Children are not for everyone. Yes, to some they are "bundles of joy," but to others, they are simply not a good choice.
For example-children are expensive. Most millennials don't make a ton of money, hardly enough to support themselves, let alone a family.
Others see the state of the world and think, "Why would I bring a child into this?"
u/Yuckoz asked:
What's your main reason for not wanting children?
Here were some of those answers.
Not My Style
There doesnt have to be a reason. I dont want to raise kids. You can choose not to work a desk job or choose not to own a vehicle without a big discussion, but if you choose to not have children, people suddenly get interested in your business. I don't want to. Simple as that
Not Responsible Enough
The idea of being in charge of another human being, scares me.
It seems like a lot of things can inadvertently go wrong, even if you try your damn hardest to be the best parent you can possibly be. I mean, just take a look around you, at your peers or even at yourself. Pretty much no one comes out of their childhood unscathed. You got humans raising humans, so there's bound to be mistakes made along the way.
It's a lot of responsibility. It's a lot of time and it's a lot of money.
More power to the people who choose to become parents but I wish more people took the time to better understand the full commitment that they are about to embark on for the rest of their lives. When you become a parent, you no longer live your own life, your life now revolves around making sure that you are providing the best possible life for your child. It can mean a lot of sacrificing to ensure that your child has a better life.
For many people, just because they can have a kid, it doesn't mean that they should.
That's my two cents. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Pain
I don't ever, ever, ever want to go thorough pregnancy. It's terrifying to me. Also I just don't think I'd be a good parent. I'm still recovering from my own childhood; I shouldn't be responsible for someone else's.
Not My Path
I just don't see the appeal.
People have different dreams in life.
Some want to achieve great things, some want to help other life, some want to conquer the planet that has life, some want to look for undiscovered life.
It just happens that the natural biological imperative is to reproduce & make more life - hence the idea is so common.
I just don't want to do that, simple as.
Anxiety
I feel like I'd ruin them. I feel like I'd be an awful mother and make my child grow to resent me. I feel like I would completely fail a small human, or at the very least my self hatred would be reflected onto them and they would feel less loved and valued because of my mental illnesses.
Peace And Quiet
I just have no desire to. Having kids is too much of a hassle and I would much rather spend my time and money on myself than on a child. Plus, I enjoy the freedom and peaceful quietness that I get from being childfree.
Mental Health
Personally I don't see how it could make me happy. I'm very insecure about my own body and I would hate it so much more if I got pregnant and had a child. I never think I'm good enough at anything so I would kill myself worrying about if I'm a good enough parent. I don't see how dealing with behaviour, eating being a hassle, never having time for yourself, a child waking you up early, having someone else to worry about, and having more expenses could possibly make anyone happy. Maybe I will change my mind when I'm older, but I won't even be thinking about having a child until I'm fully happy with myself and my mental health has improved.
Money Money Money
The cost of having a child, plus I have a lovely host of diseases on both sides of my family that I could potentially pass on to my hypothetical child (Alzheimer's, diabetes, high blood pressure, weight problems, and so on).
Plus I don't want my life to be restricted - if I want to go on holiday, I don't want to have to wait until school holiday time so my child can come too (plus then you end up paying double the price, because that's when everyone wants to travel somewhere). If I want to move from one house to another (or hell, from one country to another), I don't want to have to worry about finding a house in the radius of a good school. I also don't want to constantly fret about my child's academic development - getting them into good primary schools (the best one in my city charges something ridiculous like $40,000 per annum for years 1-6), then worrying about getting them into a good university, and so on.
I want to be able to live my life freely - spend my income on fun things like a quick weekend getaway to the wine country, or whatever. I don't want to tie myself down.
Bad Lineage
Family history for disorders like autism, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia. Thankfully all I have is anxiety, but my mental health combined with the thought of having a child that struggles similarly or worse scares me. For the longest time I dreamed of the marriage/kids route, but there are a lot of "what-ifs" that have made me decide it would not be good for me or the child. It's hard enough some days for me to keep my shit together, adding a child on top of that seems like a not good idea.
