In the movies, the bad guy pretty much always gets some comeuppance--but real life doesn't always work that way and this article is proof.
Reddit user Pixiedustpotatoe asked:
and it's pretty much like a VH1 Where Are They Now? special for all the people in your life who really, really sucked.
If you experience bullying then you sort of hope to see your bullies face some sort of karmic consequences, but based on these responses it may not happen.
When it does though, ooooohhhh when it does...
She Is Not Her Father
He became an auto mechanic, was married and had 2 kids. He died around 35 years old and I ended up teaching his daughter in middle school. She was very smart which was weird since he was not at all. I went out of my way to be sure I was kind to her and to be sure there was no negative feelings towards her. She is not her father and had nothing to do with how he treated me.
They Succeed Just Fine
Yes, and well, they all have normal lives as far as I know. They finished school, got normal jobs, and carried on as if nothing had happened.
I've found out that the thing they tell you about bullies not succeeding in life is just a lie. In all honesty, they have had more successful lives than myself, so it has flipped the other way around. Bullying someone doesn't leave a major impact on your life, while getting bullied can easily lead to social and mental problems.
I was. I became friends with my high school bully as an adult after we connected on Facebook (she had been a Mean Girl, popular, was a model, while I was a weird, bookish art nerd). She confessed in our 30s a few years into the friendship she had feelings for me, it was wild (I never anticipated it, had always thought she was straight.)
She got embarrassed and ghosted after I asked for time to process what she'd told me (I was interested, just blown away.)
I have no idea what she's doing now. I think she's a stay at home mom. I dunno, I hope she's happy. She turned out not to be a bad person, just troubled.
Some Things Never Change
My bully would pull my pants down without fail every day from grade 3 to grade 5. It could be while I was eating lunch, or washing my hands, or walking by - just at any point of the day really. She would even pull my underwear down with my pants occasionally. I would get so embarrassed and cry in the bathrooms.
Fast forward to now, she came up on Facebook as a friend suggestion (stalked a little, she's now married with a baby girl), some of my colleagues being mutual friends. I asked one of my colleagues about how they knew the bully and my colleague said the bully was working here and got fired a month before I started working.
Apparently she was purposely causing dramas between departments. I asked my colleague what she was like and my colleague (who didn't know she was a bully) said she was always very rude, unapproachable and difficult to work with. Sounds like some things never change!
I'm A Better Person
He's got a nice, cushy job, a wife, four kids, and owns his house. And I have PTSD and am currently unemployed in part because of that diagnosis.
But I'm a better person than he is, because I can say without reservation that I've never abused anyone in all the ways he abused me.
I still don't forgive him. I want to but I can't do that yet.
Don't know, don't care, I'm a tenured professor now with plenty of time for my hobbies so f*ck them wherever they are.
One boy at school spent years calling me fat and ugly. A couple of years ago he persistently hit on me in a club to the point that a male friend had to threaten him to leave me alone. Satisfying doesn't cover it.
The Sheer Disregard
Bullied, called homophobic slurs because I wanted to stay in and sketch/ draw cartoons and not play sports. Kicked and punched a couple of times too.
Met both of them years after we went to school together. One had gone to jail for a year. Both acted like they never did anything or remember what they did. I think that's the part that hurt the most, just the sheer disregard.
Yes, and things actually turned out quite well for me. I was a really nerdy, very unattractive kid. Kids picked on me a lot. All these years later, I turned out to be quite beautiful and am a lawyer. The bullies? Most dropped out of college. The worst of them used to be a very cute kid but turned into a morbidly obese adult who lives at home. Karma did me good.
Once A Year
One of my bullies was/is a friend of my brothers. My brother moved 1000 miles away from me, but the bully friend still lives in my same area. My brother comes to visit 2x a year, and during the summer visit, I throw a large party, to which my brother always invites this person.
