Mental health is health. End of story.
For millions of people, the idea of mental health is wrapped up in this strange idea that unless you're hearing voices or having a full-on movie-style nervous breakdown (spoiler alert: those almost never happen that way) then there's no need to get your mental health looked into.
That idea has cost countless lives and made millions of people unnecessarily miserable. It needs to stop.
Reddit user Pixel_Pig asked:
Mental health professionals chimed in, but so did patients, loved ones, friends, etc. Surprised? You shouldn't be. Mental health affects us all.
Warning: Some of the following entries contain descriptions of abusive behavior.
Regulation
Inability to regulate your own emotions. Also, negative self-talk. we talk to ourselves way worse than any person could.
Parental Responsibility
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Child Psychologist here. It bugs me how much parents don't think they're responsible for their kid's behavior.
Yes - it's the main reason I hate doing counseling with kids under 12. I spend more time trying to convince the parents that they play a role in their children's lives and ultimately are responsible for their behavior. A great many seem to think just bringing their child to counseling is the extent of their involvement.
I don't remember much of my earlier childhood, but what I do know is that I've always got easily frustrated and cried a lot, only to have my dad threaten me to stop crying when I was younger. I spent practically all of my free time from the end of primary school through to university playing video games because I didn't think I liked anything else, and couldn't seem to stick with anything else. I've always feared strangers, and been incredibly sensitive to the negative opinions of those I do know. My teeth are badly yellowed because I couldn't bring myself to brush my teeth often as a kid.
For as long as I remember, I've struggled with knowing what I feel, with knowing if I'm ever in the right, with knowing what I want, with knowing who I am, with being easily overwhelmed, with overthinking, with overly negative thoughts, with mood swings, with doing any work not last minute... the list goes on. I've always felt that something was wrong with me, that this wasn't how life was supposed to be lived, that I wasn't nearly as happy as I could be, but when I've reluctantly confided in my family, I've just been dismissed as overthinking again, or trying to blame something other than myself -- despite how utterly out of control my own actions felt.
I sat through 16 months of a toxic relationship with a girl diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety and was subjected to constant emotional manipulation including threats of suicide if I didn't call her, and yet I stuck by her because I just didn't know if I was in the wrong. I got counselling at university and felt bad for taking up the space of someone who will very likely need it more, and later that year I failed my degree because of what I felt was a rational decision that physics just wasn't for me anymore -- but neither was anything else.
Fast forward through a year and a bit of working full time in fast food, but working on myself through introspection, experimentation and research, I'm in a MUCH better place now; I've even got offers to study psychology at university next year. Despite this stark contrast, and an explicit collection of the ideas that helped me to overcome my own issues, my parents are reluctant to believe I have ever suffered with mental health issues of the anxiety and depression variety, and are insistent that my social difficulties must instead stem from Autism -- something out of everybody's control.
In having a conversation about the idea of Childhood Emotional Neglect, and explicitly telling them that it isn't placing blame, or preventing progress, and telling them how this idea has resulted in a huge amount of personal progress, they were still reluctant to believe it because they believe me to be just trying to place blame on them. Autism seems more viable to them because 'what normal person gets up at 8am every day and goes out to go to the gym and stuff?'
They completely deny that they've had any negative role in my upbringing, even after my mum has admitted that she never tried with anything in her life, including raising me.
I guess I ranted all this because denying parental responsibility/contribution does more than just bug me, it's hurtful and tragic. It could have been a never-ending generational loop of suffering were it not for a subtle but pervading inkling that life could in fact be better than this. And worst of all in my experience it seems to all have stemmed from a single stupid misconception about who we are. If there's anything we desperately need in these modern times, it's awareness about psychological ideas. Nobody is born to be a depressed recluse with no idea of what they want from life.
Causing Impairment
A good rule of thumb as to whether a behavior or symptom should be checked out is the same we use to determine a diagnosable disorder : if it causes impairment in one or more areas of life.
