You want a job? You desperately need said job? Then why is it difficult to pay attention when crafting your resume? It's literally you're calling card!
I know there are better ways to make a resume than others, some people actually assist job searchers with resumes as their job, but a basic, run of the resume will suffice when getting started.
All you have to do is not be ridiculous. Don't get crazy. Just give them the basic information and make sure your grammar is correct. It's called spell check.
HR recruiters have a ton of tips for us, so listen up.
Redditor u/scottlottle wanted to help us see the signs clearly, by asking:
HR recruiters, what is considered a huge red flag on someone's resume?
I've been in hiring positions several times over the course of my life. The first thing that always stood out, was overkill. I don't need to know about your childhood pets and kindergarten classes. Who can agree?
SchemesAwkward Season 2 GIF by The OfficeGiphy
"When their job title says "entrepreneur" and their description just screams pyramid scheme."
BECAUSE HE LISTED THE BAR ON HIS RESUME...
"So not a recruiter, but I was helping my then manager go over resumes. We googled one dude, and the first thing that pops up is an article about someone getting tried for manslaughter or homicide for selling bad (hard drugs contaminated with something) drugs at the bar he worked at as a bartender, complete with extensive interviews from coworkers saying they were pretty sure he'd sold contaminated drugs purposely. And we know it was the same dude, BECAUSE HE LISTED THE BAR ON HIS RESUME."
"A very unprofessional email is definitely one. You see some insane emails. I knew someone who got an email address that had "big daddy" in it. For anyone who needs a professional email address, personally I find any combination of your first, middle, last names, initials, and birthdate are all acceptable. In fact any numbers but 420, 69, etc. And 123 is fine."
"We saw a guy apply for a masters degree internship in a scientific lab saying on the last page of his resume that he had invented the seventh law of magnetism or something like that followed by a nonsense description of what it was. The rest of the resume was absolutely fine, and we reminded ourselves that it is always crucial to read a resume to the end before making any decision. And a piece of advice for anyone who applies somewhere and think they have an unrecognized discovery worth a Nobel prize: have it recognized before you put it on your resume."
Smile!Crazy Eyes Smile GIF by CBeebies HQGiphy
"Depending on the job, when they include all their social media accounts and a headshot."
It's like people are drunk or high when they throw these resumes together and they're still blitzed when they send their CV's along. Big Daddy? I mean really? And enough with the glamour shots, you're not cute.
Marked UpCat Ok GIF by Bu2maGiphy
"When my partner was a manager he once received a resume with a watermark tiger as the background. How he didn't hire them on the spot, I'll never know."
"My father-in-law was once involved in a hiring process and saw a resume he threw out very quickly. Not only was it chronological instead of antichronological (not a red flag per se, but not very practical either). The first (and oldest) achievement the applicant put on it was her "shoelacing diploma." Yes, the thing we get in kindergarten when you have learned to tie your shoes. According to the applicant, it proved that she was a go-getter. To him, it proved that she lacked common sense."
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to detail as 5/5...
"Not in HR but I was recruiting nurses a few months back and had one resume that had a cover page with a large (approx A5 equiv) centred photo. I'm not fond of these in healthcare resumes. Then on the first page of the resume was a scale where she ranked herself out of 5."
"She rated her communication and attention to detail as 5/5 but her teamwork as 2/5. I didn't like the scoring and even worse I didn't like the low teamwork score where she applied for a ward nursing job. To top it off it was riddled with grammatical, spelling and presentation errors. Clearly attention to detail wasn't a 5/5."
"I used to run training program, and we had about 4000 applicants for 200 positions each year. Bad grammar and spelling automatically got a resume thrown out, because the job required so much writing. Also, get the name of the agency correct! I had one applicant, who claimed she was a PhD candidate, talk about the Health and Human Cervixes. WTF? Inappropriate email. One guy had something like Pimp69 for his email. He listed a website of his, and it had a rear nude. Dude. Just what?"
Backlog...Book Typography GIFGiphy
"I once had someone hand in a resume with 6 whole pages of job history, each one described with a paragraph of detail about the skills she'd learned and what the role involved. There must have 20 jobs on there? At least. She had also put the dates she started and left each job.... the longest was four months face palm."
"As someone who went through the ringers in the architecture field and now part of the hiring process. My advice is to keep resumes to one page. We really don't have time to go through two pages of awards and merits. And portfolios that are above 10 pages really are not necessary."
"We have gotten 30-40 page portfolios that are incomplete and look ugly. I rather see 5-10 good pages and a solid one page resumes. It automatically signals fluff to us, especially when the portfolio lacks substance. Through my career I have always done 1 page resume, 2 page portfolios, and letters of recommendation."
"Then on my resume or in emails I give a link to my full portfolio, and full website about my merits. Also as of lately this whole "google architect" is real. For example , we have seen a latest trend in work not being original. Almost blatant copies."
"Was recruiting a while back for a couple of positions in my company. Got one cv that was 18 pages long detailing in minute detail everything this guy had done at previous jobs. Another included a 75 page portfolio. Suffice to say neither got an interview. One of the guys that got the job brought a short portfolio of a few pages with plenty of pictures to the interview. Far more appropriate."
Pants on Fire
"Had to check a few resumes for our vacant position. My biggest problem is lying:
- Candidate says they have a lot of experience with a certain technology, but when asked, doesn't know anything.
- Dates of employment or education don't match up. Had a guy claiming he had 4 jobs at the same time.