I was teased and taunted unmercifully by this guy all through high school about my weight, looks, lack of boyfriend (or type of bf when I had one) you name it. My husband is perturbed that my brother is even friends with this guy still. But he and us only see him once a year for about three hours. We will survive, I am 48 now, I'm an adult, I'm over it an not afraid of him.
I am, however, pleased (in a petty revenge kind of way) to report he has had not one but TWO failed marriages, lost a nice job his sister got him at her company because he came to work drunk, got kicked out of college for who knows what (alleged illegal activity, from what my brother says), and I'm sure his life sucks in other ways.
Feel No Pity
I was bullied to the point where I considered suicide, luckily a few things happened in my life which helped me to change my mind and I'm doing really well right now (I'm currently working toward my dream career!) I still have anxiety and depression but it's not a bad as it used to be.
I find it funny how all the people who bullied me and almost destroyed me, are now destroying their own lives with drugs and alcohol. I don't feel any pity for them, after over 10 years of torment, both mental and physical (of course the school system did absolutely nothing to help me). They got what they deserved.
Two mean girls at my high school. One got an abortion and graduated a low tier law school, the other went to some city college for an arts degree and is now doing probably some minimum wage job.
I'd say just keep working hard, and when you get unmotivated think about how good it'd feel to laugh at those people on your way up >:)
Sure as hell got me going.
There were two main bullies, the best I can tell one turned into a typical working class chav and he spends the majority of his time doing petty criminal stuff - his brother, also a bully of mine, is serving hard time for an armed robbery. I expected nothing less. The other, I've no idea what happened to him but mutual acquaintances tell me he is now a drug addict and homeless so I'm in the odd position of feeling sorry for someone who caused me a lot of misery.
On a more positive note, another kid who bullied me in High School ended up becoming one of my friends many years later. He was abused at home as a kid and that was the reason he acted out in school. Now he's happily married and living a great life.
A Lesson Learned
I was bullied and I did some bullying of my own, I am not proud of that, but it did happen and I have since reached out to them to tell them I am sorry and that I had no right to do what I did and asked them to forgive me. They all (thankfully) forgave me and thanked me for contacting them.
I know that 'bullying' by today's standards is vastly more harmful than what I did in the late 80's/early 90's, with everyone seeing it online with cyber-bullying, but I still feel pretty bad about what I said to some people.
I had a horrible bully in middle school. I was an athletic (judo) girl, not even chubby, but she shamed me into anorexia and eventual hospitalization. Fast forward 5 years, she jumped from an 8 story building and died two days later. Had extremely mixed feelings about it, even went to her funeral. I'd been wishing death on that girl for half a decade. Still have nightmares of me pushing her.
Ayy, got bullied by someone when younger. Turns out he stole my first girlfriend. We were together for 3 and a half years. It's been like 6 years now and they are still together.
So briefly, my bully stole my girlfriend and turns out to be a better boyfriend than me. Fml.
The key to any successful relationship is communication.
The ability to be open and receptive to what a significant other has to say, as well as the ability to be able to convey something weighing on one's mind, can be healing.
But depending on the circumstance, some things are better left unsaid.
Curious to hear examples of what those might be, Redditor FamiliarFarmer8356 asked:
"What's something you wish you could tell your partner without upsetting them?"
If there is conflict, there is a way to discuss and address the issue in a civil and respectful manner.
Things Just Happen
"Every bad thing that happens doesn't require someone to be blamed for it. And that someone doesn't always have to be me."
A Cornerstone Of A Successful Union
"One of the cornerstones of a good marriage, is knowing how to argue. I’d actually say that before a couple get married, they should check how their potential partner behaves in an argument. What are they like when they get angry. It’s important because no two individuals are going to agree all the time. And on those occasions, it’s important to remember not to belittle the other. Deal with the issue at hand. And especially, don’t argue in front of the kids. You have no idea how much lasting damage this causes."
"All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership."
It's Not That Deep
"please stop complaining about everything."