A Bad Direction For The World
The environment is only gonna get worse tbh, the competition in schools and the workplace as well. Also, children are expensive and it's a little hard to travel the world for months when you have kids around. And I guess kids seem like they could turn out nasty too easily and I don't really wanna deal with that. That's probably about all the reasons.
Anti-Motherhood
Motherhood is a trap. If you stay home you have no income that you could possibly use to regain your independence if your relationship fails, if you keep working people think you're a bad mother, and no matter what, as the woman the majority of the housework and childrearing will be dumped on you (even if your partner says he'll do his fair share)
Having kids chains you to the person you have them with. It stifles your dreams for yourself, every good part of yourself is sucked out for the kids.
It's a straight up snare trap that you can never escape from (from my perspective)
A Hugely Analytical Look
Having kids is a bizarre combination of selfish and selfless behavior. You have to give up your autonomy completely, a totally selfless act right? Except you're doing it in the name of creating a half copy of you in order to maintain the future spreading of your DNA all over the world. I think a lot of people do it just because it's "what your supposed to do" and end up dropping the ball and creating dead weight in the world or worse. I think child rearing is only something worth doing if you put in 100% and I am not prepared to commit to that. If you drop the ball you may well be making the world shittier because of your selfish whim to clone yourself
Unfair Expectations
A few different things, one big reason is that I am consumed with my goals and I worry that I would be absent or resentful. A second concern is that the child would become a project and that I would push them too hard. It's an atmosphere I grew up in and, while it has shaped me in a big way, it created a lot of anger and resentment.
When It Passes Along
Aside from enjoying my lifestyle as it is (which would basically become nonexistent since my hobbies are both expensive and not child conducive) my real answer is that my mother has suffered with depression her whole life and so have I and I can't imagine creating something I love more than anything only to pass (essentially) my family defect onto them and watch them suffer with it for their entire life.
Kids? Ew, Next
I just kind of don't like children.
I don't like people much to begin with, but I get on with some people if we have similar senses of humour or interests.
Kids are like extra-annoying miniature people. They're loud, obnoxious. They require near constant care/supervision/attention until they're 13/14 or so. They ask stupid questions and require me to dedicate large chunks of my time and attention to them, much less bankroll everything they need - which is a lot.
The upside is, what? I get a child that lives in my house and calls me "Mum"? That's a terrible trade!
It's Much Too Hard
Not a solid never, but I nannied for 7 years and helped raise 2 sets of kids (3 infants from newborn to 4/5 year old kids).
Being a nanny you get to see the dynamic of the families you work with and you also are the person mom and dad vent to and it just seems really... hard? Especially with all the stress with the world we live in, should they be enrolled in more activities? Should we be doing more at home with them? If they're not in private school Will they get a decent education and go to college? How do we pay for that? Who will pay for braces? Who will pay for therapy if something traumatic happens or they need help? Who can watch them when both parents work?
I respect parents but I'm just not sure that I want to bring a child into this mess nor am I sure that I want to allocate all my funds and time to raising a little tiny person. It's a giant commitment and seeing it from the inside, I'm Just not sure it's the choice I want to make for myself..
Being horny can lead to some questionable decision-making.
Something happens to the brain when blood is flowing to other regions of the body.
They should discuss this in health class.
It's perfectly normal, but we have to learn how to deal.
Redditor Sir_Baconstrips wanted to see who was willing to discuss actions made while randy, so they asked:
"What's the biggest mistake you've made because you were horny?"
I can't tell you mine, because my mom might read this. But Reddit was more than happy to share.
History Help
"I browsed porn and then I asked my mom how to delete the history."
Ramon80589
What was that?
"Probably my most embarrassing moment. Was on my work computer (family business so nothing locked) and it was a super slow day and I was alone. Anyways was doing a classic 3 min facebook check and scrolled down for a second and saw the news post about Adriana Chechik injuring her back in a foam pool. Figured top comments on that would be golden. Read one funny one that said 'her and her scene with [performer I can’t remember] is still goat.'"
