Customer Service Clapbacks

Take A Breath

I was working at a coffee shop in a busy downtown area. There was a businessman that was notorious for being awful with our staff. One morning, he came in and ordered a coffee and a cranberry scone. We happened to be out of cranberry scones that day, and when I informed him of this, he flew off the handle and started swearing at me.

But I was NOT going to let him speak to me like that. I looked him square in the eye and said, “You’re a grown man throwing a temper tantrum over a cranberry scone. Sort your life out”. I then calmly turned to the next customer. The next day, he apologized, and was never a problem again.

Just Look!

At a pawn shop, this lady paid me $20, and I gave her change. She flipped out because she knew she'd given me a $100 bill. She screamed, cursed, and called me every name in the book; just lost her mind. The whole time, she was saying she knew she paid with a $100 bill be she'd just put one in her wallet earlier. I asked her repeatedly to just check her wallet to see if the $100 bill was still there or not.

She just kept yelling she didn't need to check because she knew she'd given it to me. Eventually, she checked, and all the anger just blew out of her. She was mortified, the $100 bill was there.

Picture Imperfect

I worked at a photo printing lab, and we got people in all the time who claimed we were stupid and had messed up their pictures. One woman had us print 800 vacation pictures. They were bad quality, dark, and out of focus. When she came to pick them up, she insisted that we had ruined them, that they were perfect in her camera, and that she had a very expensive camera so there was no way the pictures could be dark or out of focus.

We finally gave her money back, even though we had done nothing wrong and were out a lot of time and paper. She called us 30 minutes later and told us she was at a store across town, and they had reprinted all of her pictures and they were beautiful, in focus, and nice and bright. I had to tell her that the same person who owned our store also owned the store across town and that not only would it have taken that store several hours to reprint 800 pictures, but their printer was down that day, so they couldn't have printed anything.

She hung up on me.

A Toilet Situation

I had a customer come in to do a return on a toilet seat. He went to the customer service person who told him the store policy, which is that the store doesn't do returns on plastic seats. He told her he just took it out to check it and it's not the right shape, but she just repeated store policy. Since there was no manager around to override it, we couldn't return it.

The customer service person braced herself because she knew it was coming—he was about to have a major adult tantrum. He started raising his voice, berating her. She's super shy and quiet, so she kind of just shut down. The other cashier then said very loudly, "It's dirty, he didn't just take it out. He's a liar". That's when he became overwhelmingly angry. I reached over, pushed her lightly aside, and said, "You're on break, go upstairs". She protested but I repeated myself, and she left. The customer asked what she said.

I replied, "Don't worry about it, I'll handle it later. We aren't doing your return". He started to protest again, but I cut him off. "I don't care. I don't care what you did or what you have to say. We aren't doing your return today. You've got two options: either take your toilet seat home and come back tomorrow and talk to a manager or take your seat and get out of here. Either way, you're leaving here with your seat".

He left after that. From that point on, managers were required to be present at all shifts.

Free For All

I was a server years ago and this woman who’s usually a nice lady comes in. We had messed up her salmon a few days prior, so the manager had given her a free meal card which is good for one single meal. Well, a few days later she comes in with at least fifteen people about an hour before we closed, and they all ordered seafood and steak anorderednks, and her whole party is awful to me and my friend who is another server.

One guest even threw his plate on the ground, breaking it and throwing food all over because his steak was overcooked. After all this, the other server went to take the woman her check. It was a couple of hundred dollars, and she whipped out the free meal card! The server takes it to the register, comps one of the meals off, and comes back with the new total and the woman loses it.

“I have a free meal card! This was one meal for all of us! It should be free!” And the server just stiffens up and politely explains that that isn’t how it works and stresses that she had to have known that she couldn’t have brought fifteen people in here and expected free meals for everyone. The woman stands up and pours her drinks all over my friend and my friend runs to the back to get the manager. My friend kept her calm, but the manager flipped and told the lady to get out and never come back.

That was a crazy night.

Reaching My Limit

When I worked at Subway in high school, there was this guy in his 30s that came in with his wife almost every day. He was awful and talked to you like an idiot. Not because he was in a bad mood either, but because he thought it was funny to be a jerk to kids working fast-food jobs. One day I had enough and took his sandwich I was in the middle of making and spiked it into the garbage can and told him to get out. He told me I couldn't talk to customers that way and I told him "I just did".

He called the owner and dropped my name, and she told him that if I blew up on him like that it was probably deserved, and she asked him to not return. I for sure thought I was fired. Lucky for me, the owner knew exactly what customer she was talking to, knew me well enough to know it take well lot to get me irritated, and knew that I wouldn't do something like that for no reason.

