Be careful what you offer to clean.

A friend of my grandma complained about not having any help to clean her house. She was a sweet, well put together old lady in her 80's. On a whim, and to impress my grandma, I offered to come by and clean up her house for her. I planned Three hours, Windows, floors, shampoo carpets, all that stuff. I showed up to an episode of hoarders. I made it up to 5 giant bags of trash without it looking like anything had been done. I had to bail. I told the lady that I wanted to help, but that I thought she probably needed a professional.

Rubydoo715

Not using a separate bowl for eggs...

I was making two pumpkin pies for my family on Thanksgiving. I had all the pumpkin baked and scraped out. I go to mix in the eggs. 4 in total. The last egg plops out.... Rotten...

Oh the smell.

Oh the all of my pumpkin puree that is now contaminated. No time to try again.

Break your eggs in to a separate bowl when baking.

Aeon1508

Gotta rinse the hydrogen peroxide off your contact lenses...

Back in the days before soft contact lenses you were supposed to clean them with hydrogen peroxide and then use a special neutralizer tablet afterwards. I forgot to use the neutralizer before I put my contacts in. Hydrogen peroxide in your eye HURTS!

Wherewithal59

This wasn't a good idea.

I had a 4:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. shift to work the next day, at around 9 P.M. the night before I thought it would be a good idea to just stay up all night and just go to work. I had some dumb idea that being up all night will make me feel more awake than sleeping and waking up feeling groggy. Did not go well.

RepeatingThrowaway

Driving tired is no different than driving drunk.

Drove while exhausted. I hit the point where, "I'll just close my eyes for a few seconds while going 80 mph on the freeway" seemed completely reasonable. I caught myself drifting a few times but stupidly thought I was fine. Then I hit the highway divider. Fortunately I just barely scraped it with my driver's side mirror. Aside from some cosmetic damage to my mirror, I and my car escaped completely unscathed.

I'm so lucky I didn't crash and kill myself or anyone else. Driving while exhausted is just as dangerous as driving drunk. I'll never do it again.

Edit: I really did not expect this to resonate with so many people. Drowsy driving is so easy to do accidentally because it sneaks up on you and you keep telling yourself, "I'm just a little tired. I can make it. It'll be fine." It's not fine and you shouldn't try to make it. Pull over and get some rest. Stay safe everyone.

Def_Not_Rabid

Don't write down your fantasies - especially about teachers.

I wrote fan-fiction when I was 15 years old for the laughs. My friend introduced me to it and I thought I would try writing it myself. Fast-track to my senior year, a person I used to be friends with somehow found a very, very sexual one and showed it to everyone in my grade at lunchtime. It was super embarrassing and I wish I had never written it.

Queen_Cruise

"Smell this." No.

I have a firm policy against smelling the things people hold up and tell me to "smell this". I don't remember what caused said policy to be made, but it's saved me many times.

tantandeliman

Eating 45-year-old peaches. Why?

I went down in the pantry of my grandma's house and ate 45 year old peaches from a jar. Did you know the human body is capable of sh*tting peaches in roughly the same consistency they were consumed? Me either.

Legerity6b

Too many caffeine pills.

16-year-old me was playing bass in a punk band. A buddy and I had been wanting to try Speed, but had no way of finding any in the burbs. We settled on taking a ton of caffeine pills as a substitute. We went to the store and bought a couple packs. I believe the recommended dose is 1-2 pills. We each took 8.

Fast forward 15 min later and we were ripping t up during band practice feeling like bada**es. Fast forward another 15 min and I felt like I was dying. Both of us were keeled over not moving much. I got my mom to come pick me up and claimed I was just not feeling well. In order for this plan to work my buddy had to stay at band practice because two us with stomach aches would have been suspicious. poor bastard.

By the time I got home I ran straight up to the bathroom. I've never been so grateful or aware of how conveniently my bathroom was laid out for what was about to happen. Sitting on the toilet while leaning my head into the sink. Worst couple hours of my teenage life.

Obscure_Teacher

Always peel your potatoes!

I made mashed potatoes without peeling and cutting the potatoes first. There was a rotten core inside one or more of them that I didn't notice until I started eating.

I threw up and couldn't eat mashed potatoes for long time.

goldenwidowspeak

We're single for a reason.

Dating anyone with issues thinking I can help.

Kidault

This guy who didn't know how prunes work.

I'm an excessive snacker. I'll finish a whole bag of chips within a few hours if you let me.

I once ate a whole Costco sized bag of prunes within an hour. I was living with my grandma at the time who upon discovering that her bag of prunes she just bought was missing, asked me where they went.

I came clean and expected her to give me an hour long lecture like she was prone to do.

Instead she gave me this smug look like she had the last laugh.

An hour later, I had the worst, rancid farts I had in my life followed by stomach cramps and diarrhea.

...never again.

chrisyroid

A regular Edmund Hillary over here.

Hiked up the Glittertind mountain in Norway starting at about 5PM with no proper mountain climbing equipment. Near the top we were so cold, hungry, and weak, and looking down to the left was probably a several hundred ft. drop onto boulders...I was wearing Timberlands and it was that semi hard icy consistency of snow, so I could have easily slipped and fell a long, long way.

EDIT: Here is a picture of the peak.

laus102

Southwest all the way baby.

Spirit Airlines - Wasn't even a long flight, LA to Vegas. Think of the sh*ttiest Walmart you've ever been to and attach imaginary wings to it, and that is Spirit in a nutshell. Sometimes saving a couple extra bucks is just not worth the trouble.

MeetMeInAzabu

Nope.

Agreeing to let the Jehovah's Witnesses into my living room. Literally wasted my whole day.

frijolito2015