"Never heard of said performer so I got curious and google her. Of course photos never do justice, had to see the performance ya know? So I clicked a random video, quick glance and thought 'meh' and was about to close the tab before I noticed my mouse twitch on the screen… What was that? No.. that wasn’t mouse error, that was someone… then within seconds I realized the accountant who taps in remotely to finish work came in at that exact moment that I had a browser open for less than 60 sec."
"The worst wart was I could have sworn I had all those remote services off, but she tried to tap in for over an hour and must of did something to wake splashtop (probably had it on some type of standby mode). She even called earlier but I saw a random number and was speaking with a client and ignored it."
"Anyways, decision time, do I call her and play it off as nothing or apologize? Naturally as a fearful 28 year old I play off as nothing. I call, no answer… then a few minutes later i get the call back and her words after exchanging 'hellos … are you finished with whatever you were doing…' still burns me."
Satmatzi
Years Later
"Let my (ex) boyfriend dry-hump me for an hour on a bench outside after summer school."
"The bad news: this bench behind our school was also beside a swimming pool. Where parents were taking their children for swim lessons. Eventually a staff member came out and yelled at us for being inappropriate."
"I still have shame flashbacks today, over 10 years later."
hannlouiseols
Size Issues
"I had a one night stand with a guy who was, in retrospect, seriously self-conscious about his penis size and kept going on about how if it was on the small size it was just because he has to have sex with it a few times and it would gradually get bigger until it was it’s 'true' size. I really didn’t care."
"But then to make himself feel better he turned it around and started talking about how big and wide my vagina was but kept reassuring me that it was ok because he liked the challenge. I wish I had snapped my legs shut and given him the boot right then and there."
bewarethes0ckm0nster
In San Diego
"Lost my entire tax refund and got my phone stolen at a strip club in San Diego."
BigFatPapaBear
Always check your pockets on the way out.
The Reward
"Hooked up with a girl at a party. Just kind of bored, drunk, and horny. Having to go to the doctor for a case of pubic lice was my reward for poor self-control."
No_External7289
Dedicated...
"I got my first serious gf in high school. She was two grades below me. So when I finished third year and moved 500 km south we was still a couple. I was so in love (and most of all horny) I commuted every. Single. Weekend. And I was poor. So I took the bus to the nearest station after school. Waited for the long distance bus for 4-5 hours."
"Went to a larger city to hitchhike my way there. I was there Friday night or Saturday morning. Locked ourselves in her bedroom and went at it until Sunday morning. I made my way down to school again and went to class straight from the bus Monday morning. This went on for almost a year…"
pelo_ensortijado
I'm Out
"Was trying to get with a girl in college. We were texting and I asked her what she was up to, she said she was training for a marathon and going to the gym and asked if I wanted to come."
"I ended up running 9 miles before I tagged out. So now I know how far I'd go to have sex it's up to 9 miles."
euesquecimeunome
Lord the things people will do when slightly turned on.
People Who Accidentally Sent A Family Member A Nude Picture Describe The Aftermath
Why in this day and age are people still taking nudie pics without triple-checking the recipient?
Why take the gamble?
And half of the time we hit send, mistakes get made.
One minute you're feeling sexy, the next minute grandpa is having a stroke.
Be careful.
Redditor Im_A_Freakin_Joke wanted to hear about the times people have sent photos to the family that left everyone SHOOK, so they asked:
"Redditors who accidental sent a family member a nude, what was the aftermath?"
I have done many things, but I never allow a snapshot.
Gross
"'You should clean your room before you take that.'"
Emergency_faceplant
What's What?!
"I meant to send it to someone on WhatsApp that I was dating at the time and didn’t realize I accidentally sent it to my brother, their names were next to each other in my chat list and I chose the wrong one. I frantically called my sister in law and told her what happened and begged her to go into his phone and delete the message with the photo."