- Experience doesn't add up: don't claim you have 10 years of experience with a framework created 5 years ago." - DrDonut21
"Not HR, but recruited many times. Poor grammar and spelling. No relevant experience. Inconsistent fonts and layout. Too long. A well worded resume should convey enough in two pages to elicit an interview."
"Having a 4 month stint on your resume only once is fine as long as you're up front about it. I worked at a company for a short period of time but left because the CEO was a psycho who created a toxic atmosphere. I called a recruiter who told me to leave it on my resume and be up front about it if I was asked. I'm at a brilliant company now but it's up to the people hiring to understand that sometimes jobs don't work out, which is okay."
"One of my first Reddit arguments was with someone who said you should show up to a business you're interested in working at and hand deliver your resume. I worked front desk reception at the time, and I said that would only result in me putting your resume through the shredder, that we have very specific ways we hire for jobs and if you can't follow those basic directions, you're definitely not going to be hired. He said if that's how companies felt and they didn't give him the respect he deserves, he wouldn't want to work for that company anyway. 🤷♀️"
For the Company
"This is why my company doesn't use HR for hiring. H.R. doesn't work with the employees, the managers do. H.R. will weed out perfect applicants over the silliest things and give preference to people for things totally unrelated to the job. Our managers get the resumes and applications and they choose who to interview."
"HR then conducts background checks and verifications. Their decisions can be over-ruled by upper management. When our company started using an HR staff to do all the hiring, we ran into a horrible staffing shortage and what new hires we did get were unworkable."
"The company's profits dropped and long reliable employees quit because of the bureaucracy that an HR office created. The owner fired half the HR staff and limited the remaining HR staff to compliance issues and payroll paperwork. Our managers do all the recruiting and hiring. Employees are happy and the company is thriving again."
"I left a law enforcement job with no notice due to my supervisor breaking a court order and doing something illegal. I tried to notify his superiors but nobody cared. Finding a new job in the same field has proven challenging, other agencies don't seem to care about why I left, only that I left a job after 8.5 years with no notice."
Poor FidoWhat Is It Reaction GIF by Nebraska Humane SocietyGiphy
"Saw this once work experience- dog walking Reason for leaving - the dog died."
A Good Laugh
"A guy I knew some 20 years ago sent in a job application on paper he had previously used for another purpose. The company wrote back to say "while we applaud your commitment to the environment, we suggest you do not in future use recycled paper for this purpose" which was considerate of them. I laughed at him."
How to piece together a resume. How to properly and simply apply for work. These should be classes in elementary school. Good luck people.
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When you want the job, you do what you have to do. Everyone lies about education and experience. Is that right? No.
They want people with Master's degrees to start at $12 an hour. That's where we are, and so we may have to fudge a few facts or six.
And most of the time, it all turns out for the best, because qualifications often solidify with experience. Why is that so underrated? Let's see how "fibs" work out once in awhile.
Redditor u/pynergy1 wanted everyone to share the times we've all fibbed to get that coin by asking:
People who've lied on their resume and actually got the job that they were unqualified for, what ended up happening?
I've never been honest on a resume, well except for this job. And that's because I had to give writing samples. So there is an idea, demand proof, in real time.
BilingualTalk Talking GIF by WikipediaGiphy
"I got an insultingly small raise for speaking a 2nd language, and since none of my bosses spoke Spanish, they never figured out that my skill level was comparable to that of a toddler. All of our Hispanic customers found it adorable."
"Not me but I remember seeing someone who clearly did. I got hired as a contractor for a major brand pretty much everyone has heard of. They had a lean fiscal year and laid off a large portion of their front office people. Me and anther person were hired to help fill in some holes left by the people let go."
"On our first day we were being shown some basic tasks and how to work with the database. I had a notebook with me and was taking some notes and asking a lot of questions. The other person looked like they saw a ghost. By the time we came back from lunch the other person miraculously got a better job offer and left never to return."
On the Assembeley
"I worked on an assembly line making oilfield tools, told them I had oilfield experience. Got sent to an offshore oil rig a few months later. Turns out you're just picking up heavy crap and getting picked on for the first few months anyways."
"I loved the fraternity vibe, and messing with and getting messed with. I still keep in contact with a lot of guys I met and over all it was a great experience. I cleared about $75K my first year and my hourly rate was 14/hr if that gives you an idea of how much you are working. That's when oil was 100/barrel and bonuses were pretty nice."
"My very first job "in finance" was as a Data entry clerk for a mortgage lender. They asked if I could type 70+ wpm, I lied and said I could. I really could type about 25 wpm. When I got the offer, I spent everyday till my hire date practicing the crap outta my typing speed. Got up to about 50 wpm, which was enough to overlook my first two weeks of the job. By the time I got promoted to underwriting a year later, could easily type 80+wpm, and knew 10 key by touch."
SaluteGIF by Broad CityGiphy
"Not me, but my Dad when he was drafted for WWII. They asked if he could touch type, he said yes. I don't think he had even seen a typewriter. But they put him in intelligence because of his answer and no one ever questioned his typing skills."
Well sometimes it all doesn't work out. That's why you have to be prepared to learn quickly when you're telling a lie. Prepare your lies, that's rule number one. And be simple in your tall tales.
6 Years LaterKermit The Frog Reaction GIFGiphy
"I said I was proficient in software I had never used before. When I got asked for an interview, I learned enough to BS my way through. When I got the job, I spent the next two weeks learning the crap out of that software. 6 years of using it all day every day, and training other people how to use it, I'd say I did pretty good."