Full Of Gas

I was working at a gas station in a very rich part of town. During a nice summer day, a prime example of the douchebag variety of the human species drove his super-expensive Lamborghini in, and in that haughty, I'm-rich-so-you-must-do-what-I-say voice, demanded that it be filled with premium. The attendant started to do so, only the guy immediately snatched the nozzle from him and screamed "You're too stupid to do this on your own".

We're in Oregon, where you can't pump your own gas because of state flaws. Well, being that he's an idiot, gas spills out from the nozzle all over his sparkly jerk mobile. At this point, he truly flips out, and storms into the store, where I'm working as the cashier and de facto manager. He immediately demands to speak to the owner, and that we are going to pay to have his car repainted AND he's not going to be paying for his gas.

I try my best to calm the situation, but he's got a good rage going and doesn't want to be calmed down. While he's spewing forth, I notice that an officer from the local department is about to come into the store to get snacks, a drink, or some such. s gives me a nice idea: "Sir, I'm afraid that the gas is in your tank, and you pumped it yourself, so you are going to have to pay".

He exploded. He asks, exactly, do you think you can do if I just go and get in my car and leave?" Thank you, good Lord, for your timing. He says this, at full bellow, right as the officer walks through the door. My response? "Well, I can't do much ice West Linn Officer standing behind you will probably take you in for second-degree theft".

This second-degree and to see the officer, who has a very evil-looking smile on his face, nodding vigorously. Yeah, he shut up, paid, and we never saw him again.

The Slimy Sandwich

I worked at a sandwich place for a year or so. I was making this dude a hot chicken sandwich; I brought the sandwich up to the front and tried to hand it to him. Then, he just looks at me for a second then proceeds to scream and swear at me for spitting in his sandwich. I didn't spit in his food and told him this over and over. The dude was yelling at me for probably five minutes.

I was patient with him and gave him a new sandwich made by a different employee and refunded his order is dude decided that he wanted to be a jerk, so he hung around the store telling customers I was going to spit in their food and swearing a ton. I waited for my manager to step forward and kick the guy out, but he was just pretending nothing was going on.

Finally, as I was making food for this family with young kids, who were uncomfortable, I lost it. I slammed down the knife I was using, startling everyone because I had been so respectful to this guy for so long and screamed "We are a family-friendly establish family-friendly quit being a jerk and get out of this store!"

For whatever reason, that worked, and he left while swearing at me. I apologized to the family for the guy, and my swearing at him. I nearly lost my job from that and got a long lecture from my boss about how the customer is always right and that I need to be respectful. Luckily my manager vouched for me, saying that I was extremely respectful until the guy started making other customers uncomfortable.

Where’s The Manager?

I was a manager of a CVS, and during an extremely busy time of the day, I opened the Photo Lab register to help the regular cashiers keep the lines down. I announced that I was open, and the nearest customer happily took her merchandise to my register. Then, the second nearest customer started loudly saying that she was first, and it was her turn. I said she will be the next after I take care of this customer.

When it was her turn, she started going off on me that it was rude of me to not help her...blah blah blah. I ignored her as much as possible. She kept going on and on until I said, "Lady, I opened this register as a favor so the wait time would be shorter. If you would rather wait in one of the regular register lines, you are more than welcome". She was shocked that I talked back to her.

She found one of the employees who was stocking a shelf in the candy aisle and demanded that she speak to a manager. That employee called for a manager over the intercom, and I happily walked over to the candy aisle to see her waiting for a manager. With a big smile on my face, I let her know I was the manager on duty. She walked out of the store without saying a word...

I was off work like an hour later, but apparently, she sent her husband in looking for me, but I was at home by then. They complained to corporate. I was only told to not take my job so personally, and that was it.

Do You Know Who I Am?!

My folks used to own a Tastee Freez in South Carolina and I worked in it most summers as a teenager. Since it was a small town, everyone knew each other and most went to the same church. One Sunday night, one of the ladies from the church called in at about five minutes after ten and tried to order a 20-piece chicken nugget, even calling them McNuggets.

When I informed her that we closed at ten and the grill and fryers were already cleaned and closed for the night, she got irate with me and started yelling in my ear about how she knew the owners of the place and she was going to get me fired and did she know who I was talking to. I calmly replied that yes, Mrs. Greene, I knew exactly who I was talking to, since my parents and I lived right across the street from her, and she had asked us in church that morning what time we closed for the night.

We were never on speaking terms again.

How Dare You!

I worked at a Walgreen's photo lab, and it was my first job. There was a nice lady that used to come by every now and then to have her pictures developed, and whenever they came out, we would chat about them because I thought they were great. One day while we were talking, another customer arrived. When I asked her how I could help her, she started yelling at me because she didn't like the way her photos came out.

