Job Recruiters Share Their Instant Resume Turn-Offs
I don't need to see your High School glamour shots love.
Job hunting can be stressful and trying to fill a position can be equally as frustrating. So let's all work together shall we? When interviewing or applying for a job for the love of all that is holy, at least know your basics!
Make sure your contact info is on your resume. (I'm serious, it's a real issue) Don't oversell your abilities. Stick with your goals and your facts. The list is endless. You'd think resume building was never taught. Pay attention!
Redditor khlose wanted recruiters to help us out by asking... Recruiters of Reddit, what is the one instant turn-off that people still have on their resumes?
Did you want a cookie and a juice box for your efforts?Giphy
The other day I had someone list "Pre-School" along with the name of the school under their education section.
People who tie themselves in knots to fit exactly into whatever resume template they are using. Combining jobs because you want to list 4 but the template has space for 3.
Using a template with like 8 bullet points for "awards" and digging so deep you're listing "second grader of the month May 1992."
I usually point to the offending section and ask "what are you trying to tell the person reading this?" And if you cant answer that question it doesn't need to be there.
Wow. You're special.Giphy
My friend had someone come into his work with a resume a few years back, one of the "achievements" he had listed was, "Able to walk extremely long distances without getting tired."
Less is more love....
They have just stacks and stacks of pages . Like 40 page resumes.
You're not sending texts to mom...Giphy
Not using something as simple as capital letters at the start of sentences. And capitalizing words that do not need to be capitalized.
Why don't you call Russia.Giphy
I had a resume once state for work experience being "Hacker - The Internet."
Other gems included in the resume were:
"I've been both fired and hired for hacking various things," "I've never been convicted of a computer crime"
I will admit it gave me a chuckle but certainly was a deterrent for the job.
Don't mix it up with your Tinder profile...
My brother works at camping world and told me someone wrote on their resume "If you don't want me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." Who the hell puts that on a resume? What does that have to do with goddamn camping world? She was 29 years old for gods sake.
Call a therapist...Giphy
This isn't common nor should be, but I'm gonna share it anyway. A guy turned in a resume for a sales job with a picture of his face and a pie chart breaking down his "amazing" traits like listening and dedication.
Don't annoy me!
I'm not a recruiter but I have been in charge of hiring, and I hate objectives. They're useless and waste space, in my opinion. Also I don't like repetitive bullet points; if you did the same thing at a bunch of different jobs, mix it up and show me what OTHER things you did at the jobs.
They're not dealbreakers of course, just annoyances.
Know your audience!Giphy
I've spent years eyeballs-deep in a couple of much-beloved MMOs - I've been there, pulled the all-nighters, rolled on the loot, I get it - so I can almost understand the temptation, but please for the love of God don't start banging on about how leading your guild and planning raid strategies is remotely connected to the job you're applying for.
Have a pulse...
I hire a lot of front-end developers and UI/UX designers. About a quarter of the resumes I consider have a portfolio or personal site link that is dead. Make sure your site is live before you send out your resume!
How are the basics not already obvious?Giphy
Typos, irrelevant information especially, recently a resume came in that had the person's name, contact info, high school info, and 1 job experience: McDonalds. The whole resume was 1/3rd sheet of paper.
We loved it, its all we needed to know, compared to mr. I like to take long walks on the beach. We really don't have time to read even the page you submit, so if it has to be a page, it better be good.
Also we had a guy send a 5 page resume, which is extreme but it was for a higher position, still 5 pages. The kicker is that one of the pages was a full blown headshot selfie.
He didn't get a call back.
The only thing I don't already see mentioned here already is a mission statement for a totally different industry.
"Looking for an exciting career in zookeeping" while applying to an office job is a great way to see that you're going to leave as soon as you get the job you ACTUALLY wanted.
To a lesser extent, also really vague mission statements. That shows you have no idea what you want, which can be fine in some contexts, but is going to lose out to someone who knows they want the job in question. If you're trying to create a generic resume, just leave that bit out. If you know what type of career you're looking for, it's maybe worth including.
There isn't a point system...
This one goes out to you Designers out there. I have worked with some well respected graphic designers throughout University and during my career who have been in the field for many years.
Now as graphic designers, your resume is the recruiters first taste at your design skills. That being said, I've seen many new designers put a chart displaying their efficiency in various Adobe or design skills.
x x x x o - Adobe Photoshop
x x x x x - Adobe Illustrator
x x x o o - Photography
x x x x o - Drawing
Every person Ive talked to who hires designers hates when people do this. Often times you will be doing yourself more harm than good by showing your skillset like this. Simply stating your professional skills and not ranking yourself will always be the better choice. Let your portfolio show your levels of proficiency.
