Job hunting can be stressful and trying to fill a position can be equally as frustrating. So let's all work together shall we? When interviewing or applying for a job for the love of all that is holy, at least know your basics!
Make sure your contact info is on your resume. (I'm serious, it's a real issue) Don't oversell your abilities. Stick with your goals and your facts. The list is endless. You'd think resume building was never taught. Pay attention!
Redditor khlose wanted recruiters to help us out by asking... Recruiters of Reddit, what is the one instant turn-off that people still have on their resumes?
Did you want a cookie and a juice box for your efforts?Giphy
The other day I had someone list "Pre-School" along with the name of the school under their education section.
People who tie themselves in knots to fit exactly into whatever resume template they are using. Combining jobs because you want to list 4 but the template has space for 3.
Using a template with like 8 bullet points for "awards" and digging so deep you're listing "second grader of the month May 1992."
I usually point to the offending section and ask "what are you trying to tell the person reading this?" And if you cant answer that question it doesn't need to be there.
Wow. You're special.Giphy
My friend had someone come into his work with a resume a few years back, one of the "achievements" he had listed was, "Able to walk extremely long distances without getting tired."
Less is more love....
They have just stacks and stacks of pages . Like 40 page resumes.
You're not sending texts to mom...Giphy
Not using something as simple as capital letters at the start of sentences. And capitalizing words that do not need to be capitalized.
Why don't you call Russia.Giphy
I had a resume once state for work experience being "Hacker - The Internet."
Other gems included in the resume were:
"I've been both fired and hired for hacking various things," "I've never been convicted of a computer crime"
I will admit it gave me a chuckle but certainly was a deterrent for the job.
Don't mix it up with your Tinder profile...
My brother works at camping world and told me someone wrote on their resume "If you don't want me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." Who the hell puts that on a resume? What does that have to do with goddamn camping world? She was 29 years old for gods sake.
Call a therapist...Giphy
This isn't common nor should be, but I'm gonna share it anyway. A guy turned in a resume for a sales job with a picture of his face and a pie chart breaking down his "amazing" traits like listening and dedication.
Don't annoy me!
I'm not a recruiter but I have been in charge of hiring, and I hate objectives. They're useless and waste space, in my opinion. Also I don't like repetitive bullet points; if you did the same thing at a bunch of different jobs, mix it up and show me what OTHER things you did at the jobs.
They're not dealbreakers of course, just annoyances.
Know your audience!Giphy
I've spent years eyeballs-deep in a couple of much-beloved MMOs - I've been there, pulled the all-nighters, rolled on the loot, I get it - so I can almost understand the temptation, but please for the love of God don't start banging on about how leading your guild and planning raid strategies is remotely connected to the job you're applying for.
Have a pulse...
I hire a lot of front-end developers and UI/UX designers. About a quarter of the resumes I consider have a portfolio or personal site link that is dead. Make sure your site is live before you send out your resume!
How are the basics not already obvious?Giphy
Typos, irrelevant information especially, recently a resume came in that had the person's name, contact info, high school info, and 1 job experience: McDonalds. The whole resume was 1/3rd sheet of paper.
We loved it, its all we needed to know, compared to mr. I like to take long walks on the beach. We really don't have time to read even the page you submit, so if it has to be a page, it better be good.
Also we had a guy send a 5 page resume, which is extreme but it was for a higher position, still 5 pages. The kicker is that one of the pages was a full blown headshot selfie.
He didn't get a call back.
The only thing I don't already see mentioned here already is a mission statement for a totally different industry.
"Looking for an exciting career in zookeeping" while applying to an office job is a great way to see that you're going to leave as soon as you get the job you ACTUALLY wanted.
To a lesser extent, also really vague mission statements. That shows you have no idea what you want, which can be fine in some contexts, but is going to lose out to someone who knows they want the job in question. If you're trying to create a generic resume, just leave that bit out. If you know what type of career you're looking for, it's maybe worth including.
There isn't a point system...
This one goes out to you Designers out there. I have worked with some well respected graphic designers throughout University and during my career who have been in the field for many years.
Now as graphic designers, your resume is the recruiters first taste at your design skills. That being said, I've seen many new designers put a chart displaying their efficiency in various Adobe or design skills.
x x x x o - Adobe Photoshop
x x x x x - Adobe Illustrator
x x x o o - Photography
x x x x o - Drawing
Every person Ive talked to who hires designers hates when people do this. Often times you will be doing yourself more harm than good by showing your skillset like this. Simply stating your professional skills and not ranking yourself will always be the better choice. Let your portfolio show your levels of proficiency.