She threw them on the counter and was angry with me and wanted to speak to my manager. I called for my manager, and she came over and tried to calm the angry lady down. The angry lady started pointing at me and said that I messed up her photos, and blah, blah, blah, threats, better business bureau, yak, yak, yak. I didn't know what to tell her other than I'm sorry and that I didn't know what was wrong.

I told her I processed them like I was supposed to and that most of the work was done by the machine, to which she immediately replied, "Then what good are you?" Suddenly, the nice lady with the cool pictures pipes up in this authoritative tone, "How dare you? How dare you say that to him and accuse him of ruining your pictures? He already said he was sorry. Do you realize that what you said is going to cost him his job? shame on you".

The angry lady just got quiet, realized how she was acting and left. I thanked the nice lady, and it made me tear up a bit afterward.

Whopping Problem

During high school, I worked at a Burger King. There was one woman who would always come into the drive-thru during the afternoon and ask for a Whopper Jr. with extra onions. And I mean, a LOT of extra onions. And no matter how many we put in, she always came into the store and complained that there weren't enough. This happened in the middle of the afternoon most of the time, so we didn't care.

However, one day, we had four buses full of US Army enlistees at the store at the same time. Convoys of chartered buses would go by periodically, and they usually stopped at our store because the bus drivers knew my boss. Now, these people were always the nicest, most respectful people you can imagine, which was a welcome change after dealing with jerks the whole day.

They also always ordered a ton of food—all king size, tons of double and triple whoppers, the whole nine yards. My boss would always have me give them the "senior discount" (15% off), and they enjoyed that immensely because it said that they were getting a senior discount on their receipts. Anyway, as nice as they were, they strained our store to the limit because they ordered so much food—and things spiraled quick.

So, we were almost literally going hammer and tongs to keep up, and that's when the onion woman came into the drive-thru. My boss told me to just grab two handfuls of onions and put them on the sandwich because she didn't need a scene when we were as far behind as we were. I could barely close the sandwich because of the onions, but I managed it, and we gave it to her.

Now remember, the store was full of US Army enlistees. They probably had not had fast food for weeks. And the line was out the door. So, the woman came in and pushed her way past all of the people to scream over the counter that she didn't have enough onions. My boss was mad, so she took the sandwich, handed it to me, and told me to do whatever the heck I wanted with it.

I dumped the entire tub of onions on this sandwich, wrapped it up tight, and taped it shut. My boss then handed it to the woman, and she opened it right on the counter to "make sure there were enough", even though the burger was like six times bigger than normal. Then, the best thing that could have happened, happened—the thing exploded all over the place. So, freaking awesome. All the enlistees were trying not to laugh. One of their officers was waiting by the counter for his food, and finally, he just gave up and started laughing his face off.

The others took this as a cue, and she had about 250 of these guys all laughing at her. It was one of the best days of my high school life. She didn't come back for a month, and she never ever complained about not having enough onions ever again.

I’m The Most Important

I only ever lost it on a customer once when I was working at an office supply store. The customer was one of those self-important money-pusher types. He came in during the lunch rush on a day when we were shorthanded. He wanted to buy a phone. I normally would have helped him, but I was stuck on the register. Even so, I did everything I could to help this guy anyway.

When I was finally able to focus on him exclusively, he launched into a lecture along the lines of how he specifically was the most important person in the store. And I lost it. I barely remember what I said to the guy. I know I tried to walk away first, but he pushed it. I ended up tearing into him so badly that he basically ran from the store, and the assistant manager on duty was too stunned to do anything about the incident.

Swapping The Toppings

When I worked at a sandwich shop, I got assigned to train a new girl, who was shadowing me at my register. A big woman comes in with two other gentlemen and orders a croissant sandwich with no tomatoes, or "sub" avocado. I proceeded to explain to her that I couldn't do that, as tomatoes and avocados are not equivalent. Before I even get that far she interrupts me, starts to mock the way I was talking to her, and tells me that they've done it for her before.

I stood my ground and told her regardless of if someone else had done it before, I wasn't going to because that's now how it works. She gets super angry and says some stuff to me, then looks at my trainee and says, "Don't learn from her, Cynthia, she's a bad one". She then struggled to pay with her card because she was broke apparently, and she gave me lip when I said her card was declined.

When she walked away, the two gentlemen she was with came up to me and apologized. I was so checked out, I just said, You're the one who must deal with her every day, not me".

An Explosive Day

I had already put my two weeks in at the gas station when a woman comes with a van and tries to pump gas with the vehicle running. I told her over the intercom to shut the engine off. She started to argue with me over the intercom, and I just turned it off to deal with the small lineup inside. She comes inside and starts arguing with me. I calmly told her the rules are for safety, and if she wants to fuel while the engine is on, she can try another gas station.