"If you keep seeking out reasons to be miserable, you will find them."
"I'm tired of being dragged down with you."
There's no need to get defensive when there's something to discuss.
It's Not About You
"That some days I’m just tired from class and work and just want some me time, it’s not that I hate you my social battery is just running out."
"Her first reaction to something adverse doesn't have to be anger."
In The Words Of A Pirate
"In the wise words of captain Jack Sparrow sometimes:"
'the problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude toward the problem.'
It Takes Two To Tango
"That I wish she’d be more independent so she didn’t need my help for everything outside the house."
"That it’s a little disturbing how aggressively he drives when he’s grumpy… heavy on both gas and brakes, zooming in and out of traffic, swearing at people who make mistakes… very unlike him."
Sometimes the truth hurts when talking about members of the family.
A Real Assessment
"That her mother is not a good person."
"I told my husband that it's not that his family is nosy and overbearing, it's that I hate watching him cave and negotiate as if they have a right to behave like this, and I really hate when I'm the bad guy for wanting reasonable limits."
"It got worse, then it got better, FYI."
"His parents are greedy, selfish people and treat him like an atm."
There's definitely a fine line between withholding your thoughts to protect the person you love and being brutally honest.
If coming clean isn't going to resolve an issue, then it might be better to suck it up and deal with whatever frustrations you have about the other person.
It's up to you, but make sure the delivery doesn't come from a place of rage if you do decided to be totally transparent about your negative thoughts.
Every family has a black sheep or every family in its entirety are black sheep.
What is a "black sheep" anyway?
It used to mean a person who brought shame or embarrassment to a family, but it's more often used now to mean the member who is just very different from everyone else—sometimes in a good way.
Redditor Frozen_yoghurt123 asked:
"Who is the 'black sheep' of your family?"
I'm the black sheep or at least I'd like to think so.
"Probably my dad's cousin, who went to prison for murdering his lover's husband."
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"My Dad. He is the only one of 6 siblings who wasn't a huge f**k up. And yet, before my Grandma died she stated that he was her 'biggest disappointment.' He is estranged from his surviving siblings... not by his choice. It honestly blows my mind."
"Toxicity is often a group mindset thing; people don't want you to leave because they are dysfunctionally co-dependent on each other and need each other to justify their own shortcomings in life. A lot of the 'family loyalty' stuff is typically shouted loudest by those who are the least good idea to stay loyal towards."
"My great uncle who stole my great grandfathers identity, stole a couple million dollars, and ran off. No one even knew he was alive until my great grandfathers funeral in 2009. No one has seen him since. My grandma started to cry because she honestly thought he was dead."
"Everyone else just kind of nodded on his direction and went on with the rest of the funeral. I just remember being very confused because I was 9 and I had never met this guy who my dad pulled me aside and told me he was my great uncle. It was a few years later that I got the full story."
"According to my mean aunt, the 'matriarch' in her own mind, it's my twin brother because "he doesn't care about family now that he's a doctor." (He's a resident. Chief resident. He works ridiculous hours and spends the rest of the time recovering from work.)"
"According to my ex-MIL (who still counts because she's Son's grandma), it's me, for divorcing her son."
"According to everyone else, it's Mean Aunt. The rest of us are warm and caring and compassionate. We have our moments; all of us have been accidentally thoughtless or done something selfish once in a while, but we're not deliberately mean and snarky all the time."
"My immediate family are the black sheep of the entire family."
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Sounds like everyone has a little black sheep in them.
"By now, my brother for cutting off everyone because he prefers his rude, selfish, paranoid, narcissist wife over all of us."
"My wife is the black sheep of her family in the sense that she's the only one who isn't a rude, selfish, paranoid narcissist."
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"Me. My granddaddy told me 'I’ve only had the sheriff knock on my door two times in my 80 years, and both times he was looking for you! 'I did some dumb sh*t, caused a little trouble, burned a few bridges but always managed to stay out of jail. Partly because my sister has kept an attorney on retainer for me since I was 16."