Not so comical...Giphy
Not common but a couple months ago, this kid applied to my clinic for assistant stuff. The damn thing was in Comic Sans. Yuck.
I actually felt bad so I sent him an email with small pointers and improvements he could do on his resume. Doing my civic duty yippee!
Blah, blah, blah... I'm bored!
Ridiculous corporate jargon – "In my last position, I leveraged synergies between business units to create value and a win-win scenario which empowered other business units to think outside the box and take a deep dive into core competencies to create buy-in and game changing results." Next.
Unprofessional emails, it takes two minutes to set up a new one, no need to keep the one you set up at 15. If you would be embarrassed for someone to read it aloud in front of a office full of people, get a new one.
Cliche action words with no purpose to them. I'm looking for skills on a CV not to see if you're a dynamic, friendly person who likes to hang out with friends and go to the movies.
Team player but can work well on my own - we all can a CV can't prove that.
It takes a recruiter 30secs to read a CV, I want your experience to jump out at me, lengthy, wordy CVs make me want to put it to the back of the pile, I'm not reading 10 pages of a project you did 15years ago whilst on your placement year. If you have the experience I'll be calling you to find out more, so keep it all relevant and but too the point. 2 pages for a low level role, 4 tops for management.
Is God holding appointments?Giphy
How has no one mentioned the Bible verse quotes?! Or do I just get all the nutjobs who think that's appropriate for a bloody resume?
Kim Kardashian? Is that you?Giphy
Adding Facebook, Twitter and Instagram under "technical skills."
I interview candidates for entry-level positions that require some light computer operations ability. People in this position use a computer to input reports and attach items to documents in a way very similar to how email works. This part of the job is something any 10 year old in America could be taught to do.
One candidate attached a resume file written in a version of WordPerfect from the 1980s. The file was unreadable, but he was a recommendation from one of our senior managers so I called him anyway. I set up the interview appointment, and he sounded excited to come in. I told him to bring a physical paper copy of his resume in to the interview. He seemed very distressed by this request, and said "I'll see what I can do."
The next day, he shows up for his interview. He hands me a sheet of paper that looks like a passable resume format, and I set it aside to look at later. Then we do the interview. He's a nice guy and I don't hate him, but he's very obviously wrong for the job. I thank him for his time and let him know we'll be getting back to him soon. I spend a minute thinking about how I'm going to explain to the senior manager who recommended this guy that he's not going to work out, and I'm more than a little annoyed that said manager would even suggest this guy as a candidate in the first place. While I'm thinking about all of this, the candidate sticks his head back into the office.
I say, "Hello again."
He says, "Hey, sorry but I forgot something."
I glance around and don't see anything. "What did you forget?"
He says, "I'm going to need that resume back. I only made one copy."
I'm stunned. For a second I think he's making a really bad joke, and I'm looking all over his face for any sign of humor or anything at all in his expression to help me figure out what the heck he's talking about. We stare at each other awkwardly, me with a blank expression, and him with an expectant "sorry about that!" kind of grimace. He finally glances down at his resume, the sheet of paper I set aside on my desk. It slowly dawns on me that this guy actually wants me to give his resume back to him.
So I did. Good luck in life, pal. You're gonna need it.
Love is crazy. I've finally come to that conclusion. And marriage, you take your life in your hands and just throw caution to the wind in hopes of survival with that step.
When love falls apart, things can get real messy, real fast. And I've always been stunned by people's behavior when love subsides.
More often than not, it's like they become different people. Sometimes people are beset by tragedy and grief and sometimes people smile wide and move on. It's a coin toss.
But my favorite post divorce personality has to be the sudden super villain. Oh honey watch out for them!
Redditor u/hyperyog wanted to hear all the tea from the divorcees out there by asking:
Divorced Redditors, what is the craziest thing you or your former spouse did after divorce?
I once had a friend who burned her ex's house down when he wasn't home. He had started seeing someone almost immediately, so she thought, lemme set their sparks. Yeah, she wasn't well. Whatever happened to just a quick goodbye?
Swipeddean winters crying GIF by MayhemGiphy
"She removed the retaining clips for my windshield wipers, but put the wipers back on the arms. First storm after I got my car back from her, driver side wiper flew off the car on Interstate 40. Good times."
"He wrote suicide notes and put them in my kids backpacks for them/me to find. Then he turned off his phone and went to a coworkers house to play crib and have drinks.. all the while knowing I would be freaking out searching for him thinking he was in danger or worse. Thankfully my kids didn't see the notes and didn't know what was going on. This was just one of the many, many crazy things he did. Two years out and he just recently stopped showing up at my work and driving by my house at night."