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"Not me, but a guy I've worked with on occasion had gone to school to become an architect. There was a prestigious firm that he really wanted to work for but they kept rejecting him. Still, he didn't stop applying and one day they said they had an opening but it wasn't for architecture, rather wayfinding (like designing directional signage etc. for facilities or even cities), and they asked if he had experience doing this. He lied and said yes and got the job. Now the guy is in his 70s, about to retire, and is super well known for his creative and clever wayfinding systems."
"Not me but my sister. A little background, we're mixed(ish). Our dad is white and our mom is Hispanic. I learned Spanish later on but my sister never learned it, but maybe because my mom and I are fluent in both Spanish and English I guess my sister thought she was fluent in Spanish by proxy."
"So on her application she lied and said she was fluent in Spanish. She didn't know at the time but the company's clientele was roughly 85% Hispanic, most of whom spoke little to no English. She had the job for a couple hours."
Tell the Truth
"College buddy left after four years or so. Couple years later we are hanging out and he is a energy commodity analyst. Wtf? Lied and said he had a mathematics degree. They never checked, he did well. Couple years later he gets a huge promotion to switch to another company. Tells the truth that time. They hire on the condition he finishes his degree. They got busy, told him to drop out. He is now a C level executive of a smaller energy logistics company."
PivotFriends Lol GIF by HBO MaxGiphy
"Said I could do pivot tables. Had a very basic knowledge of Excel. Got the job and literally never had to do a pivot table 🤣 Picked up a lot just by playing around with Excel too."
The Long Haul
"I applied for a job as a truck driver. The only experience I had was in a vehicle the size of a small U-Haul, delivering for a Vietnam veterans fundraising organization. Almost 18 years later, I'm still behind the wheel for the same company, and I've gotten my commercial driver's license."
Just Show Up!
"My uncle did this. Showed up for a mass interview. They said they would call people they wanted after. He didn't get a call, but found out where people were supposed to go the first day. He just showed up! I think when he was asked, he just told them that he had been told to come, even though his name wasn't on the list. He retired from that company about 45yrs later."
"When my dad first arrived as an immigrant, he took an ESL class which among other things coached students on how to get a job. The teacher literally got up there and said, "here's how you get a job in America: lie." So my dad lies and told a construction crew he could drive a forklift. The first day, they asked him to get on the forklift. My dad said, oh, I only know how to use a different model of forklift. So they taught him how to drive the forklift, and he worked there for 20 years."
And you are?hired money GIF by OriginalsGiphy
"My boss hired someone that called the store and said, "I would like to confirm my interview is on this date." My coworker had never actually submitted an application or resume, my boss just assumed it got misplaced."
I got away with it!
"I was desperate for work after grad school, and lied about my skills in Salesforce (CRM software), when asked about it at the interview. I'd never even heard of it before! I claimed I've used it plenty, and the interviewer kept asking one question after another about Salesforce and I was so desperate, and also so embarrassed about lying, that my only choice was to lie even further to cover up the original lies."
"So by the end of the interview, I had dug myself into a hole of lies so deep, the only way I got out of it was because my new manager has obviously never used Salesforce herself either. So I get the job, and I'm thrown head first into becoming the team's new Salesforce wizard. Thankfully it was pretty easy to learn, and since I used it every day/all day long, I'd become pretty skilled at it in a few weeks. It's now the most honest part of my resume!"
The Little Lie
"It wasn't on my resume, per se. But when I was in my early 20s (55 now) I was working for a company doing basically video editing. They needed someone in the IT department, and the manager knew I had a home PC and asked me if I "knew anything about mainframes."
"I lied, said I did, and he transferred me. He figured out pretty quickly that I was full of crap, decided I was still the best candidate, rolled up his sleeves and taught the crap out of me. Over 30 years later, he's still the best boss I ever had, taught me how to be a husband and a father, taught me how to manage projects large and small and how to manage teams large and small."
"Still one of my best friends, considers me his second son and I certainly consider him my second father, and I've had an IT career ever since. Been the Director of IT for 3 separate companies, plus owned my own technical consulting firm, etc. So, that little lie worked out pretty good, I think."
"Not me but have a friend who had basically zero experience in IT security make his Helpdesk experience on a resume look like he handled security related tasks and issues for years. Ended up getting an entry level IT security position and today is now a Senior IT security engineer making 150k."
Hey AlaskaSaturday Night Live Finger Guns GIF by HULUGiphy
"I hired someone like this. In the interview he claimed to have experience working with all of our equipment and we hired him."
"He showed up from Alaska and had absolutely no idea what any of it was or how it worked. I spent three months training him on the most basic equipment and he couldn't figure it out."
"We hired someone who lied on their resume, it took about 2 weeks but we fired them. They later applied to a similar position with a different team in the same company and referenced working on my team. So yeah, they didn't get hired when the obvious reference check was made."
"I've also known of 2 cases where people were so bad at their jobs, it prompted someone to look up their degree and find it was fake. They got fired, and in one case sued. If you are going to lie, try to not lie big, or about something easily provable."
"I was running the network for a pretty big company and the boss hired a temp to help me with a project. He claimed to have a lot of experience with Cisco routers. Within 2 days it was obvious that he had no experience at all, didn't even know how to log in to the router. He was fired by my company and blacklisted by the temp agency."
The truth is always best, until its not. But trying to do better in life is hardly a malevolent motive. Some small lies on a resume still prove to be productive. And nowadays you can learn anything on YouTube. That counts as a work study.