"My younger brother (2nd of 4) is a compulsive liar and it got him in a lot of little trouble as a teen, then he told his wife he graduated a big college when we're not even sure if he got his GED because he failed to graduate HS, went to some GED school and eventually just stopped going."
"IF he graduated college, he never mentioned he was going in the 4+ years it takes nor mention graduation or have a diploma. He's not a bad dude, but now family time is super awkward when he and his wife are talking about 'their' college team."
The NOT good girl...
"My aunt's daughter. She’s been in jail for drugs, stolen money from my aunt and other family members to use on drugs and physically abused my aunt. My aunt has tried getting her help, but nothing has worked. She’s just not a good person, and everyone in my family, except my aunt, doesn’t want anything to do with her. I haven’t seen her in 8 years now, and I’m happy about that."
"A former nun - my great aunt - left the religious life and got married. She called herself 'the black sheep of the family' because her habit was black."
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Well the black sheep sound like the most interesting family members.
Sex is great, but there are more ways than one to accomplish that euphoric feeling without sex.
There are so many small, ordinary aspects of life that can just send a person and we come across them daily.
A good steak.
A home repair.
The things that make you say...
"I tingle all over."
Redditor OldAboba asked:
"What is the best non-sexual physical feeling you’ve ever felt?"
Adele. Adele live. She sends me.
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"I got a professional full body (everything but my man parts) massage a few years back for the first and so far only time at a spa after the recommendation from a coworker. I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the next few days."
Through your nose...
"Sneezing when you're sick. Then you get that about 20 second feeling of breathing through your nose again and you like ahh that's what I aspire to at the moment."
"Or the very last sneeze of your illness. During a fire drill in high school, I was ambling out after fighting a head old for a few days. The alarm was killing my head which was already throbbing from the sinus pressure."
"I was nearing the field, well away from my classmates, when I cough/sneezed out a huge, green loogie - cleared it about three feet, no icky trail - and by the time I was walking back to the building I was feeling pretty much back to normal. No more head cold after that. Never had something like that ever happen again where there was such an abrupt end to the head cold."
"Right after a migraine goes away. It's almost a spiritual experience."
"This was going to be my answer. I was in the ER one time for a really bad migraine. They gave me what they called a 'migraine cocktail.' When they pushed it through the IV I could feel the cold liquid make its way through my body, up to my head. Once it hit my brain, the migraine was gone. It was pure ecstasy. Even better was that cocktail had Benadryl in it so I fell asleep not long after and slept so good."
"That stretch til you shake when you wake up."
"I once stretched too hard in the morning and got the worst calf cramp ever... it looked like a prune and I thought I would die from the pain. Couldn't stretch in bed for months afterwards out of fear it would happen again."
"When you move over 50, it turns into that stretch til you put your back into a muscle spasm that lasts days."
The ItchScratching Feel Good GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy
"I had a cast and splint on both my legs for 2 months. When they cut it off, they scratched my legs for me and the itch was just top notch! Yeah."
Itching an itch can change a life.
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"When you're starving all day and devour a bomb a** meal."
Sleep for Life
"When you’ve been up for 20 hours+ and finally get into bed and you just know it’ll be the best sleep of your life."
"But man, after 36+ hours, the body sort of aches and it's hard to fall asleep despite being completely exhausted. Then the restless legs kick in... ugh. I do agree that a 20hr-ish stint is amazing to cuddle into, especially if you don't have to get up at any specific time the next day."
"Makes it better when you’ve been sleep deprived for weeks and know you have NO PLANS tomorrow and can sleep as much as you need."
"When you're absolutely busting for a pee and you can finally go!"
"Apparently there’s a thing called a 'pee-gasm' that people (usually women) have that causes an orgasmic feeling when you pee after holding it for a while! I’ve definitely experienced this and I’ve intentionally waited a while so I could have that good feeling... lol."