"This is before WhatsApp added the functionality to delete your own messages. She was so sweet and understanding and deleted the message. I was so embarrassed. To this day she has kept my secret, this happened five years ago."
room_temp_butter
Bad Pics
"For context, my mom had some life-threatening medical issues when I was a kid, so there were a few month+ long periods where we rarely saw her. One night, I got a text from her that says 'send me a pic of u in bed."
"I thought she wanted a picture of me and my dog snuggling, as he slept with me and was the cutest sleeper. I usually sent her one every few days, even when she was home. It also doubled as her way to make sure I was following my bedtime."
"I was taking the picture, and I get a follow-up 'ignore that' text. At the same time, my dad opens my door so hard the hinges break. He says 'you get a text from mama?' I say yeah, and he says, 'it wasn't meant for you.' And leaves. I felt weird about it for days, even though it was years before I figured it out."
bleeding_inkheart
Leave it there...
"I happened to live across the street at the time and a dirty message meant for my now wife was sent to my mother! Luckily for me my mom is notorious for ignoring her phone so I sprinted across the street and said 'hey where is your phone' she told me it was on her desk so I calmly walked over unlocked it and deleted the message. In response to the look of confusion I told her 'deleted a message that was meant for now wife...' And left it at that."
Twandle_D-Vorago
AHHHH!!!! NO!
"One time my dad accidentally texted me 'sex if the Patriots win' and I still don’t believe I have recovered."
ayepeyday
Mom and dad have their own lives.
Disconnect
"I didn't accidentally send a nude, but my phone did auto upload ALL my pictures when I connected it to my mom's computer. I'm no longer allowed to connect hardware to my mom's computer."
teethalarm
Hey Sis...
"I gave my sister my old Iphone (I’m 25, she’s 22). She didn’t realize that her photos were uploading to my cloud and when I went to send a photo to a coworker, at work mind you, I see her pasty a**. I immediately text her and was like STOP TAKING PHOTOS. She called me and asked if I was okay and I told her what was happening. She responded with 'My a** look good though,' and I died laughing. Love my sis, but Christ."
PushingPepperoni
Shower Scene
"I didn’t sent a nude. I was in the shower, about age 15, and I heard the phone ring. My best friend had a habit of calling while I was showering. So, I bolted out naked as the day I was born to grab the phone before she hung up. I didn’t realize pretty much my entire dad’s side of the family was visiting my terminally ill mother."
"They saw it all. My aunt jokingly said, 'Well, dang, I didn’t know there was gonna be a show.' And someone said, 'we were just joking when we said you’d grow up to be a stripper.' I had to do a walk of shame back to the bathroom as well."
"It was laughed off and it hasn’t been brought up since."
TheSaltyMelon
Let me see...
"Sent a pic of my boobs to my mom. Managed to convince her I was trying to take a pic of what I thought was a lump but ended up dropping my phone and sent it while fumbling. Which has happened before. But then she made me show her where I thought the lump was so that was very awkward."
3milyBlazze
Recover Mode
"I once sent a pic to a GF in college when we were home for break… only I searched her contact by last name and accidentally sent it to her mom!"
"Thankfully it was late and she was able to sneak into her parents’ room and delete it before they saw."
BleekerTheBard
What have we learned?
At the very least, triple-check who you are sending it to one whichever app you use for that sort of thing.
People Share The Things They Learned Embarrassingly Late In Life
There is so much to learn in the world, it's impossible for one person to know absolutely everything there is to know.
But there are certain things, like common phrases and idioms, that everyone seems to use that might be a little embarrassing to not understand until later in life.
Redditor Curious-2577 asked:
"What's something you learned 'embarrassingly late' in life?"
Addictive Personality
"My sister was in her fifties when she found out the meaning of, 'You have an addictive personality.'"
"She thought after all these years of therapy that it meant that people were addicted to her personality."
"We laughed hysterically when we talked about this (in a very sad way)."