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Times are tough and that makes the job hunt even more of a "Hunger Games" situation. I understand needing to do everything you can to be the best you can be, so that you can be sure to rise above the rest, but let's not get carried away people. When constructing a resume there are literally thousands of online tutorials to choose from. Please seek them out. Rule #1... more is always too much.Redditor u/Shimanu wanted everyone to listen to what is not useful on a job hunt by asking... HR personnel of Reddit, what's the most unnecessary thing you've seen in a resume?
It is helpful to have extra, fascinating skills in life. That's what makes us all more interesting and fuller humans but you don't need to least every special skill. If you're applying to be a supermarket clerk, maybe don't mention you can name all of the world's capitols or that you can assist in the birth of cows. Let that be a surprise for parties later.
I think...deep thought think GIF by YultronGiphy
Described themselves as a "thought leader" for anime.
I was shortlisting resumes for my boss, and came across one that was absolute freaking gold.
The position was for a tape operator at a television station.
The guy was an artist, I think. And his resume was a 31 page visual representation of his journey through life. Each page contained a moment in time that had shaped him into who he was as a man, as one of the Earth Mother's children, and as an artist.
There were pictures of his art, and it wasn't great.
Edit: there also wasn't a cover letter, or a contact email. And there was a lot of "the earth mother birthed me from her glistening bowels" kind of stuff.
To this day I don't know if he was serious... or if he was freaking with us and submitted it to get his application numbers up to meet his mutual obligation requirement for JobSeeker.
Not as bad as some of the ones here, but I once had a guy hand me a resume with smiley faces on it. Like the generic Microsoft version of 🙂 they were typed right in next to his previous experience. Like "cashier at Walmart 🙂." It wasn't actually Walmart. I just used that as an example because the experience that he listed was similar. It definitely wasn't a trademark. He also had it on one of his skills. something like "Good communicater 🙂" (yes, the resume was also filled with spelling mistakes)
Old McDonald?speak jimmy fallon GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy FallonGiphy
The candidate proudly listed that they had (presumably self-) published a book of erotic poetry about a type of farm animal. They were applying for a professional office job that had absolutely nothing to do with poetry, or farm animals, or erotica.
One candidate wrote "The lost art of letter writing" as an additional qualification.
Another submitted a hand drawn comic book. It was quite entertaining and well done.
Now some of these people had to be drunk when they put those resumes together. At least I hope they were. Does no one ask for advice or research these situations before heading out into the professional world? I shudder to guess what else we're going to hear. Let's get at it...
Learn the other 60%...
I am going to spin this around. What wasn't written.
I interviewed a candidate and it turned out his one of his parents was Chinese and the other Indian. His English was fine and he claimed to be fluent in Mandarin and Hindi. It was pretty clear he wasn't getting the job (just didn't have the skillset needed) but I liked him so I mentioned "right the fact you can speak to about 40% of the human race might be something you want to put on your resume for next time instead of your love of baseball."
My team was hiring and I met this woman at a party who sounded like she had the experience to do that job. I told her to send her resume to the hiring manager (small start up, easy to bypass recruiting). She did the next day.
The hiring manager came over to my desk with her resume printed out laughing. Apparently her nickname is Lusty.
OK fine whatever if you keep that in your personal life. But no, right at the top of the resume was Jane "Lusty" Doe. And her email address was lustylady@whatever or something similar. To cap it off, he Google'd her name and found her personal website where she had posted something about job hunting and what she was looking for: "
I really just want a job where I can put in minimal effort and not have any responsibilities." OK I mean. that's fine if you're looking to work at a gas station or something. This was a tech job paying in the high five figures. She had the skills, but that tainted it all and we never even did a phone screen.
After that I'll only recommend people who I've worked with in the past or that I've at least known for a long time. Was pretty embarrassing but we laugh about it now.
No PrincesSeason 9 Nbc GIF by The OfficeGiphy
Not in HR, but had to hire a couple people in the past. One of the applicants included that he was on his high school's homecoming court on his resume. Obviously, I didn't hire him. Dude wasn't even king.
Once got a resume where they put down "stump removal with a chainsaw" as a special skill.
They were applying to be a cashier at a grocery store.
I've gotten some great gigs that way.
At least two of my fave clients were people who had interviewed me for something else and got excited about a different service/skill I've had to offer. I'm shameless about self-promotion because it pays off.
Now Bend & Snaplegally blonde smile GIFGiphy
I actually had someone pull an Elle Woods and spray perfume on their resume. It did not get them an interview or into law school lol.
Rule #2... just stick with the facts. Keep it simple. Nobody likes a braggart. And most people hiring are already busy, if they want to read a novel they'll do it at home. And honestly, some of the things we can do extra, aren't all that interesting. Again... the facts.
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Putting together a proper resume can be a challenging task. It does so many things. You want it to be clean, precise and chock full of your greatest hits. You also need it to represent you and they say it should thoroughly original so that you stand out from the over crowded field. Yes. That is a whole lot for one or two pieces of paper. A lot people have a deft hand and can create a CV masterpiece and others... well others should probably see a therapist before they submit.
Redditor u/ThanosIsMyRealFather wanted to hear from the hiring managers out there about a resume or three by asking.... Hiring managers of Reddit, what was something on someone's CV/resume that made you either immediately want to hire them or immediately reject them?
I had one application dropped off by the applicant's mother. She told me "If you hire him, you probably shouldn't trust him with money."
*update edit: I threw the application away after she turned around. I was hiring for a sales clerk position at my family bakery.
Hiring a software engineer. Among his impressive list of skills were Notepad and Wordpad.
I had Python, C++, multiple CAD and FEA software packages, among other things listed on my resume... yeah I can do spreadsheets and slide shows.