Not so comical...Giphy
Not common but a couple months ago, this kid applied to my clinic for assistant stuff. The damn thing was in Comic Sans. Yuck.
I actually felt bad so I sent him an email with small pointers and improvements he could do on his resume. Doing my civic duty yippee!
Blah, blah, blah... I'm bored!
Ridiculous corporate jargon – "In my last position, I leveraged synergies between business units to create value and a win-win scenario which empowered other business units to think outside the box and take a deep dive into core competencies to create buy-in and game changing results." Next.
Unprofessional emails, it takes two minutes to set up a new one, no need to keep the one you set up at 15. If you would be embarrassed for someone to read it aloud in front of a office full of people, get a new one.
Cliche action words with no purpose to them. I'm looking for skills on a CV not to see if you're a dynamic, friendly person who likes to hang out with friends and go to the movies.
Team player but can work well on my own - we all can a CV can't prove that.
It takes a recruiter 30secs to read a CV, I want your experience to jump out at me, lengthy, wordy CVs make me want to put it to the back of the pile, I'm not reading 10 pages of a project you did 15years ago whilst on your placement year. If you have the experience I'll be calling you to find out more, so keep it all relevant and but too the point. 2 pages for a low level role, 4 tops for management.
Is God holding appointments?Giphy
How has no one mentioned the Bible verse quotes?! Or do I just get all the nutjobs who think that's appropriate for a bloody resume?
Kim Kardashian? Is that you?Giphy
Adding Facebook, Twitter and Instagram under "technical skills."
I interview candidates for entry-level positions that require some light computer operations ability. People in this position use a computer to input reports and attach items to documents in a way very similar to how email works. This part of the job is something any 10 year old in America could be taught to do.
One candidate attached a resume file written in a version of WordPerfect from the 1980s. The file was unreadable, but he was a recommendation from one of our senior managers so I called him anyway. I set up the interview appointment, and he sounded excited to come in. I told him to bring a physical paper copy of his resume in to the interview. He seemed very distressed by this request, and said "I'll see what I can do."
The next day, he shows up for his interview. He hands me a sheet of paper that looks like a passable resume format, and I set it aside to look at later. Then we do the interview. He's a nice guy and I don't hate him, but he's very obviously wrong for the job. I thank him for his time and let him know we'll be getting back to him soon. I spend a minute thinking about how I'm going to explain to the senior manager who recommended this guy that he's not going to work out, and I'm more than a little annoyed that said manager would even suggest this guy as a candidate in the first place. While I'm thinking about all of this, the candidate sticks his head back into the office.
I say, "Hello again."
He says, "Hey, sorry but I forgot something."
I glance around and don't see anything. "What did you forget?"
He says, "I'm going to need that resume back. I only made one copy."
I'm stunned. For a second I think he's making a really bad joke, and I'm looking all over his face for any sign of humor or anything at all in his expression to help me figure out what the heck he's talking about. We stare at each other awkwardly, me with a blank expression, and him with an expectant "sorry about that!" kind of grimace. He finally glances down at his resume, the sheet of paper I set aside on my desk. It slowly dawns on me that this guy actually wants me to give his resume back to him.
So I did. Good luck in life, pal. You're gonna need it.
While starting a family and having children is a goal that many people have, some do not realize that it's not easy, fun, and loving one-hundred percent of the time. Rather, it's expensive, exhausting, and hard, though it might be worth it in the end.
With this in mind, people shared what they felt were the hardest hurdles of their parenting.
Redditor ApprehensiveShock655 asked:
"What's the worst part of having a child?"
Fear of Not Doing Enough
"The constant anxiety that you’re doing enough to shape them to make good choices, a good life, be a good person and for them to have the life they deserve."
Like the Energizer Bunny
"It's incessant. It never stops. You never get a day off."
"Going from having two days per week to relax and do whatever to literally never having a moment free from responsibility."
No Break In Sight
"I’ve always wanted kids and still do, but this is the only thing that has come close to giving me pause."
"Both my siblings have young kids and I cannot get over how CONSTANT it is."
"From the second the kids wake up to when they finally shut their eyes, it’s non-stop. Then they get maybe an hour or two to themselves, which is mostly spent tidying up, etc., before the nighttime stuff starts with the baby crying, the toddler coming into bed, nightmares, etc."
"It requires years of not getting a full night's rest. You can never just go out whenever you want. No sleeping in, even on weekends because someone has to be up with them at 6 AM."
