muddy mess every time it rained.
The HOA accidentally sent me an internal email after their inspection saying that it was really a mess and they needed to do something.
I asked when they would (do something) and got they have nothing in the budget. I went to meetings to get something completed and nothing happened. They would never get budget approval.
A couple years later, the head of the HOA had an open house to sell his place. So I went in and purposely used and then clogged his hall bathroom.
29. Way To Make Me Feel Welcome
black truck on road during daytimePhoto by Jonathan Cooper on UnsplashThe HOA had my car towed and impounded after I didn't move it for three days because I was out of town, but they ignored a body (drive-by-shooting) on the front lawn area for a full 12 hours. The corpse was on the lawn for 12 hours BEFORE they investigated and called the authorities.
Weird because they literally called the authorities on me once for using the swimming pool with my then-boyfriend, thinking we hopped the fence even though I had a pool key and my driver’s license had my address on it. It got more outrageous. They also called the authorities on him because he was driving slowly through the community because all the houses look exactly the same and there are no visible address numbers and he couldn't remember where I lived.
And again when an old woman reversed into his car and was too scared to get out of her car. He wasn't even mad, just concerned that she was hurt. He's not white, if you haven't guessed.
30. Ulterior Motives Galore
man in purple suit jacket using laptop computerPhoto by Towfiqu barbhuiya on UnsplashOur house almost went into foreclosure. When we bought it they decided they suddenly wanted more than we had agreed on/could pay but told us we couldn't back out or they'd sue us for even more, and every lawyer we called said going after the company we were buying from would be "career suicide”.
Anyways, after 12 years of this, the bank was at our door. So we were in court, going through a bunch of stuff with a bad judge and bad bank, when our HOA suddenly started mailing our monthly letters to our bank. They went as far as to tell the bank our house was "disheveled" because we have a basketball hoop.
However, the house had long been put back in our name at this point, not the bank’s. Then they suddenly send a letter saying the HOA hired a SECOND lawyer just to keep tabs on our "situation", and that we were required to send them copies of all of our paperwork and PAY for the second lawyer fees.
Long story short, we found out the HOA president (our next-door neighbor) was trying to get us kicked out so he could buy our house cheap for his stepson, whose daughter lives with them because he lost all custody and the mother is gone. Screw you, Walt.
31. An Old Insult
person in white long sleeve shirt and black pantsPhoto by Nina Hill on UnsplashThe city I grew up in was briefly on national news because the HOA was trying to force an elderly couple to give their only grandchild up for adoption after her parents perished in a traffic accident. The little girl had no other living family and had watched her parents get in the crash, but the HOA wanted her gone because it was a "retirement community" and told the couple to give her up or be homeless.
32. Snitches Get...Discounts?
a woman holds her hands over her facePhoto by Anthony Tran on UnsplashMy mom's HOA had a $249-a-month fee, but would give discounts to people who volunteered to walk around and mark violations of the restrictive covenants and other policies. Not only was the HOA trying to get away with outsourcing one of the few tasks they are paid to do, it went as badly as you would expect due to the perverse incentive to report your neighbors for minor stuff.
It took almost half a year to undo because it is impossible to get a hold of anyone who actually has the authority to make decisions. Her HOA was part of a larger management company hundreds of miles away. All of the front-facing community managers are low-level workers, so screaming at them was just rude and accomplished nothing. The Board were all other residents, so they were paper tigers at most. And her state doesn't regulate HOAs, only condo associations.
33. Not All Heroes Wear Capes
person writing bucket list on bookPhoto by Glenn Carstens-Peters on UnsplashThis was after I bought my first place. I only learned the truth a couple weeks in. Apparently, our HOA was suspended by the state for failing to file taxes for years. The seller had knowledge of this and never said a word.
Right before the sale, the HOA switched management companies, which caused their existing bank account to be closed so funds could be transferred to a new account with the new management. However, given the lack of state recognition, the new management couldn't open the new account. It was like trying to open a personal bank account without any form of ID.
So all of our funds were stuck in the form of a check, with nowhere to deposit. This led to a disaster. It meant there was no place for HOA members to send their monthly dues. It also meant there was no account to pay bills from.