A Sad End
"Died of a drug overdose. To be fair, her drug addiction was the reason for the divorce, so maybe that isn't too crazy."
"That's so incredibly difficult to have gone through. I unfortunately know the depths of this kind of pain, and while I'm sure the circumstances surrounding it are different, the loss that still happened is a tragedy. My condolences."
"Stalked me for 5 years. Would make fake social media profiles to try to follow me (which I would block endlessly) and would try to find where I worked so she could talk to me. This lady cheated on me with 7 different men 2 months after we were married. I kicked her a** to the curb and made her sign the court papers."
"When we had our day in court she cried in the judges office while I just wanted to get this crap done. After, my dad was with me and he threw 50 dollars at her and told her to "change your freaking last name." Good guy Pops. I haven't seen or heard from her in about 5 years, thank goodness."
Take it All!skin care spinning GIF by Primal Life OrganicsGiphy
"I had an ex-boyfriend go through my apartment and take back every gift he had given me that he could find. Then he went in my bedside table and took the condoms. And the vibrator he had given me."
See now, when I'm out... I'm out! I don't want to see you, hear from you or know you. I wish you well in life, but please live it far from me. Anyone agree? Clearly not the people here. Let's continue...
For the Boybicycling father and son GIF by NETFLIXGiphy
"All I wanted was custody of my son, I gave her everything else except one of our cars. She fought me through 5 hearings, I won. She never came to see him again."
"My ex cheated on me the week my mom died in the hospital. She spent a year and a half trying to get in touch with me. She would call my old work and make fake accounts trying to message me on FB. It was insane. She later sends a certified letter explaining she was sorry that she did what she did and that she aborted our child."
"Wanted me to meet her somewhere so she could apologize face to face. She already married some other guy that she had children with and was still trying to get in touch with me. I never understood her."
"After years of telling me she wanted a child, that she wanted to be a mom, that her life's dream was to be a stay at home mom, she got pregnant with the first guy she slept with while we were getting divorced and put the kid up for adoption even before it was born. This was a long-standing thing with her, she always wanted something (car, house, dog, cat, marriage, etc) and the second she got it she immediately hated it."
"Called me and pretended he had been hit by a car while we were talking. He even tried to voice the crowd that had gathered around his "body." God-awful acting, but pretty funny listening to him try to mimic a woman's voice. Points for trying to be inclusive, I guess."
"I think he was trying to get me to re-live my trauma of being on the phone with a friend who actually HAD been hit by a car while we were talking. Too bad he didn't realize that hearing the real thing is worlds different than hearing a dumba** try to act it out."
"I was sending 600 dollars a month to support my daughter because she's the only thing I give a sh!t about. My ex texts me and tells me I need to be sending 1200 a month because she's broke and can't pay her bills and I should feel guilty about it. She left me for another guy while I was on deployment I told her to go screw herself--call my lawyer."
Pop OffTom Hanks Drinking GIF by The Good FilmsGiphy
"Took the sodas from the fridge as he walked out the door. Dumfounded."
See, I blame Alanis Morissette and her "Jagged Little Pill" album. All I'm going to say is... the secret song. I think she gave people ideas. (I love that song) Y'all, seek therapy if you can't shake people. When it's done, let it be done.
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Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay is highly regarded for his delicious plates, his ability to run a solid restaurant, and, let's face it, his stage presence.
He's also a foul-mouthed Brit who is all too willing to dismantle people's self-esteems and compare them to livestock animals.
Alas, as watching all reality television goes, we love to see the crashing and burning.
But what if the shoe was on the other foot? What if you were the one being torn into by the sailor of all chefs, Mr. Gordon Ramsay.
Wondering what horrible dishes were lurking in unknown kitchens all over the place, Redditor FalloutSl*t413 asked:
"What's something you made that was 100% delicious but Gordon Ramsay would slap you for anyway?"
Some people talked about those purely functional meals that are just perfect for piling on enough protein and calories to get through the day.
"My mom used to make us 'Volcanoes.' Mashed potatoes topped with ground beef with some ketchup. I still tear it up to this day."
Quick and Easy
"I make weeknight 'enchiladas.' "
"You stick frozen taquitos in a casserole dish and cover them with canned or frozen chili and cheese. Bake them until everything's hot, serve with a dollop of sour cream. They sound disgusting but they taste amazing, and they take like, five minutes to prep."