"Raising human children is an insane task."
Mom's Body After Baby and Dad Bods
"The weight gain is the worst! During the pregnancy, I gained 35 pounds. My belly has stretch marks. My boobs are all saggy."
"And it’s not even fair because my wife only gained like 15."
The Meal Planning
"Coming up with three meals to eat per day EVERY DAY stresses me out so bad."
"This sounds like such a small thing, but it really wears on you over time. You can’t just make something for yourself or something you and your spouse feel like eating: You have to constantly be thinking about if the kid is hungry and what they might be willing to eat."
Keeping Them Safe
"When people ask me this I say, 'do you know those video games where you have to escort a character to a destination without them being attacked?' That's parenting. Those missions are a pain in the a**."
Seriously, Keep Them Safe
"Having to deal with their total lack of self-preservation. They are creative and come up with all kinds of ways to try and kill themselves. Keeping ahead of the game is exhausting."
"They’re just always there. On you, behind you, in front of you, just a little speed bump impeding every task."
Letting Them Live Their Life Their Way
"Having a kid is like having a little piece of your heart running around in the world. When they're sick or get disappointed or just feel sad, it's worse than having it happen to you."
"Yet at the same time, you need to let your kids work through those things to learn to handle them. If you give into the worry and try to shield them from everything, you risk creating harmful co-dependence."
"So it's a constant struggle. But worth it!"
What Is "Sleep" Again?
"I'm only nine years in, but so far, it's been the sleep deprivation. Hands down."
And What Are These "Sick Days" You Speak Of?
"Having to take care of a sick child when you are also sick. For me that has been the most challenging part so far."
Another Full-Time Job
"It's like taking a second job that lasts 18+ years with a 24/7 schedule with no holidays or sick days."
"…And no second paycheck. It's actually like YOU are paying your second salary instead of getting one."
"The loss of freedom. I can't just... go somewhere. Even with older kids, there's so much planning and thinking and getting ready."
"I miss being able to just decide to go somewhere, and go there."
The Time Flies
"The best advice I got was from an ancient hospital security guard in an elevator. 'The days are long, the years are short, cherish them while you can.'"
"The phrase I hate is, 'You don't know it, but one day you pick your kid up for the last time.'"
There are all kinds of troubles that come from being a parent, many of which people don't necessarily think about until they already have a baby in the house.
But reassuringly, many people in the subReddit pointed out that no matter how hard some of these hurdles are to get over, it's still worth it in the end, and it goes by far too fast.
Positive emotions are high among people in the blossoming phase of relationships.
Everything seems more romanticized for people in love due to the amorous joy in their hearts–which also influences their desire to frequently get it on under the sheets–or any other daring location in the heat of the moment.
But for those who've declared "'til death do us part," devoted couples may find that they are not always on the same wavelength sexually compared to when they first met.
Curious to hear how people keep their passion alive, Redditor Rude_Phone6841 asked:
"Married people, how do you initiate sex with your partner?"
When verbally articulating isn't enough...
Let The Book Dictate When
"There is a book called 'How to Subtly Tell Your Partner You Want More Sex.' If you sleep on the right side of the bed, you can casually open it up and your spouse will see the giant printed title on the front. Sometimes, I’ll just get the book out and leave it on his side of the bed. Once he was messing with me and acting like he was oblivious to my not-so-subtle hints, so I threw the book at him. The book is effective and hilarious."
"ETA: Sadly, we haven’t found the book since we moved. Fortunately, we’ve started communicating with our words instead. Words are just as effective."
Save The Date
"I send her an outlook calendar event and if she accepts, IT'S ON."
"You know when I’m down to my socks it’s time for business."
These couples find that verbal cues are best.
Now's The Time
"Honestly when we have the time one of us usually bluntly says 'let's go have sex right f'king now before we can't' and we go do it. Lol"
Option A Or B
"I have a 2 month old and a 2 year old. Some of the best sex we had was because I said 'after 2 year old goes down and if 2month decides to sleep do you want to meet in the basement' well she decided to sleep and damn that was good."
End Of Day Reward
"We just ask each other tbh. We’ll bring it up earlier in the day so we build up the anticipation with each other throughout the day, flirt with each other, gas each other up. All that. Then when it’s finally time at the end of the day, we usually fall asleep cause we’re so tired."
"But the cycle continues the next day!"
People continued offering their wisdom.
Afternoon Hanky Panky
"The trick is to initiate sex during the day. We are both too tired at the end. Plus hanging out all day after is somehow more rewarding."
"Same goes for dates. Have sex at the beginning the date, then go enjoy your time together without any pressure."