The range of what is normal is huge - but if something keeps you from going to school or work, keeps you from maintaining basic hygiene, from maintaining your friendships/ familial relationships/ romantic relationships... It's causing impairment and you should seek help.
If Your Toddler Is...
Research psychologist checking in:
If your toddler is doing socially unusual behaviors such as:
Not responding to name
Not responding to a social smile
Not pointing/ using gestures
Using your hands/arms as if they were a tool or extension of their body
Engaging in repetitive behaviors
Not responding to your use of gaze to direct their attention to distal objects
Check with the pediatrician about getting assessed for autism spectrum disorder.
Not Your Job
Therapist here. If you grew up with or currently are a part of a family where the whole family has to work to keep one or more members of the family in a good mood or appeased, that's not healthy.
People are in charge of their own feelings. It is not your job to appease others so that they can emotionally regulate themselves.
That was me growing up. Everyone had to make dad happy. Never knew if something was going to set him off. And when we pissed him off, it would go on for weeks. Outbursts, throwing breakable items, verbally degrading you, and sometimes it would get physical.
That man threw me into a wall while he was drunk. Would have gone all the way through but there happened to be pipes.
And then he would use us like therapists telling us all the traumatizing stuff he went through as a child and expecting that to explain his behavior. He'd be the first to admit that he needed therapy and medication but never actually did anything about it. Fortunately, he's no longer in my life.
Not Typical For Everyone
There have been a lot of my patients who have been pretty surprised when I've told them "hey, that's anxiety/depression" when they just thought their behaviors were typical for everyone.
- not being able to maintain friendships
- constantly being nervous about the safety of your child, to the point where you hate being alone with your child without your partner
- not being able to motivate yourself to do things, especially things you once enjoyed
- feeling excessively tired all the time
- not being able to calm down and just thinking about the same thoughts over and over and feeling worried
Other things we can help with:
- having a hard time trusting others
- trying to recover a relationship from infidelity
- not knowing why your kid is misbehaving so much and needing guidance
- helping to improve communication within your relationships
It can be hard to bring these topics up! I totally get it.
Some things you can try are:
- writing these things down and bringing them to therapy
- making a mood journal for a week where you track how your moods are and how you're feeling with different activities, and using that as a conversation starter
- two tools we use to measure depression and anxiety are the PHQ-9 and the GAD-7. If you google those, they're questionnaires that bring up some of these questions. You can fill those out and bring them in to your therapist
- you can bring a friend or family member to help advocate for you if that would be easier.
- you can write a letter reflecting on things you think you've made progress on in therapy and goals you have in moving forward and use that to start a convo with your therapist.
If you experience these things (and more!) therapists can help! Let us help you. I hate that cost is such a barrier for people. :(
Sometimes colleges offer free or discounted therapy from their students. When you're training to be a therapist, you spend at least 1 year working as a therapist while meeting with a supervisor each week to consult on your cases and get guidance on moving forward.
My college unfortunately didn't offer discounted sessions, but I know many do. It might be worth checking out.
Some systems also have charity care options for people with low incomes. That can be worth pursuing as well.
To find a therapist, if you're in the US and have insurance, you can call your insurance company and get a list of places that take your insurance. That's a good place to start.
Sabotage
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Self-sabotaging behavior can ruin your life quickly. If you have an event in your life that has affected you negatively and you seem to find yourself exhibiting irrational or incongruent behaviors- see a counselor.
You don't have to have any certain pathology to seek mental wellness counseling.
- TRAMZ14
Other People Have It Worse
I've seen a lot of people dismiss their depression/other mental illness because it's "not that bad" or "other people have it worse" or "I can/should be able to handle it on my own."
You shouldn't have to suffer through mental illness even if you technically can. You deserve to be happy and therapists and psychiatrists are there to help you learn how to help yourself. It's not a weakness to find someone who can assist you in figuring out coping skills or prescribe you medications to help fine tune your brain's neurotransmitters.