"I know it looks like, smells like, and probably tastes like cat food but potted meat sandwiches. Look, when you're poor as hell and you can make 3 sandwiches with one little can that cost like 20 cents, it's pretty good."
"While I'm at it, Treet and bologna are pretty great. I have the taste palette of a raccoon and I like it that way."
"When I was younger I would make this thing where it was a patty melded of:"
- "a can of tuna"
- "two eggs
"And I would eat that almost daily, pan-fried, for lunch. Just slap me now and lets get it over with."
Others shared the recipes they make to feel fancy despite being totally trashy.
A Nuanced Process
"I call them 'chicken puffs.' Some par-cooked chicken (white or dark meat, either works) with sauteed serrano peppers and onions and garlic."
"All wrapped in crescent roll dough in little balls (a bit smaller than a baseball), put in a casserole tray filled juuuuust above the top of the little dough balls with cream of roasted chicken soup. Baked to completion/safety."
"Overly indulgent and delicious."
A Famous Side
"I consistently make a box of pastaroni angel hair and herbs as a side with meals I prepare for people. EVERYONE always asks for the recipe LOL please don't tell my secret"
Just a Couple Additions
" 'Fancy Ramen' Ramen made normal. Don't mix seasoning. Drain water. Add Mayo. Then mix in seasoning. And Volia. A lot of people question it. Until they try it."
Others outlined the things they eat that combine some ingredients it may seem disgusting to mix together.
Throw An Egg On There
"Fu** it lasagna, alternating layers of bread and shredded cheese (your choice which, I use cheddar) then crack an egg on top and put it in the microwave. Old depression meal, but it still holds up."
Hard to Wrap Your Head Around
"As a kid I would eat a banana with a cheese slice. Haven't tried it in years but it might hold up" -- Send_it_to_me
"Let's not" -- Sea-Entertainer-4974
"When I was younger I would make toast with peanut butter on it, then add pepperoni. Delicious then but I cringe thinking about trying it today"
The truly horrifying thing? There are so many more recipes out there that would leave Ramsay trembling.
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People love to talk about food. There are blogs, books, television shows, conversations in bars and farmers markets. In all likelihood, there is a recipe swap happening right this second in some deep corner of a suburb somewhere.
But sometimes talk is a lot of hot air. And the topic of food sure isn't immune to that criticism.
You can't get through a day without some telling you what "you gotta try."
The problem is, talking about food is often far more exciting than the food itself.
Redditor anicaodha asked:
"What food is overhyped?"
Many people were angry about garnishes. They hated the way restaurants try to entice people to eat certain menu items by slapping some kitschy ingredient on there.
A Very Expensive Burger
"Anything with gold flakes, absolutely pointless." -- Spend_Total
"ugh, i just remembered throwing up gold flakes from goldschlager, yuck!" -- spaceygracie12
"Aka how to add a crunch to your dish like a douche." -- CakeBot_TheReckoning
Catches the Eye Though
"Any rainbow food, rainbow grilled cheese, rainbow smoothie..."
"Just a cheap money grab."
No Breath On My Meal Please
"Dragon's breath/ nitro puffs or any dessert that contains liquid nitrogen to make it look cool." -- throwjango
"This stuff exists? God, I'm out of the loop." -- -The-Magic-8-Ball
"Truffle oil, usually doesn't contain a single truffle." -- BlckontheMoon
"The 1 thing I love about Truffle oil is I've never seen someone use it on a cooking competition show and not lose." -- igotmadshirts
Some people talked about the big trends that they just never could quite figure out.
That Almighty Nectar
"Remember when people were treating Nutella like it was the second coming of Christ?" -- Grapezard
"I had an Italian friend once invite me to his birthday party in high school. His mom made a Nutella pie and it was one of the greatest desserts I've never had the pleasure of trying again. It was so simple, like a soft flaky dough covered with Nutella."
"I don't want to come out of the blue and ask this kid for his mom's recipe 15 years later so I'll just suffer I suppose." -- JupiterTarts
"Red velvet is literally a red chocolate cake that has nowhere near enough chocolate and to much red food coloring. It literally was invented when done dudes chocolate turned kinda red when he added vinegar to the chocolate cake mix."
"Friends loved the color, but it was finicky to get the red color without changing flavor of cake, so he decided to use red food coloring."
"Fu**ing Avocado Toast.
"Avocado is a buck. Toast is few cents. Avocado Toast is $10+"
And some discussed the things that people insist are fancy and delectable, but are really just run of the mill entirely.
Meat is Meat?
"steak is good, and I'd even say a high quality steak can be very very good. But people act like it's better than busting a nut and that's just not true. It's just meat"
"Lobster. It's good, but poor value given it's almost always the most expensive protein available."