The board spent months flailing around and holding meetings with no actionable outcomes. The old management company, whose negligence got us here in the first place, refused to respond to any form of contact with us. The new management company agreed to do all the paperwork to resolve the problem, but, after I investigated, I found they hadn't lifted a finger.
And then the late notices for bills started to roll in. Culminating in a notice posted on our building, giving us a matter of days before the water would be shut off and the building condemned.
I had had enough of this. So I did a ton of research—and came up with a plan. This occupied nearly all of my free time at home and on lunch breaks at work. I hired a lawyer to create a trust for us, so I could accept checks and pay bills with the trust. With cash flowing again, we were able to pay off the utility bills and late fees.
I convinced the board to fire the new management. They weren't doing a thing for us while still sending a monthly bill they knew we had no way to pay. After an antagonistic call from the CEO of the management company, I drafted the termination letter and the board sent it.
I then dug into the state corporate and tax law. I learned how to do a corporate revival (HOAs are technically corporations here). I needed the missing tax records for the state tax board and then to file for reinstatement with the state. The tax board process, by policy, takes three months to send a response with their decision. And the state can take up to three months after that.
We had our lawyer send a letter to our unresponsive old management, requesting all financial documents. They promptly responded with some of the worst-kept records I could have imagined and which looked like they originated from a Word document. But it had just enough information for me to complete the missing years of tax documents.
So we sent off the tax documents and began the long wait for the tax board decision to put us in good standing again. In the meantime, I rounded up recommendations for new management companies. The board narrowed it down to three and we interviewed them at our annual meeting.
After three months and no word from the tax board, I began calling them on a daily basis. Most times, nobody had an answer for us as to the status of our request. Soon, I had the blood-boiling answer. No one there had even looked at our paperwork yet.
Luckily my last call was to the one and only sympathetic soul there, who listened to my story and promised to expedite our paperwork. A week later, we were back in good standing with the tax board. Then I filed the paperwork for the corporate revival. After about a month and a couple phone calls, our HOA was officially recognized by the state again.
We hired our new-new management, they promptly opened an account and transferred the funds from the trust, and things have finally been getting back to some semblance of normalcy. And I was immediately elected HOA treasurer.
34. A Bad Relationship
brown wooden log on green grass field during daytimePhoto by Fabrício Severo on UnsplashMy family has been part of an HOA for maybe five or six years now, and they SUCK. We had to cut down a tree when we first moved in because its roots were cutting into the sewage pipes and backing up all our drains. To do that, we had to get approved to cut it down and that took a few weeks. So we couldn't take a shower or flush a toilet for like two weeks.
They also keep telling us to power wash our driveway, so we did once. We haven't done it again, but they think we did??? They also keep raising the fees and giving no reason for it. I would expect that if they were adding things into the neighborhood or fixing something, but they just took out a few fountains from the lakes and they don't keep outside lights on anymore so they should be saving money.
Also you can only paint your house certain colors and I don't think you can use sidewalk chalk in the neighborhood either.
35. Learn Some Manners
brown wooden photo frame on white folding chairsPhoto by James Schultz on UnsplashMy dad was telling me a story about their HOA this week. A homeowner in their neighborhood passed and hadn't yet paid their HOA dues for the month. Their actions were appalling. AT THE MEMORIAL SERVICE, the HOA president approached the mourning family and asked what their plans were for paying the back dues, and for paying any dues until the house was sold. Simply amazing.
36. Not Mending Fences
adult yellow Labrador retrieverPhoto by Noémi Macavei-Katócz on UnsplashThis happened to a co-worker of mine. They got a lab puppy, and the puppy grew into a pretty big dog. They wanted to be able to let him outside and not have to worry, so they put up a dog run. The HOA threw a fit. You couldn't see the thing from the street at all but somehow it was a problem.
So they took it down and hired a fencing company to put up a six-foot privacy fence. Problem solved, right? Dog can run around in the yard with little supervision and no one has to see it. They paid a couple of grand to have a professional fencing company put the fence up. It looked nice and was well done.
The HOA came along a week later while they were at work and tore the fence down. Then they presented them with a bill for the work to tear the fence down.
37. Ruining It For Everyone Else
man playing golfPhoto by Lo Sarno on UnsplashMy dad lived on a golf course in St Augustine, Florida that had a very relaxed, hands-off HOA. Unless someone filed a complaint. Then they had to act.