Your Child Doesn't Need To Hear That
The need for some parents to speak with their children about adult problems. No, your young child does not need to be aware that 'daddy slept with the lady next door'.
The parents that tell their children that they are going to 'go and speed my car into a tree purposely', 'kill myself while you are at school', or 'slit my wrist when I shower tonight'.
And, parents that feel they need their children 'fixed' as it's the child and not the family unit as the whole that needs support and/or assistance.
Your child doesn't need to hear that you are struggling financially - I'm talking more on the extreme side and towards children that have been extremely hurt and 'money talk' was used as a tool to make the child feel at fault and guilt to some degree.
I'm currently working with a child now that is triggered whenever he hears talk about finances and feels it's his fault they will eventually become homeless. They won't, but this is what he is told. If only he didn't eat so much, if only he didn't have so many school fee's. Not to mention the arguing between carers over finances - this must be his fault to though, they're yelling and shouting because of this.
Some Things Regularly Seen
Psychotherapist here.
Some things I see regularly that could have been caught earlier before they became a problem:
- Unhealthy coping mechanisms. For example, drinking "to relax" frequently or smoking a lot. Even something like promiscuity can be a red flag that a person is trying to avoid dealing with something stressful by distracting themselves.
- Self harm. Hitting yourself, banging your head on things, burning yourself on purpose, cutting yourself, etc. - all of those things indicate that it's time to talk with a professional.
- "Normal" child/teen behaviors that are not actually normal, like running away or getting into fights.
- Not communicating. When this happens, something is usually wrong (not always, as some folks are quieter than others). But if a child/teen/adult rarely speaks or if they are silent in the presence of their parent or significant other, it's time to get them to see a professional ALONE to have their safety assessed. I've seen individuals who are literally shut down due to having been profoundly abused by the people they live with and one of the main signs of that is silence. I've also seen people in perfectly good homes who cannot communicate due to extreme anxiety and without professional help it's hard for them to overcome this.
- Mood swings. When a person's moods change from one extreme to another fairly often/regularly that is another concerning symptom. Sometimes they are considered eccentric or hormonal, but that sort of thing can be a sign of many problems from bipolar disorder to post traumatic stress disorder.
- Glitzyn
Definitely Not God
New nurse here! Did my rotation for mental health and one patient in particular took quite an interest in me, he was very polite and very kind, he was chatting up a storm, answered everyone's questions and repeatedly asked my name. Later, we got to look at patients files and I got his. He had a psychotic break and started hearing God. She told him her name was Courtney and that She had chosen him and he was to find Her and marry Her.
Guess what my first name is. Courtney. They ended up moving me to another part of the hospital after that because he was quite interested. Can confirm: I am definitely not God. Way too much responsibility. Obsessive behaviors and thoughts like that should definitely be checked out.
No Exceptions
- Extreme emotions
- Lack of or struggle with impulse control
- Blackouts
- Extreme irritability
- Disrupted sleep
- Muted or bottled emotions
- Feeling like an alien
- Feeling like everyone has an ulterior motive
- Self-isolation
- Preoccupation with pleasing others or avoiding conflict
- Feeling of emptiness
- Feeling like a part of your identity is missing or you don't have an identity of your own
- Subtle tendencies to latch on to others (especially romantic partners or crushes — maybe sometimes you feel like you're just a tad "too much" or maybe you've heard that from some exes).
LGBTQ+ Youth can get help through:
TrevorChat — 24/7/365 at https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now/#services
TrevorLifeline — phone service available 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386
TrevorText — Text "START" to 678678. Available 24/7/365.
TrevorSpace — online international peer-to-peer community for LGBTQ young people and their friends at https://www.trevorspace.org/
Trevor Support Center — LGBTQ youth & allies can find answers to FAQs and explore resources at https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/trevor-support-center/#sm.0000121hx9lvicotqs52mb1saenel
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
homer simpson episode 23 GIF
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.