- casper02127
Horse Toes
"I thought that horses had toes until I was 22. I thought the hoof was a 'horseshoe' and the toes were tucked inside."
"How did I learn how wrong I was, you ask?"
"I was walking past a cavalry museum and saw a horse statue and loudly remarked, 'It must hurt so bad when they fold a horse’s toes to put them into the shoe!'"
"Dozens of horse enthusiasts turned and looked at me with wild bewilderment in their eyes."
- BronNatsPulisic
Referencing Flowers
"The saying is, in fact, 'Nip it in the bud' and not 'Nip it in the butt.'"
- too_sharp
Pastures New
"A few months ago, two of my colleagues both handed in their notice at around the same time."
"I kept reading/hearing the sentence, 'They’re both moving on to pastures new’ being thrown about the office in the weeks leading up to them leaving, and I hadn’t heard this phrase before and thought that was the name of the rival company that they were going to, like, 'Pastures New.'"
"I thought it was weird that nobody was talking about how they were both leaving for the same company."
"I was in the car with one of the two people who were leaving and said, 'So where is it that you and X are going to be working? Is it...’"
"And just before I could embarrass myself and say ‘Pastures New,' they interrupted me and said they’re not going to the same place and asked me where I had heard that."
"I think at that moment, I realized I was stupid and didn’t mention it again."
- WorriedSoft
Mario Brothers
"I think I was in college when I realized that Mario and Luigi are plumbers. I thought they just went and up down these tubes just because that was the theme of the game."
- dontbemystalker
Bonsai Trees
"That Bonsai are not a species of tree, but a way to grow them. Any tree can be a bonsai."
- ixent
Houston, We Have a Problem
"Houston is not the name of the guy astronauts talk to."
- vienna_versailles
Cowboy Beans
"I learned that pork and beans are not called 'cowboy beans.' I was 18 and asked a grocery store clerk to help me find the 'cowboy beans.'"
"We were looking everywhere and I was getting frustrated because I know that every store carries these beans. After a while, I picked up a pork and beans can with a picture and said, 'See, they look just like this!'"
"He said, 'You mean pork and beans?'"
"Then I realized that my mom called them that so that I would eat them."
"The look of disappointment from that grocery store clerk haunts me to this day."
- whyunoletmepost
The Pulitzer
"Let me tell you about how I thought you were awarded a 'Pullet Surprise.'"
- BendyBrains
Rum and Coke
"Not too late in life, but I thought my parents were making 'Roman Cokes' until I went to college."
"Which, I think is a much better name for the drink (Rum and Coke) anyway."
- Th3seViolentDelights
Oh No, Not Acoma!
"That a coma was 'A' coma. Until I was probably 19 or so, I thought it was 'acoma.'"
"I thought you fell into acoma."
- FightWithBrickWalls
It Must Have Been a One-Way Trip
"My parents were divorced the whole time and my mom was not, in fact, taking a vacation, lmao (laughing my a** off)."
- artemus_who
Multitasking
"I live near the Hospital for Joint Diseases… when I was a kid, I thought was a special hospital for people who had two or more different diseases at the same time."
- Baffhy_Duck
Ore-Ida Fries
"Moving cross-country, driving east to west, and crossing from Idaho to Oregon, I noticed huge fields with signs for the Ore-Ida Potato company."
"So I was in my early 20s when I figured out Ore-Ida wasn’t just a brand name but was because their potatoes came from Oregon and Idaho."
- Deadhawk142
Kid Logic
"When I was really young, my sister told me she threw her guts up. So I was really afraid of vomiting my entire insides up for years."
- Presitigious_Sweet_50
Some of these really had us laughing as we realized the revelations some of these Redditors were having.
But when we're really honest with ourselves, we probably didn't figure out some of these until later, too.
People Break Down The Absolute Worst Parts About Having A Child
While starting a family and having children is a goal that many people have, some do not realize that it's not easy, fun, and loving one-hundred percent of the time. Rather, it's expensive, exhausting, and hard, though it might be worth it in the end.