She starts screaming telling me I'm just being a jerk to ruin her day. I just snapped in front of everybody and yelled back, "Oh really!!? am I in your place of business harassing you for following the rules so people don't explode??!" To which all the other customers laughed. She kept arguing back, so I said fine, go fill your tank. As soon as she was outside, I locked the doors.

I told the customers they could leave if they wished by pushing the black handle, and nobody did until the irate customer sped off.

A Stressful Sunday

I didn’t explode, but a customer screamed at me in front of the entire restaurant. She ordered breakfast for her family on a Sunday, and we told her there would be a 45-minute wait for such a huge order to go. She came 10 minutes later, furious we didn’t have it ready yet. She was so angry that this was causing her to miss church. She ended up leaving after calling me a string of names, without the food. Then came the most unexpected turn of events...

She came back later, hugged me, told me she was sorry, and said something along the lines of having a sick child. I don't know. I block bad stuff at work out of my head, but the hypocrisy still cries out in my brain from time to time.

The Noise Of The City

I work at a hotel, and at around 10:30-ish, a woman called down very upset because of a noise coming from outside. The hotel is downtown, and it was Saturday night. People were partying. Anyway, she told me to fix it immediately, and I informed her that the noise ordinance for our city as far as private residences go does not kick in until midnight, so I couldn't do anything until then as far as reporting it goes.

I offer to move her to a different room on another side of the hotel, away from the noise source. She refuses, saying it was late. She then demands that I come up with another solution. I tell her there isn't one. I tell her I can call someone, but they won't do anything until at least midnight, probably later. I again tell her that we have other rooms in a quieter area of the hotel, but she begins to shout that she doesn't want to move and just wants me to make them quiet.

This is when I flipped. I didn't yell at her, but I said something along the lines of "Ma'am, I have offered you the only solution I have to this problem, and you have refused it twice. At this point, I can't do anything to help you". She blew up and threatened to call our corporate office, and I told her she was welcome to do that, that I looked forward to speaking with them, and gave her my name. Then, I hung up on her.

I Have My Arms Full

I work in an anime store in the mall. One of the things we have is a wall of Funko Pops. This guy brought up like 10 to the register and was just being ridiculously impatient the entire time. Our cash register is a little more than a calculator, so punching in each thing can take some time. Before I even hand him his receipt, he shouted: “Can I get a bag?!?”, so I said we don’t have any.

Watching him waddle out of the store with 10 pops stacked high made me feel better.

The Worst Last Day

It was my last day working in a common retail chain. 20 minutes before my shift ended, I was helping a middle-aged woman do a return and exchange with coupons. She was getting agitated, because our coupon policies are very strict, and she was giving me attitude. I looked her straight in the eye and took a deep sigh, “This is my last day, I’m supposed to leave in five minutes” without smiling. She immediately became quiet and was way more cooperative.

One Step At A Time

I worked for a one-hour-photo at a CVS-style store. We would take overflow at our register if the lines got too long. A lady comes up with a cart full of stuff and a large fistful of coupons. Whatever, I ring her up and process the coupons. The total is something over 100 dollars, something like $122.35. She gets mad, saying I messed up big time—but she was the one who messed up,because she tried messing with ME.

After a little back and forth, I void the whole transaction and start again. After every item, “This cat food rang at .89 is that okay?” After every coupon, “You can see $1.00 came off Ma’am, is that correct?” This must have taken 15 minutes. At the end, “as you can see the total is $122.35”. She was furious but couldn’t say anything. It was glorious. I am 37 now, have a child, and 1-hour photos don’t exist, but I still think of my triumph.

Tell It Like It Is

I stopped to get gas today, and while talking with the cashier, I mentioned that she was probably tired of people yelling at her about the price of gas—but since she is the one standing there, she probably gets it a lot. She said that every day, someone complains to her like she can do something about it. A guy then came in and demanded "Why the heck is gas $3.76 a gallon?”

Without missing a beat, she said, "Because it went down 10 cents this morning". He just looked at her, paid, and left.

I Can Help With That

I used to work at a video store, and after a while, I got desensitized to people throwing little hissy fits about late fees. One day, a gentleman tried to rent a movie and I had to let him know he had accumulated some late fees on his account. Cue the standard rant about having returned them on time, blah blah blah, "...and I'm just going to cut up my membership card when I get home!!" I reached under the counter, grabbed a pair of scissors, held them out to him, and said "Well, you can do that here if you like". He gave me a venomous look and left the store in a huff. And it felt so good.

Do You Know What You’re Doing?

I’ve worked in a hardware store since I was 16. When I was about 17, I cut two keys for a guy. I’d been cutting keys for a while, and so had the hang of it. I was told that he returned when I wasn’t there, told my colleagues that the keys didn’t work, shouted that I was a stupid little girl that didn’t know what she was doing, I shouldn’t be allowed to cut keys, etc.

