The Chute That Shoots

Playing with the laundry chute in my childhood home when I was around 5 years old. My cousins and I took turns dropping things down the chute while someone else stood at the bottom and dodged them. For the most part it was things like washcloths, stuffed animals, a clothing item, etc.

Just so happened that when I stood under the chute, my cousin dropped a 5 lb dumbbell down and I, expecting something harmless, didn't get out of the way. That ended the game real quick. I now part my hair in a way that hides the bald spot scar on my head.

mssDMA

I Knew There Was A Reason To Skip The Gym

Carrying a toilet by myself after having painted the bathroom. Got caught up in the drop cloth and fell on the toilet smashing it and a piece of the porcelain cut into my knee. My father was there with me and immediately took me to the hospital as the bleeding was pretty decent. The doctor told me that the piece missed an artery by 1/4" and that if I had been a smaller man I'd have bled out before I made it to the hospital. Being a very large man (6'2" and 350lbs at the time) saved my life.

LochNessMansterLives

Human Melt

I nearly fell into a f*cking volcano leaning on a rope fence

Right, more context, I was 8-9 at the time, and I managed to catch myself on that same fence after I nearly keeled over it (I never let go of stuff when I fall). This was in Italy, hence the lack of safety procedures.

montyfatcat

The next year's harvest in the nearest town would've been amazing.

Glad you're still here, that's a pretty epic one.

spiderlanewales

Why Would Anybody Skateboard?? WHY, MILES?????

This was 13 years ago. I was skateboarding with some buddies at a busy shopping center. A few minutes before leaving, we were waiting at a crosswalk to cross the street. One of my friends takes off running across the crosswalk, and my other buddies follow suit. So I took off as well. I was not even paying attention to the light, but the lane crossing the crosswalk was on a green light.

My two friends in front were in the clear, but myself and one of my other friends were both hit by a U-haul truck (yes really, trust me I got sh*t for YEARS about getting hit by a huge, bright orange truck) going probably 40-45mph. My friend in front of me didn't get hit too bad. I got hit square in the chest. I had no clue at the time what even had happened. I was running, then I was on the ground in a daze, no pain, and I even got up and instinctually ran back to the sidewalk that I had come from. No clue I'd been hit by a truck, I was more just like what in the f*ck just happened. A nurse that was at the light came and helped me, told me what had happened and helped me stay calm. She asked if I was having trouble breathing. I was. But it was attributed to me having asthma. Later found out it was because both of my lungs were punctured.

Anyways, the ambulance shows up. I'm holding up very well, no clue why. Kinda just thinking okay damn I must have gotten super lucky. I'm conscious, talking fine, no biggie. They only had one bed in the ambulance, so my buddy was lying on it, and I was sitting hunched over on the bench for the ride (I wish I was joking). We get to the hospital, and I try to pull myself up to get out of the ambulance. And I can't, my shoulders hurt way too bad. The EMS guys tell me I probably dislocated my shoulder and that I'll just have to get it popped in and before I know it I'll be back home. Once inside, WE GET PUT IN THE WAITING ROOM. No I am not joking. We had skateboards with us, and the desk people had no clue. They assumed we just fell on our skateboards or something.

So I'm still feeling pretty good, other than some sore shoulders, just chilling there watching wheel of fortune. When all of a sudden I start feeling super clammy and disoriented. I remember hearing my mom screaming "HE'S GOING INTO SHOCK", and then next thing I know I'm being wheeled down a bunch of hallways. It was like in shows where it's a blur of those florescent lights just flashing overhead one at a time.

I start having severe pain. Like the worst pain you could imagine. But I can't be given an painkillers yet, because I have to go through a bunch of tests first. I'd assume these tests should have been done right when I got there, but what do I know. The one I really remember is having to be picked up off of the bed and put onto one of the machines that required I be on my back. They had people grab each corner of the sheet from the bed that I was on to move me onto it. I remember it kind of squishing my shoulders inward a bit and holy sh** that was the worst pain I've ever felt.

Anyways, after a ton of tests, it's found out that both of my lungs are punctured. Both of my collar bones are snapped in half. Broken ribs. Cracked sternum. Concussion. The works. Ended up spending the next couple weeks in ICU.

They didn't have any hospital beds open for me at the time so I actually ended up being transferred to a children's hospital. It was f*cking sweet. People came and sang to me and brought me teddy bears n sh*t. And I was just jacked up on morphine watching Lord of Rings all the time.