A GDPR proof binder....Giphy
I have several CV's that will never make the cut. I keep them in a non GDPR proof binder hidden out of view. I work as an IT recruiter.
- Normal CV on the job site. Junior profile, 18 years old , just finished school. Pretty normal CV, except , at the bottom, he writes that he has a small penis and likes guys. The CV goes back and forth in the office. Eventually we decide to call him and ask why he put that on his CV. Turns out he had to make the CV for school, left his PC open and one of his class mates thought it was funny to add that to his profile.
- A CV with a picture a man in only his boxers. No headshot, just his abs , boxers and legs. We did not call the guy.
- Several CV's with people ranting against the government, religion or anything else. Obvious proof of mental disabilities. People writing things such as "I will do the time for the crime I may or may not have committed". I haven't called any of them.
- Cover letters with the wrong company name on it. So many cover letters with the wrong company on it. Recruiters will forget to change your name when sending you an in mail , applicants will forget to change the name when applying. We really need to get rid of mandatory cover letters. I'll still call them if their profile is decent.
- People being open about just putting their CV online so they can keep their unemployment benefits. At least they don't waste my time. magaruis
Expert in What?
I had a candidate who worked in counseling in the past, mostly with kids who had been through trauma. They had a line on their resume that said:
"Expert in child kidnapping"
I had to at least give them an interview because I understood the intent but the wording was just hilariously unfortunate.
Edit: For those seeking clarity, he was an expert in kidnapping cases.
No, he didn't get the job. Nice guy, but not a good fit for the role. :)
Please Read Carefully.
"I would like to work at your factory" I don't have a factory. Read the damn job description.
Guy submitted a resume claiming to be a 'ghost writer' for a local college.
In lieu of a college degree, he listed the units he wrote assignments for and the average grades his clients got.
An "Off" Day.
We used to do this, we would reject on a faux pas. Then we realized we were chewing through good candidates who didn't have the money to use a professional writing service. If we are hiring for a developmental role (someone we expect needs to grow) then we shouldn't hold them to the standard we would expect after they have developed.
We decided to start picking resume's for experience we think we want and ignore minor mistakes or odd formatting choices. We have even re-interviewed people who we think just had an 'off' day. Now, we have to do this because qualified candidates for our positions are fairly rare so we have to be a little more flexible.
A guy was said we had to hire him because he had a disability and it would be discrimination if we didn't. He wasn't hired, he called the CEO a few times to complain. We went thru it at least 3x over the course of multiple hirings.
A lot of cleave....
Was looking for a casual sales person, this 18yo put a selfie of her which was taken in a car showing a lot of cleavage. Not what I was looking for. I guess she was hoping I was a middle aged single man.
Had a résumé come in from a guy we fired about 2 years previously. Had a gap in his employment where the time was he had been with us, so not even like he didn't realize!
Papy & Micro?Giphy
Someone sent over their CV written entirely in the Papyrus font from Microsoft word. May as well have gone all out and used wingdings.
I had someone hand me a resume with the html code of a porn url mixed in mid-way through. I guess he was watching porn while updating his resume and somehow dragged in a link. Guess he didn't proof read it.
I had a resume from a potential interview candidate that listed his reason for leaving his last job as: "I found a body." No further explanation. You bet your sweet patootie I called him in for an interview. (As a strategy to get an interview, it worked!) The condensed story is that he found a body while walking the grounds at his job checking to make sure all gated areas were secure and clear of debris. When he found the body, he called the police. He was fired because he broke internal reporting protocol. He was supposed to notify his immediate supervisor and not outside authorities. It was the supervisor's responsibility to call the police.
The Great Fit.
I was hiring for a very competitive IT role last year and one guy, who didn't have the best real world experience, added a single QR code at the bottom of his CV. I scanned it and it took me to an online portfolio, including a secure lab with simulations he'd ran, allowing ME to test scripts he'd written and also play around in his lab environment. Honestly, I'd never seen anything like it. The guy got the job and has continued to be a great fit.
The Gift of Humor.Giphy
I received a resume from an applicant that included a letter of recommendation from his cat. The letter was hilarious and signed with a clipart paw print. I thought it was great and wanted to bring him in, but the manager for the position wasn't as crazy about it. I guess the point is, humor in an application can work for you, but it really depends on the person.
Hiring for retail. Two all time favorites:
"Experienced at stalking the cooler."
"Responsible for closing paperwork after each poop."
A guy put his bench, squat and deadlift numbers in his personal skills section for a bar job.
It spawned a long tradition of asking bartenders what they could bench when they applied for a job.
For Creative Purposes.
My uncle works in marketing and told me about an applicant who sent them a video file as resume where he presented himself like one would present a product in a commercial. He immediately wanted to hire him for his creativity alone.
That person nailed it, for a marketing job that's a great way to stand out. But some of these people are doing that for like tech jobs or something where it makes no sense, I don't know how so many people can't read situations correctly.
Semi-pornographic cartoon people....
I was working for a small digital agency and we were looking for designers and illustrators - general multi skilled creative types.
The boss wanders in with a sly grin and a big folder. It was from a guy who wanted a job. I came over and he started flicking through it. Page after page of sexy cartoons. Lots of them furry type stuff. Boob, butts, lips, figures intertwined, lots of detailed musculature.
So I was like "Well it's quite good for what it is... but what else is there? Is there another section?"
Nope. Nothing else. Just a folder completely full of semi-pornographic cartoon people and sexy anthropomorphised animals.