With this in mind, people shared what they felt were the hardest hurdles of their parenting.
Redditor ApprehensiveShock655 asked:
"What's the worst part of having a child?"
Fear of Not Doing Enough
"The constant anxiety that you’re doing enough to shape them to make good choices, a good life, be a good person and for them to have the life they deserve."
- nakedreturnsthe1st
Like the Energizer Bunny
"It's incessant. It never stops. You never get a day off."
"Going from having two days per week to relax and do whatever to literally never having a moment free from responsibility."
- mrbuh
No Break In Sight
"I’ve always wanted kids and still do, but this is the only thing that has come close to giving me pause."
"Both my siblings have young kids and I cannot get over how CONSTANT it is."
"From the second the kids wake up to when they finally shut their eyes, it’s non-stop. Then they get maybe an hour or two to themselves, which is mostly spent tidying up, etc., before the nighttime stuff starts with the baby crying, the toddler coming into bed, nightmares, etc."
"It requires years of not getting a full night's rest. You can never just go out whenever you want. No sleeping in, even on weekends because someone has to be up with them at 6 AM."
"Raising human children is an insane task."
- GirlisNo1
Mom's Body After Baby and Dad Bods
"The weight gain is the worst! During the pregnancy, I gained 35 pounds. My belly has stretch marks. My boobs are all saggy."
"And it’s not even fair because my wife only gained like 15."
- Wise-Reaction-7526
The Meal Planning
"Coming up with three meals to eat per day EVERY DAY stresses me out so bad."
"This sounds like such a small thing, but it really wears on you over time. You can’t just make something for yourself or something you and your spouse feel like eating: You have to constantly be thinking about if the kid is hungry and what they might be willing to eat."
- Ravenclaw79
Keeping Them Safe
"When people ask me this I say, 'do you know those video games where you have to escort a character to a destination without them being attacked?' That's parenting. Those missions are a pain in the a**."
- Infiniski_Gaming
Seriously, Keep Them Safe
"Having to deal with their total lack of self-preservation. They are creative and come up with all kinds of ways to try and kill themselves. Keeping ahead of the game is exhausting."
- Quizzical_Chimp
Constant Contact
"They’re just always there. On you, behind you, in front of you, just a little speed bump impeding every task."
- Tangboy500000
Letting Them Live Their Life Their Way
"Having a kid is like having a little piece of your heart running around in the world. When they're sick or get disappointed or just feel sad, it's worse than having it happen to you."
"Yet at the same time, you need to let your kids work through those things to learn to handle them. If you give into the worry and try to shield them from everything, you risk creating harmful co-dependence."
"So it's a constant struggle. But worth it!"
- um_chili
What Is "Sleep" Again?
"I'm only nine years in, but so far, it's been the sleep deprivation. Hands down."
- tessiegamgee
And What Are These "Sick Days" You Speak Of?
"Having to take care of a sick child when you are also sick. For me that has been the most challenging part so far."
- MrsLouisaMercury
Another Full-Time Job
"It's like taking a second job that lasts 18+ years with a 24/7 schedule with no holidays or sick days."
"…And no second paycheck. It's actually like YOU are paying your second salary instead of getting one."
- mouse_rat
Personal Freedom
"The loss of freedom. I can't just... go somewhere. Even with older kids, there's so much planning and thinking and getting ready."
"I miss being able to just decide to go somewhere, and go there."
- poetris
The Time Flies
"The best advice I got was from an ancient hospital security guard in an elevator. 'The days are long, the years are short, cherish them while you can.'"
- WayOfTheHouseHusband
So Unexpected
"The phrase I hate is, 'You don't know it, but one day you pick your kid up for the last time.'"
- 3_pac
There are all kinds of troubles that come from being a parent, many of which people don't necessarily think about until they already have a baby in the house.
But reassuringly, many people in the subReddit pointed out that no matter how hard some of these hurdles are to get over, it's still worth it in the end, and it goes by far too fast.