But yeah it was a pretty tough recovery, and I went from just hanging out with a smile on my face to a scary place real quick. I went to a world-renowned clavicle specialist at Duke Medical for my collar bones. He normally had an insanely long wait list, but apparently when he found out that I broke both at the same time he was willing to see me ASAP. He told me that he'd only ever had a few patients that broke both at the same time, because the force required to do so almost always resulted in death. But eventually I got better, full recovery. Was a bit of a hypochondriac for a while, and was scared to cross the street for awhile. But other than that, no biggie.

TLDR; I'm a dumb*ss and didn't look both ways.

slappuh

I Died Once, It Was Wild

I fell down my friends basement stairs when I was 8 (hit my head on the concrete floor) and ended up being airlifted to a major city hospital after being knocked out and still screaming. Ended waking up a couple days later and found out I was missing a tooth and I was told that as they were putting a breathing tube in, it knocked my tooth down my throat which scared the docs more. But I was super happy cause I payed melee for the first time in the game room and ate Jell-o for meals.

Turns out that I was actually in a comatose state and gradually got worse over 48 hours until I had 0 brain activity for about 6 minutes. So I guess I did die but I didn't find out from my family till afterwards, because who tells an 8 yr old that they died.

spikeflare

My Hair Was So Big

Many years ago I owned a pub.

I went upstairs to the house area to find all the lights were off. I flicked the trip switches to turn the lights back on; which they did. I then heard running water from my co-owners fish tank in the lounge, turns out the protein skimmer had flipped over and was spilling water over the wall socket.

Instinctively (and very stupidly) went to turn off the plug and as soon as i touched I got sent flying over the back of the sofa.

Don't know how I'm still alive to this day.

exjay

This Is Why We Left Lava Lamps In The 70s

I remember organizing my room when I was 10 or so. I had a lava lamp on the verge of falling of my cabinet, I didn't notice until I heard a loud shatter on my floor. For some reason my brain thought it would be a good idea to pick up all the shards. I jabbed my foot with a huge piece of glass and passed out from the pain. Woke up in a hospital bed thinking it and realized the shard was gone from my foot (was stitched back up) and getting relieved looks from my family. Turns out when I passed out, I hit my head on the concrete floor (I was living in my parents basement) and cracked my skull partially open and was bleeding profusely. I got taken to the hospital. My family thought I was dead. 😣

Leelch

Stop Drinking, Dudes.  Just Stop.

My dad got trashed and tried to jump over the fence at Yankee Stadium with his friends. He failed and an iron spike punctured him. He remembers being rushed to the hospital and bleeding everywhere. Everyone thought he was going to die of blood loss. Didn't die but he also made several more stupid mistakes such as riding a motorcycle without a helmet and breaking several ribs etc etc. Honestly he is still stupid and I'm surprised he hasn't died yet.

Skerivo

I Think I'd Rather Get Arrested

Passed out in the woods after running from the cops. I was at a party in college and decided I was done so I started walking home. Got like half a mile from campus when a cop pulled over to talk to me (It was like 3AM and my drunk *ss can't walk in a straight line on the sidewalk)

My instant drunk reaction to seeing the blue lights was to bolt into the woods at full speed. Naturally I can't see what obstacles are in my way, so at some point I had tried to either climb a fence or ran through thorn bushes. Eventually I ran head first into a tree and fell down. I had probably the most absurd thought I've ever had. "If I hold my breath the cops can't see where I am". So I did that and passed out while lying on my back in the woods.

I woke up a few hours later as the sun was coming up and realized I had shredded my clothes and my face/arms looked like I had been attacked by an animal with all the scratches. The worst one being a vertical cut that went lengthwise down the interior of my forearm, starting at my wrist. This was 12 years ago and I can still see the scar from that particular cut; the rest have healed and faded but that one is still prominent. Had that been a little deeper I have no doubt I would have bled out while lying on the ground in the woods (If I didn't already die from alcohol poisoning).

There were probably 3 or 4 things that should have killed me that night but didn't.

Allarius1

The Universe Said "Not Today, Humans."

Car crash at 80km/hr, I hit a car that was going through a red light perpendicular to my direction of travel came to a dead stop after hitting the back quarter panel/wheel of their car whilst they barrel rolled three times into the nature strip...I hit the windscreen with my head because I'm 6'5" and wasn't wearing a seatbelt because I thought I was top sh*t.

Both myself and the other driver walked away unscathed which was the most surprising of all. I was taken to the hospital because of my collision with the windscreen but was released shortly after some scans that came back okay.

I don't know what saved me or the other driver that day, but I thought I died for several seconds after the impact and airbags went off only to realise I was a bit dazed but generally fine, which followed with moments of disbelief and joy.

Nagotachi