Some retired jerk walked the neighborhood daily and reported anything he didn't like, and the HOA had to sort through his complaints to address those that were actually against a rule. Most of his whining was just something he didn't like and thought ought to be different.
My dad had a small boat on a small trailer—like a bass boat with just enough trailer under it that it wasn't sitting on the ground—in his backyard. It belonged to a friend and we had use of it in exchange for storing it. You had to go into the yard and look over the fence to see it. But somehow, this jerk saw it and he reported it.
Then we had to comply because it WAS a rule and he WAS breaking it. But I always wanted to get revenge on that miserable old man. I wish he'd snapped a leg trying to climb the fence...But like most things when it comes to an HOA, it was an individual mistreating the system. There's always at least one...
38. The Good Neighbor
smiling womanPhoto by Ravi Patel on UnsplashNot exactly an HOA story, but a neighborhood one. There is a lady on our street who likes to look out for the other neighbors, knows everyone's name, introduces the new neighbors to the old ones. If she sees a bucket or something on my lawn, she will tidy up. I have seen her removing weeds from someone's driveway.
She wants to deter misdeeds by keeping things looking nice. So someone came to her door, the "I need money for a tow" scam. The guy came to her door and said "My car broke down, I need money for a tow, I live just down the street." What she did was say, "Which house number?" He rattled off a couple of house numbers, she said, "Nope, that's the Smiths"..."Nope that's the Jones's," etc etc.
Finally, he gave up and went away. She knew everyone on the street, and she was not going to be scammed by this guy.
39. You Can’t Stay Here
black and yellow line on gray concrete pavementPhoto by Pascal Meier on UnsplashOh, I've got a good one: Our HOA decided to resurface the roads, one half at a time. All of the roads in our subdivision are fire lanes, so you typically can't park on them. People asked in the Facebook group if they could make an exception for this once and let them park in the fire lanes on the other side of the subdivision because otherwise you'd be trapped in your driveway until the asphalt dried.
They refused.
They insisted we could just park outside of our gated community. This wasn't making a lot of people happy because the neighborhood outside of our gated community is uh...pretty rough. Finally, they resurfaced the roads and people went ahead and parked outside the gate. The results were stunning. The next morning they woke up to: almost every car broken into, half of the cars spray painted, and general vandalization of cars including keying, dents, etc.
One couple brought the HOA to court over this and won. The cherry on top is that one of the HOA members had a pest control truck parked in the fire lane outside of their house for hours not one week after this incident. When she was called out on it in the FB group she lashed out at people for "stalking her" and telling everyone where she lived.
40. Incompetent Or Evil?
shallow focus photography of gray mailboxPhoto by Mikaela Wiedenhoff on UnsplashMy HOA and their management company had a scam where they would not cash any dues check you sent them, no matter when you sent it, until after it was due—so they could add late fees. I would send the checks via Certified Mail, with delivery confirmation and return receipts, received with days to spare, and they still wouldn't cash them.
Payment via their website never worked. I would call and try to pay by credit card over the phone, and they would just hang up. I handed the check to them in person...They still waited and charged a late fee. Then they refused to sign the closing paperwork when I sold my house. The delay almost cost me the sale.
I'm honestly not sure if they were scumbags or just criminally lazy. Both are infuriating.
41. One For The Little Guys
a satellite dish sitting on top of a buildingPhoto by Kevin Kandlbinder on UnsplashI helped a customer stand up to their HOA and win. I worked as a team supervisor for DirecTV at this time. Most of my duties were administrative, but if anyone on my team had an escalated call (supervisor requested) then those were my job too.
One of my agents got a call and from what he told me, the customer immediately requested a supervisor. He said that he needed someone with more authority than a front-line service rep, even though my agent could have handled this.
So I take the call and the guy is frantic and asking me for help. He'd been going rounds with his HOA over the placement of his satellite dish. As it turned out, due to various obstructions, the only way his dish could be installed and maintain a quality signal was to be pole-mounted. So it's on a pole in his side yard instead of on the roof/side of the house. Well, the HOA had deemed that a no-no and fined him. They then threatened further proceedings against him when he refused to pay. Something about going against the HOA covenant agreement or some such nonsense like that.