My colleague was already mad but looked at the keys to see what the problem was. He had been trying the keys in the wrong locks. As in key A in lock B and key B in lock A. He left with his tail between his legs and has not returned since. As a young blonde girl, I regularly get stuff like this. Proving them that I am far more clued up than they think I am always satisfying, though.

Well, Go Ahead!

I used to work at CVS. One day, I had a customer who was incessantly complaining about how the toothpaste he was buying was a lot cheaper at Walmart. He even pulled out his phone and showed me a chart that compared the prices of it at different stores. I didn't get worked up or anything really. Instead, I retaliated in the best way that I know how—I just acted very uninterested and said, "Go to Walmart, then".

Make Me

I remember I was probably 17 or 18 working at Whataburger in Austin. I worked early and late hours. I remember this one time very specifically, the customer had come to the window, and I politely asked him to move forward. There was one car behind him, and I was just trying to give the guy his drinks. The customer then yelled at me, telling me the only way he would move is if I made him move, and told me I wasn’t anybody to tell him what to do.

During his yelling, he pointed at me, and I just slammed the window shut in his face. My managers came to me asking what was wrong, and I explained and begged them to handle the customer. I then realized, when I turned to hand him his food, that the window was cracked, and he heard everything. He threatened me, saying if I ever slammed the window in his face again, he’d “beat me up”. This dude was like 30, by the way.

Before he could finish his sentence, I slammed the window again and ran outside. He drove off and threw his food out the window. I didn’t get fired, I just got moved to cook.

This Is Bananas

I was a grocery store cashier in high school. I had a dad and his toddler son come through my lane one afternoon. They racked up $302 in groceries and only had a $300 EBT voucher, so the dad proceeds to tell his son that “this man says you can’t take the bananas with you today”. Annoyed, I decided this is a point I’m not budging on at 16 and tell him that’s not the case and to not lie to his son, that perhaps another item could be left behind so the son could have these bananas.

The man explodes at me, and my manager tells me I must apologize to the man or be fired. Instead, I walked out and never looked back.

Big Red Flag

When I was in high school, I worked at Sears. If you were under 18, the name on your name tag was highlighted in red. It was around Christmas and some dudes, both at least 30 years old, started hitting on me. I politely told them no and tried to walk away. One grabbed my arm, so I said loud enough for people to hear, “If you don’t get your hands off of me right now, I’m calling security”.

Then they said they’ll tell my manager I was being “an absolute jerk”, and I said “Yeah, and I’ll tell security you’re being a pedophile. I’m 16, back off!” They ran out of the store before security could get there.

You’re Kinda Slow

I’m a manager at a grocery store. I was checking people out because we were busy, and a dude wearing a Dallas Cowboys jersey comes through my line. He didn’t have a whole lot, but he paid with both dollar bills and loose change, so it took a bit to count it because I don’t trust people. He gets angry, asks me if I’m stupid or something, and insists he could have done better. From that point on, it was no more "Mister Nice Guy" from me.

He had been quiet though, because there were other people in line. So, I loudly asked him if he talks to everyone like that or just people that can’t fight back. He got quiet and left.

Conversion Conundrums

I worked at the Manchester, NH airport, at a car rental place. Twice a week, we'd have someone come in with a reservation for a car in England. I had one guy demand that we honor the reservation's pound cost, not the dollar cost. I said I'd honor the equivalent, pulled up a dollar-to-pound chart, and converted on the spot. It would've cost him $20/day more than just taking our no-reservation price.

Another customer with the same issue said "I thought the dollar sign looked funny, but I figured that was just a website bug or something. Never seen a dollar sign look like that".

That Thing From High School

I worked at a drugstore in high school. I had a German couple check out at my register, and they were incredibly rude. They were complaining in German about the customers behind them in line, using vulgar language and whatnot. I wasn't moving fast enough for their liking, and the woman called me some curse words in German, obviously not aware that that was the impractical language that I took in high school.

When I finished their order, I stared her in the eye and said thank you in her native tongue, and they both looked shocked and embarrassed. It felt good, man.

Your Job, Not Mine

I worked for Dollar Tree, and we sold a lot of porcelain figurines that we would have to wrap up in several layers of wrapping paper so they wouldn't break. After a year or so working there, I became accustomed to the majority of customers wanting to do the wrapping themselves because it made them feel assured that if they did the wrapping, their product wouldn't break.

I would casually and kindly ask the customer beforehand what their preference was, and it never became a big deal until one guy who drove a brand new Porsche flipped out over the simple question and told me he was too good to do that kind of thing and that I am the one with the job so I should be doing it for him. The words were harsher, but it was so long ago that I can't remember them that well.

I finally got fed up. I wrapped them and told him to get out. The manager and customers didn't say anything and went back to their business.