Kids In The Equation
"This literally happened today with my wife and me. We have two toddlers so we’re extra exhausted. Earlier today we had the sexy initiation of 'hey, we both showered today, want to have sex after the babies are asleep?' 'Sure.'"
"Then when the kids were asleep, and my wife and I were getting settled into bed, she asked if I still wanted to. I said if she wants to I’m down, but I’m pretty tired and would be fine without it. She said she was also tired and could do without it. So we kissed each other good night and she went to sleep. I’m just winding down on Reddit for a few minutes before I also fall asleep."
"I know this is boring. I didn’t write this to tell an exciting story. Just to share what married life is like for me and probably the large majority of married couples, especially parents of young kids."
Shadow Puppet Technique
"Use my phones torch to shine a shadow of my member up against the bedroom wall."
"Kinda like a bat signal of sorts."
"Turn off the lights and switch on the red lamp beside the bed."
"Walk by him while taking my top off. He follows me wherever I go and it's been 30 years and counting."
Every couple is different, and usually establishing a strong communication bond makes everything else in the relationship–including sexy time–falls in line effortlessly.
I knew a couple who made a game out of foreplay and agreed that whoever got home first from getting off work at the same time got to choose the sexual position that night.
They may no longer be together, but I remember them recalling how that technique was fun for them at the beginning stage and it took the pressure off of establishing when they were going to have sex.
Don't take get too anxious about it. It's just sex, and it's fun.
There are a number of things people partake in spite of the known possible ramifications they have on their health and safety.
Up to and including smoking, bungee-jumping, recreational drug use, or simply bike riding without a helmet.
Indeed, even though they know that doing any or all of these things could possibly lead to their death, they do it anyway.
Sadly, even though many people go out of their way to avoid doing these things for that very reason, that still doesn't mean they keep themselves completely out of danger.
Sadly, there are a surprisingly large number of things that lead to an even more surprising number of deaths each year.
Frighteningly, these are things that the majority of the world's population does on an almost daily basis.
"What causes death more than people realize?"
When In Doubt, Call Your Doctor!
"Your body will become septic, in which it essentially kills itself trying to kill off whatever infection one has."- cacarrizales
"Infections that are left untreated."- raptor-99
Tread Carefully. Seriously.
"On average around 17k people a year in the US die from injuries incurred after tripping and falling."- EdithWhartonsFarts
When In Doubt, Don't Drive.
"Driving while sleepy."- latchkey_adult
The Handrail Is There For A Reason.
"20 million severe injuries each year and at least 200,000 death from consequences of the fall."
"Both my grandparents died because of a fall."- OnTheGoodSideofLife
They Happen To The Best Of Us
"Especially among the elderly, a fall can create a cascade of events that results in death, even if it seems minor at first."-AdmiralBofa
Never Rush Chewing
"Statistically the most choked on food."- SpecSanders
Never Skip A Check-Up
"High Blood Pressure."
"It sneaks up on you and you don't know about it or don't care but it's the underlying cause of so many deaths."- Fear51
Never Underestimate The Importance Of Self Care
"Your body can only handle so much of it and it’s labeled the 'silent killer' for that reason."
"With your high blood pressure and the 5 hours of sleep a night because of the stress, It will creep up on you sooner than you think."- DroppedDonut
Don't Forget To Floss!
"Untreated dental problems."
"A cavity left untreated can lead to heart attacks and strokes."- Lastalmark
"Just regular old flu."
"Many people ignore it thinking it'll go away on its own."
"Globally the number per year is usually between 300k and 500k."
"In the US it can be anywhere from 12k to 50k per year."- PhreedomPhighter
Don't Feel Ashamed If You Need A Break
"I have two family friends pass from heart attacks associated to shoveling the snow."- JD054
There Are People Who Will Help You
"Alcoholism causing liver failure and it's on the rise in the USA."- Interesting_Drop8236
"Peruse your County ME’s records."
"The amount of people who die from alcohol is astounding."- hockenduke
Sometimes, It's Just Best To Mind Your Own Business
"You watch some Hollywood blockbusters and some MMA fights and you think you can do it too."
"I've seen stories of a guy minding his own business and gets rocked on the side of his head. It disconnected his spine and he was dead before he hit the ground."
"There was another story maybe a year ago of a scuffle where a guy was stabbed in the neck and bled out to the point of being unable to stand within 10 seconds."
"Stop f*cking around, it's not worth your life."- Choiceofart
We never know when our number is up or how we'll end our days.
However, with a little bit of care and good judgment, we can at least likely avoid falling victim to all of the above.