They had shown up this very day to further the issue and he decided to call us and see if there was anything we could do. Oh yes, there was. I knew exactly what to do. I asked if I could speak to the HOA rep that was in his home and he was more than pleased to let me handle it. After introducing myself and whatnot, I inform the HOA rep that it is against federal law to deny the homeowner the placement of their dish if that is the only place it could be installed to get a high-quality signal.
The HOA rep instantly starts trying to tell me what's what when I just rattled off "Over the Air Reception Devices Rule" of the Telecommunications Act 1996.
"What?"
"The OTARD Rule. It's a part of the act I just named that explicitly forbids the restriction of placement of a signal reception device if that is the only feasible installation option. In short, you can't make him remove it and if you force it he has options".
I couldn't literally say he can take you to court since I'm not one of the corporate lawyers, but the point was made clear enough. He just handed the phone back to my customer and left the house. The customer was so freaking excited. "You have no idea how much of a hassle this has been, fighting with them over this for months! Thank you so much!"
A victory for the little guy. Screw HOA and their power-tripping little sycophants.
42. Getting The Heck Out Of Dodge
low angle photo of buildingsPhoto by Agustin Lara on UnsplashOh, why, yes, I lived through a nightmare HOA and I will NEVER live with another HOA again. First, I bought a pricey condo in a posh area suburb for the good schools. This community of condos had many folks on fixed incomes, and it should be said that the community (at that time) was 100% white and about 65% of the residents were 60 years old or older.
There were about 60 units, total. I was 37, married with two children. The condo had three massive bedrooms, massive bathrooms, massive kitchen, vaulted ceilings, etc. I bought during a buyer’s market and I loved the condo (inside). Our condo had the upgraded Florida room (screened patio).
I asked for copies of the HOA while we were looking at the condo. I asked five more times and had to demand it be shown to me at closing. I knew this was a red flag—but I had no idea what I was getting into. The condo by-laws were 300 pages of legalese ranging from what kind of car you may park in your driveway, to how many guests you may have in your condo, to the types of blinds you have to use in your vault windows.
The first fine: We had a 25-foot vault in the great room and this weird window. It was high up and I love natural light, so I didn't want to put a shade in it. Nope. Fined. A custom shade had to be purchased and installed. It was $450 (the shade) and the fine was $50.
The second fine: The HOA did some landscaping, limited to trees, and shrubs, and mowing grass areas. We needed to mulch, plant flowers, and weed our beds. I left the hose on my enclosed porch. Fined.
The third fine: Dog poop. We have two dogs. Our dogs didn't walk at the condo as they went to daycare in the daytime and the dog park in the evenings. We had a small patch of grass, about 3X4 feet, and it was always clean because it was our grass and we are militant about picking up waste. We were fined for something unbelievable.
We were fined for someone else letting their dog poop in our yard and not picking it up. I refused to pay this fine and asked the condo to DNA test the waste. At this point, I'm ready to move. The HOA president was this old witch who retired from the post office 600 years ago and spent her life walking the properties and walking up on people's porches with measuring tapes telling them that their fence is out of square or their door is fading and needs painting, etc.
She was the nastiest human being alive. The HOA fees were 300 dollars per month and every bit of that money was used to sue people, fine people, and administrate the complaint system through a third-party manager. The condo had zero amenities, save a clubhouse that they used for a Euchre game. You had to beg that woman to use the clubhouse and she ALWAYS said no.
The last interaction: One Friday afternoon I'm standing on my porch looking at my shrubs (which have been cut to nubs) and I'm talking to my neighbor about how horrible it looks and why on earth did the HOA cut all our shrubs?
This is when the old bitty comes lumbering around the corner. At this exact moment, my sister-in-law (who was about 19) drives up and parks in a guest spot. She was driving a seven-year-old Lancer. The bitty walks right up to my sister and says "Who are you? You can't park here!" My sister says "Who are you? I can park here, this is guest parking".
I am now walking toward them. The bitty sticks her finger in my sister's face and tells her that her car is old and dirty. I then step between the two women and say "WHOA—are you out of your mind?" It was the last straw.
I put my house up for sale the next weekend. I received a ton of negative feedback on the shrubs and sent the association invoices to pay ME my condo fees back so that I could have my yard properly landscaped. They also kept charging us condo fees but stopped snow removal and banned recycling.