Lost And Found

I’m a cart pusher at a large grocery store in the US. I was sweeping the sidewalk by the entrance to the store when I see an old woman drive her car onto the sidewalk by the door, very close to me and other people walking. She then opened her window and threw a bunch of trash out of it. I walked over, swept it up into the dustpan, put it in her window, emptied it, and said, "Excuse me, ma'am, you dropped this". She had such a confused look on her face!

Less Than Perfect

I used to work as a croupier at clubs, and during a shift change, my colleague accidentally made a wrong payment to a paying customer. Gamblers being what they are, the complaints that ensued were awkward. and no matter how much my colleague said he was sorry, the customer kept on complaining. Finally, I just had to take over the situation. I gave the customer a piece of my mind: "Sir, people make mistakes, we are not robots. If you want to play with machines, there are slot machines in the other bar".

He shut up and the other players seemed relieved.

The Mess At The Pool

I worked as a lifeguard for my first "real" job. One night, at the indoor water park, a child came up to me. He asked me very quickly where the bathroom was, I pointed him in the right direction and he quickly said, "No, I need one closer!" I swore in my head as he pooped himself in front of me, all of it running down his leg. I radioed him into first aid, and we took him in and paged his parents.

Eventually, his dad came in, and we chit-chatted about his son, no big deal. It happens more often than you think. His dad told us to change and clean him, me and my manager refused. The dad was furious and yelled why not. We told him he was not our son. That shut him up.

Going On And On

I used to work in the main office of a large chain of furniture stores in the UK. I worked in the evenings, phoning customers to let them know their furniture was in and arrange a delivery date. One night I phoned and asked for Mr. or Mrs. McSomethingOrOther. The guy on the phone starts ranting to me about people phoning up his elderly parents trying to sell things.

He went on and on and on and wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise. I think he may have even used the toilet while he was ranting at me. When he finally wound down, I said "Are you finished now sir? I'm phoning to arrange a delivery date for your parents' new 3-piece suite". Yup, that shut him up completely.

Fix My Order!

I work at McDonald’s, and one morning this older guy who’s a regular at the place and was known to give the workers a hard time was trying to order breakfast. He said he wanted eight extra sauces with his food. I told him that it will cost extra because it’s store policy and he got a bit agitated; he then tried ordering coffee, and he kept on confusing me saying he wanted this amount of condiments inside and this amount outside, and other special requests for his coffee.

I also couldn’t really hear him the whole time, so I just punch in everything on the register that I think he was trying to tell me, and when I finally repeat his order, he had a look of sheer anger on his face, raised his voice, and told me I have his whole order wrong. I told him I can change it no problem, but he just proceeded to yell names at me, telling me I didn’t know how to do my job, and said “Forget you, I’ll go with the other cashier”.

By now he had caused a scene, and everyone was staring at me. It was truly awkward, and I was angry at the guy because I just tried to help him with his order, and soon after when he got his food he seemed like he had calmed down and tried to shake my hand and say sorry, but I slapped his hand away, shrugged and told him something like “nah bro, you gave me a hard time, try doing something like that again, and I’ll tell everyone to not give you service ever again”

He didn’t say a word and just left.

The Express Lane

Man came to my express line with a basket full of groceries, when you’re only supposed to have one to fifteen. I asked him to count his items because I’m sorry, this is an express line... He responded with “That’s okay. You can count them”. I was a fast cashier. People have better places to be than my grocery line...I could run up to 25 to 30 items a minute with 100% accuracy. No way was I gonna let this smug jerk get away with his antics.

You better believe I went as slow as possible to run up this guy's order. I took three to five seconds per item, as he got progressively redder and redder... I finished the order with “It’s unfortunate how many people you’ve held up in the line sir. Have a fantastic day”. He called me names and stormed off. I apologized to every customer in the line for the wait and got them out in record time.

It was a small victory, but it was my victory. Every other customer wore nothing but a smile on their face for me at that glorious moment.

I Know I’m Right

Working at a bank's customer service center, a customer called in insisting he was shorted 200.00 dollars cash. Our department took calls like this very seriously, so I sided with the man who was certain a teller had pocketed it. He had his deposit ticket, which showed the amount, and when I looked at the amount deposited. It was a $200.00 difference.

Our bank scans all incoming and outgoing paperwork and found that he was reading the wrong amount, despite my questioning him from the get-go that we were looking at the same numbers on the same forms. He got stern and he got mad, saying his check was for $XXX.XX dollars and we didn't give it to him, we were taking it. I pulled up the check, pulled up the tickets, and explained what was what.

Faced with the evidence and my acting like a non-jerk he took it all in and said: "I know I'm right; I know she stole my money, but you know what... I don't want to get anyone in trouble, I'll let it slide". and hung up.