I work at an Escape Room.Giphy
I work at an Escape Room. We once received a resume that consisted in a webpage address protected by a password, and three well-crafted riddles that we had to solve to get the password. We spent an hour doing it with two colleagues, and it included decrypting a code from a specific frame of Zodiac by David Fincher. It was simply amazing.
Sadly, we weren't hiring at the time, and she had found another job we we started hiring again.
Get it together people! Looking for a job isn't a fun experience but it certainly isn't a difficult experience to do it right. In fact if you apply like a functioning adult you may discover the hunt will take less time. A resume is a basic -and I do mean BASIC- part of finding a job. It's job search 101. How in the world do you do this wrong? These people will tell you.
Redditor u/jamo8211 wanted employers to give some advice on what NOT to do by asking.... Employers of Reddit what's the worst CV you've ever seen?
I just had a pretty entertaining one. Picture of the person applying, what I think was supposed to be the local time, and plenty of bullets. Each bullet was highlighted in a blue or green, then at the end of many of them, it just said: Neglected.
All these skills: Neglected. Wtf? Gogogodzirra
It had a horrible font, was brightly colored and had cutesy paw prints on. mallocuproo
One maybe, but 10?
My old boss kept a file of CVs he thought were terrible, and pulled them out here and there for a laugh. This is for an ESL school, so there were a few from non-native English speakers with really obvious spelling mistakes that should have been caught by any spell-check program.
And then there was the guy who attached like 10 passport photos of himself to the file. Like... why? One maybe, but 10? Why so many? You could just feel the ego dripping out of every sentence in the whole thing, too. scarreddragon28
Not an employer, but looked over CV's to create a shortlist for a job. Worst was one that was half complete (got half way and had a line that said 'to be completed later'). The other, not a CV , but a covering letter about why they wanted the job, what they could do, etc but it completely missed the point of the job/job description (we were defending claims and this letter went on about helping claimants, doing the claimants justice). Both got rejected as the job involved attention to detail and research - neither had proven they could do this. colony_gamer
"expression of interest"Giphy
I work in higher ed and my last role included being responsible for tracking all the applications of interest, which was a year-round, open application for adjuncts who might be available to teach last minute. This one guy kept popping up over and over again when I would update my spreadsheet for the hiring committee. He went to a lot of trouble to create a new username for each submission, because, since it was always open, you can't re-apply for the same position.
That dude's CV was just one page, and I could never figure out why he was submitting it to me. There was nothing about teaching or education on the document, and he didn't include any people as references in the system. He would just type "N/A" in the boxes or "see resume."
The single-page was just his name in a really large font at the top (everything was centered on the page, too), followed by his place and date of birth, his wife's name and when they got married, the names and birthdates of his children (including stepson), a long list of hobbies and interests (reading John Grisham, fishing, vacations with family, TV shows).
That was it. I don't know if he thought an "expression of interest" was just like expressing his interests, and I always wondered why he dedicated so much time to apply for a job I wasn't sure he understood. MrsAnthropy
James in the 3rd person....
A guy's resume read like a story told in the 3rd person.
"James has been interested in IT since he took his first computer class at _____ Jr High. He always excelled at typing, getting high marks in his word processing course at ____ High School. Since then, he has moved on to deeper knowledge with computers, computer systems, and what makes them tick.
James build his first computer in his bedroom from parts he scavenged from Skid Row in 1996. He gained a great amount of still learning how components fit together and how hardware and software join together to make synergies. He took this love of computers and worked at _____ PC Repair in the summer of 2001, building, repairing, and reinstalling hardware, soft-ware, and operating systems (OS's)."
And on and on for several more paragraphs. Typos included. Arkayb33
I've worked in recruitment for almost 4 years now. I've seen some of the worst CVs ever. Here are some examples
- Some people would put "God-fearing" as one of their qualifications. I mean I get we're a religious country but like ??? why
- "Skills: Accounting"
- Those that have "[Insert text here]" that was left unedited
- I would get CVs/Resumes sent through my email that they probably forgot to rename (e.g. Resume_of_mine.pdf)
And many more I cant recall at the moment. arcticmonkeysVEVO
We were hiring for flight dispatchers at my previous company. Come across a guy's resume where it says he was a "Train Operator/Engineer." We were intrigued as to why someone would leave working for UP, BNSF, etc for a flight dispatcher position until we read the second page which had the actual job description:
He was the conductor of the train inside the local mall for kids. Kudos for the wordplay but don't waste my time. tracksuits4all
One guy, he had a period of 4 years where he listed his job as a "Stay at home dad", under which he wrote "learned conflict resolution techniques." MantisToboggan14
Keep the Selfie.....
Managed an electronics retail store so not too many resumes, but lots of terrible applications nonetheless. Had someone list being tall and swimming as skills. Recently had someone who did attach a resume, in which he put both his references AND experience as "available upon request," and listed his nationality, birthdate, parents' names, and marital status below a selfie. ShepardVakarian
We took attendance....Giphy
Their resume said they worked at a previous company that I also worked for. We had only about a dozen employees, and he wasn't one of them. Reasonable_Audience
I don't know them....
Unfortunately, the worst I've ever seen was submitted by my friend who I vouched for before he submitted his resume. Now, we were in all the same college classes, and mostly all the same project groups. So his resume should/could have contained all the same stuff my first resume did, plus what he did the 2 years out of college. I didn't have a whole lot of impressive stuff being just out of college when I applied, but it was well formatted and thought out.