43. Our Way Or The Highway
brown and white concrete buildingPhoto by Derrick Brooks on UnsplashI lived in a townhome community with those "smurf hut" two-storey quad buildings. Our HOA fees included homeowners’ insurance that covered the building itself. After the hurricanes of 2004, there was a fairly decent amount of damage throughout the community. Mostly fences, some flat roofs, and some of the facia "shaker shingles" were beat up.
Everybody started filing their claims through the HOA, and they were all denied with a letter telling the owners that the HOA decided for us to use the insurance money to replace all the shaker shingles, and it was up to us to use a specific company and they would take care of it.
It actually worked out for me. My fence and flat roof was fine, the only damage I suffered was to the shaker shingles and they were pretty jacked before the hurricane. But we had a lot of owners who had recently done their shakers and were fine but needed a new fence or their flat roof was leaking.
We demanded to have a meeting with the HOA so people could Express their issues. The members simply didn't want to hear it. The HOA was the first line you had to cross to file a claim, so they could deny you from the start.
They also went around and cited every single homeowner for having missing shaker shingles. This basically forced the owners to use the insurance how the HOA demanded. The property was up for sale and basically the current property owner was using the HOW to force the individual owners to use their insurance to pretty up the property.
They told us we could hire a lawyer and sue, but nobody was willing to do it. I tried to convince the owners to band together and hire a lawyer but too many people either caved or were like me and actually needed new shakers. Unfortunately, the market crash kept us there a few more years before the market bottomed out.
We then bought a new home far away from any HOA and rented the townhouse until the market returned. So in the end it worked out for me, but I felt bad for the other owners who were forced to do what the HAO wanted.
44. Money? What Money?
rain dropping from roofPhoto by Anna Atkins on UnsplashMy roof started leaking in multiple locations throughout the house. I called the HOA because they are responsible for outside building maintenance.
HOA: Sorry can't fix it right now.
Me: Fine, I'll hire someone to fix it and bill you.
HOA: We will sue the heck out of you if you even think about touching that roof.
Me: What the heck am I even giving money for then?
Months later at HOA yearly meeting, they got a huge reckoning.
HOA: Yeah...so we've been audited and if we don't come up with a certain amount of money by next year we are probably going to be unable to do any sort of maintenance in the future
Me and other owners: You don't do any sort of maintenance to begin with.
HOA: Anyway, you can either all give us $40,000 right now or for the next two years we're going to charge you $1,600-ish more a month.
HOA: Also, don't pay attention to the 20% of the expenses in the report that the auditors put in the unknown category, we don't have any receipts for any of those expenses so we don't know where that money went. We blame the maintenance company so we're just going to fire them and start fresh with a new, cheaper one.
All Owners who aren't on the HOA Board: When are you jerks going to fix the roofs on our houses?
HOA: Someday, maybe, I mean we don't have a problem with our roofs so we don't really see what you're all whining about. Right now we really need to fix our reserve budget crisis that we totally didn't cause by misappropriating funds to make improvements to our houses.
45. It Just Takes One
orange and blue concrete painted housePhoto by Terrah Holly on UnsplashMy husband and I moved into a condo in a building that was an old townhouse where each floor was turned into a different unit, four units total. The building had low HOA fees that our naive selves thought was a good thing. Unfortunately, it meant any building maintenance required a special assessment, and this was a brick building over a 100 years old.
I acted as HOA president until I couldn’t take the groups uselessness. We got multiple bids, agreed as a building on which to go with, did the work, and passed the special assessment. The whole annoying but correct procedure. Then Ted, the neighborhood idiot, decided not to pay his part, something like $3,000.
The HOA finally got an attorney to put a lien on his unit but he kept questioning the attorney about things and racking up fees. Somehow a miracle occurs and he pays the lien and we sell from that dysfunctional building. Yay, everything was great. Except the worst was about to start.
The night before closing we hear that Ted is filing a lawsuit against the HOA. Fortunately, we were still able to close because it was all cash sale and the suit didn’t involve our property specifically. Then Ted decided to get extra spiteful and sued my husband personally. This dragged on for about eight months before the judge finally dismissed him from the suit and the HOA won with all costs awarded.