Help-Desk Horror

Many years ago, I worked in a call center as a technical supervisor for a major PC vendor. When you asked for a supervisor, I was one of the people you got. One night, I was transferred a call from a customer that was having an issue where his PC would not boot, and he did not want to open his case to see if a card had come loose or to reseat any components. This was part of standard over-the-phone troubleshooting.

He argues for a while that his warranty covered a technician coming to his house to fix the problem. I explained it did... Once we diagnosed the issue and that would require looking inside the PC. He again stated he couldn’t because he did not have a screwdriver. After going back and forth for a while, he demanded that I show him where in his warranty book it said he needed to have a screwdriver.

I opened up a copy of his warranty on my PC and searched for the section that explained our troubleshooting policy and said, "Sir please turn to page 32 in your warranty guide. Are you there? Great. Please look at paragraph two line three. There, it states that you need to follow all the suggestions of the phone-based help desk before a technician can be dispatched". He quickly responded, "That doesn't say anything about a screwdriver!" I responded, "Sir, I suggest you get a screwdriver".

A Data Disturbance

I work for a cellular company, and one day, a guy comes in with his child complaining the service is shut down. I call in and am informed their bill is 20,000 dollars due to a month of constant data usage on a smartphone with no data package. I ask about this and turns out the family put the 17-year-old on the account with full access to avoid having to go into stores when he needed a new phone.

The kid was a jerk that broke cheap pay and talk ones constantly. Well one day, he bought the smartphone and put it on. He was warned that any data usage would be charged $30 per MB of usage so he should never use it. He denies having been told this and denies he was using the data. The father is yelling at me, saying his son never lies.

I grab the phone, open the browser, and under history, it shows he'd surfed right up until thirty minutes before coming to the store. I show the father, and he completely explodes at his son. End of the story, we knocked off 18 thousand dollars, and he's probably still paying a two-thousand-dollar bill.

My Undercover Boss

I was working in food service at a cash register. A customer came up and placed an order, so I rang it up, but she wasn't happy with how much it cost. She threw us off guard with her reaction—she started whining and being just awful. My co-worker came up and stood next to me, looked over what I did, and just kind of stood there polishing a counter. She squawked, "Get me your manager!" I say, "Ok sure, but ma'am, this is the correct price".

The co-worker standing next to me is the manager. He looks at the woman and goes "Yup” and continues polishing the counter. "buh...wha...uh...ok fine!" shouts the woman. She walks away. The two of us cracked up laughing.

A Sudden Snap

When I was 15, I worked as a secretary for a local doctor. This one guy comes into the clinic and tries to go inside the doctor's office out of his turn. I step in and tell him that he's next in turn. The guy waits by the door for about 10 more minutes, while mumbling curses to himself and side-eyeing me. I just sit there, look at him, wait for the door to open, go inside, and tell the doctor that that guy just stood there and cursed at me for 10 minutes.

The doctor says ok, and when they go in, I closed the door behind me and went to my desk. A minute later I hear shouts from inside. A few minutes go by, and the fragile, old, nice, neighborhood doctor is screaming like I couldn't even imagine. The door opens, and the guy leaves. The doctor comes out and tells me with his gentle voice, "I told him this is unacceptable behavior, and that he is no longer welcome here". He turns back to his office and never speaks about it again.

Do You Even English?

This guy came in and was buying a two-liter bottle of soda. As I'm ringing him up, he asks for a bag. I say, “okay dokie”, and continue to finish the part of the transaction I was currently working on. He asks for a bag again, I figure he didn't hear me the first time, so I say it again, a little bit louder, but continue to finish the transaction first.

When he asks for a bag the third time, I straight up say okay while looking at him right in the face. He asks me what okay dokie means and if I speak English. Being that I'm like, seventh generation American, and white as freshly fallen snow I'm genuinely surprised that this dude has never heard the phrase okie dokie and proceed to tell him that yes, I speak English and that “Okie dokie” is slang.

At that point, he starts throwing coins to pay for this bottle of soda off the counter directly at me and I just snap. I void the transaction, remove his soda from my register, and tell him that I'm refusing him service. The dude pushes back a little bit but surprisingly doesn't demand my manager and eventually just leaves.

Tension At The Theater

It was Christmas at the movie theater. Doesn't matter how many people you have scheduled for Christmas. Doesn't matter if everyone shows up. You're still shorthanded. Usually, one person would work the counter and the other would get the food ready. So, you've got two people per register. I'm one of the more senior people working that day outside of management, most of whom are currently helping to clean the theaters so we can admit the huge crowds in time.

This meant that when something came up in the back that threatened to delay the making of popcorn, I had to go take care of it. A co-worker tapped me on the shoulder, and informed me of the issue, I went to go to the back and some guy standing in line yelled out "Don't leave the register! It's slow enough as it is and I'm hungry!"