He submitted a jumbled pile of crap. There was at least 4 different fonts, random missing bullets, no sort of organization, missing important dates and keywords. We did the hiring as a team, but my boss handed me his resume and asked "Is this your friend? Is this what he's capable of?" To be honest, I was shocked, because my friend did well in school and was pretty intelligent. All I could say was "He's better in person, and can figure stuff out even if he's never learned it before."
I got him the interview, and my boss wouldn't put him past the first interview. He said it was a horrible interview, and my friend showed no interest and couldn't elaborate on any of the bullet points on his resume whatsoever. It was absolutely shocking and embarrassing for me. CasuallyCompetitive
Maybe it's one long name?
I received a resume by email from "John." The email address had the name as "George" listed. The resume was for "Max." So three different names for one resume.
As if that wasn't bad enough, it was more of a story of his life in paragraph format than citing his skills. my_Favorite_post
You're not J.K. Rowling!
My boss once received a resume written from the perspective of someone witnessing the storming of the Bastille. The torches, explosions off in the distance, the yelling and screaming. Proficiency in Word and Excel.
It was for an assistant level office job. My boss passed on it. soomuchcoffee
He's a recommendation....Giphy
I had a guy apply to an online job posting, but all he sent was a picture of his dog and somehow no contact information. LibbyLewis
Don't judge a tattoo by it's cover.
I do staffing and you wouldn't believe the resumes I have seen.
One time I was trying to fill a 3rd shift warehouse role for minimum wage and it was a super urgent need for our client and in a remote area. The only guy with experience I could get to bite was... Very interesting.
All his resume said was "I've done warehouse stuff for a long time.. I have F**K YOU tatted on my forehead.. Please let me get in front of you though, I'm the definition of don't judge a book by the cover."
Screened the guy, skyped with him, and had him come in to meet with me. He was great. I let the client know what to expect before sending him on the interview. They hired him on the spot. datacollect_ct
The Green Thumb.
A guy applying for a position in agriculture research just sent a photo of a plant in his backyard. funk_truck
You sir do not look like the photo you submitted, this interview is OVER! TomasNavarro
Plot twist: The plant got hired. WizardsVengeance
I wasn't the employer, but a secretary asked to print off all the cover letters and resumes that had come in. In one person's cover letter, I couldn't help but notice a sentence that had (company name) in one of the paragraphs. The person missed spot they were meant to fill in, in this obvious template of a cover letter. I found it funny that they listed, "attention to detail" as one of their greatest strengths. ToughTriflenb
Tell me more about David!
We were hiring for a position in IT recently. One applicant was this lady, around 60. Used to work in IT in the 90s, then quit to watch her daughters children. Most recent job was cashiering in a supermarket.
From her CV I learned: when she was 17 she visited the US for a couple of weeks on a student exchange program, where she met "David." They fell in love. Afterwards they kept in contact, until he eventually came to our country and they got married. They had an exciting life, being roadies for rock bands and such. Somewhere along the line they managed to finish Uni and had two daughters. David was the love of her life.
Then something happened (unfortunately she didn't elaborate), and David isn't in her life anymore. I never found out whether he died or they got divorced or something. She devoted all her energy to her daughters and their offspring, since that was all she had left of David. Now after the grandchildren are old enough, she wants to work in IT again.
David's name appeared in the application (CV+cover letter) a whopping 17 times. Sometimes I wonder what happened to him. Lazycat0204
Maybe you should apply to Maury?Giphy
I work for one of the largest staffing firms in the United States, so I've seen probably well over one thousand CV's in my tenure here. I wouldn't say this was a "bad" CV, more that it was just the funniest one I've ever seen.
We receive a lot of applications through typical job boards such as Indeed or CareerBuilder, and when they apply we get sent an email that has their CV attached to it with the job they applied for. We received numerous applications from one person, and when we opened the CV attachment expecting to see their experience, it was actually a one page description of how this particular man cheated on his girlfriend multiple times and this was how she was getting back at him, by screwing him out of the positions he was trying to apply for by replacing his CV with this document.
Easily one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my 2 years at this company, we laughed about it for hours.SuperSmashOSU
Or did you mean 'Werky?'
I think it was submitted as a joke (I hope), but it had official header info (name and contact info), but was blank underneath and said, in hand-scrawl: "Me need worky."
What bothered me most is that I would have spelled it "Workie." CitizenCAN_mapleleaf
But could she Bend & Snap?
I'm not sure if it's the worst, but it was the most entertainingly bad. Ya know in Legally Blonde where Reese Witherspoon gives out her resume and its on pink, scented paper?
I got one like that that about 3 years ago, which, looking it up on google just now to confirm, made this reference 15 years out of date (though if it was scented, I missed it). The resume started off, literally her first paragraph, talking about how Legally Blonde was her favorite movie. It was full of doodles in the margins and specifically requested I not contact her previous employers because she felt she was fired unfairly, and instead listed several sorority sisters as references.
She compared herself to Elle Woods several times, explicitly saying any hiring manager who wouldn't hire her off of this resume was doing so because their couldn't handle her individuality. I'm honestly not entirely sure if this was a legit resume or some kind of joke. It had almost nothing to do with the job listing. My manager joked that Buzzfeed was gonna write about me if I didn't call.
The job went unfilled. We chose literally no one over this. linguotgr
All the Info....
I received one which just said "I have no skills cuz I never worked before but I have my GED." Nothing else.
On a different resume I received, the candidate listed his height. He was 5'5. I don't know why he thought that would be relevant. notatallimsure
I am not making this up. I was doing the hiring for a company and a guy put on a line of his 'qualities' that he was "smarter than the average bear" For those of you that don't know, this was a favorite line from the main character in the cartoon Yogi Bear. BeefheartLives
It was worst I've ever seen, but also my favorite.