But that was the worst eight months of my adult life so far. Absolute jerk.
46. Pulling The Wool Over Their Eyes
a group of rvs are parked in a fieldPhoto by Maryna Nikolaieva on UnsplashThe HOA attempted to hold a "secret" community meeting where they'd vote on turning the large field and walking path everyone used for recreation into an RV park. It was "secret" because they basically told no one and put up the required notice in a place where no one would see. As you can probably guess, most of the board owned RVs.
Thankfully a few neighbors took notice and started knocking on doors. A crowd showed up and the proposal was starkly shot down. Dirtbags.
47. If You Want Something Done, Do It Yourself
two brown and white dogs running dirt road during daytimePhoto by Alvan Nee on UnsplashWe live in a condo and began receiving $100 fines for not picking up dog poop. We do pick up our dog poop. The area behind our building is a common area and lots of people walk their dogs around. I offered to submit DNA testing for my dogs and they ignored me and continued to send notices of fines.
I began taking my phone with me on every walk and took photos and videos of me picking up poop with timestamp evidence. I sent a folder full of photos to the HOA with photographic evidence that I was picking up after my dogs. We continued to receive fines. So I took drastic measures.
I got a small trash can and kept on my patio and began saving my bags of dog poop for two weeks. I did tie the bags but they were still obviously smelly as poop bags are very thin plastic. I then mailed a box of poop to the HOA office along with copies of timestamped photos showing I had picked it up.
I told them that I had better not ever receive another fine for dog poop because I had provided more than sufficient evidence that it wasn't us. Miraculously, the fines stopped and we haven't received any for over two years.
48. The Grass Isn’t Greener
green grass fieldPhoto by Petar Tonchev on UnsplashI would sit in my yard with my dog between 4 and 6 pm every Friday for three months. Why? Because I had a diabolical plan. See, the HOA would measure my grass every freaking Friday. My lawn guy was the best and I refused to switch. However, he could only come on Saturday.
The HOA let us choose which day we inspected. Everyone voted for Saturdays. They secretly vetoed it and came Fridays but CLAIMED it was Saturday they were coming. To prove this, I sat with my dog every Friday waiting for him. He would park, wait a while, then go to another street and measure there.
My street was the only one that didn’t receive fines for breaking the agreement. It became a party when everyone figured out what I was doing. People would cook out in the front and we would all go throw on coals and food as needed. I got reported for something or other after the three-month marker, so I brought my supercut with three months of time-stamped videos and submitted them to the HOA distribution list before I went to meet with them.
There were 40/50 people there because we had organized a day to go and air grievances. It was maybe the best time I ever spent with any HOA.
49. Petty As All Get Out
blue utility truck parked in front of buildingPhoto by Mak on UnsplashEveryone had to drag their trash bins down a hill to a curb where the garbage truck would pick it up, and people would be slow to get their bins back after pick-up. Well, the HOA went and dragged all the bins to the other side of the neighborhood and threw them in a pile in a random patch of public grass.
So we pay these people to be childishly petty and antagonize us? And their "punishment" only created more of an eyesore than bins uniformly lined up on a curb.
50. Lights Out
man carrying girlPhoto by Jonathan Borba on UnsplashMy mother-in-law was fighting stage 4 ovarian cancer a few years ago, and we had no desire to take down our Christmas lights. We were constantly visiting the hospital, and it was very touch and go. I also had a child under one year old. It was a very emotional time.
The HOA compliance officer constantly would stop at our house at all hours of the day. We had security cameras so finally after reviewing the footage we called the guard shack to see what the emergency was. What he told us made me want to scream. We were told that Christmas has been over for three weeks and we need to have our lights down before the end of the month or he would fine us $25 a day for the first week, then $50 each day after that.
We explained the situation, and the guy said well it’s not my problem, take your lights down. My wife exploded on the jerk. She then went to the next board meeting and let loose on the board and general manager. Turns out it wasn’t even an HOA policy.
The guy worked for the security company that was hired to work the main entrance guard shack, and would get a bonus if he would patrol and hand out fines for HOA violations. This jerk would just drive around and make up his own rules and fines. By the next meeting he was fired, and a new security company was hired when the contract was up in the summer.
Everything worked out in the end. Jerk fired, and my mother-in-law cancer free for over a year.