I'm told that I turned red, and started shaking from anger as I yelled at this guy about how I understood much better than him what it's like to be hungry since I hadn't eaten all day so I could serve him and everyone else, about how I understood what it takes to make this place run efficiently better than he does since I'd been doing it for two years, and how if he wanted me to come back as quickly as possible, then I had to be allowed to do my job. If he didn't want me to do my job, then he could either leave or take my place.

I don't remember that, though. I just remember the crowd going quiet, me punching the coconut oil box open so they could hook it up, and then a manager making me take a 30-minute break. My hand hurt for a couple of days, but it was fine

It’s All The Same?

I worked in customer service for a company called Future Shop, which is Canada's equivalent and daughter company to Best Buy. I remember one time some guy making a huge fuss about his future shop credit card bill, which was through HSBC Bank at the time, and because of that, I couldn't help him in-store. This man got so mad at me that he threatened to never shop at Future Shop again, and that he was going to Best Buy.

I giggled inside, then told him that we were the same company. He didn't believe me and told me to prove it, so I grabbed my pay stub and showed him the "Best Buy Canada" envelope. He stormed out of the store pretty fast.

Learning The ABCs

When I worked in the media section, I spent most of the day stocking CDs/DVDs and finding them for customers. So, this lady comes over to me, getting in my face about how ridiculous it is that we don't alphabetize our selection. A little confused, I assure her that everything is in alphabetical order and offer to find it for her.

At this point, I wasn't planning on rubbing it in, but then she mumbles something under her breath about how dumb we are and wishes me luck. I sang the alphabet song while gesturing to the appropriate letters until I got to what she was looking for, in exactly the place it was supposed to be. Her only response was "Oh..."

A Horrifying Encounter

When I was like sixteen, I worked at a local haunted house, which, mind you, was a sweet gig, and would have been hard to get if the manager wasn't my good friend. Anyway, one night we were going through the usual show, and I played an "Escaped Experiment" character, kind of like Igor, all short and hunchbacked, whose job it was to jump out and scare the tourists as soon as they walked through the entrance. I even had a blood pack in my mouth.

One day, this group of typical dudes walk in and they're making noise and ruining the atmosphere, but nonetheless, I jump out and give the typical scream. Their response was totally appalling—one of those guys kicks me right in my face.

I stumble back a bit and manage to retain character. Meanwhile, this jerk is still laughing his dumb face off and kicking at me. Remembering that I have a blood pack in my mouth, I grab his leg, put it in my mouth, and bite just hard enough to break the blood pack. Fake blood goes everywhere. He starts crying because he thinks he's seriously bleeding, and is all, "Dude, what the heck?!"

My manager, who was also the tour guide of the attraction, quickly replied, "Oh, don't worry, he's had all his shots".

Extra, Extra, Extra

I used to work in a deli restaurant, and this lady came in and rudely ordered her food. I told her that everything should come out all right, and that I will double check for her to make sure her order would be correct. She insisted on getting LOTS of honey mustard on her sandwich. I typed in extra honey mustard on the ticket. Sure enough, her order came out and there seemed to be plenty of honey mustard there.

But when I deliver it, she complains to me about not having the extra about mustard I promised her and told me to "get a to more honey mustard" for her. I go to the back of the store, get an entire new gallon jug of honey mustard, and plop it on her table. Her friends were laughing, and she was steaming mad. She complained to the manager, who thought it was hilarious and laughed in her face.

Trouble With Tires

I was super busy trying to run the shop and the counter; I had already sold 14 sets of tires, not including the odd individual tires, and this older guy came up and demanded I go get him a tire. He told me the size, and I told him it'd have to be ordered. We don't carry 13" tires on hand. He blew up and started calling me insults I hadn’t heard since grade school.

I told him to leave my shop, but he got in my face and raised his hand to hit me. That’s when I lost it, dragged the old man off the property, and called the authorities on him. The next day, this dude comes back in with glasses and a hat and asks politely to order the tire. I called the authorities again and have him taken in for trespassing.

Do The Shoes Fit?

When I was in high school, I worked at a shoe store. We did this "buy one get one half off" sale all the time. The way it works is you buy a more expensive pair, and you get the cheaper of the two half-off, otherwise, we'd lose money. So, this woman comes in and buys two pair of kids' shoes. She looks at the receipt and thinks that 50 dollars is too much for her smaller child.

So, she returns them. She then proceeds to flip out because the difference for the other pair came out of the refund. I called the manager, and he came up, and she said, "he's a foster kid. He's not worth a 50-dollar pair of shoes, stop trying to rob me and give me my money". The manager refunded her the entire bill, took both pairs of shoes, and walked off.

We all gave her the silent treatment until she left, angrily. I feel bad for both the children and her husband who were just standing there quietly.