My company does business with a certain family friendly theme park. This means our employees can't have visible tattoos, crazy hair colors, they need to be able to pass a drug screening, background check, etc. I received a resume for a sales position from a guy we will call Andrew. I just pulled it back up so I can quote it word for word. The cover letter said:
"Hey what's good? I have worked at almost every fast food place around but now it's time to try something new. I don't know how to do retail but I'll learn. I don't have official sales experience of the legal kind of you know what I mean, but that was a few weeks ago and I'm not like that no more"
On his resume he listed the places he worked at and had descriptions such as, "take peoples orders and clean up their messes" and "take peoples orders money and give them their s**t"
I thought the resume was submitted as a joke until I looked Andrew up on Facebook (he had an uncommon last name) and found his profile. watching-the-office
You're full of Swiss....
It was mostly a bunch of bullet points about why he didn't like cheese. Haha! His last job was at a cheese factory.
I suspect he was fired from there and didn't want to say, so he kind of over played the not liking cheese thing as a reason for leaving.
It was still very weird to be on a CV though. thermonuclearmuskrat
It's a Secret...Giphy
I got one with a first name only, no address, no email, no phone number. Even if I wanted to hire him, there was no way to get ahold of him. Token_Black_Rifle
The BF will help....
Just yesterday I was interviewing a girl that mentioned "SQL curiosity" in her CV. So it's the middle of the interview and I randomly ask her if she is confident with SQL to which she responds "Well, I personally don't know how it works, but my boyfriend is a programmer and is very good at it."
No, we did not hire her boyfriend. martinkarolev
Coffee is LIFE!!!Giphy
I helped my old boss scan through CVs a while back.
A student applying for a job as a barista. Their opening line "I don't believe coffee is a drink, I believe it is an experience and you need me to be the face of that journey." He had a little waffle about how coffee changed his life and molded him as a person, how coffee has been his savior in university.
This kid seemed to really be into coffee, it was well written but we were a coffee shop in a shopping centre, we didn't need his prose. He was an English student and the CV read as if it was a piece of course work. The whole thing was in comic sans and the only experience he had down was "Coffee drinker for 19 years" the kid was 19. He didn't get the job, but I'm sure he graduated well with how well the opening letter was written though. Monjara
I Love Font.
Font size 30pt, comic sans, and just described her appearance. "I am looking for a job." izyozy
One of my worst was the opposite. 10pt font, 3 pages, front-and-back describing minute technical details of like every job they'd held in the last 20 years. Dude, you may be qualified, but I'll never know because no one's got time to read your novella in the middle of the work day. disappointer
I had a guy who sent in a resume where he had accidentally pasted an internet banner ad for porn to the top of it. Who knows how many of those he sent out... stars_are_silent
Our office had a submission for a legal assistant and under skills was "always sleeps with one eye open." lcat729
Gripping her pillow tight ? 🤘🏻 slinky999
Wasn't really bad, but he did have a section that stood out.
HEALTH: In good health.
I was hiring EMTs for a health screening, so I can kind of understand it, but just weird.... IrishMedicNJ
My MIL once got one for her accounting office that was a bog standard CV for an low-ranking accounting position.
And attached to it was a huge glossy photo of the applicant on the beach, sprawled on the sand at sunset, with a focus on her ample assets. ky0nshi
By the Slice.
I worked in a cafe and the guy whose job was to wash dishes, showed me his cv for an upcoming job interview
It specified that he 'can cut Mahon cheese, very good thin slice.'
The job was for security. thehazzanator
I needed someone to work at a gas station. Guy applied and his resume said he was the assistant manager everywhere he worked previously. Except he abbreviated it without punctuation.
That's right. He was a 5 time fool Man looking to pump your tank. casualblair
Oh the Young....
Not unusual or sadly unique, but when I was working at pub I was good mates with the manager, and we'd often have a scan through CVs that had been dropped in by young people looking for a job after they left school.
Most of these kids were like 16 or 17 at most, but had CVs that ran to three or four pages. Even someone in their 40s going for a high-flying management job at a world-leading financial company on a few million £ a year should only have one or two pages MAX.
These kids had done nothing aside from GCSE and maybe a paper round, bit of volunteering at most, and that's perfectly fine and reasonable when you're 16 and straight out of school.
What the hell do they get taught in school? To fill out as much crap as possible to make it look good? Why aren't schools teaching them that writing about how they enjoy going to the cinema or gardening with their Dad (a genuine inclusion) is not going to get them a job.
It was waiting-on work at a country pub. Putting nothing except "I have all my limbs and the normal number of chromosones" would have over-qualified them. aegeaorgnqergerh
Own a video production/advertising company. After the first year of business, we were expanding into three different cities. For each city we were wanting two graphic designers, job listings go up, toms of applicants. Since this is & still is my baby, I do all the hiring personally. I go over all the CV's, interview, etc. Cue Mr. Word Art. Not only did he apply for the job in all 3 cities that were up to a thousand miles apart, keep in mind no moving costs etc because we were looking for someone already established in said big city, he sent in three different resumes.
Now, these resumes weren't just any resumes, they were completely, 100% made with word art. The weirdest thing is, they were sent in as a .jpg, so not even a print to PDF, just a screen shot. Each resume contained the same information, but used different, "art," to state the same info. Hands down the worst yet funniest resume I've ever seen. just_a_manatee