"Plus most places just drown it in butter, which again, fine, but if all you taste is butter, why spend that much?"
Depends on the House
" 'Housemade' ketchup. Give me the damn Heinz and get your banana aoili mess away from me." -- peanutbutterallytime
"I live in Pittsburgh and I have seen multiple restaurants try and fail to make housemade ketchup work. Every single time they go back to Heinz." -- HooBoy401
So if you find yourself tired of hearing people go on and on about something you don't go wild over, know that there are others fuming too.
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It's not easy to always do the right thing.
Which is why most people don't usually do the right thing. Doing the right thing involves a lot of thought, empathy for others, and a self-awareness of your place in the world. You're not making a choice just for yourself, you're more often than not doing it for someone else. This, in itself, presents a difficult hill for most people to climb so, usually, they feel it's easier to make the selfish choice.
Doesn't mean people always do. They can surprise you sometimes.
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.
What's the hardest moral decision you've ever had to make?
Even when the choice amounts to something small, it can still matter to someone else.
How Dare You Make Me Morally Astute?!
"This is small potatoes compared to most of the people on this thread but many years ago I was travelling and had very little money. I went to a stall at a market, handed them a 10 dollar bill. Item cost 5 dollars but instead of handing me a five dollar note, the handed me a 50."
"I was walking away from the stall when noticed. My first thought was BONUS. But I had lately been hanging out with a bunch of people who were really into karma. So I stormed back to the stall, slammed the 50 down on the counter and told them off for making me make moral decisions. Lady behind the counter was like "ahhhhhh, thanks"
Didn't Believe The First Time, But Can't Deny Visual Evidence
"I told a co-worker his wife was cheating on him. It ruined our friendship for a good amount of time, until he caught her himself."
"To bad he couldn't just believe you."
Owning Up To The Mistake
"Fessing up to an error I made at work that cost the company 5k. I was a manager and misinterpreted a sales promotion. I almost lost my job, this is the one time that telling the truth actually saved me. It's true what they say that the cover up is usually worse than the crime. Lesson learned.."
Doing something morally correct when it comes to family can be tricky. On one hand, you don't want to ruffle the feathers of the people you're going to be related to for the rest of your life...which is how family works.
On the other hand, do the right thing.
Making The Best Call For Your Children
"Removing the mother of my two sons out of their lives completely as she was unfit and abusive while I was on deployment. They were 3-4 years old then and now they are 17 and 15 with their mother never attempting to come back into their lives which I would prefer at this point."
Because They're Going To Be Sad Later...
"My grandmother died, and I lied to my parents about it."
"My grandparents were 95 and my parents hadn't had a vacation in 30 years. So when she passed away with only 5 days remaining on their vacation, my family decided not to ruin it for them; instead, we'd plan the entire funeral and if my mother wanted to make adjustments when she returned, we'd arrange it for her; there was nothing they could do to get her back."
"Having to decide on the DNR (do not resuscitate) order for my father who had been victim to a massive stroke..."
"I know millions have done it before and millions will again but to me it was devastating....."
"As a health worker, you did the right thing by your father. I've come across families of patients who keep them alive for their own peace of mind while the patient themselves is tired and in alot of pain mentally and physically from the constant treatments and would rather rest from it all. Don't feel bad for your decision."
Never doubt your actions when it comes to protecting children.
"Calling CPS on a student's family after she begged me not to. CPS did an investigation and she was pissed at me for months until the vice principal had a talk with her and explained that I only did it because I care and didn't want her to get hurt."
"That VP is awesome. I sat in his office while he coached me through the call, since it was my first time calling CPS."
Standing Up For Your Friend, Even When No One Else Will
"I was in high school and my best friend was being bullied on the bus. She brought a knife to school and had previously mentioned a list of people. I cried a lot when I went to the principal to turn her in. I knew I was ruining her life but I wanted her to get help. I didn't want anyone to get hurt because we were all just kids. She was expelled and forced into therapy. We had been friends since we were 11."
"My mom listened on the phone line when I was trying to comfort my friend (while absolutely not admitting it was me) and my mom jumped on and told her I'm not allowed to be her friend anymore. I had told my mom I had turned her in and she had no empathy for this girl. Because I had been bullied and stood up for myself and never "did anything like that". My friend was getting cornered on the bus by 4 people whereas I was normally taunted in public and was lucky enough to always have an upperclassmen or school employee around to help me out. I felt guilty about turning her life upside down for many years but would do it again because she did get help."
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/