I Can Hear!!
"The feeling of water leaving your ear after being there all day."
"I had some impacted earwax for a week in one ear, and when it finally got removed it was the best feeling in the world. Initially it was like having a tv or radio in my ear that only had static, but then I could hear. Good god, I could hear. It was amazing."
"Oh man, and it’s WARM from being in your head, and the warmth makes the sensation of leaving even better."
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"Sleeping in a warm blanket in winters."
"Or sleeping in a cold blanket in summer."
I am enthralled by all of those things.
People need to stop throwing out unwanted advice.
And when it is requested, think before you speak.
People with mental disorders don't need everyone telling them they have a fix like "exercise" or "herbal supplements."
Redditor Gold-Ad-2827 asked:
"People with mental disorders: What do you hate being told the most?"
I hated being told to just smile. You smile and go away.
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"It's all in your head. Where else would it?! My colon?"
"Everybody goes through that."
"This saying makes my blood boil. Or the 'I was that age once too ya know' yeah no sh*t you were that age once. And just because you were that age once doesn’t mean we have the same experience."
"They try to minimize it."
"You're worried? Just stop."
"You're sad? Just don't be."
"You're compulsively binge eating? Eat less."
"Thanks for that stellar advice."
"Or even better, 'Just do it!' As if ADHD paralysis can be stopped with a can-do attitude."
"I get so frustrated when people treat the idea of 'holistic medicine' as some kind of woo. How does it escape so many people that the body works holistically? Even a lot of doctors seem to ignore this. It's very frustrating when you have 2 or 3 or 4 illnesses that are all affecting each other, and your 'physical health' is held distinct from your mental health, and nothing anyone is doing to treat you works because no one's looking at the whole system."
"I just got a lecture from a psychiatrist I am seeing about nutrition, and he apologized to me for doing so but I told him, 'No, I appreciate it. Do it for all your patients.' because it told me he's trying to look at the whole picture and actually fix what's wrong. It gave me faith in him."
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"You need to calm down."
"Never is the history of calm down has calm down ever caused anyone to calm down."
Calm down. I hate that one. You calm down.
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"When they try to give me tips on what to do, like bruh as if I didn't already try that."
"You don't look sad. No crap... that's so I can avoid having this conversation. Also depression isn't 'being sad' like people think."
"God, I hate this. It's because saying 'I'm depressed' has been standard for people expressing that they're slightly unhappy about something dumb like not getting enough croutons on their salad or some crap. Now that's just what everyone assumes you mean when you say you have depression."
"'Stop being lazy.'"
“'Lazy' is when you don’t want to do anything at all. 'Executive disfunction' is when you can do everything at all, but that one easy quick thing that you do want to do just makes you and your brain freeze completely days ahead. I’m tired of people not understand that even when I explain and look at me like I’m bullshitting instead."
Ways to Cope
"Maybe you should try praying harder. I did, He prescribed medication."
"Praying is a way to cope for a lot of people, I think. That's totally fine, but insisting on praying in lieu of getting real help or actually addressing the issue is when it is not only unhelpful, but dangerously detrimental."
"Religious people will bypass everyone’s cultures, identity, views, and feelings just to be right and make a point. it’s disgusting. I read somewhere that real so called Christianity is all wrong. The real faith is from the Aramaic history and all the meanings were misinterpreted and the stories and all were made up by Catholics wanting to control their people. Yuck."
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"As someone with OCD with a lot of attention to 'contamination', having someone try to explain contradictions in why I'm doing something that is technically unclean when I wouldn't do something that is technically clean due to OCD. There are a few doorknobs that I will not touch no matter how much you clean them in front of me and I know it makes no sense, if it made sense I wouldn't have OCD i'd just be cleanly."
Stop trying to be an armchair therapist. Be empathetic to people first.