When Americans visit a foreign country, they tend to notice immediate cultural differences from the minute they step off the plane.
Unique bathroom designs, how you might have to be more specific when ordering coffee in Australia, how many businesses in Spain tend to shut down for a few hours to take a siesta.
Needless to say, this goes both ways, as when people from all over the world visit the United States, they tend to be surprised and amazed by a number of things.
Ranging from the amusing, such as portion sizes and ineffective tea brewing (at least for the Brits) to the truly baffling (HEALTHCARE).
"Non-American people, what’s a thing that you don’t understand about America?"
You Mean, People DON'T File Their Own Taxes Elsewhere?!?!
"Does every worker have to file their own taxes or am I just confused?"- ThePencil67
"Why they make you calculate your own taxes, if they know what you owe."- redder2023
"So, why do you buy politicians' merchandise? "
"Shirts, caps, banners, stickers, etc."
"They're public servants, not rockstars."
"Also, usually the more boring they are, the better."- akashyyConor Mckenna Influencer GIF by FoilArmsandHogGiphy
"Scottish person here but the work/always available for work culture."
"Minimal vacation time, minimal maternity/paternity leave and the fact you can pretty much just be let go."
"It makes me sad to think about it!"
"But I do love that you guys cram so much into your time off - you guys love a road trip!"- Frosty_Dragonfly_682
Definitely Something To Consider...
"What is up with Homeowner Associations?"
"Why would you pay to let a nosy neighbor dictate what you can and can not do on your own property?"
"I understand living in an apartment block and paying maintenance fees etc, but in a suburban home?"- Skoodledoo
There Are Some Good Observations
"The amount of National Parks!"
"My dream came true in 2017 to make an RV trip southwest off USA."
"Yosemite blew my mind away."- Independent-Ad9787national parks GIF by Visit The USAGiphy
"How you can say the word 'mirror' without the use of any vowels."
I Ordered A Small!
"Why everything is just SO damn supersized."
"My first time in America I went to get ice coffee from Dunkin Donuts, I ordered a large and my friend is like, 'are you sure you want large'?"
"Yeah no biggie, in the UK a large is not overwhelming I feel so I was expecting the same kinda thing."
"Oh my god it was like a god damn bucket of coffee."
"I think maybe a small would have been equivalent to a UK large, lesson swiftly learnt."
Some People Are Lucky To Just Have One Roommate...
"How you have to share a room with some complete rando when you go to college."- ChoppingOnionsForYouRoommates Move In GIF by James Madison UniversityGiphy
Some People Just Can't Stop Talking
"The culture of just talking to people, strangers you don't know and just up and start a conversation with them or join a conversation."
"I'm British, and we go through great lengths to not talk to people, let alone open up and pour our hearts out to a random person."- MrGlayden
In Other Words: Severs Deserve to Be Paid More!
"The tipping culture is so foreign to me, I would be so scared to make a mistake or not tipping enough if I ever go to America because it's not something which is common here in Denmark."- Cupsuu
The Commercials, Maybe?
"I’m American but I’ve worked with a lot of people who aren’t."
"The one thing they always wonder is why Americans are so obsessed with the NFL."
"They think it’s a boring sport."
"They explained 'you wait for 30 seconds, they hike the ball, you get about 5-10 seconds of action, then you wait another 30 seconds, another 5-10 seconds of action, then commercial break'."- yougotthesilver12Kansas City Chiefs Football GIF by Fighting Illini AthleticsGiphy
School Is No Place To Have Fun!
"My mom is from Moscow during the Soviet Era, and she is confused why there is no teacher-student hierarchy."
'She thinks it's weird when teachers participate in school plays or speak to students informally."
"She also DOES NOT GET pajama day."
"To her, it's just the weirdest thing in the world."
"In Russia, there is an important distinction between 'clothes for home' and 'clothes for outside'."
"They have a concept of 'home clothes', like your cozy or ugly clothes, that you are supposed to change into after school or work."
"At bedtime, you change out of your 'home clothes' into pajamas."
"As a result, pajamas, for both adults and children, are considered extra-extra private in Russia."
"My mom perceives pajama day as something extreme like wearing only undergarments to school."
"That's how private pajamas are considered to be in Russia!"- racheltolmach2022
A Debate Which Will Likely Never End
"MM/DD/YYYY"- SuvenPananimation domination calendar GIF by gifnewsGiphy
Living in America comes with a number of advantages and a number of detriments.
Speaking personally though, had I known I wouldn't have to file my own taxes in Australia, I would have expatriated long ago...